More Forbidden Bible Lore
INTRODUCTION
My Forbidden Bible Lore page has been rather popular. I've had people tell me they had no idea the Bible had that much smut in it and others tell me I am a horrible heathen and can't interpret the Bible. Apparently the phrase "let them eat their own dung and drink their own piss" doesn't mean let them eat their own dung and drink their own piss. But I beg to differ.
Some people have wrote to me asking if there is MORE in the Bible. That has prompted me to make this new page, MORE Forbidden Bible Lore. So here is a list of more people that have 'gone a whoring' 'went in unto' their concubines, or 'commited whoredoms'.
I'm sure a few more of you will come to me and bicker that I have missinterpreted the phrase "she lay at his feet and became pregnant" claiming that the chick just laid on his feet and magically became impregnated or some junk like that.
Besides, it's usually the people that rant and rave how the Bible is to be interpreted litterally that write me telling me how this verse is a metaphor, that is an allegory, that was just an example. Well, then the Bible has some pretty smutty examples and metaphors. And yes I know that Ezek 16 is an allegory, but wow, what an allegory, a harlot at the side of road who opens her legs to all that pass buy -- would you read that God inspired Bible story to YOUR children?? And if so, would the state take em away if they found out??
And remember, this is not every sexual reference in the Bible, there are many that I have left out. My first page of Bible lore was a best of the best; these verses were my runners up.
Contents
GENESIS
Gen 4:1 (this is the first sexual mention in the Bible)
"And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD."
"There were giants in the earth in those days." And they had sex with "the daughters of men." Gen 6:4
"There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown."
Dinah is 'defiled' by Shechem Gen 34:1-2
"And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land. And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her."
Poor Joseph, he is accused of rape by a lady that tried to seduce him. Gen 39:7-18
"And it came to pass after these things, that his master's wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me. But he refused, and said unto his master's wife, Behold, my master wotteth not what is with me in the house, and he hath committed all that he hath to my hand; There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God? And it came to pass, as she spake to Joseph day by day, that he hearkened not unto her, to lie by her, or to be with her. And it came to pass about this time, that Joseph went into the house to do his business; and there was none of the men of the house there within. And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out. And it came to pass, when she saw that he had left his garment in her hand, and was fled forth, That she called unto the men of her house, and spake unto them, saying, See, he hath brought in an Hebrew unto us to mock us; he came in unto me to lie with me, and I cried with a loud voice: And it came to pass, when he heard that I lifted up my voice and cried, that he left his garment with me, and fled, and got him out. And she laid up his garment by her, until his lord came home. And she spake unto him according to these words, saying, The Hebrew servant, which thou hast brought unto us, came in unto me to mock me: And it came to pass, as I lifted up my voice and cried, that he left his garment with me, and fled out."
Back to Contents
LEVITICUS
Don't "go a whoring" after Molech Lev 20:5
"Then I will set my face against that man, and against his family, and will cut him off, and all that go a whoring after him, to commit whoredom with Molech, from among their people."
Don't "go a whoring" after witches and wizards Lev 20:6
"And the soul that turneth after such as have familiar spirits, and after wizards, to go a whoring after them, I will even set my face against that soul, and will cut him off from among his people."
"lie with your wife and mother in law", Wow, I thought they only did that in Alabama Lev 20:14
"And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you."
Back to Contents
NUMBERS
"the people began to commit whordom" Num 25:1
"And Israel abode in Shittim, and the people began to commit whoredom with the daughters of Moab."
Kill em all but keep the virgins for yourselves. Num 31:14-18
"And Moses was wroth with the officers of the host, with the captains over thousands, and captains over hundreds, which came from the battle. And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive? Behold, these caused the children of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the LORD in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the LORD. Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves."
Back to Contents
2 SAMUEL
"And David took him more concubines and wives." (really, isn't one enough?) 2 Sam 5:13
"And David took him more concubines and wives out of Jerusalem, after he was come from Hebron: and there were yet sons and daughters born to David."
David "uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmainds of his servants" 2 Sam 6:20
"Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself!"
"lie with thy wives in the sight of the sun." 2 Sam 12:11-12
"Thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto thy neighbour, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this sun. For thou didst it secretly: but I will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun."
Absalom and daddy's concubines. 2 Sam 16:21-22
"And Ahithophel said unto Absalom, Go in unto thy father's concubines, which he hath left to keep the house; and all Israel shall hear that thou art abhorred of thy father: then shall the hands of all that are with thee be strong. So they spread Absalom a tent upon the top of the house; and Absalom went in unto his father's concubines in the sight of all Israel."
Back to Contents
1 KINGS
King David is at it again, this time he uses a virgin in an attempt to keep warm. I Kings 1:1-4
"Now king David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat. Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat. So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king. And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not."
Solomon's 700 wives and 300 concubines. (did he even know their names??) 1 kings 11:3
"And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart."
"pisseth against the wall" 1 kings 14:10, 16:11, 21:21
"Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone."
"And it came to pass, when he began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, that he slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neither of his kinsfolks, nor of his friends."
"Behold, I will bring evil upon thee, and will take away thy posterity, and will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel,"
Apparently God has a huge problem with people that 'pisseth against a wall'.
Back to Contents
2 CHRONICLES
Small genitals 2 Chronicles 10:10
"And the young men that were brought up with him spake unto him, saying, Thus shalt thou answer the people that spake unto thee, saying, Thy father made our yoke heavy, but make thou it somewhat lighter for us; thus shalt thou say unto them, My little finger shall be thicker than my father's loins."
Back to Contents
ESTHER
Queen Vashti is commanded by the king to display herself before his drunken guests. Est 1:7-12
"Behold, I will bring evil upon thee, and will take away thy posterity, and will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, And they gave them drink in vessels of gold, (the vessels being diverse one from another,) and royal wine in abundance, according to the state of the king. And the drinking was according to the law; none did compel: for so the king had appointed to all the officers of his house, that they should do according to every man's pleasure. Also Vashti the queen made a feast for the women in the royal house which belonged to king Ahasuerus. On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, and Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcas, the seven chamberlains that served in the presence of Ahasuerus the king, To bring Vashti the queen before the king with the crown royal, to shew the people and the princes her beauty: for she was fair to look on. But the queen Vashti refused to come at the king's commandment by his chamberlains: therefore was the king very wroth, and his anger burned in him."
Whichever virgin pleaseth the king most will replace Queen Vashti. (Nowadays we choose our leaders based on leadership qualities.) Est 2:2-4
"Then said the king's servants that ministered unto him, Let there be fair young virgins sought for the king: And let the king appoint officers in all the provinces of his kingdom, that they may gather together all the fair young virgins unto Shushan the palace, to the house of the women, unto the custody of Hege the king's chamberlain, keeper of the women; and let their things for purification be given them: And let the maiden which pleaseth the king be queen instead of Vashti. And the thing pleased the king; and he did so."
All the maidens go in unto the King. Est 2:12-13
"Now when every maid's turn was come to go in to king Ahasuerus, after that she had been twelve months, according to the manner of the women, (for so were the days of their purifications accomplished, to wit, six months with oil of myrrh, and six months with sweet odours, and with other things for the purifying of the women;) Then thus came every maiden unto the king; whatsoever she desired was given her to go with her out of the house of the women unto the king's house."
One of the maidens stops 'going in unto the king'. And good for her, at least one woman in the book of Esther has a shred of dignaty. Esther 2:14
"In the evening she went, and on the morrow she returned into the second house of the women, to the custody of Shaashgaz, the king's chamberlain, which kept the concubines: she came in unto the king no more, except the king delighted in her, and that she were called by name."
Then here comes Esther who pleases the king and take the place of those horrible rebellious women. What were they thinking; a woman is more then just a sexual object? Esther 2:15-17
"Now when the turn of Esther, the daughter of Abihail the uncle of Mordecai, who had taken her for his daughter, was come to go in unto the king, she required nothing but what Hegai the king's chamberlain, the keeper of the women, appointed. And Esther obtained favour in the sight of all them that looked upon her. So Esther was taken unto king Ahasuerus into his house royal in the tenth month, which is the month Tebeth, in the seventh year of his reign. And the king loved Esther above all the women, and she obtained grace and favour in his sight more than all the virgins; so that he set the royal crown upon her head, and made her queen instead of Vashti."
Back to Contents
ISAIAH
"The Lord will discover their secret parts." Is 3:17
"Therefore the LORD will smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion, and the LORD will discover their secret parts."
Isaiah walks around naked as a 'sign of wonder' Is 20:2-4
"At the same time spake the LORD by Isaiah the son of Amoz, saying, Go and loose the sackcloth from off thy loins, and put off thy shoe from thy foot. And he did so, walking naked and barefoot. And the LORD said, Like as my servant Isaiah hath walked naked and barefoot three years for a sign and wonder upon Egypt and upon Ethiopia; So shall the king of Assyria lead away the Egyptians prisoners, and the Ethiopians captives, young and old, naked and barefoot, even with their buttocks uncovered, to the shame of Egypt."
breastfeeding from kings?? Is 60:16
"Thou shalt also suck the milk of the Gentiles, and shalt suck the breast of kings: and thou shalt know that I the LORD am thy Saviour and thy Redeemer, the mighty One of Jacob."
"Thou shalt cast them away as a menstrous cloth." Is 30:22
"Ye shall defile also the covering of thy graven images of silver, and the ornament of thy molten images of gold: thou shalt cast them away as a menstruous cloth; thou shalt say unto it, Get thee hence."
Back to Contents
EZEKIEL
"discovering the father's nakedness, abominations with neighbors' wives, daughters-in-law, and sisters" Ezek 22:10-11
"In thee have they discovered their fathers' nakedness: in thee have they humbled her that was set apart for pollution. And one hath committed abomination with his neighbour's wife; and another hath lewdly defiled his daughter in law; and another in thee hath humbled his sister, his father's daughter."
Back to Contents
HOSEA
Take a wife of 'whoredoms' Hosea 1:2-3
"The beginning of the word of the LORD by Hosea. And the LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the LORD. So he went and took Gomer the daughter of Diblaim; which conceived, and bare him a son."
The 'spirit of whoredom' makes them 'go a whoring' Hosea 4:10-12
"For they shall eat, and not have enough: they shall commit whoredom, and shall not increase: because they have left off to take heed to the LORD. Whoredom and wine and new wine take away the heart. My people ask counsel at their stocks, and their staff declareth unto them: for the spirit of whoredoms hath caused them to err, and they have gone a whoring from under their God."
Back to Contents
AMOS
"a man and his father will go in unto the same maid." Amos 2:7
"That pant after the dust of the earth on the head of the poor, and turn aside the way of the meek: and a man and his father will go in unto the same maid, to profane my holy name:"
Back to Contents
Return to Humor page.
