The Paragon Of Animals
Parts 28 - End!
As Dru lunged for him,stake first,Angel spun into a kick that hit her in the back and sent her aim to hell,although not quite enough:as she flew past him,she still managed to jab the stake through his upper left arm,tearing his coat and ripping off a big chunk of flesh.
He was unable to keep from cursing-damn that hurt;not as much as a stake through the heart,but still-and as he staggered Dru whirled on him and slashed out with her crimson,razor sharp fingernails.He ducked back,but his uncertain balance had thrown him off,and while she missed his eyes,her target,she caught his forehead,her nails tearing through his skin and sending blood pouring down into his right eye.It stung like salt and temporarily blinded him,leaving him with only his left eye to see with, as she came at him again.He still managed to kick her aside,but goddamn it he needed to get rid of these handcuffs if he was going to do anything at all.
It was then he tripped on something and went down hard on his knees.
Looking with his one good eye,he was he'd tripped on the Frenik demon,who was still out cold,but maybe not for long.It was then Angel realized he was either really turned around or the Hellmouth was now distorting everything in its proximity,because he would have sworn the Frenik was farther away.
As he strugged back to his feet,a hard kick to the small of his back sent him face first into the mud,and suddenly Dru was sitting on top of him,her knees digging into the sides of his hips as she rested the point of the stake on his back,just over his heart.
"I don't suppose I can convince you to uncuff me and give me a fair fight?"He asked,the stench of blood making him dizzy with hunger.It was a long shot,but hell,Dru liked to play games. He heard her chuckle as she drew a single fingernail down his arm to his bound wrist,slicing cloth and flesh all the way. "You used to like handcuffs,"she mused.
He wanted to point out that was Angelus,not him,but Dru knew that;that's why he was at the wrong end of her stake.
"Give Mummy a kiss for me,"she said,and he knew Dru meant her extremely late Human mother-the one he killed.
He braced for the stake,wondering how much of it he'd actually feel,when he noticed one of the jittering shadows cast from the Hellmouth's tainted amber light had solidified,and he heard a flat,solid noise,like someone punching a side of beef.At the same moment,the weight of Dru fell off of him,and she went down heavily in the mud beside him,splashing him,as he heard the snap of breaking metal,and his hands were suddenly free.
Angel looked up,pushing himself up off the ground,and saw...Wesley?
Wesley with a pair of long handled bolt cutters,the light of the vortex making his glasses look like mirrors of flame,beneath which his eyes were impossible to see."Are you all right?"Wes asked,giving him a hand up.
"Now,yes,thanks,"he told him,looking over at Dru.She was face down and bleeding from the side of the head,where Wesley must have hit her with the bolt cutters.Couldn't have happened to a nicer vamp.
He noticed Cordy and Gunn standing behind him,wearing handcuff bracelets but otherwise free.
"Now are you going to tell us what the fuck is going on?"Gunn said,shouting to be heard over the roar of the wind.Or at least Angel hoped that was the wind.
"It's complicated,"Wesley shouted,looking between them."And I think we have bigger problems at the moment."
Angel turned to look at what Wesley was staring at-the vortex. The vortex was now large enough to drive a compact car through,a photonic swirl of blood red,decay brown,and brimstone orange,with black shapes appearing and disappearing in the background like the negative of flames,the eye either unwilling to focus on them or the mind unable to comprehend them.
And something was starting to come out of the rift in the ground beneath it.
They were tentacles,as thick as boa constrictors but at least twice as long,as black as oil,muscles rippling beneath the leathery flesh like deadly undertows.First there was one,then two,and suddenly they could count at least a half dozen snaking out of the chasm,from one end to the other of the twelve foot crack in the ground,making Angel wonder how big this thing was.
There was a noise that was not really a noise:it was a scream felt slicing along the nerves like icy blades;a sound that instantly turned bones to glass and marrow to liquid;a sound that threatened to take your legs out from under you and reduce you to a quivering mound of hopeless insanity.
Oh yes,this was bad.
"What the hell is that?"Cordelia shouted.
"How the hell do we kill it?"Gunn shouted.
Angel got a sick feeling this was one of the Old Ones-if it completely manifested on this plane,there would be no killing it.The madness caused by Bellara woud be nothing compared to what it could do:just looking upon it could cause instantaneous madness,and there was no way to bring a person back from that.
"We can't kill it,"Wesley shouted back,voicing Angel's thoughts."We have to collapse the Hellmouth before it fully emerges."
"How?"Cordy asked.
"I can do it.Now where the hell is Helga?"
"Helga?"Angel asked,confused.The Stansin demon?What did she have to do with any of this?
Out of the corner of his eye,Angel noticed Bellara and Bob were still locked in silent combat,but a clear victor was emerging.Every step one took forward the other instantly took one back,as if they were bound together by a magnetic field,both negative and and naturally repelling each other.Bellara was backed up to within several feet of the Hellmouth,and may have been drawing strength from it,because Bob was clearly losing. Blood was now not only dripping from his eyes but gushing from his nose,running over his lips and down his chin,and there was a dark runnel down the side of his neck that probably meant he was bleeding from the ears.His arms and neck were a spider's web of dark veins beneath skin now so ashen it looked almost luminous in the light of the Hellmouth.Angel did not know how he was still conscious,nonetheless on his feet;he was dying,his brain being crushed an inch at a time in the deluge of Bellara's overwhelming power,his mind drowning in its own blood. He saw Helga on the far side of the lot,walking towards the Hellmouth,carrying a ...painter's bucket?This was getting so damn strange it almost seemed normal.
One of the few remaining Wolfram and Hart guards-most had fled-charged towards her with his taser out,and since she was carrying the obviously heavy bucket with both hands,it looked bad.But before he could jab her,her tail lashed out and wrapped around the man's throat,and with a single sharp twist she snapped his neck and tossed him aside.
Bob was right about her tail.
"What do we do about Marla/Bellara/whoever the hell she is,"Gunn asked,looking around as if for a weapon."Bob looks like he's gonna have to tap out."
"Oh,yes!"Cordy suddenly exclaimed,and grabbed Angel's arm.It was his bleeding arm,and the pain made him wince,but she probably hadn't noticed it."Bob said-well,sent:you know what I mean-that when the time came,you'd know what to do;that there was only one place Bellara could go."
Angel looked towards the two Belials,wondering what the hell that was supposed to mean,but as the visibly shaking Bob took another step forward,forcing her a step back,he suddenly understood what Bob was trying to tell him.Hell-Bellara could go to Hell.
Angel ran across the muddy lot,Bellara too wrapped up in her crushing of Bob to even notice anything going on around her,and slammed into her full force and shoulder first,just like when he fought Marla on the roof.She didn't seem to loosen her hold on Bob and notice what was happening until she was falling into the vortex,right into the mouth of Hell itself.
She screamed angrily as she fell away,and Bob collapsed to his knees,bleeding and barely conscious,chin lolling on his chest,as Helga came in and tossed the contents of the bucket towards the portal.It looked like water,but as soon as it impacted the vortex it seemed to contract,the light swirling darker as if ink had been fed into it,and as the where the water hit the ground,it seemed to boil and sizzle.
Holy water.
Wesley started walking towards it,shouting a Latin invocation,and he realized they were sanctifying the ground-would it be enough to collapse it before the Hellmouth could open all the way?
Wesley pulled something out of his coat pocket and threw it into the chasm,and the Old One screamed again,a noise that made the air quiver in fear and reverberated through their bodies like the shockwave of a sonic boom,and the portal began to shrink,the air around it shimmering unsteadily as the Old One retracted one tentacle,then another.It was working.
But that was when he heard the screams from the Hellmouth. "Angel!"
Something had happened;something had happened around him and he had missed it.
Deep inside the rapidly shrinking portal of the Hellmouth,he heard Buffy screaming for him.And Doyle.And-oh god-Cordelia and Gunn and Wesley-when the Old One started to withdraw,it must have taken them with it.
He raced for the portal,trying to think up a plan on the fly.It was still collapsing,but slowly;he probably had time to get in and pull them out before it closed for good.
Suddenly Angel found himself face down in the mud,just short of the vortex,something crawling up his body and pinning him down.As he tried to throw it off-the Old One,trying to keep him from them-he heard a voice in his head,weak but clear."It's bullshit, Angel.Calm down."
Bob's voice.But Bob was in no shape to do anything;Bob was dying.This was another trick.
Angel tried to buck off the tentacle wrapping around him,sinking him into the mud,but suddenly he had no feeling in his legs at all;he was paralyzed. Crying out in frustration,rage,and a sort of acidic sorrow that felt like it was hollowing out his chest and eating away his mind,Angel threw a hard elbow and tried to crawl forward using only his arms,but the weight kept pressing him down,crushing him,and suddenly his arms felt like lead,two ton weights he could no longer move.
"Let me go!"He shouted in anger,barely aware of the tears now rolling down his cheeks.He could hear their cries of agony,the narrowing of the portal amplifying their screams,and in his mind he was panicked,flailing,trying to break the hold this thing had on him.Angel knew if he could not get free he would go insane;his mind would shatter like glass,and god knows what would be left in his shell of a body,but it wouldn't be him.
"Angel,goddamn it!Listen to me-Bellara is doing this.She's trying to take you with her.Stop fighting me!"Bob's voice again, stronger,angrier,with something in the background like static on a bad cell phone line,or arguing in another room.
"Fucking let me go!"Angel raged,trying to squirm out of the crushing grip of the Old One as the portal shrank even more,and any chance of saving them going with it.No,this could not be happening.This could not happen-they were so close...the PTB's couldn't allow this...
"I should let you go,"Bob's voice said,sounding bitter,a little ticked off.It was then Angel realized he heard other voices-a half dozen,maybe more-talking behind Bob's voice.They were living static."But I won't,just to piss you off." Angel screamed in frustrated rage as the portal collapsed to the size of his hand,and then,wavering in the air like a mirage,fell in on itself and disappeared.
The sudden peace and silence that washed over him was as loud as a roar,as thick as mud.
"Angel?"He heard Cordelia ask,hearing her and Wesley and Gunn slog across the lot towards him."Are you all right?"
Those feelings hadn't been his;those thoughts had not really been his either.Bellara,that sneaky bitch-she'd almost gotten him to throw himself back into Hell.
When he tried to raise himself up from the ground,he felt a weight on his back that slid off into the mud beside him.Bob. Bob landed on his back,limbs so loose he was obviously dead weight,face so caked in blue blood he looked cyanotic.He must have used the last of his strength to fight Bellara in Angel's mind-becoming their final battlefield-and hold him here until the Hellmouth collapsed.Why?
As Angel sat up,Cordy knelt beside him,but rather than look at Angel,she seemed to save her concern for Bob."Bob?"She asked,reaching down to his blood spattered,vein corded neck.Needless to say,the shirt he loaned him was ruined.
"Is he still alive?"Wesley asked,standing over them.At some point he gave his bolt cutters to Gunn,who was holding it at his side like a sword.
"Barely,"she replied,taking her hand away.It came away streaked with his cerulean blood,and her face crumpled slightly as she tried not to cry."He's going to die,isn't he?"
"I don't know,"Wesley said,but the hesitation in his voice was obvious.
Angel leaned over,carefully prying open one of Bob's eyelids to have a look at his pupils,but as soon as he opened one blood came pouring out,so much that Angel could not tell if his eyes were normal again,if there was indeed any pupil at all.
Cordy made a sort of strangled sobbing noise before brushing hair from Bob's forehead and giving it a gentle kiss.
Even having witnessed it,Angel couldn't believe a Belial had died to save him.Or,in fact,the world.
According to Wesley,Bob had double crossed them,but for a greater purpose.
Luke had found out something shortly after kicking them out;an 'ancient' Belial like Bellara,in the olden days,was often 'rounded up' by a collection of other Belials headed by 'The One',an elder chosen to be the vessel for the other Belials.So,instead of one weaker mind taking on a very powerful mind,several minds joined their power into the vessel,The One,to face the rogue,more powerful Belial.
It was an old ceremony,which hadn't been performed for at least a century,and as soon as they found everything they needed,they realized someone else outside of them-'them' being Lia,Luke,two of Bob's other great grand children (Ash and Akira),an actual child (Bryn),and,of all things,an ex-wife (Lilly,a fellow 'full'Belial,and Lia's great grandmother)-had to help conduct the ceremony.Bob apparently volunteered Wesley for the job,just like he elected himself to be 'The One',knowing full well most vessels died after the fact-channeling so much power through a brain not equipped to it was like putting seven hundred thousand volts through a like a line only made to take two thousand volts,tops.But Bob refused to let anyone else do it.And Bob couldn't tell Angel and the others for fear of Bellara seeing it in their minds,and killing Bob on sight,before the ceremony could be completed.
The 'binding' ceremony for The One was complicated and slightly messy,which explained the charred circle of ash-ground Belial bones (nice)-in the center of the Hyperion's lobby,and the splatters of blood blood in its heart (they needed to combine their blood on a rare Raven's Sphere,which Lia somehow managed to find among the knick-knacks in Bob's closet).According to Lilly,a good steam cleaning would take the stains right out,but,being a Belial almost as facile and glib as her ex-husband (as well as over one hundred years old and powerful in her own right),Angel knew better than to trust her on that.
It explained the voices he heard when Bob was 'talking' to him,trying to slip him out of Bellara's grasp;they were the thoughts of the six who had joined with him,lending him their power.Having had three days to sift through the input,Angel realized several of the voices,none of which he could identify (save for Luke's-her colorful vocabulary translated in thoughts as well),were telling Bob to let him go,to let Bellara have him-to save himself,Angel figured,although maybe not in Luke's case ("The feckin' bloodsucker ain't worth it!Let the gobshite go,ya feckin' bastard!").But Bob ignored them,for some unfathomable reason,and held on to him,mentally and physically,until there was simply nothing left of him.
In fact,when they staggered back to the Hyperion,only to find the six relatives of Bob in almost as bad a shape as they were,Luke punched him in his bad arm,and spat,"I hope you're feckin' happy-he promised me he wouldn't get killed," before storming out the door,into the quiet,confused streets of Los Angeles.Angel felt bad for her.No,not just for her.
Maybe Bob had been right to call him a bigot:he had not been surprised when Bob seemingly betrayed them,but he still couldn't quite believe he had saved his life...or at least saved him from a life in hell.Belials didn't do that.But it was safe to say he had never met a Belial like Bob before.
Most people not killed outright had survived the Hellmouth debacle:Nathan Reed,Dru (who ran off-Cordy found a piece of wood to 'stake the crazy bitch',but when she returned to where she had last been laying,she was gone,and nowhere to be seen.But by then,the show was over,and it was clear the Old One wasn't going to be showing up for tea),even Caliban,although he wouldn't be casting spells for a very long time,perhaps even the rest of his drastically shortened life.He was in the hospital on life support,and probably would be for a very long time;the heart attack he suffered was devastating,and,strangely enough,he seemed to be aging before the doctor's eyes,going from sixty to eighty in the span of two days.Angel figured he'd be dead before he hit his true chronological age,and,if not,he'd wishing he was.
Even Bob had survived,so far.In a manner of speaking.
Lilly had some pull-apparently she was the vice president of a major record company-and she got Bob a private room at a hospital where the staff on the floor was not at all surprised to have to deal with a three hundred plus,blue blooded man,who looked Human enough on the surface but wasn't quite underneath.Bob had been on full life support since that night,and had no signs of recovery at all-it was probable he'd be dead before Caliban.
And even though it had been Cordy's suggestion,Angel knew he had to see him one last time,even if his apology would fall on deaf ears.
The hospital was a marvel of gleaming,blue veined white tile,and when Angel saw a brass plaque declaring this to be the 'Lilly Lyle-Oberon Wing',he wished he was surprised,again,but he wasn't.Bob would never marry someone who could not keep up with him.
According to the nurse on the floor when they signed in to visit him,they had never been besieged by so many flowers,gifts,and people for a patient."We're going to need to install a turnstile,"she cracked,leading them into Bob's room.
Angel couldn't shake the idea that Bob looked like a corpse laid out for a viewing before the burial.
The nurse,whose name tag said she was Terri Delgado,checked the
monitors and scribbled some notes on a clipboard as Gunn
asked,as tactfully as he could,"Is he a vegetable?"
Cordy slapped his shoulder,but the nurse,a plump but attractive
woman,with her dark brown hair piled up on top of her head in an
elaborate knot,only shrugged as she replaced the clipboard at
the foot of the bed."It's hard to tell with Belials.They have
such...unique brainwave patterns,especially ones this old,they
have a tendancy to foul up the equipment.But so far there's been
no measurable response to stimulus at all."
After a moment,Gunn asked,"Is that a yes?"
"It's a qualified maybe,"Delgado replied,with some humor,before
leaving them alone in the room.
Cordy grabbed one of Bob's hands,carefully,as there were several
tubes snaking into both his arms,dripping in fluids and
presumably some kind of medication,as they had needed to use
some to stop the hemmorhaging."He's cold,"she reported sadly.
"It's probably a miracle he's survived this long,"Wesley told
her,but not without sympathy.
Thanks to Luke,Wesley knew where to look up the exact 'joining'
ritual,and investigating it further,he found an interesting
passage none of the others had mentioned;it may have explained
why Bob felt such a need to destroy Bellara personally.Angel
wondered why he never told them,because,thinking back on what
Bellara had said to Bob,she already knew.
Angel stood beside Cordelia,to the left of Bob's bed,and
realized anything he had to say now was pointless.Maybe the best
thing to do was leave him in peace.
Gunn had wandered over to the window of the small room and drew
back the dark green curtain,looking out at the nighttime
cityscape below."Hell of a view,"he commented,before adding,"Why
does he need a view?He could be in a ditch next to a brick
wall-he wouldn't know."
There was a muttered response,and Angel looked at Wesley,who was
standing on the opposite side of the bed."What?"
"I didn't say anything,"he replied,equally confused,as Cordelia
gasped in shock.
"Bob?"She asked,squeezing his hand tighter.
Bob's free hand reached up and pulled off his oxygen mask before
his eyes fluttered open,revealing his electric blue irises were
a bit wan,but still reasonably brilliant.And the whites of his
eyes were back,although dotted with tiny blue clusters of broken
blood vessels."I would so know,"Bob said weakly,looking in
Gunn's direction."For one thing,I would be covered in fast food
wrappers and used condoms."
Gunn raised an eyebrow at him,and gave him a small smile for the
joke."I stand corrected."
"As well you should,"Bob agreed,coughing slightly.
"How do you feel?"Cordelia asked,now clasping his hand in both
of hers.
"Fucking fantabulous."Bob gave her a frail sarcastic smirk,but
even that seemed to take it out of him."But hey,we kicked
ass,right?"
"Always do,"Gunn agreed,wandering back to his bedside."We're in
the ass kicking business."
"Angel has something he wants to say to you,"Cordelia
said,elbowing Angel in his bad arm.It was mostly healed now,but
he wasn't ready to be elbowed in it yet.
"Hey!"
"Don't be a wuss,"she said,and gave him a 'do this or I'll elbow
you all the way home' sort of look.Bob was right-she could be a
very violent person.
With as much of a sigh as he could muster,Angel
muttered,"I'm-I'm sorry.I was wrong about you."
Bob just stared at him a moment,and then replied,in his slightly
raspy voice,"Look,all I want is the gasoline."
Gunn laughed,but Angel scowled at Bob:he must have felt better
if he was back to being an obtuse asshole."What?"
"A Mad Max Two reference,mate.Oh,come on,I know you've seen it."
He should have guessed.That movie seemed to be a running in joke
with Bob for some unfathomable reason.
Cordelia kissed Bob's hand,and,still holding his hand between
hers,said gently,"Why didn't you tell us you were related to
Bellara?"
He looked mildly surprised,but only just."Who spilled the
beans?"
"No one,"Wesley assured him."I simply researched the joining
spell."
"Ah.Shit."
The passage the other Belials had left out was that 'blood of
blood'-that is,a close relation-was best in rounding up the
rogue Belial,since both specific powers and certain psionic
'frequencies' ran in families.That's why five of the six Belials
taking place in the joining were members of Bob's family;while
Lilly wasn't,not by that blood,she was an old Belial,and very
powerful,which compensated for much.
So when Bellara told Bob that blood did not attack blood,she
didn't mean Belials didn't attack Belials;she meant family did
not attack family.
"What was she to you?Great great grandmother or
something?"Cordelia continued.
Bob shrugged as best he could without disloging tubes in his
arms."I don't really know;something like that.It wasn't
something I was very proud of-not only was she the crazy old
coot of the family,she was a crazy old psycho coot."
"We all have skeletons in our family closets,"Cordy said,trying
to be comforting."Some of us literally."
She didn't look at Angel,but she didn't have to.
"And she probably passed her longevity genes on to you,"Wesley
added,trying to look on the bright side.
"Yeah,I'm sure,but does that mean I got the fucking raving loon
genes too?"
"Don't worry,"Gunn said to him."If you get wacko,we'll punch
your ticket before you do too much damage."
Cordy shot him a harsh glare for that,but Bob only
grimaced."Thanks,mate;that's almost comforting."Then his
sarcastic grimace turned into a sly smile."But you and what
army?"Bob then gave him a comical wink,and Angel knew he'd be
back on his feet and bugging the hell out of them in no time.
That was a good thing,right?
One Week Later
It was yet another bright,unrelentingly sunny day when
Maximum Bob strode through the doors of the Hyperion again.
He looked much the same as he had that first time,wearing dark
sunglasses and a sleeveless top that let him show off his
arms,but it was white instead of green,and he wore loose olive
green cargo pants as opposed to tight leather pants,and was
carrying a leather carry on bag over his shoulder.He still
looked like a male model straight out of some glossy
magazine.Angel didn't know if his normal skin color had come
back naturally,or if Bob had spurred it along by spending time
at the beach.
Cordy,sitting at the front desk and scouring the newspaper for
any mention of recent missing persons-there seemed to be an
increase in missing runaways lately,and Gunn heard rumors of a
new,large nest of vampires downtown,but so far they had had
trouble pinpointing their location-looked up first,and while she
smiled brightly at first,it instantly became bittersweet."You've
come to say goodbye,haven't you?"
Bob grimaced guiltily as he took off his sunglasses and tucked
them in his top pants pocket."Sorry love,but business calls."
"What kind of business?"Wesley asked curiously.He was sitting at
Cordy's desk,pulling up L.A. street maps and going over them
with Gunn,who was standing behind him and looking over his
shoulder.
Angel was standing at the opposite end of the front desk,going
through coroner's reports that Wesley managed to get,concerning
all recent Jane and John Doe's found in the city in the last
couple of months.Already he had identified two victims-both
teenagers-as vampire victims,and both found within a seven block
radius of their targeted area.
"Jiang still hasn't turned up,so she's undeniably dead.We once
promised each other that whoever outlived the other would make
sure any final business was taken care of,so I'm gonna make sure
none of her creepy rivals have taken over her empire,"he
explained.Although his neon blue eyes scudded around the
room,they seemed to settle most on Cordelia.
"Good luck,"Angel said idly,going back to the coroner's reports.
"I won't need it.They're mostly vampires and Guldar demons;they
look at me funny and they'll wake up on a cargo hauler half way
to Norway."
"You're back to full strength?"Wesley asked.
Bob nodded."Yep.And Luke's even talking to me again,so all in
all it's been a stellar week."Glancing at the floor,he
noted,"Hey-you got rid of the stain."
"Lilly lied,"Angel said bitterly."Steam cleaning didn't even
make a dent in it."
"Cleaning was never her thing."
"But at least the Host knew a good spell for stain
removal,"Cordy replied cheerfully.
"How long are you gonna be gone?"Gunn wondered.
Bob shrugged,shifting his bag from one shoulder to another."At
least a month or two.I'm going to swing by Australia
first,before I hit China.I haven't seen my kids there for a
bit,and I've got a new great granddaughter on the way that'll
probably be here by the time I get there.Oh,and a couple of my
employees in Australia found something interesting in the
Outback-the Necronomicon."
Angel and Wesley both looked up at Bob sharply,and Angel hoped
that Bob was making a tasteless joke."You can't be
serious,"Wesley gasped.
"The what what?"Gunn asked,brow furrowing in consternation.
"I thought that disappeared into the portal of another dimension
a long time ago,"Angel said grimly.
"I know,so did I,but Kayleigh and Jamal were doin' a survey of
some territory I bought last year,forty acres of nothin' West of
Uluru,and they got a big hit on the metal detector,"Bob
explained,his expression lighting up with a sort of childlike
enthusiasm."It was down deep,so they had to bring in the earth
movers,but after digging about a mile deep,they found a late
'60's model Buick."
"You're kidding,"Wesley accused.
But Bob just went on."It had a bit of gas in the tank and
everything;Jamal hotwired it-the bugger still runs.Can you
believe that?I mean,that's how you make an auto.Anyways,there
was some blood in the car,Human by the smell,but not enough to
suggest someone died in it;they figure someone was just wounded.
"Anyhow,they found this book under the front
seat;leatherbound,falling apart,and stinking of blood,but not
just Human blood this time.They didn't recognize the dialect the
book was written in,but by comparing the cover markings to
what's uploaded on the demon lexicon database,they found it was
a direct match for the missing and presumed lost
Necronomicon.Needless to say they threw that sucker in the trunk
and called me immediately."
"It's a book?"Gunn asked.He sounded disappointed.
"Not just a book,"Wesley told him,straightening his glasses and
getting comfortable in pedantic mode."The Necronomicon is a
cursed book,full of evil spells.Reading any of them aloud can
open portals that allow a particulary vicious kind of demon into
this dimension."
"Not another Bellara,"Cordy asked Wes warily.
"No,not like that.This type of demon has no coporeal form
here,but they can only take over dead bodies."
"So we're talking real zombies here?"Gunn now sounded interested
again.
"In a manner of speaking."
"Ever seen Night Of The Living Dead?"Bob asked."Kind of like
that,only they're stronger and a hell of a lot more animated."
Cordy grimaced in distaste,turning her attention back to
Bob."You're not saying they eat people,are you?"
Bob rolled his shoulders,clearly heistant to tell
her."Well,really they only want to eat your soul.But they have
been known to snack on an intestine or two along the way."
Cordy wrinkled her nose in disgust."Eww.I mean seriously eww."
"You don't want to invite them to a garden party,no,"Bob
allowed.
"If it's really the Necronomicon,"Angel began,but Bob didn't let
him finish.
"Don't worry,I know-destroy that motherfucker.I'll douse it with
gasoline and put a match to it before you could say 'goose'.But
I am kind of curious as to how it ended up in a car buried a
mile deep in the Outback,especially since it's last known
location in this dimension was in the Eastern part of the United
States almost three decades ago."
"And what happened to the guy in the car?"Gunn wondered
aloud."You know,the guy whose blood you found?How'd he get
out?Where is he?Or she,whatever."
"It is very odd,"Wesley agreed."But if you were going to try and
hide the Necronomicon,putting it in a car deep underground in
the Australian desert would be a very creative way to do it."
"True.I only bought that parcel of land 'cause some Aboriginal
friends of mine told me freaky,otherworldly shit was always
happening out there-I bet they had no idea how freaky.I
certainly didn't."
Out of the corner of his eye,Angel noticed Cordy gesturing for
Bob to come over;her hand was low,hidden by her body so Gunn and
Wesley couldn't see her doing it,but Angel still did.
Bob raised an eyebrow,and approached her casually."Somethin' I
can do for you,darlin'?"
She grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him over
close enough to whisper in his ear.But thanks to his sharp
vampire hearing,Angel heard it anyways."You left this at my
place this morning,"she whispered,reaching into the pocket of
her red tank dress and slipping something over the desk towards
him.Angel saw a glint of silver,and figured it was a watch as
Bob smoothly grabbed it and pocketed it before he could get a
good look at it.
"I bet Dennis nicked it,the jealous bugger,"Bob whispered
back,and Cordy giggled as Bob raised his eyebrows in mock irony.
Oh no-she didn't...no.Not with Bob!Cordy was too smart to fall
for his little seduction games.Right?
But she was unusually awake and chipper this morning,wasn't she?
Oh crap.
"What's so funny?"Gunn wondered,looking at the pair of them
warily.
"I'm not repeating that joke in mixed company,"Bob said,stepping
back from Cordy and the front desk.That made Cordy laugh
again,and Gunn look even more confused.
The hotel doors opened again,and Helga,the Stansin demon with
the lethal tail,came in.She still wore low slung jeans to keep
her tail free,but today she was also wearing mirrored sunglasses
and a black lace tank top that seemed to be fighting to contain
her cleavage.Only in L.A. would no one notice that not only did
she have a tail,but she was also as green as spinach.
"If I knew you were going to be this long,I'd have gone a block
over and gotten an ice cream cone,"Helga complained,pushing her
sunglasses up onto the top of her head.
"Come on,old man,get that sweet ass of yours in gear-we have a
plane to catch."
Bob laughed,seemingly embarrassed,but Angel knew better."I can't
take you anywhere,can I?"
"I'm much more fun in private,"Helga replied,giving him a sultry
little smile.
"Well,on that note,I suppose I'd better go,"Bob admitted.Helga
was apparently shameless,but that was more or less par for the
course with Stansin demons.She probably also wouldn't care if
Bob was faithful,as they were a natually polygamous species;she
probably had at least one other boyfriend of her own.
"Have a good trip,"Cordy said,her smile not at all diminished by
Helga's appearance.She really didn't care?Well,maybe she didn't
want to date a creature like Bob;maybe she just wanted...oh,he
was so not going there."Drop me a line,huh?"
"Oh you bet.I'll miss you most of all,Cord,"he said,leaning in
to give her a seemingly chaste kiss on the cheek.
Angel shook his head in disbelief.Only a Belial could so easily
juggle lovers like that.But if he hurt Cordy he'd kill him-he
hoped Bob knew that.
"Have fun fightin' evil guys,"Bob said to the rest of
them,turning back towards Helga and the door.
"Yeah,you too,"Gunn said casually,giving Helga an appreciative
once over before turning back to the computer screen.
"Wait a minute,"Angel said,making Bob stop before the door.There
was one question Bob had never answered,and while Angel
pretended for a while it didn't bother him,it did,and he saw no
point in lying about it anymore."You never told me why you
bothered to save me."
Bob considered that a moment,taking his sunglasses out of his
pocket as he did so."Frankly Angel,a lot of the time you're an
uptight prick,"he said,and Gunn let out a bark of laughter he
hastily tried to cover in a cough,but Angel knew damn well what
it was and shot him a dirty look for it."But you generally mean
well;your heart's in the right place,and hey,somebody's got to
take care of those demons that are trying to fuck it all up for
the rest of us.After all,there's a lot of us who really would
like to live in peace."Bob slipped on his sunglasses before he
added,"Besides,anyone who has lawyers as enemies is a friend of
mine."
Angel wasn't sure if that was the complete answer,or if that was
just a convenient lie,proferred by the king of all liars.But he
couldn't force Bob to answer;he wasn't sure anyone could force
Bob to do anything.
"Oh,and here,"Bob dug in another pocket,the one he had slipped
his forgotten watch into,and pulled out a small,neatly folded
wad of bills,held together by a brass money clip,which he tossed
onto the desk before him.
"What is this?"Angel asked cautiously.He still couldn't bring
himself to completely trust Bob.
"It's to replace the shirt I borrowed,"he explained,as Helga's
tail snaked around Bob's waist and pulled him closer to her.He
put an arm around her shoulders,partially reassuring and
partially out of habit."Hey,maybe you can go nuts and buy
yourself an actual color this time."
Gunn continued coughing in the background,and Angel was sure
Wesley had briefly joined him,although Angel saved his unamused
scowl for Bob.A smartass until the end.
"Ta guys,see you in the funny papers,"Bob said,and as he and the
Stansin went out the door,Helga lowered her sunglasses and
waved,adding a somewhat flirtatious,"Bye Shaft."
Now everyone was laughing,and Angel just shook his head in
disbelief,glad to see them go.
But he knew Bob would be back,probably sooner rather than
later.If only just to piss him off.
THE END
