John

John is a ghost. He's not here anymore and it's unlikely I'll ever see him again. I met him when I was in first year and dating David. I never realised it at the time, but he was a little in love with me. We were at the ball (David hadn't come because he had to work, which meant he was afraid of making a fool of himself) and he had this look on his face when we were talking that I would see again months later - when he and I were hanging out after David and I had broken up. It took a long time for John or I to make a move but when it finally happened, it was dissatisfying for both of us.

I was rebounding hard off David and I think John had built me up to something I couldn't be. Plus, I wanted things he couldn't give me because of fear - committment, for one. But in the end, I pushed him and that makes it my fault as much as his. Despite my friends claiming that he was gay. He wanted to be friends after we broke up. It never happened.

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