Claw Sightings

9/29/01 » We managed to catch a picture of the Claw's evil doings. In the photo, the Claw managed to escape it's cage and attack and set fire to an innocent Pikachu. You see that sticks and flames are coming out of its ass. This Pikachu died a painful and brutal death. Poor fella.

10/02/01 » THE CLAW HAS STRUCK AGAIN! And this time all of you fools attending the local high school were at risk! We caught the Claw commiting various acts of evilness; amputating the arms and legs of students, dragging its metal body across chalkboards causing ears to bleed, and setting fire to wastebaskets. We caught it in the act of gouging out a teacher's eyes and dragged it back to its cage before it could reach her brain. Though we double pad-locked its cage we saw it reading a book on how to pick locks and it could escape again at any time. ALL BEWARE!!

10/05/01 » THE CLAW STRIKES AGAIN!! The claw has escaped again, despite the double padlock and the steel enforced cage! The victims this time: all the fools participating in the pep rally! The Claw started with miniscule evilness this time, shaving off the eyebrows of the cheerleaders and setting their hair on fire. It then proceeded to break the throwing arm of every member of the football team. Then it poisoned the flour and whipped cream that was used for the gay relay race, causing all the participants to die a slow and painful death. The Claw has also seemed to have developed a system of how its victims should suffer; filling some of the balloons used in the other gay relay race with Radon, these selected victims will die of lung cancer years on; the other balloons were filled with acid. We allowed the Claw to continue its assault this time; we ourselves took pleasure in seeing the preppies suffer. And while we have restrained it yet again it its cage, ALL PREPPIES BEWARE!!

10/12/01 » Ahhh, with the pungent scent of decaying leaves in the air and the anticipation of All Hallow's Eve growing in everyone's heart, the Claw has begun to make its yearly preparations for its favorite holiday! Candy being brought (and injected with Ecstasy and Valium, of course), setting up its annual haunted house (Mike Meyers,Jason and Rags from "The Exorcist" will all be participating this year), designing its costume (Scream), and proudly dusting of its diploma from The Physco Academy to show to all who call upon it. And while we would like to advise you all to steer clear of the Claw's residence this Halloween, we wouldn't want to spoil its holiday spirit!!

10/26/01 » This is what happens when children mess with THE CLAW! In the photo, this child was viciouslly attacked. We watched with joy, yet only for a few seconds. Fearing that we would be in trouble, we managed to tear off the snapping claw off the child's neck. It tore off skin and severed a blood vein, yet unfortunately the child was rushed to a hospital :-( There goes all our fun.

12/13/01 » A site viewer submitted this photo of a never before documented Claw death ritual. It is clearly seen that the victims were viciouslly attacked, dismembered and hung.

2/22/02 » As of its apperance in the recent Captain Lezbo movie, the Claw seemed to have taken a break from masacre, apathy, and violence... APPARANTLY WE WERE WRONG!!! After a quiet day in the park, picking flowers, chasing bees, and frolicing in the sunlight, the Claw stumbled upon this odd dinosaur creature taking an afternoon nap. Within moments it had acquired a pair of scissors and the cutting began! HEEEYYEEESSSS! Now the creature resides in a cage in the Claw's basement, decapitated, and brought out every few days to provide urine for the Claw's experiments.

2/22/02 » Never in two days have we had more than one killing to report; but we are pleased to bring to you more destruction from the Claw. Just hours after it had sacrificed its first victim, Dude and Claw set out for more bloody fun. They wandered into a gay bar a few blocks from the Dude's residence and cheerfully began searching for their next prey. They found the fresh meat flirting with another fag nearby and quickly lured him away with naked pictures of Bob Villa and Steve from Blue's Clues. With the gay dinosaur intrigued they managed to bring him all the way back to the Dude's house where he was quickly sliced and prepared for that night's dinner. Fag ala mode!!! BONAPETITE!!!!!!!!