Title: Separation [2/?]
Genre: GW
Pairings: 1x2
Rating: PG

***

    Sometimes he says we’ll see each other in a few days, sometimes a week, sometimes an hour. I’m very nervous as to what he’ll think of me now, in six years I must’ve changed, if not particularly in height then in personality or maturity, I bet. What I told him on the phone was mostly true. I haven’t replaced him.

    I haven’t been celibate without him, but I haven’t replaced him. No one’s even come close to whatever I have with him. Now whether that’s because I’m not entirely sure what the two of us have or because there just will never be another Heero Yuy, I don’t know.

    One thing’s for sure, no one is exactly like him. I’m not sure what it is that makes him so individualistic and unique, but I know that I, for one, can’t get enough of him. It’s the little things, too…

    He’s the best sex I’ve ever had, but not because he’s any larger than any of the other lovers I’ve had, or because he’s any more inventive or anything… there’s just something about him. I’m not sure what it is, his strength, his scent, the intensity buried in those cobalt eyes when he looks at me…

    Or the fact that I really and truly am in love with him.

*

    It is always the same.

    I try to deny myself the truth, I try… to be who everyone in the world thinks I should be, who they want me to be, but… I can’t do it. And, inevitably, I always come back and fall into his arms again. And this time it is no different.

    Except that I’m going to him, and not making him come to me. Except that now I know there’s no use denying what I’ve been feeling deep inside, and that I really am going to have to just bite the bullet and admit to myself, and to him… that I love him.

    The worst part is that I’m afraid of what is going to happen when I tell him. Something about whatever we have between us was that it was never based on words. From that first time, back when we were still fighting in the gundams… it wasn’t about any pretenses, or about saying things that would only hurt and hinder us in the world we were forced into.

    It feels like now I’m going to be turning things around completely and making this all into something that it’s never been. I remember… the only time he ever asked me about it…

    It was late one evening after he’d rushed over to see me. I’d called him and he’d sounded so relieved on the phone to hear my voice, now that I think back on it, it was after the first war had ended and I had just walked out of the room the morning after the last time we’d been together, without a trace and without a note.

    I was laying sprawled with my head buried in the crook of his neck and he was peacefully tangling his fingers in my ever-messy hair. “Heero,” he said quietly.

    I didn’t respond, and so he continued to talk. He knew I wouldn’t respond.

    “I know you’re awake, and listening. Heero… what are we?”

    I didn’t bother to answer his question, but I pressed my lips against his neck and started teasing him. After a moment of stillness he responded with a grin and a whisper in my ear, “Insatiable, I guess.”

    It’s the only time I ever recall him mentioning anything about what we were to each other… or loving each other. It’s like it’s always been an unspoken rule that we don’t say that word, for various and deeply personal reasons that we never talk about. It’s hard to when we starve… I starve us of each other so that for the first part of our reunions it’s all about touching and feeling that we’re alive to one another.

    I don’t suspect it’ll be much different this time, except that, for once, I’m going to go to him. I wonder what my first glimpse of him will be. Probably answering the door.