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deconstructing mark

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Thursday 15.4.04

OH fuck it all.

I am more than aware that the only person who can decide what to do with my life is me. I am aware that I have not only not decided, but I have not begun to think about making any decisions to do with my career. I am aware of a vague interest in things to do with global politics and things German and thinking it would be a good plan to do a Master's degree in either, but I am also aware that I'm not sure I'm only doing that to put off for one more year the inevitable question. I know I can't work in Waterstone's for the rest of my life (although the idea is becoming more and more attractive) because I am probably capable of more.

I know all this. I've known it for a while now. Going over it in my head is no help. The worst thing is that this is not one anyone can solve, at all, apart from yours truly. Not happy about that.

Saturday 17.4.04

UGH. Beautiful day but hayfever season has kicked in with a menace. Eyes running, head full of snot.