Yuya, the J-rocker who was felt up by Micala.
I am a wanted woman.
Allow me to clarify. You see, recently I had the DISTINCT pleasure and sheer overwhelming joy to see a REAL j-rock band LIVE. In fact, I saw two. Why does this make me a wanted woman?
Fangirls.
Yes, that’s what I said. Rabid, jealous, foaming-at-the-mouth fangirls. They’re hunting me down because I touched J-rockers. That’s right. I TOUCHED A J-ROCKER!
A: A true j-rock fan will never, ever squeal about SMAP, Shazna or Ayumi Hamasaki. This is the ABSOLUTE truth. J-rock fangirls, however, may be prone to both. This is because they have listened to too much of one of these three and their brains have melted out their ears. I call this the “Shazna syndrome” and it is too, too tragic.
B: The j-rock fangirl is most often found muttering about how Gackt will always reign supreme, how Klaha is a poseur with no taste, how Mana is really a god touched down for their pleasure and how, of course, Kami died so sadly of a brain hemorrhage (this is of course NOT true, and my friends Zara and Bixy have revealed the truth…he was killed by the Yakuza for the secret of his good hair!) [Look, she seemed sane when I hired her... ~Management]
C: Finally, and most obviously, is the jealousy of the fangirl, which is why
I am hiding. See, for some time Hayato of Duel Jewel held my hand and sang
directly in front of me. I touched Yuya, god of guitars, and Val gripped my
hands in his. This, of course, incited them into a violent FRENZY in which
they proceeded to make me flee! I ran for my life and barely made it away in
one piece!
But there are ways to avoid them. The best way is to throw them a
highly-valued CD…such as a shoddy Hong-Kong Malice Mizer pirated album. This will distract them for valuable seconds as you dash to your car and lock
yourself in tightly. Try not to watch them. That may incite them into
another frenzy.
However, it is always best to avoid their wrath by not allowing yourself to
be an object of jealousy. Alas, my friend Zara was not so lucky….
Her prized possession, the pick that Shun threw into the audience and she
found was taken from her by EVIL j-rock fangirl ways. She believes she lost
it, but it is merely a ploy, for see…they found her and took the pick, then
brainwashed her into forgetting!
They are crafty. They are devilish. And they are everywhere.
So, from a mysterious location in Arizona, [is it Area 51? I bet it's Area 51. ~Management] this is Micala, super J-rock ReMix Spy, signing out.
May god [Mana? ~Management] have mercy on my soul.