.

“But are you sure that’s a good idea?” Toshiya was saying.

“Look,” Kyo muttered, irritated, “who’s the evil genius here, again? That’s right, me. I think I’d be pretty capable of fixing my own door.”

Toshiya gave him a dubious look. Kyo ignored it, or at least pretended to, as he unscrewed the faceplate on the door’s computer identification system.

“Okay, I know you can fix just about anything,” Toshiya conceded, his mild tone indicating that he was now going for tact, “but where are you going to get the parts? They make these things specifically so people can’t fix them, insuring that whenever it breaks you’ll have to buy another.”

“Yeah, monopolizing bastards.” As if in response to this, the now-bare circuit board hissed and threw sparks. Kyo flinched and cursed.

“See? It’ll probably electrocute you for trying.”

“Shut up, Totchi. I’m not about to concede defeat to a bunch of circuits and wires.”

***LATER***

Kyo replaced the faceplate and stood up, his expression smugly satisfied. “There, see? Good as new.”

“We have to try it first,” Toshiya reminded him.

“Oh yeah, point. Well, go stand outside.”

Toshiya obligingly went to stand outside on the door stoop.

“Computer, identify,” Kyo told the door.

There was a long pause.

Then:

I’VE NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE.

Kyo stared at the screen. “What the--? I said, identify.”

From outside came Toshiya’s muffled voice. “Well? Is it working?”

Kyo smacked the display a few times, following the age-old method of fixing things through violence. “Computer, identify subject!”

BABY DO IT HARDER.

Kyo boggled. What the hell was on that program file I cannibalized again? “Damn it, just identify!”

“Kyooo,” Toshiya was whining, “c’mon! It’s freezing out here.”

Finally, the display read SUBJECT IDENTIFIED, DESIGNATE: TOSHIYA.

“About time,” Kyo hissed.

ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?

“What?” he exclaimed. And then, without thinking, added, “Of course not!”

The door slid open, allowing Toshiya back in. As it shut, the display flashed WHEN IS THAT HONEYMOON YOU PROMISED ME?

Kyo stared.

Toshiya saw it, too, and immediately burst into laughter so hard it had to hurt. “Oh, oh, that’s priceless!”

“Shut the fuck up!”

Toshiya slumped against the wall, clutching his sides. Kyo fought the urge to kick him. When the laughter had subsided to mere hiccups, Toshiya wiped his eyes and said, “What did you do to that thing?”

“I just re-used a few components from another program…”

“What program, pray tell?”

“Just something I found in the trash…” Kyo hedged.

Toshiya gave him The Look.

Kyo squirmed. “Okay, okay, it was some kind of game, I think.”

The Look did not abate.

“It might have, uh, had something to do with relationships…”

Toshiya fell back against the wall, cackling once again.

“Will you fucking stop that?!”

“You substituted parts… from a… dating sim?”

Kyo folded his arms defensively, glaring at the other man (who totally failed to notice, as it were). “Look, some of the components were similar, okay?”

“And now it thinks… you’re MARRIED!” Toshiya slid down the wall, still clutching at his sides. Kyo highly suspected there were tears, too.

“As long as it works, right?” Kyo grumbled.

Toshiya kept on laughing.

.

.