Past Tense

By Darkwood

Big spoilers for the end of the SKU series, and a little of the SKUAM series. If you don’t know what Shojo Kakumei Utena is there are sites out there that explain it. 

The Utena Encyclopedia: http://www.duellists.tj/ for one.

Please don’t blame me if you read this. The cannon is slightly off, but I did that on purpose for… well, you’ll see.

 ***

            I can still see the look in your eyes. Sad, hopeful, afraid of being lonely. I remember it like a scar that has only begun to heal, despite my best efforts to mend the wound.

            “Take my hand DAMNIT ANTHY!”

       You screamed at me. You *never* did that before...

       You really didn’t understand anything, did you?

            The trees are so thick, I can’t see the stars glittering above. The blanket of the night...you called it, almost cheerfully. I’m cut off from it, separated, I can’t see the sky tonight.

       I’m glad.

       I never really...

       I hate the stars.

            “ANTHY!”

         I look up, for you, but it is only him calling to me, looking for me amidst his destruction.

            His voice echoes in my head like a slap or a bad kiss ... I’ve had far too many of those, you know. He reached for me, relief in his voice, was in his voice, on his face, was on his face.

            “Are you...alright?” He asked.

            The words assail my ears and he helps me to my feet.   I smile, blankly as always, and nod. Of course I’m all right.

            I’m the Rose Bride.

       NOTHING could be, would be, can be wrong with me.

       NOTHING wounds the ROSE BRIDE.   Not really. I am *the* eternal, I am *infinity*, *power* itself.

       I *AM* the revolution.

            “Fine, help me inside?”

            As if I needed his help.

            “Of course, Anthy.” He said to me, putting my arm through his. “How bout we just take a break from all -this-? You, rest, forget, for a while about the...’Revolution’ and all, eh?” He paused, looked down at me with his dark, would have been light eyes, “Alright with you?” He asked me.

       He never asked me anything, really.

       Of course, its alright, I’m the Rose Bride.

       No one has to ask me about my feelings.

       No one ever has...except you.

            “Yes, Oni-sama.” I reply, the usual over-cheeriness in my voice.

            We’re back in the tower now, Chu Chu vaulted into my arms, he always does after...the...swords... I am petting him gently, comfortingly, as always.

            “You still have him?” He asked me as I do so.

            Of course, without him, I’d die every time.... But then you don’t understand, do you?

            “Yes.”

            “We’ll have a lot of work ahead...” He stopped, mid-sentence. “I’m breaking my own rule, right?” He said, sounding slightly embarrassed to have forgot.

       I do not reply of course.   Of course, it is not my place to speak. Not to a prince.

       Even a fallen one.

       Not my place to speak at all.

       But things are different now.

            Living with me will be different, now, after. I think I am not the same person I was. I think I am free... and to me, that is all that is needed. A thought can be a very powerful thing, in the right hands.

       My hands.

            My hands may not be right, after so much blood that has been upon them, but I can use a thought, I do have that power.

            Right now, I am weak.

            Very, weak.

            But soon, I will come for you, Utena.

            I wake with a start.

            It was a *long* fall.

            The arena had been high in the air, though, it is to be expected that it was a long fall. …     Not nearly as high as the castle though.

            I should know.

            I was the one that put them there.

            “It’s time for school, Anthy.”

            How much I wish you would be the one to say that to me. I remember...you would always…

            “Anthy?” He stepped into my room, looked askance at me.

            “Hai, hai,” I say in reply to the gentle command in his voice.

            Chu Chu is on my shoulder, my clothes already changed. “Chu.” He says, has said, is saying, will say.

            “Yes, very chu.” I respond, smiling at him, my one companion for all this time.

            “You’ll be late.” He said, voice chiding.

            “I know.” I reply, “I am always late.” Thought and said, for once.

            “Anthy...” There was, would be gentle reproof, chiding in his tone, but I am already gone. No, I will not.

            When I left the coffin, did I leave my inherent power? Am I not the same woman? *The* woman? Not yet the eternal ideal? He was once God, for a time, and yet he was not. Now, and then I *am* the goddess, and he would know...

            I am free of that coffin...

            And very soon I will be strong enough to go to...

       My...my...prince.

            And so she will be, and so will we be.

            As we were, as more...

            He would ask me why, then, of course.

            He would still be here, trapped in his.

            He had not, would not have any prince to save him.

            He still thought he would be a prince.

            And that is why he is past tense.

            You only speak of the dead in terms of the past, do you not?