Title: Hung Jury [1/1]
Author: Darkwood
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4

AN: Useless fluff/humor. Not my normal style or at least I like to think of it that way.


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	It happens the same way every time I return from a mission. I've been getting a lot of solo missions lately so it's really not my fault I don't get back until two in the morning, or earlier the next day. My first destination is almost always the kitchen. If it isn't I'm either bleeding, dying, or going through major sexual deprivation. Heero hates the last, in a way. He likes that I take control, but he hates walking in front of the guys acting like he's got a real pole up his ass. He said it so much that one time I flipped and said that if he didn't like it then he could go ask Wufei to share a bed because I didn't assign myself on these missions and that short of blowing myself up I couldn't do jack ditty about it so he could just give me up if it bothered him that much.
	I was too drunk on pleasure to realize that I was yanking my heart out and offering it to him. He knew, though, and he just pushed it right back into my chest and kissed me. Then he whispered, "aishiteru," and kissed me softly, letting me fall asleep and stroking my hair calmly. I woke up and heard people talking in the living room, so I went out, with a hasty ponytail and a pair of his boxers on.
	I got into the living room and Heero turned to look at me, with an inviting... face.
	"So, Heero, why are you walking funny?" the mischievous Quatre asked, ignoring the blush coloring Trowa's visible face and neck and... his hands and even his toes. Wrapped up in my observation of the unusually crimson Trowa, I almost missed Heero's response.
	Nonchalantly he put an arm around my waist and lifted the hem of the boxers, which he'd apparently sent to dry cleaning in one of the schools because the bar coded tag had his name on it. Wufei passed out, Quatre started giggling infectiously, and Trowa looked away hastily. The same thing had happened to Quatre. He came down to breakfast one morning in Trowa's briefs, and we all raised an eyebrow because they had been died aquamarine blue. He flushed all the way, I'd never seen his scalp turn red, and bolted back upstairs.
	We didn't see him for the rest of the day.
	Once Wufei recovered he glowered, "There are better ways of informing your friends of your relationships, Yuy." Heero just shrugged and yanked me down into his lap so that I was across the arms of the chair and my rear between his crossed legs. "So how do they fit?" he whispered in my ear, causing my face to flush… but nowhere near Trowa's.
	"They're loose."
	"Hah!" Quatre chuckled. We both turned and pinned him with our eyes and he looked away abruptly remembering how Trowa's had sagged everywhere.
	"Not too much," I replied, "Just on the hips."
	"Well we can't all look like girls!" Wufei snapped from the side of the room. Heero, and to this day I don't know where he got the thing, whipped out his .9 mm and fired a shot close to Wufei's ear, causing the seemingly unmovable Nataku-loving Shenlong pilot to duck out of the way, despite Heero's motion to put the gun on my lap.
	"Symbolic," I whispered sensually in his ear and he even had the decency to color just enough for me to see.
	Tonight isn't like that though. I grab a tall glass of water and some M&Ms and head for the room. I take a seat at the computer table. I finally prodded him into buying one so I didn't break my back trying to use it, and sit down for a moment. Before I continue I'll just mention that his keyboard gets washed about once a day. Yeah, I have this nasty habit of spilling water onto the battered old jalopy. I feel bad for it, since I hate it so much. I mean, there are three other 'women' between Heero and I. The mission, the laptop, and the Gundam of the minute. The bed feels crowded when he's off at that thing, and I personify the gundam and the mission laughing at me as I try to warm both sides of the bed.
	Don't get me wrong, I love Heero. But I'd also like to be able to spend some quality daylight hours with my love. I suppose this means that we're just lovers, since we don't do anything but pillow talk and sex... erhm, making love, of course. One of these days he's gonna crack down and tell me I'm right and that sometimes it is just sex. Like right after a mission when he comes home and wakes me up out of this peaceful sleep and says something like are you ready? And expects me to be fully turned on by the grease and leather cockpit fumes. He doesn't think I know that that's his one personal luxury... other than me of course... he has a leather seat inside of Wing.
	Don't laugh! That took a lot of time to figure out. You can't ask Heero a thing, usually. I couldn't just walk up to him and ask, bubbly, 'Hee-chan, what's your seat made of?' Either he'd take it as a really bad attempt to inform him that I was horny, or he'd have hit me. I don't like getting hit, so instead, I jumped him when he opened the hatch one day just to find out if it was another man or just that damned gundam of his.
	I did a victory lap dance for him when I found out it was just the gundam, and I stopped hating it so much.
	So I was sitting in the kitchen, and I took off my socks, and abruptly shoved them into my pocket. Last time I accidentally left them on the table I got whipped. No, seriously, Heero took some strap and whipped me. My ass was a throbbing mass of fleshy red lines for the whole day. Then he screwed me. Oh man, I'll never do that again, ever. Then I picked up my M&Ms and came in here, spilled the water, and now I'm done drying it off and I can go to bed and snuggle up against Heero.

	In the morning, I sleep in a little, and surprisingly enough, Heero stays in bed with me. As I wake up I notice two things. My boyfriend has dirty singe spots on him, so he had a mission, and that there is a very insistent pounding on the door. So I struggle to get out of his arms, and fail, and then say, "Shut up already, guys! Heero is sleeping in!"
	That makes everybody stop, and then the noise of a key in a keyhole and there is Quatre looking really angry. So angry that he looks like I left my socks on the kitchen.
	"All I have to say is that this time, it wasn't my fault."
	Quatre ignores it and points at me. Trowa moves in closer... Heero aims his gun well, right between his eyes, as he is about to touch me. "The baka stays here. If he says he didn't do it, and he did, he'll get his punishment later. I'm sleeping off my electrical burns, so don't even think about taking him right now."
	"So the liar is your teddy bear now, Yuy?" Another gun aims at Wufei who is standing over Quatre's shoulder.
	"Don't push it right now, Wufei, he's cranky when he's trying to sleep off shock."
	"You just don't want to face the consequences of leaving your socks on the table!"
	"I did not! Look, I haven't even changed clothes since last night," I start to move the sheets to get up but Heero glares at me. I pull them down, only some, anyway, and show them that I'm wearing my pants still, and then I pull a pair of socks from my pocket. "I didn't lie."
	"We'll see about that later."
	Quatre seems to contemplate and he leaves the room with Trowa in tow to look at the kitchen again. Wufei looks more skeptical though, and heads back out to the kitchen. I pull the sheets back up, but Heero stops me with a hand on my stomach. I look at him again, "What now?"
	"You're wearing too many clothes, Duo," he whispers and then begins to yank them off of me. I blush and he tosses my pants across the room. Exhausted by just that, he collapses with his head against my chest.
	Relaxing a little at his possessiveness, I sigh and let my eyes close as he flops one arm over my groin to latch on the inside of my hip and hold tight. I moan a little and then shift so he's actually touching me through my boxers and then settle to sleep with my left arm around his torso under his arm and my right hand gently massaging his scalp.

	When my eyes open I find myself assaulted by a pair of angry cobalt ones. I kiss him sleepily and he pushes me back down. "What'd I do?"
	"You're still wearing too many clothes, koi," I squirm a little as he yanks the flimsy material off me and proceeds to screw me crazy when a knock comes to the door.
	"What now!" he roars, and I almost feel bad for whoever's interrupting his playtime, and the door opens slowly. I grab a sheet and yank it over us... well me more. And standing in the doorway with his eyes averted is Wufei holding up the socks from the kitchen table.
	"Those look like yours, Duo."
	"But..."
	"They aren't, but they look like them. Those are too small, they're too new, they don't even have toe marks from when he sneaks around. Whoever put them there doesn't know anything about Duo's feet," Heero says, and then turns back to me. I color since Wufei is still standing there in shock, and then he goes out and closes the door firmly.
	After a while the two of us finish, and I convince him to shower with me so I can check out how badly he got burnt on my part, and I entice him with something that he never refuses.
	Afterwards he towels us off and braids my hair and we exit the room, I bound ahead for the kitchen and he just rolls his eyes. I stop short in the doorway as the three other pilots are staring me down.
	"Duo..." Trowa starts in a menacing voice.
	"... if these aren't yours..."
	"...how do you explain the candy strewn all over the room?"
	That stumps me, and Heero comes in past me, grabbing me by the braid and yanking me inside with him. He carefully inspects the candy, picks up one piece and pops it into my mouth. I start to protest but look in his eyes and just eat it. It tastes horrible. Once I'm done he yanks me to him by the back of my neck and presses his lips to mine and his tongue inside my mouth. Wufei, in the background, starts to stutter and has a nose bleed, Quatre blinks and asks, "Heero... I really don't think now is the time for that...."
	He pulls back and spits in the sink.
	My face falls. "What..."
	"He doesn't eat that stuff," Heero says, gurgling and handing me a cup of water to get the foul taste out of my mouth, I start coughing and Heero pats my back soothingly.
	"I enjoy the evidence, Heero, but how do we know it's true?"
	"I don't-!" his hand clamps over my mouth.
	"And why were you French kissing Duo?" Trowa asks with an arc of his brow.
	"Duo loves candy. He does. It's one of his favorite things to eat in the world. I can understand that, in some way, but there are just some types of candy that you have to develop a taste for. Duo isn't that patient most of the time. He wants to eat candy that tastes good when he first eats it. That stuff..." Heero motions to the things around the room, "Isn't even candy by my standards. Almost all of the candy I've tasted has been from Duo's mouth anyway, and he's never eaten that at all."
	"People do things you don't know about, Yuy." Wufei points out.
	"Not Duo."
	Quatre considers, "You have a point, but... then who did this?"
	From the corner of my eye I notice movement and point towards it. Heero eyes me skeptically and the others look doubtful. That is... until they hear what the person I saw start to giggle and grumble menacingly. Four bodies move like lightning towards the window and stare out at the person giggling. I fix myself some toast and sit down to eat it while Heero marches proudly over to me and kisses my cheek... in front of the others who stand shocked.
	"How did you know, Duo?" Quatre asks.
	"I'm not going to be able to eat now, thank you!" Wufei grumbles.
	Trowa just goes over to the stove and lights a burner before cracking an egg to begin scrambling breakfast.
	"What was that for?" I ask Heero skeptically.
	"Being right and not getting angry about their persistence."
	I smile and he rolls his eyes.