Is Your Best Friend A Marmoset?

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Time and time again, I hear about people having to face the unhappy fact that someone close to them is, in fact, a marmoset. It's often a heart breaking experience, resulting in much adjustment needed and sometimes is too much to handle all at once. But this tragic occurrence can be avoided, or at least, prepared for, if one simply looks out for some of the early warning signs.

Jim's fiance was always so sweet and bipedal. Then one day he found her scurrying along on all fours, as if nothing was even wrong.

Symptoms

Though you wouldn't expect it to be too difficult to spot marmosism, it often announces it's presence subtlely, and only a trained eye might notice something's amiss before it's too late.

Change in Diet:One of the earliest symptoms is a change in diet. If someone close to you is at risk for becoming a marmoset, you may notice them eating a lot of frogs, lizards, flowers, fruit and tree sap. If you suspect that someone you know might be a marmoset, surprise them with flowers. Do they put it in water right away? Or do they start nibbling?

Appearance: Take a good look at your suspected marmoset friend. The changes are subtle, but unmistakeable if you know what you're looking for. Has the person in question lost weight recently? Is this person approximately the size of a rat and less than a pound? Is (s)he furry, with black eyes and a snout-like nose? Marmosets are also often very stinky creatures. Have you noticed a signature stench? If these symptoms sound familiar, marmosism is a definite possibility.

She didn't want to be rude, but his penchant for playing with his feces wasn't helping any.

Behaviour: Marmosets are mostly arboreal, meaning they keep to the trees, and they don't talk much, using a series of shrieks and howls instead. You may not notice this right away however, as modern day society is enough to make anyone want to take a last stand atop the highest tree, and shriek their protest against the insanity and torment of today's world. You bastards! You'll never break me! I'm sorry, I just needed to rant.

Unshaven rebels.

That's how it always starts, they start hanging with a furrier crowd, and before you know it, they're missing class, their eyes are bloodshot, and the only thing that matters is their next hit. Desperate for the sugar high, tearing away tree bark to get at the sweet sap within. Don't you know you're destroying your family?!

Coping with the Effects of Marmosism

If you catch it early enough, you can learn how to deal with this disorder, even living an almost normal life with your furry friend. Of course, sometimes marmosets don't want to be helped. Sometimes, they're not interested in continuing the life they've lived with you, and have to move on to something new. If this is the case, however, all you can do is support them and their new lifestyle, and hope they're happy.

It's true. Even marmosets can live a full and happy life. Except for dental hygiene. There's nothing to be done for that.

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