And the newscaster ends another update on what seems like the end of the world. Emergency tickers run across the screen while you wait for "Passions" to be over and the dryer to stop. They use big meteorological words and scary "warnings" but when it comes down to it, all they could have said was,
"Hey, you! Yeah, sorry to interrupt your...erm...soap opera, but if you look outside, you'll see it's snowing, so be careful."

It's snowing?! What the fuck?! What do I do? Where do I go? Who do I call?

When it snows in Augusta, GA or anywhere near the CSRA (Central Savannah River Area...a.k.a. Center of Some Rich Asshole's--whoops not enough letters to finish that)...
ANYWAY
Where was I? Oh yeah, when it does snow and actually sticks to the ground and looks like it snowed for real, the entire city and outlying areas end up thinking Mother Nature has waged war and we're royally screwed. She'd kinged us, has us in check, and all those other menacing clichés.

Seriously, the town stops and then everyone runs around all crazy, crashing their cars, etc. But the news is what gets me. All day, they advise us of hazardous road conditions and shit,
"...drive carefully, wear your seatbelt, blah blah..."
And when they're done talking about the scary parts, they talk about snow some more. They interview the people in the neighborhoods who have so ingeniously used a piece of plexiglass for a makeshift sled. By the way, who actually HAS a piece of plexiglass just laying around? Well, I guess they could keep it behind the extra Rolls in the garage...

Then the newscasters do some other clips for fillers that have absolutely nothing to do with anything relavent to my life and continue the "Winter Storm 2002 Update" with melodramatic music and everything. If it were up to me, I'd just call it...well, I wouldn't call it anything. I would just use the same weather update music and junk, then go:
"Hey, it's still snowing. Don't drive if you are a moron, and don't eat the yellow snow. Back to the real news."

Not to make this any longer (believe me, this gets better so stay tuned), but here's what was closed to day: everything that needed to be open. Even the Post Office. The freaking FEDERAL Post Office. What was that motto again? Doesn't matter. So the Post Office was closed and Domino's was still delivering. I know Wal-Mart was open, and the grocery stores that managed to reopen ran out of milk and bread. Not canned food and bottled water.

So, I look out my window at the picture-perfect winter wonderland known as snow (which is now melting considering this "winter storm" barely lasted 48 hours) and thank the powers that be that I'm inside. And I'm also glad that the news team didn't adventure out here to see the giant polar bear ice sculpture my neighbors did. It would have just wasted air time about the plexiglass sledders.