It's that time of the year again.. Spring!! The birds are making nests, the rabbits are frolicking in the meadows and looking forward to rampant sex in dark burrows (well the male rabbits anyway), and Lemmings are giving the bank manager the smug look that says "Hah!, Sucker, You ain't getting my loan repayed", and checking out the local high spots.So I thought now would be a good time to impart the Kaizen's Word's of Wisdom on picking a name for your new child, just in case the season frollicking by rabbits is infectious!!
FIRST.....Pick a short-list of about 10 names that you might like to call the child.
SECOND....Go to your back door, and scream each name 15 times as loud as you possibly can......This is how you will be hearing it for the next 16 years.
THIRD.....Go back inside and pick 10 shorter names.
Do not feel embarrassed doing this exercise.. the name of your child is important, it is with them for life....and WILL effect your tonsils for 16 years...SO GET IT RIGHT!...And as for the neighbours??.....SOD 'EM. In fact they will thank you for the advanced warning, it gives them plenty of time to decide to move house, and some, if they are very quick off the mark, may actually be gone before the happy event...because afterwards their house will be difficult to sell and devalue yearly, as the mad woman next door screams "Marmaduke Augustus Smythe-Wilkinson...WILL YOU GET IN!!" 25 times every night at 8 o'clock!!
For the record....my witch name is KAIZEN "Japanese means "Continual Improvement", this is very similar to the name I called in the late 80's which was "KIDZEN" at 8 o'clock ever night!!....and means everything from "Please come in now darlings" to "When you finally appear I'm gonna rip yer arms and legs off", depending on pitch, volume, level of desperation etc. Do not worry that your child wont understand the multi meanings of your chosen summoning method, they, and the neighbours for 5 miles around ,will very quickly become fluent in advanced Japanese.
Here in England the government throughout the 80's worried when exactly the Russians would invade, I can tell them now it was at 8 o clock on any week night, as ALL our advanced listening posts switched off at that time, to protect delicate equipment from the strangled cry of "KIDZEN" as it echoed across half of England...to compensate for the UK's lack of readiness all our armed forces were brought to full alert at 7.55pm to cover the shortfall, this was very tiring on the troops, and very expensive on the government coffers, and explains the high interest rates prevalent in the UK at that time.
In fact, in 1986 I was struck down with laryngitis and couldn't speak above a whisper for 3 weeks, during that time I received 9 "Get Well Slowly" cards from various government departments, including the Bank of England, two thirds of the British Armed forces where finally given leave.......
So you see , the correct choice of your child’s name has far reaching effects way beyond the immediate "trendy factor"!!
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ADVICE TO NEW WITCHES
When working sky-clad (naked to those who don't know, cos there maybe one or two non-pagans on this site!), pay VERY close attention the the candles as you carry them around your circle.....it is EXTREMELY difficult to look serene and God/Goddess like as you pour 2 pints of molten wax over your genitals while leaning forward to light a quarter candle from your main candle......and trust me...you CANNOT cover the effected area with brown paper and use a hot iron to get the wax off...this only works on carpets!!
ADVICE TO OLDER WITCHES
Try not to laugh at the above...we were all neos once!!
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