And here it is...an MST of a story from one of the biggest collection of terrible fics online: the Sailor Moon fandom! *Update*: The author of this fic emailed me and complimented me on my MSTing! I'm so happy she wasn't upset!^^ Yes, so now this makes the first MST on this site posted with permission. Hooray! :D

The immortals all hate me now because I keep torturing them... but hey, life's tough. ^_~ As in my other works, standard disclaimers apply, and both the Advisor and Cerberus belong to me. Don't take 'em. (Trust me, they won't cooperate.)

[Begin to read the fanfic]

okay, here's the deal. i'm gonna really tough with my fanfic.

Advisor: You'd think that anyone who can post a story on the Internet would know simple grammatical rules!
Sentinel: From the first sentence, you can just *tell* this person's going to have a problem with her shift key.

the newmoon scouts were just a gag, but if you e-mail me, i'll send you their bios.

Charon: Yeah, we all really want to know. *Gag*
Cerberus: I'm beginning to lose the faint hope that this might be a good fanfic.

the luna~atermis thing will now only be in the subplots,

Sentinel: What Luna~Atermis thing? Does she expect every single person who's reading this to have read her other fanfic?!
Charon: There's a scary thought.
Cerberus: Isn't Atermis your goddess of the moon?
Charon: No, that's Artemis, and besides, they're talking about the white cat with a mysterious moon on his forehead.
Advisor: Your goddess of the moon is a tomcat?!
Sentinel: You don't want the real Artemis to hear that, let me assure you.

with the new sailors in the limelight. by the way, i might write a third fanfic, sailor moon birthstone.

Charon: No, don't. Three's a bad number. You wouldn't want three fanfics. That's baaad!
Advisor: Watch it, or the girl might write four.

here's the fanfic

Sentinel: Where's the period

The Stars

Advisor: What one sees when one is given a smacking so hard that his head spins.
Cerberus: What do you know, exactly what this fanfic author deserves!

by Eileen Totter

She was tall, pretty, with purple eyes and soft brown hair that went way past her ankles.

Charon: Do you realize how disgusting that is? This woman is going to be sweeping the hallways with her hair!
Sentinel: Charon is the last person who should be talking about long hair.
Charon: Excuse me, at least my hair doesn't go way past my ankles like this crazy woman!
Sentinel: I have pretty short hair. Does that mean I'm very sane?

But she was new, and she had made a huge error when she came to T*A school.

Cerberus: She didn't realize that the school had stairs everywhere and she stepped on her stupid dead-dog hair and fell to her death. The end.
Advisor: Cerberus, we didn't read past the second line.

She had'nt fallen in love with Raye Hino right away.

Because of that, people teased her,

Charon: Why, for not being lesbians like the rest of them?
Advisor: A note to the readers, we're not trying to insult lesbians. Don't sue us!
Cerberus: It's not like you'll get much from suing us.
Sentinel: You might get an early death.
Advisor: Mortals of Upperworld, don't sue someone who changes your fates.

calling her a snob,saying her hair was really a dead dog,

Cerberus: Hey, that's an insult to dead dogs!
Sentinel: Hair. . .like dead dog?
Charon: Cerberus. . .it's exactly what you said. . .
Sentinel: Could it be. . . [All immortals besides Cerberus exchange glances]
Advisor: You're actually. . .
Charon: Eileen Totter is Cerberus in disguise?! [Charon flies into the fireplace in the opposite wall with a cutlass stuck to his back] Ouch.
Cerberus: You were saying?
Advisor: Stop fooling around and help Charon get back in the chair so we can finish this.

and a stupid twit with no sense. Raye, however was only curious about this girl who spoke only to her teachers.

Cerberus: She might be just shy, you nosy twit!
Charon: That last part of what you said describes a certain blond I know.
Sentinel: . . . .

She had felt a presence since she had come, and felt that it was her duty to satisfy her wonder as a sailor scout.

Cerberus: So the message is—Being a sailor scout excuses all nosy behavior.

"Yeah, right", Raye muttered as she walked into the lunchroom.

Sentinel: Exactly who is she speaking to?

She saw the girl eating by herself, which she had done ever since she came. "Hi, I'm Raye!" She somehow managed to say without letting her true emotions leak through.

Advisor: Well, since we don't know what her true emotions are anyway, how would we know they're leaking?
Charon: Bad fanfics have this tendency to transform people into inanimate objects, like leaky faucets, for example.

"Hi," the girl said, her voice as soft as silk.

Advisor: Silk, shmilk! How many times have we seen people with silk for voices, darn it!

"I'm Cassiopeia." Then, she blushed, and returned to eating her candy bar. At first, Raye thought she was blushing because she was shy. Then she realized the truth, when she heard someone mutter "Dead dog head"

Sentinel: If someone muttering "Dead dog head" would help mortals realize the truth, I'd be out of a job.
Advisor: What, do your mortals all die on bad hair days?

Raye, in anger muttered a small prayer, and that person fell down, and wailed serena-style.

Charon: "As I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take." See, mortal children speak to me every night.
Sentinel: That's sacrilegious.
Advisor: And little children are falling down everywhere!

Cassiopeia got up from the seat, and helped the student up, and even bought her a new lunch, which had also fallen. The whole lunch room was queit for a second. Then everyone started giggling, at Cassiopeia mostly.

Advisor: What, you people have problems with a girl being nice to someone?!

Now it was Raye's turn to blush. "Um, listen,"Raye said. "Why don't you come to my temple after school? We could do a fire reading, and I've a ton of Sailor V magna.

Advisor: What a completely inane invitation. I mean, she seems so sure this new girl she knows nothing about likes Sailor V manga.
Charon: Aren't there only a few books in the Sailor V series? It can't possibly make a ton.
Sentinel: My, my! A new side to Charon! During coffee break he sneaks off to read Sailor V!

Serena's gonna be there, because I've got the Sailor V doll."

Charon: The author must be a fan of Sailor V.
Sentinel: What, you mean like you?
Charon: . . . .Sentinel, you seem incredibly eager to eat your armchair. . . .

Cassiopeia thought it over for a moment, and she said "Sure. Why not?"

Serena wasn't there. "for once" Raye thought when she saw her guests. Lita was baking cookies,

Charon: This girl just pops into someone's house and starts baking cookies. I'll never understand mortals.
Sentinel: Especially mortal teenagers.
Charon: Specifically, mortal teenaged girls. *The two nod knowingly*
Advisor: And here we have it, the two Upperworld immortals commiserating about their jobs and the troubles therein.

while Alex was reading a car manuel.

Cerberus (snort): Car manual? Talk about summer reading material.
Charon: That person's supposed to be a big fan of racing cars.
Advisor: That doesn't mean she sits there and reads car manuals for fun! It's like the Sentinel sitting in his armchair reading obituaries!
Sentinel: Okay, that's enough.

There was a man in a coat and hat who was spending a lot of time outdoors.

Charon: Gee, let me think? Whoever could be the bad guy in this fic? What a deep question. . . oh, must ponder. . . .

Cassiopeia quietly flipped through a Sailor V magna.

Charon: Manga. Manga. The things we're in. Those little books with pictures.
Sentinel: You know, if the author doesn't know Japanese, she'd be well advised not to use it.

Luna was watching the group from a window. "I _know_ I should be with Atermis

Sentinel: It's this "Atermis" again!
Cerberus: How much d'ya wanna bet she failed her Greek mythology class?

about what happened yesterday," she thought.

Advisor: What happened yesterday? We do not know the minds of fanfic authors. How does she expect readers to know what this cat is talking about?!
Cerberus: If these stupid candles weren't showing us this stupid fanfic, we might read the other fanfic and find out.
Sentinel: Cerberus, that's like saying, "Killing someone with an ax is in bad taste, we should kill people with poison."
Charon: You can just tell too many murdered people have talked to my colleague.

"But I sense something about Cassiopeia."

Then, all of a sudden, the man turned into a monster, with gold skin and silver hair.

Cerberus: This monster must be worth a fortune.

"hand over the Crysals!" he screamed, with hot metal coming out of his hands.

Sentinel: I think my eyes are failing me. Did the fanfic just say. . . .
Advisor: Hot metal. . .coming out of hands. . . .???
Charon: So like this suspicious guy has lumps of hot metal plopping from his palms?!

"MARS STAR POWER!!!!!"

JUPITER STAR POWER!!!!!"

URANUS PLANET POWER!!!!"

In 2 seconds,

Advisor: I don't know. . .you mean they yelled all that stuff in less than two seconds?

the normal teenage girls were transformed into sailor scouts in front of Cassiopeia's eyes.

Sentinel: If I'm not mistaken, one of the important things in this manga is secret identities.
Cerberus: So they go and blow their secret IDs in front of a complete stranger?! Who, incidentally, is a suspicious character that they must beware of?! Geez, even the Advisor's not as stupid as that. . . . YEEEEOOOOCCCHHH!!
Charon: Cerberus, I can only say you deserved that.
Sentinel: Advisor, don't go burning people in my room, okay?
Advisor: What? I was simply putting dear Cerberus out of his misery.
Cerberus: . . . .

Luna quickly bounded in.

"MARS CELESTIAL FIRE... SURROND!!!"

All: SPELL CHECKER POWER. . .PERFORM!!!

The fire melted the monster down, but he quickly reformed. He grabbed Cassiopeia but she broke free.

Cerberus: What action!
Charon: What danger!
Advisor: What excitement!
Cerberus: What thrill. . . .
Sentinel: Guys, we're not advertisers for a movie. Sit down.

As she fell down,

Sentinel: Hey, wasn't she breaking free? Where were we told that she was falling?

the sign of Cassiopeia appeared on her forehead.

Charon: That must look pretty idiotic. I mean, a big M popping up on your forehead and all. . . .
Cerberus: M for moron, right?

Luna flipped, and a wand fell down.

Advisor: From where?
Cerberus: What does Luna flipping have to do with wands falling down?
Charon: I get it! It's not raining cats and dogs, it's raining stupid magical wands that always winds up playing a big part in idiotic heros saving the day!

Cassiopeia grabbed the wand. Something deep inside her told her what to say.

Charon (voice deep inside her): Fanfic stinks. . .fanfic stinks. . .must leave now. . .must leave now. . .fanfic stinks. . . .

"CASSIOPEIA STAR POWER!" Her body was surronded by stars. They formed into a W shape, and then they disapered. Sailor Cassiopeia

Advisor: Applaud the creativity of this author. After all, Cassiopeia is such a common name. Nobody would notice if a girl named Cassiopeia popped into town at approximately the same time Sailor Cassiopeia takes the stage. Certainly not any enemies these girls have.
Sentinel: I appreciate your sarcasm, but you'd be surprised at the utter idiocy of these enemies. I wish Satan was half as dumb.

was wearing a black skirt, with sequins. Her front ribbion was gray. She was wearing black boots with sequins, but her taira was made out of a ruby, with a black stone with one sequin.

Charon: In addition, her earrings were made out of chains of sequins. Her choker was red, red with red sequins. The back "ribbion" on her overly-short skirt was decorated with sequins. . . .
Sentinel: Lo and behold, Sequin Girl takes the stage.
Cerberus: You know, I've always wondered, what exactly does the constellation Cassiopeia have to do with sequins?

She was a silent warrior, with her hair blowing in the wind. But she did say something.

Sentinel: How silent can she be if she winds up saying something anyway!! And how in the world is there wind?! IS BEING A SILENT WARRIOR WHO'S NOT REALLY SILENT GOING TO BRING WIND?! WHAT KIND OF A LOUSY STORY IS THIS?!!
Charon: Sentinel, your head looks close to exploding.
Advisor: So the important thing is, she's not very silent, is she?

"CASSIOPEIA STARLIGHT...BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Stars flew out of her fingers,

Sentinel: Astronomers, never mind the big bang theory, *this* is how the stars were formed!

blinding the monster, and breaking him down.

Cerberus: So shouldn't the weapon be called, "CASSIOPEIA STARLIGHT...BLIND AND BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ?
Advisor: Cerberus, no need to imitate the amount of exclamation points too.
Cerberus (burps): Gee, I feel weird. . . "CASSIOPEIA STARLIGHT...BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[All immortals edge away from Cerberus with increasing apprehension.]

Advisor: He's infected.
Sentinel: By the gods, it's the Moonyitus! A terrible disease in which the patient is forced to copy idiotic fan-created sailor attack phrases word for word! And worse of all, it's contagious!
Charon: (BLEARCH!!!)
Cerberus: I am not infected. . . "CASSIOPEIA STARLIGHT...BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Oh @#%$@!!!

The other scouts were shocked.

Sentinel: I'm shocked too. I can't believe Cerberus just cursed. In MY room.

"Well", Cassiopeia said, "looks like I'll be coming more often!"

Advisor: Well, what a totally idiotic and pointless thing to say.
Charon: Was there a point to this story?
Cerberus: "CASSIOPEIA STARLIGHT...BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All other immortals: HELP US!!! GET US OUT OF HERE!!!
Evil voice: MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

*Advisor, Charon, Sentinel proceed to frantically run from the Moonyitus-infected Cerberus, knocking over one of the armchairs as well as the table and that lovely candelabra, incidentally starting a blazing fire. Just the luck of our hapless immortals.*

Sentinel: You people are ruining my room!!!
Charon: Move, move, MOOVVEE! (Cerberus was behind him.)
Cerberus: "CASSIOPEIA STARLIGHT...BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Oh gods I feel sick. . . .
Advisor: Okay, someone had better put out this fire before we turn into roasted immortal. . . YEEK! CERBERUS, DON'T COME CLOSE!!!
Cerberus: You're good at healing! So HEAL me!!!
Advisor (running away): Then don't infect me!!

*Knocks on the door stops all immortals dead in their tracks.*

Charon: Is that who I think it is?
Sentinel (moaning): No, no, no. . .it can't be a soul. This is insane!
From outside: Excuse me? May I come in?
Advisor: No! The door's locked!
Sentinel: Yes! No it isn't!
From outside: What?
Sentinel: I'm going to lose my job! You people, GET OUT!!!

*Outside in the darkness, a lonely figure stood before the closed door. Upon closer inspection. . .or as close an inspection as one can get in the darkness. . .the lonely figure turns out to be the author of this MST!*

Yayoi: Hehehehe. . . .

THE END

Nemesis: You know, I can't figure out what they did to deserve such mind-bending horror. I'm friends with Charon and the Sentinel and I have never seen them so worked up!
Yayoi: Actually, the Elders and the Councillors of Upperworld and Letheron respectively wanted to see how strong mentally those four were. You know, since they're four of the most powerful immortals in two planes.
Nemesis: . . . . for once I'm really glad the Sages usually ignore me. So wait, Evil voice is fake?
Yayoi: Yeah. The thing is, this isn't the real test, you know. Reading the fanfics wasn't the original agreement.
Nemesis: ????
Yayoi: They were supposed to act in my fanfics.

[Nemesis makes a sound akin to choking]

Yayoi: Why, Nemesis! Need water?
Nemesis: *coughcough* No, no thanks.
Yayoi: *smiling sweetly* So I wrote some MSTs and they have to act in it. See, in the first MST— "Twin", they acted really well (of course, they were supposed to be terrified of Evil voice, but hey, older-than-the-universe-itself immortals are hard to change). See, what they're told to do is act from the script up to the part where they actually read the fanfic. When they start reading, all the comments they make are completely their own.
Nemesis: Ah, I see. And knowing them, you know they couldn't resist making comments.
Yayoi: Exactly! And those jerks dare to oppose me when I had them "hug, cry, sob, and wet each others' clothes with tears"!
Nemesis: . . . .
Yayoi: I mean, they dared to pop out of the room and talk to me during the MST! It's not even in the script! They dare to stall for time! It's good that I pushed them all back in, or else they would've never read the fanfic and MST the story! (And I wouldn't have any good stuff to show my friends and say that I wrote it!) Oooh, I'm mad now! I'm going to write a story in where the Sentinel, the Advisor, and Charon all get mauled by giant jellybeans from hell!
Nemesis: . . . . !!!
Yayoi: You have a weird look on your face, Nemesis. Sort of like you just choked on a lemon and snorted it up your nose. You okay?
Nemesis: I think I'll leave now. . . .

[Leaves Yayoi staring at thin air, puzzled]