Journal
7/7/03 - It's been way longer since I updated this than I thought. Cherry Bang's last show was awesome. Matrix Reloaded was a blast. The girls are getting to be tan little girls from spending so much time in the pool and in the sun. I can't believe how big they're getting! Life has been treating me well lately. I started a new job two weeks ago... closer to home (5 minutes now instead of 10!!), more professional working conditions, no stupid home office in Pittsburgh to screw with, and more money. Moving up in the world! I've been getting back to SCA, the girls love it and Chris is serious about coming back and fighting again. Also, on some Thursdays I've been going out with friends to a bar and singing karaoke. I'm having a blast!! Life is good right now...
XOXOXO
4/30/03 - I can't believe summer is getting here so fast. The girls and I have already had our first sun burns. We spent this past weekend in Michigan visiting my mom's family. I had some fun, the girls had a BLAST. There were a couple of hitches in the visit, though. One of my aunts just treats grandma like complete SHIT, like she's an imposition to her life. I'm sorry, but when you're mother was on the edge of death, lucky to be alive, and needs some help sometimes, you're supposed to give it freely, not get angry and pissy because her needs take away from what you want to be doing. Loved ones who truly need your help should never be an imposition.
Also, this was the first time I've really been up to visit since Gramps died. He had an acre and a half of garden that he used to keep. It was his pleasure in life, his pride and joy, his stress relief and relaxation. Fromt he last frost of the spring to the first killing frost of the fall, he was in that garden daily. He could make anything grow in that sandy Michigan soil. I went for a walk out back where he used to plant, and it's all grown over, gone to weed. It made me want to cry to see all his work just gone like it had never been there. Although there were still a couple of little stragglers trying to grow up into rasberry bushes. Without anyone to nurture them, though, I'm not sure what will happen. It was just like, with Gramps gone and Grandma as weak as she is, it's like the life is gone from the house... like there's nothing left. It made me want to cry... I have so many good memories there from my childhood...
Anyway, life is going well (not that anyone reads this to know). May should be exciting. Then next X Men movie is coming out the 2nd, my brother, Erik, and his (pregnant) wife, Nichelle, are coming into town on the 9th, Cherry Bang's VERY LAST SHOW is on the 10th, Matrix Reloaded comes out the 15th, and Crown Tourney is on the... hell, can't remember... last Sunday of the month anyway. Should be lots of fun.
I'm kind of rambling now... it's been a long time since I updated, though, hence the long update. I'm out like plaid and stripes.
XOXOXO
3/26/03 - Wow, time flies when you're living your life! I didn't realize it had been so long since I'd updated here. (Not that anyone reads it to notice.) Erik and Nikki are still doing fantastic... they're excited and still pregnant. Had another ultrasound and sent out the pics from it. Very cool... very cool. I got the girls' ears pierced while I was on vacation the first week of the month. They're very happy with it. Going to go see my grandma Williams in Arizona this June... the girls are going with me but Chris is staying home. He's actually talking about going to spend at least part of that week with his best friend in Memphis, TN. Should be a good week for all involved.
In music news, my long time fave local band, Cherry Bang, sadly, is no more. Billy is working on starting up a new band called ¢6 and in the meantime, he's going solo. CHECK HIM OUT!! He's got pics and audio clips on his web site, www.billycarri.net, so GO CHECK HIM OUT ALREADY. Should be one HELL of a ride. Anyway, I think that's about it. Don't want to start rambling again.
XOXOXO
2/19/03 - Hello again! Still thrilled for Erik and Nikki and their coming bundle of joy! We've been enjoying re-furnishing our living room on our tax return. Slaving away at my calligraphy and illumination for Saturday. Stumbled over a poem I wrote months ago while we were still at mom's and thought I'd share it here:
Fleeting sunshine
Clouds interrupt the joy
Chill sweeps in
A killing frost
Stifles the breath of all
Tiny blooms
Wither and die on the vine
Thick snow, freezing
Blankets the earth
Destroying life
Covering all
Sun peeks through
Like a child playing games
Melting, soaking, nourishing
New life springs forth
Flourishing, growing
Fed by the death of the old
Now, I don't know if that's any good or not, but it's mine. Be well, all, and love each other.
XOXOXO
2/10/03 - Well, happy new year, since I missed it. Isn't it funny how when life is going well, my journal doesn't get updated? Misery loves company, but apparently I can be happy by myself!!
Anyway, we're doing very well. The girls, of course, are awesome. I've begun getting active in the SCA again. The girls went with me last month, and they can't wait to go again. We've got a local event here on 2/22, and I have lots of calligraphy and illumination to do between now and then. I'm excited about getting back into it, though.
I went shopping yesterday for some clothes (still had a gift cert. from Christmas) and this is the first time in a bunch of years (and about 40 lbs) that I actually enjoyed shopping and found clothes that I liked without spending all day at it. Got them on good sales, too... sale is always a happy thing.
Also, my baby brother, Erik, called me yesterday to tell me that they found out his wife is pregnant. I'm so happy for them!! They are so excited. Of course they are, it's a very exciting time.
I'm taking my first vacation since the girls were born in about 3 weeks, I'm very happy about it. We're getting a little bit back from tax money and we've got some shopping for the apartment we want to do while I'm on vacation. Take the girls to the aquarium... stuff like that.
Anyway, just wanted to update so that if anyone still reads this they'll know I'm still alive. Be well...
XOXOXO
12/11/02 - We are settling into our new place quite nicely. I think most of our stuff is settled and unpacked. The girls are starting to sleep in their own bed all night, most nights, which means we're sleeping better. We bought our christmas tree last night, and the girls can't wait to decorate it. We could have done it last night, but it had that "I've been wrapped up for a week" kind of look, and we wanted to let it rest and resume it's normal shape before we put everything on it. Thanksgiving was good... not quite as hard as last year, but still a little difficult. I find myself missing Nick, and getting some depressed, of course I do. But it's not as bad as this time last year was. Just wanted to update real quick in case anyone actually reads this... Be well and happy holidays.
XOXOXO
11/27/02 - I survived having my teeth out!! I was scared of the surgery - never having had surgery before - but I was more scared of general anesthesia, so I did it under a local (novicaine or some other -caine). It really wasn't that bad. Getting the novicaine was the worst part of the whole extraction. There was kind of a yukky sound from pulling the teeth, but I felt no pain. Lots of pressure in my jaw from the pulling, but no pain. The recovery though... that was a bitch. Spent much time sleeping and worshipping (the porcelain god) over the next 2 days. Eeeewwww!!! But, I survived in fairly good form. Now if I can get used to these holes in my gums...
Also, we got done moving!! I cleaned the bedrooms at mom's, I think I left a couple of little things there, but nothing I can't pick up the next time I'm there. So, Happy Thanksgiving (a day early) and here's hoping this Thanksgiving is easier than last. The wound of Nick's death has had a chance to scar a little, it's not so fresh and open, so perhaps I'll handle the gathering a little better this year. Love to all, and gentle holidays.
XOXOXO
11/18/02 - Well, moving is mostly done. We've got all the big stuff, all the boxes out of everyone's garages and basements. I still have a couple of little things to get. I still have to clean the 2 bedrooms at mom-in-law's that we were using, but we're mostly done. It's awesome to not have to share my place with anyone other than my husband and children. It only took me 5 minutes to get to work this morning... it was fantastic. Now, for my next chore... I'm having all 4 wisdom teeth taken out this Wednesday. Wheeee... doesn't that sound fun? I'm outta here... Mad love to all.
XOXOXO
11/11/02 - Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to keep this thing... No one reads it and it goes forever between updates at times. ANYWAY... Great news... we are
MOVING out of my inlaws' house finally!!! Man, it's been a year since we got here... sometimes I can't believe it's been so long, sometimes I can't believe it's only been a year. I never thought I'd be so happy to be responsible for all my own bills again! The girls can't wait, I can't wait... it's an exciting time. Chris and the girls both had excellent birthdays, and the girls, of course, already can't wait for Christmas and for their next birthday. Chris really enjoyed it on his birthday because they couldn't get enough of giving daddy kisses and telling him happy birthday. So, if I was supposed to email you with our new address and phone number, and I didn't,
drop me a line and I'll send it to you and hope you forgive me for forgetting. I definitely don't want to lose track of anyone just because I moved. Checking out prepaid cel phones lately... I want a cel phone, they're great to have in emergencies (and with small children you never know when you're going to have an emergency) but I don't want to have another bill that comes every month. Prepay seems like a good idea for someone (like me) who doesn't plan on using the cel a lot. Anyway, I'm rambling a little now, so I'm done. Be well, all, and smile for me. Today is a happy day...
XOXOXO
09/30/02 - Sometimes children are truly amusing... Summer and Sarah, after throwing dirt and mulch at each other about 2 seconds before I got home this evening, were playing and I told them it was bath time. They went upstairs, stripped naked in the un-selfconsious way of children, and came back down, only to tell me that they wanted to go swimming. Mind you, the water in the pool is a breath-stealing 70 degrees farenheit. Stupid me, believing that even my water-loving children couldn't stand that kind of temperature on more than their toes, tell them go ahead... stick your feet in, then tell me if you still want to go swimming. They run down the stairs, happy and warm (and naked), and stand on the step in the 70 degree water, (brrrr) and tell me they want to go swimming. After a couple of runs back up the pool steps shrieking "it's cold!!" and running back in, they're both swimming, full length, under water, in the 70 degree (did I say bbbrrrrrr?) pool. Within half an hour they were jumping in and diving after the weighted sea horses we bought when the water was warm and the days were hot. It was CRAZY!! I don't know how they do it, but they've got more guts than me!!! Man, I wish I would have thought to take pictures.
In other news, I put the deposit down on our apartment (wow, that sounds so good to say!!) today. They've got 2 or 3 that people are moving out of at the end of October, and we get which ever one comes up first, ready to move in. Let me tell you, it can't come fast enough. Anyway, all is well, except that Chris is getting his cold back. He'll get over it this time too. Be well, if anyone still reads this silly thing...
XOXOXO
09/27/02 - Ok, not a lot to say but I must be excited because
WE GOT APPROVED FOR OUR APARTMENT!!! Now, it won't be available until the middle of November, so we won't be moving until then or the 1st of December, but we've got first dibs and it's OURS!!! I'm so excited, I can hardly stand myself. Anyway, I hope
Ironhorse is ROCKING ass right about now. I wanted to go, but it's in Columbus and sometimes real life prevails over the fun stuff. Like I said, not a lot to say, just excited that we've finally got a plan and a place to go... Be well, all.
XOXOXO
09/23/02 - Just got done adding some new pics to the website... new pics of the girls so
check them out!! It may take a minute to load if you're still stuck with dial up like I'm going to be when I move, but there are some really cute pics there. Oh yeah, and there's one of me at the bottom. One of my personal favorites. Why do I like it? Easy, my face doesn't show... :) Just kidding. Something about it does appeal to me, though. Something nice about sleeping when someone else is (obviously) awake to take the pic. Anyway, just wanted to get my pics posted. Hoping to go to the
Iron Horse show in Columbus this Friday. They ROCK... check them out!! (I don't know why I say things like that... there's no one who reads this to check it out!) I'll quit rambling now... Be well.
XOXOXO
09/11/02 - I don't have a lot to say about myself today... I wanted to just take a minute and reflect on the last year. To remember all of those who died senselessly one year ago today. To think of all my friends, family and loved ones who have been or are currently in various branches of the military, willing to put their lives on the line to protect the freedoms of this great country. God bless you all, and be well.
XOXOXO
09/05/02 - Life is so unpredictable. My friend Jennifer called me just a little bit ago, her grandma died yesterday. It seems she just fell asleep in her chair and never woke up. Her husband (Jennifer's grandfather) was sitting in a different chair in the same room. He realized she had been sleeping for a while and thought to wake her, maybe to send her to bed, and she was gone. Just like that. Pinched out like a candle flame. Life is short - this I know - live every day with love and joy, as if it were your last... you never know when it might be.
On a slightly lighter note, I called the lady at the townhomes where Chris and I want to move, last month she didn't have any available, but she just got notice that someone is going to be moving out in the end of October, and she thinks she can have the apartment ready by mid-November. It's got 2 floors, 2 bedrooms, 2 bath, washer/drier hookup. The kitchen's kinda small, but I can live with that. We'll probably go put in an application Monday. Here's hoping... Be well...
XOXOXO
08/19/02 - Here we are again. I finally went permanent at the job I've been working since March. I got my raise, and now we're hunting for an apartment we can afford that is close to where we want to be. I've been kind of depressed lately... I sat on the floor of my bedroom the other night cradling the plaster cast of Nick's hand that hospice made for us after he died in my hand, just sitting there being blue, and before I knew it I'd been sitting there for half an hour. I went to see my mom yesterday, the girls had a blast... got filthy, but had a blast. My fave local band
Cherry Bang is having a CD release party for their first CD with a label on September 7, if you have a minute, you should really come out. It's going to be a blast!! Anyway, cover is only a buck and there are 3 cool bands playing!! What is there to lose? So show up!! (not that anybody reads this to listen to me...) That's about it right now... Be well...
XOXOXO
June 19-Wow, I didn't realize it had been sooooo long since I updated. I'm still working the same job, my branch manager is checking out the procedure for hiring me away from the temp agency, so it's all good. Love the new car, of course. Had a blast at the
Cherry Bang show after I posted last time... shows plural, I suppose, since I went to them on both the 5th and 6th. Also went to one on June 7th, had a great time there too.
We had Sierra's birthday party last night... it was a good 1 year old party, but it made me sad just the same. My Nicholas died 4 days before she was born. I held him in my arms and watched him die... and I did NOTHING to stop it, even though I could have. The fact that to do nothing was the best we could possibly do for him was a bitter twist and one I find very little comfort in. It just hurts a lot that here we are celebrating my niece, my sister in law's child, and there's just a hole in my life and heart where my child should be. I'm tired and down today, and it sucks. Sometimes I feel like I should be over this, it's been a year for godsake... but he was my baby, my son... I'm not sure I'll ever be over it. Most of the time I'm fine, but sometimes... somtimes it's like my heart is being ripped right out of my chest. Be well...
XOXOXO
April 5-Well, here I am again, whadya know? Went out last weekend with my best friend Kerry, drank waaaayyyy too much alcohol. It suddenly occurred to me why I don't usually do that. Got a
Cherry Bang show here in Cincinnati this weekend, it promises to be very cool as always. It's been a while since I've seen the boys in action and I'm looking forward to it. Also, I got a job. It's temp to perm and they love me, so I foresee the temp turning into perm. Not a lot else going on right now... the munchkins are both sick, so neither Chris or I are sleeping very well right now. When your kids don't sleep well, neither do you. Anyway, just wanted to check in... Take care, all (yeah, all one of you who reads this...), and I'll try and update again soon.
XOXOXO
March 17-Wow, it's been forever since I updated here. I didn't realize it had been so long. Well, not a lot has changed. I'm looking for work now. Kind of racing Chris, whoever gets a job first that lets us move out of his parents' house goes back to work. The other one ends up working at home, watching all the munchkins, (our 2 and 2 out of his sister's 3). Summer and Sarah are awesome, Summer's on a second round of antibiotics trying to kick an ear infection, but nothing too serious.
Having a rough time without my buddy boy the last week or two. My niece, Sierra, born 3 days after Nick died, sometimes she's a balm to my heart, sometimes she just reminds me of what I've lost. I see her every single day while we're living here, and my heart is so tired. Getting our own place again is more than just getting our family back to ourselves, it's getting some room to breathe emotionally too. I miss my privacy... that's been hard on me. I've actually started missing the nights when Chris was at work, the girls were sleeping, and I had the apartment all to me. It was so quiet. BTW-I found some older pics of Nick that had gotten lost behind a book case of all places, and I'm hoping to scan them in a post a couple soon.
Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm still kicking. Kicking weakly sometimes, but kicking.
XOXOXO
January 5-Well, happy new year a little belatedly. It was the hardest holiday season I've had since I started celebrating, but I made it through. The girls, of course, were a big help most of the time in keeping me sane. They had a great Christmas. We put together a last-minute new year's party, so of course it was small, but we had a blast. It's kind of weird, I was a little afraid that the holiday season would just suck, because it's all about family and a big part of my family -my son - isn't here, and now it's over, and it wasn't as bad as I was afraid it would be, and now it's like I can get on with life because the scary part is over. It's like, now that I know I can make it through, I just will. It's hard to explain. Also, I finally got the pics of me and Nick at Children's the day we took him off the vent from my mom. Not that I've been bugging her for months to get them to me or anything... There's 2 of them, and I put the best one in my photo gallery, so
check them out.My boys, Cherry Bang, finally had another Cincinnati show instead of Columbus. It rocked. All the work they've put in is showing and they're getting better all the time. Billy tells me there's another one in late February here, but there's nothing on anybody's web site about it yet... Oh well.
Now I'm just rambling, so I should stop... Take care everyone (the whole 2 people who maybe read this) and I'll update again soon. XOXOXO
December 19-Two days in a row? Sometimes I even impress myself. Not too much, though, since I don't have a whole lot to say. Kinda tired, gotta work in the morning, but I wanted to get the pic of the girls' first visit to "Santa" up, so it's up on my picture page. Take a look, it's really cute. I put it right at the top, you can't miss it. Honestly, I think that's about it. I've got a lot of shopping to do in the next few days, I hardly have any of my christmas shopping done. I've been too busy and too tired to want to shop. I still don't really want to, but I suppose I've got to sometime. Anyway, I'm outta here. Take care all!! XOXOXO
December 18-Wow! It's been a long time since I updated this thing last. I'm still working my seasonal job, I'll be doing that until Dec. 29, then I'm on my own again. Chris signed up with a placement agency, and they seemed kind of excited by his skills. Other than that, I'm still hanging in there, the closer we get to Christmas, the more I want to cry. I have Brian from Children's Starshine Hospice coming out next Thursday so I can have someone to talk to who won't be adversely affected by my tears. It won't make him depressed, it won't make him cry, and that's good. I know Chris has his own issues sometimes, and I don't feel right burdening him with more than just a little of my own anguish, and there's no one here that I feel comfortable enough with on this subject to talk to them when I know I'll end up crying. I miss my buddy boy, and sometimes it's really hard not to get bitter... bitter at god for letting it happen... bitter at the doctors for not being able to do more... bitter at the world for going on like nothing's wrong when part of my soul has been torn out. There are times I'd like to just skip the whole christmas thing, but it's a huge deal to Chris' family, and I've got 3 year olds who are very excited over the whole thing.
Anyway, I guess you get the idea, life is giving me a rough ride, and while I fall off sometimes, I always get back up and try to get a better grip on the bad bitch than I had last time. So if I don't update this again until after the silly season - Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and all that silly horse shit... XOXOXO
November 25-I had a really hard day today, I guess at the end of a really hard week. I kind of thought, after Nick's death, the holidays would be hard. I didn't know that the whole week surrounding Thanksgiving was going to be such a bitch kitty. Chris has been commenting all week that I've been really grumpy, I've felt short on patience with the girls... Today, I completely lost patience with them. They wouldn't listen to me, Sarah was crying every single time something didn't go her way, and neither of them would lay still for the 3 minutes or so they needed to get to sleep for their nap. I ended up bawling my eyes out... Not just crying, but bawling. Behind it all was the 'I want my baby' problem. After I got done, I felt completely empty and husked out. I took a nice hot bubble bath, ate some lunch and took a nap. Slept for 3 hours or so and Chris woke me up for dinner. (left over TGiving dinner, mmmmmmm was it good) I ate like I hadn't seen food in 3 days, and now I think I'm ready for some more sleep. I feel calmer, more capable of dealing with my daughters, but still quite worn out and very ready to sleep some more.
Anyway, I start my seasonal job this week. I'll be working the receiving end of several 1-800 internet catalog phone lines, and orientation is tomorrow night. I did this kind of work for the Nature Company and Smith & Hawken a few years back over the Christmas season, and I really enjoyed it, so we'll see how it goes. That's about it for now. Nick, Dad, Kurt... I love you all... may God keep you safe until we meet again... XOXOXO
November 22-Wow, happy freakin' Thanksgiving. Man today was harder than I thought it was going to be. I know we're supposed to be thankful and happy today, but it just wasn't in me. Yes, I'm grateful that I have a loving, supportive family and 2 beautiful daughters. But I have a son whom I miss very much, and I can't find it in me to be grateful that he's no longer in my arms. I'm thankful that he's no longer suffering, that his every breath isn't a struggle, but my arms and my heart ache with emptiness each and every time I think about him. That pain is only compounded by seeing Heather and Sierra or mama and Sierra... seeing her cry and smile and laugh and nurse and sleep and play... To cut a long story short, it really hurts a lot, and today was very bad. I ended up hiding in my room, tv on, door closed, so I wouldn't end up crying in front of everyone. So, take care, and be good to each other. Love the people around you every day, you never know when you might not get any more days... XOXOXO
November 12-Well, same thing going on. Chris is still job hunting, we're still with our inlaws, but it's all working out ok for now. We've all kind of developed our own ways of doing things so we don't clash too much. I try and keep the girls quiet until 10am when mom's off work so we don't wake her, and she helps watch my munchkins when I have other things to do. I cook most of the meals, she cleans up sometimes after them... It's all good. Anyway, for the 2 or so people that maybe check here on a semi-regular basis, I just wanted to say I'm still here and life is still going. Of course, staying here means that I'm seeing my niece, Sierra, who was born 4 days after Nick died, on a very regular, almost daily basis. Sometimes she helps fill the gaping hole Nick left in my heart and life quite nicely. Other times she just reminds me of how very big that hole is. Nick, I miss you buddy boy... XOXOXO
November 9 -
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS!!! I love you baby... XOXOXO
November 6-
HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY SUMMER & SARAH!!! Not a lot of time tonight, just wanted to say that! XOXOXO
November 1-MOVING SUCKS!! Here, in case anyone missed it the first time, let me say it again.
MOVING SUCKS!!! Isn't it amazing how you never realize how very much shit you have until you have to clean, pack and move it all? Well, we got moved into his parents' place, I finished the cleaning at our old apartment today, oh yeah, and his new job fell through. That's right... man, can't we get a break here? Life pisses me off sometimes. It's late, and I'm going to bed or something. I just wanted to update just in case anyone reads this thing, so they wouldn't think I fell off the edge of the planet. XOXOXO
October 24-Well, at least things are starting to pull together. I moved some stuff into storage at Chris' grandma's house today, we'll move more stuff on Saturday when we're up for dinner, and we're moving the majority of our stuff on Sunday with a big ass U Haul truck. Man I hate moving... Oh well... So it may be a little bit before I come back and update, not that anybody reads this regularly to care... but that's what's going on. XOXOXO
October 21-We hammered out most of the details about moving in with Chris' folks yesterday, I think. We're all hoping we'll only be there for a month. That's the plan right now, so... There's not a lot going on right now, but I'd like to share a poem that someone sent to me after Nick died. It brought tears to my eyes, but it's a very sweet poem and I enjoy it.
"I'll lend you for a little time, a child of mine," He said,
"For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he's dead
It may be six or seven years or twenty-two or three
But will you, 'til I call him back, take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over in search for teachers true,
And from the throngs that crowd life's lane I have selected you!
Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain
Nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again?
I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord Thy will be done.
For all the joys Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may.
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.
-Author unknown
XOXOXO
October 19-Well, things are finally starting to look up a little. Chris went out for a scheduled interview that came from a faxed resume, and to drop resumes at half a dozen other places today. One of the places he stopped at, the guy running the place stopped to interview him and offered him a job on the spot. It's at a little place, doing something he loves, at a significant pay increase from the place he just got laid off from. AWESOME!! The only problem? It's in Forest Park... 40-45 minutes away... we're moving. Yuk! We'll be staying with his folks for a little bit, no cash for a security deposit and all that happy stuff... Hopefully not for too long. As much as I love my inlaws, we're all used to having our own space. So, at least life is looking a little sunny again. Now, if only I could get a tip on those lotto numbers... XOXOXO
October 15-Same shit, different day... Nothing new going on here. Chris is still looking for work, and we're still probably moving. I'm in a mood this morning, tired and worn, sometimes I'm the oldest 26 year old I know. Life deals you a hand, and you deal with it, that's just how it works. I'm ready to discard in favor of a couple of new cards, though. Life has been rough for a long time now, I've done some things in my time that would break others, and I'm ready to take a rest. I'm ready for some happy stuff. While unemployment is bad for our budget, it's been good for our marriage. Chris has been working nights for the last 3 years almost, and we've talked and laughed and cuddled and loved more in the last week than we have in the last month. Maybe a change of scenery will be good for us. I guess I don't have anything real important to say, I'm just rambling, so I guess I'm done... XOXOXO
October 10-Well, not much new since yesterday, I just wanted to make sure and say
HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY ERIK!!! I miss you, man, and I love you. California is WAY too far away. Take care of yourself and be safe in this crazy world. XOXOXO
October 9-Wow, it's been a busy week. Why is it that when life sucks, it sucks all at once? The secret got out over the weekend, so I might as well spill it here too... I'm having a hard time personally because I got pregnant (yes, on purpose) after just 2 months of trying and I miscarried last weekend. It sucked heinously. But, I guess it may be for the best to not be pregnant right now becuase Chris (and 3 other guys) got laid off last Wed. due to lack of work. So, Chris is dealing with unemployment and all that happy crap... job hunting... and since the part of town we're in isn't exactly the industrial center of Cincinnati (we live in eastern nowhere, for those of you who don't know) so we'll probably have to move once he finds a different job. I hate moving. I hate it a lot. Anyway, I just wanted to get that bit of bitching out of my system.
BTW, a very dear, old friend of mine who I've known since I was 10 or so told me recently that she is pregnant. Kelly, I hope god smiles on you and you have an easy, healthy rest of your pregnancy and it is my fondest wish for you to be handed a healthy, chubby baby moments after delivery.
So, I guess that's about it. Billy, if you ever read this... HEY! how about some shows a little closer to home, man?? You don't have to come all the way back to Cincinnati, but surely they'll let you play a little closer than Columbus? XOXOXO
October 5-Nothing much tonight, I just wanted to say
Happy 5th anniversary, Chris! 5 years ago today I took your hand in mine and repeated the words that made me yours forever. Here's to another 50 years or so! XOXOXO
October 3-Hi! For the whole 2 people who maybe read this, I just got done watching "A Knight's Tale" and if you can ignore the fact that medeival authenticity doesn't have a chance of being visible in this movie, it's really a fun flick. I laughed a lot at it. The jousting was good. To say something bad, the "princess"' garb was awful, ditto her hair. My major gripe with this movie... I can't get over it... there's a few minutes where the "black" prince of wales comes to get the hero of the film out of the stocks and knight him. He lowers his hood, everyone gasps because they recognize him, and NO ONE BOWS!!! He's the bloody prince of wales and no one bows??? What the hell is up with that??? I knew going into it that it wasn't going to be authentic, I'd seen clips of the crowd around the jousting list beating the rhythm to "we will rock you" by Queen, but come on... royalty comes in, you bow... Anyway, it was a fun movie, and if you can stop being anal about authenticity (especially my SCA friends) then it's a good movie.
Also I want to say I love you, man, and I hope you have a great day and year.
That's about it for now. More next time. XOXOXO
October 1-Hello again! I tried to do this over the weekend, but angelfire or my computer or something just didn't like me. News on the music front... my boys, Cherry Bang, signed to Metal Mayhem Records!! It's an independant label, and I am thrilled to see them signed! Of course, I'm sure they're a little more excited about it than I am... They're promising some Cincinnati shows, which will be awesome since for the last few months all of their shows have been in Columbus because that's where their booking agent has been. Yes! A CB show without having to drive 2 hours each way!!
Also, Chris' best friend, Mark, and his new wife, Joyce (they're really both of our friends) moved to Memphis, TN today where Joyce found an awesome new job. Guys, I wish the very best for you in Memphis, and we already miss you a bunch, so come back and visit soon...
That's about it this time. The girls are great, and I hope to have some earlier pics of them scanned in soon. Later!! XOXOXO
September 22-Wow, 2 days in a row! Sometimes I impress myself... Anyway, my mom in law and I went as guests to a fund raising dinner & dance gala for Starshine Hospice, the people that helped us so much when Nick was dying at home. The dinner was pretty good, there was a silent auction on some lovely art pieces, a live art auction, and they were selling roses and coupon books to help raise money. I hope they raised lots of it, because these people are fantastic. After Nick died, we didn't have a service, so I asked people to send donations to Starshine instead. They bring comfort to families whose children are sick and dying, and it takes a special kind of person to do that. I guess I'll step down off my soap box now...(grin)... I guess what I really wanted to say was that I had a good time, and it was nice to be somewhere dressy and grown up without the girls. So, it's late, I'm off to bed... take care. XOXOXO
September 21-Hi again! Just got done watching the fund raising telethon for the victims in NYC and DC. Wow, there were a whole bunch of celebs there. It kind of amazes me how fast they all came together to do that. It just continues to show that a huge tragedy tends to bring out the best in a lot of people. Also, I added a page to my homepage today with some information on CHARGE Association and tracheo/bronchomalacia, which are the two major things that created most of Nick's problems. Anyway, not a lot of exciting stuff went on this week. Trying to find some work and having a bit of a hard time doing it. I'm going to a fundraiser tomorrow for the hospice that helped us SO much when Nick came home. I can't say enough about the fantastic ladies that came to our home to help, they were wonderful. Mary, the nurse we saw most frequently, even used to bring McDonald's for the girls when she came out. Went to a Cherry Bang show last weekend, had a blast as always. The boys were great! I'm rambling now, so I think I'm done. XOXOXO
September 18-Well, here it is, this is my first attempt at this, and it's been a learning experience and kind of fun. I want to say that my heart and thoughts go out to all of those involved in the terrorist attacks on NYC and DC, as well as those involved in the aborted attack that crashed in PA. I've felt a little silly for crying over one baby when so many thousands are dead and injured, but he's MY baby and no tragedy or loss can change that or make me feel it less. Anyway, I'll update again soon. Just wanted to get it started here.
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