why is it
         i have always wondered
why, why why is it
         that i always want something over there
there you are
         standing all the way over there
sometimes we extended our arms out to each other
         and they just...
                      barely...
                            reached.


but most of the time
        i am standing here, extending,
     on my tiptoes
             stretching myself as far as i can
     and you just watch
             wondering if i will lose my balance
                      watching and waiting to see what happens
                             and what does happen...
                                   do i fall over
                                         do i try again
do i hope that this time you will reach back
         stop me from falling.

or i give up
     you tell me
           tell me to give up
     when I should stop trying
          i should have stopped long ago
you always tell me
     how I should feel.
i saw the person under the mask
     and i liked what i saw
         although you would assumed no one would
             so you keep the mask on tight
i don’t want to hear that my thoughts
     “amuse” you
          that is not their intention.

i am trying
          trying so hard
                to reach you to know you
                        to understand
how do you do it
          how do you laugh everything off
                    when i know that inside you are hurting
                               something is making you hurt

do not think i don’t know
          do not think i don’t care
                   do not think i want to be to you
                            what the other women in your life are
                   i do not.
                           that is not me.

i thought we connected
          but then you broke it
you realized
          i think
               that we connected
                      it scared you
          i think
               so you ran
but still i crave
          the warmth and closeness
                    of your arms
                              surrounding me.
sometimes i long for it.
         tonight i longed for it
                 for you
but again, you are there.
          i am here.
and even when we both are here
     you are still
          all the way
                      over
                           there.






10/11/97