The Routine

We're introduced to the newest crop of inmates to enter Oz, including Miguel Alvarez (who is promptly stabbed in the chest while waiting to enter Oz), Tobias Beecher, a naive, pale and hopelessly out of place lawyer accused of killing a little girl while driving intoxicated, Donald Groves, a cannibal who ate his mother (he was saving his father for thanksgiving) and Kareem Said an outspoken and much-respected Muslim leader who tells the warden and McManus upon his arrival that "as of today, I run Oz." The prison pecking order is in full display and almost everyone has a group to belong to whether it be the Aryans, Muslims, Gangbangers, Wiseguys, Latinos etc. Hill tells us that although violence is everywhere, it's the endless, orderly routine that will kill you. The word routine is said an awful lot, in case we forgot what the title of the episode was. Beecher has the unfortunate luck of having Dino Ortolani as his 'sponsor' to help him get acclimated to prison life. Ortolani has a wee bit of a temperment, and even the charasmatic Said can't save him from ticking off .. well, just about everyone. Ortolani's old nemesis, new inmate Ryan O'Reily, along with Jefferson Keene and Johnny Post, two members of the gangbangers, set fire to Ortolani. Meanwhile, Beecher learns that being Aryan inmate Vern Schillinger's 'prag' (ie. his bitch) can be a real pain in the ass...

Visits, Conjugal and Otherwise

Ortolani's still dead, and the Wiseguys ain't too impressed. For the record, neither is the warden, but I'll bet you a shiny new quarter that the Wiseguys are gonna get results before Glynn does. The investigator, Burrano, interviews Keene, Groves and Busmalis to find out what they know, but he figures that Ryan O'Reily is a pretty safe bet considering how conniving he is. 'Course, Ryan's always one step ahead, letting it be known to the Wiseguys that Post is the one who actually lit the match.

In contrast to O'Reily's wheelings and dealings, Beecher's been in his bunk so long, his mattress has an indent of his ass. Diane Wittlesey, a guard in Em City, suggests that Beecher go to Sister Peter Marie and arrange a conjugal visit with his wife, Genevieve. Because apparently having your wife cook for you and have sex with you helps you forget you're in prison. *shrug* I'm game. He arranges the visit, but the affair seems to do more for him than it does for her. Maybe it's that swastika tattoo burned on his butt? Nah. Beecher's warm, fuzzy feeling lasts about 10 seconds for when he returns to Em City, Schillinger has found his family photos and is perusing them whilst taunting Beecher. Beecher tears the photos into pieces.

Conjugal visits come up on the spending chopping block, sending the prisoners scrambling to get some last minute nookie. Governor Devlin thinks that getting rid of conjugal visits will save money. I think keeping big, strong, angry men happy is more important than $3M but then, what do I know?

Keane doesn't just want a conjugal with his girlfriend Mavis, he wants to get married. So does she, even though he's going to be in Oz for life. Awww.. prison love. McManus can't seem to get the two hitched, but a few words from Said send Glynn practically vying to be the flower girl at Keane's wedding. McManus is not pleased-- but what else is new? Unfortunately for Keane, the marriage has to be by proxy since he can't leave the prison. His stand-in wife, Adebisi, isn't the beautiful, blushing bride you think he could be. Maybe a little lipstick?

Hill confesses he loves pussy. Thanks, Hill!

Mukada, having no luck convincing Alvarez to take responsibility for his baby, turns to Alvarez's grandfather who is also, conveniently enough, in Oz (so is Alvarez's dad, for the record, but his lack of a tongue makes him kind of a moot point. hehe.. a moot mute! I'm sorry. Really I am.) It seems to do the trick. C'mon, you just can't argue with grandpa.

Schibetta's wife dies and just as you start to feel bad for the guy you see him cope with his feelings of loss by deciding to off Johnny Post. Lucky for O'Reily, loudmouth Post insists with his last breaths that Ortolani's death was all his doing. Real bright, Post.

And the moral of the story? Love will always and forever, break your heart. My thoughts exactly, Hill...

God's Chillin'

That whole 'an eye for an eye' theory ain't working so good as the tension increases between the gangbangers and the wiseguys. Keane, despite his new-found faith, swears he will have revenge on O'Reily for selling Johhny Post out. Glynn warns Schibetta, Said and Keane to keep themselves and their followers out of trouble, or else the whole prison's going into lockdown. That whole little plan starts unravelling when Keane receives an unexpected (and definitely unwanted) "gift" from the wiseguys. Healy, O'Reily's C.O.-in-cahoots warns Keane to make sure no harm comes to Ryan. Ryan, meanwhile, is trying to get help with an appeal with a little help from ex-lawyer Tobias Beecher. While the chances of Beecher actually being able to get Ryan out of prison look pretty slim, the odds of the two of them getting high as a kite look very good indeed.

Beecher continues to have problems with Schillinger, but is granted a little bit of good news in that he becomes Sister Pete's personal assistant. Her personal guidance doesn't seem to be working so well, but O'Reily's increased offers of drugs seem to melt away the blues like a charm. Schillinger doesn't approve, but that doesn't stop Beecher one bit.

Both Keane and Groves look into matters of the spirit and new inmate, 16 year old Kenny Wangler tries his best to do so also, but opts instead for the life of a gangbanger. Keane tries to stay true to his new identity, but with his suspicions of his wife, Mavis's infidelity and his brother Billie still embracing a lifestyle which he deems immoral, he's got quite the challenge ahead. He forgives O'Reily for his ratting-out of Johnny and Ryan returns the favour by arranging for Keane to be taken to a make-shift gladiator ring against a couple of Latinos while the corrupt guards watch and videotape. Keane kills one of the Latinos, Martinez, in self-defense and the whole prison is put into lockdown. Governor Devlin brings in the feds to investigate the rash of murders.

Alvarez's wife gives birth to a baby boy. He brags like a proud papa, but when his baby suddenly gets ill, he believes it is his pride that is to blame for the baby's sickness. He goes to father Mukada for help, but decides that praying isn't as effective to God as a good ol' fashioned disfiguring and he cuts his face and palms as sort of a trade-off to God. A "my looks for his health" sort of thing. Hill tells us God not only has the world in his hands, he has it by the balls, and I feel I am inclined to agree at times.

Capital P

Governor Devlin has reinstated the death penalty and lucky Jefferson Keene is the first to try out the new law. The inmates buzz about Keene's death, but Keene himself isn't all that worked up. Sister Peter Marie is wholly against the death penalty and is fired when she decides to join the protestors gathering outside Oz. Her replacement is a disaster, and by the end of the episode she's got her old job back. Beecher feels it's his duty as a lawyer (albeit a disbarred one) to offer his services to Keene, but he rejects Beecher's offer. Keene's thinking is that if he dies now, having found Allah, there is a chance he may get into Heaven. If he returns to Em City, he feels he may return to his old ways. Keane donates a kidney to his ailing sister, and then is killed through lethal injection. The whole situation is very taxing on Said who faints due to high blood pressure. Dr. Nathan prescribes the drugs which will ultimately kill Keane, and this makes McManus upset, citing that "doctors are supposed to heal." All this talk of death must make McManus horny, for as Jefferson Keene is getting the needle stuck in his arm, McManus and Whittlesey are doin' it right up against them dirty prison walls. Meanwhile, life continues in Em City for many prisoners, including Ryan O'Reilly who, sick of taking orders from Joey D'angelo, arranges for him to "accidentally" get hurt in the kitchen, injuring him enough to put him out of commission for a while. Alvarez's self-imposed stigmata isn't enough to save his baby, and the plug is pulled after Alvarez sees how sick his child is. The death count just keeps on risin' as Richard L'Italien, a serial killer who confesses to killing over 30 women is also put to death through lethal injection.

Straight Life

To Your Health

The subject of aging inmates is brought up at a staff meeting after Bob Rebadow is attacked by Kenny Wangler and has his care package stolen. The staff proposes creating a senior's cellblock for the aged but the commissioner turns the proposal down. Rebadow confesses to Groves that he wants to escape and he does. If by escape you mean fall down the stairs and end up back in the hospital bed where you started. Speaking of the elderly, the most senior Alvarez is found mumbling naked on his cell floor, suffering from Alzheimers. Sister Pete suggests that to have a better relationship with his grandfather Miguel Alvarez should assist his father, Eduardo Alvarez with taking care of his grandfather, Ricardo Alvarez, which he does. Got that? Good.

Hill hates it when people say "At least you've got your health". So do I.

Groves doesn't have his health. What he has is a toothache. The dentist isn't too thrilled about poking around in his infamous mouth, but Groves comes out feeling a whole lot better and, as an extra bonus, he and Scott Ross decide that maybe the tooth might be worth something to crime collectors.

Beecher's humiliation continues as he is forced to perform in drag in the prison talent show. Everyone enjoys the performance except for Ryan and Sister Pete. Oh yeah, and I guess Beecher. His drug use is escalating and Sister Pete thinks it's because he thinks of himself as a victim and is allowing Schillinger to punish him. Pete arranges for Beecher to meet the mother of the girl he killed who starts out composed but ends up yelling at him while Beecher stares, stony-faced and stoned. Schillinger orders Beecher to don a shirt bearing a picture of the confederate flag and then walk through Em City. Beecher goes to Ryan for help and Ryan gives Beecher PCP. PCP + Beecher=crazy spinny camera graphics and also has the effect of making Beecher grow a spine. Toby takes a chair and throws it through Schillinger's pod, causing Schillinger to get glass in his eye and skin and prompting the majority of the inmates to chant "Beecher! Beecher!" whilst Toby goes apeshit. It's about damn time.

While Beecher detoxes and thrashes in the hole, O'Reily and Schibetta have a little talk that gets Adebisi thrashing. Schibetta reassigns the cafeteria over to O'Reily, much to Adebisi's dismay. When the food staff refuse to work under O'Reily, he teams up with Adebisi with the promise that together, they can kill Schibetta by putting ground glass in his food, thereby one day inheriting his drug trade. Scariest. Partnership. Ever.

Enter Jackson Vahue, NBA star extraordinaire. Hill wants to be his sponsor because he's Vahue's biggest fan, but he soon learns that Vahue is not the role model he thought him to be. Vahue won't do work detail, he doesn't care about class and he puts more stuff up his nose than a bored 5 year old with a box full of crayolas. Worst of all, he pressures 22-months straight Hill to take drugs too, sending him back into the spiral.

The only person who should be taking drugs is the one refusing to, namely, Said. He doesn't take his meds for hypertension, even when Sister Pete begs him too. He wants his mind clear, which seems like a good plan considering new muslim inmate Huseni Mershah seems bent on making the Muslims a much more 'active' group. Read: violent. Said disapproves but doesn't make a big deal out of it. His heart tells him otherwise, however and when he has a heart attack, Mershaw says it is the will of Allah that he should die. Luckily for Said, the hacks must notice him because he gets rushed to the hospital. Hill offers to trade bodies with me. I politely decline.

Plan B

Said wakes up from his heart-attack with only one thought on his mind: Must. Find. Mershaw. Mershaw's prematurely spreading the word that Said told him to lead the Muslims in case of an emergency. Enter Said. Mershaw is cast out and no Muslim is to talk or look at him. Burn! Mershaw, after feebly trying to get back into the fold, settles for selling Said out instead. He goes to Glynn and McManus and tells them that Said is stockpiling weapons but McManus ain't buyin' what Mershaw's sellin'. Glynn's not so sure that Mershaw's lying so they have a shakedown. The result? Damn, there's a lot of pointy objects about! McManus is not pleased to say the least and orders that tv, gym and phone priveleges be revoked for one month. Alvarez mumbles "Gee, Dad, I hope I can still make it to the Prom." Make that 2 months. C'mon, McManus, funny's funny.

The inmates learn Mershaw's to blame for the shakedown, and as he's transferred into gen pop, they all spit at him. Double burn! Mershaw takes their expectorating personally and offs himself in his cell. Sayonara, sellout.

Said isn't pleased with the way the FBI investigations are going and he causes a little media ruckus. Glynn makes an order that no group may wear similar clothes, have prayer beads or any of the other knick knacks that make organized religion cool. Hey, Muslims, are your ears burning? 'Cause Glynn's talking about you. Said ain't gonna play Glynn's game and insists he doesn't need all the trimmings to be a true Muslim. Word. He organizes a protest in the cafeteria against the FBI ruling that the 5 deaths that have recently occured in Oz were all inmate-caused. The display catches the attention of one Donald Groves. Groves begins to idolize Said and decides the best way to show his devotion is to kill Glynn. Well, the boy always was a bit unorthodox. He accidentally kills a C.O. named Lawrence Smith instead and is sentenced to die. Remember what I said about Groves being a little unorthodox? Yeah, about that. He chooses to die by firing squad. Hunt, one of Smith's buddies wants to be one of the trigger-pullers and is allowed to, despite Glynn's reservations. Meanwhile, the other officers take their frustration out on the other inmates. Play nice, boys.

One of the new officers brought in to help ease the tension leaves Said a little present in his laundry. It's a gun. Wouldn't a nice mint on a pillow have sufficed?

Groves gets a visit from Smith's mother who is *waaaay* too forgiving, considering the circumstances. Groves is moved by her and asks Father Mukada to copy down his last words so that he can pass them on to Mrs. Smith. Mukada swears to do so but Groves' last words are made unintelligble by a faulty speaker. Seems not only is life a bitch in Oz, so is death. As for Hunt, shooting Groves didn't give him the peace of mind he thought it would. Hate to say "I told you so."

Now, for the cultural portion of the program. Eugene Dobbins is a musician in Oz, of the cellist variety. He says his cello is lonely because it has no one to play with. Methinks this cello guy is a wee bit off his rocker. Hill likes him, though. He likes him a hell of a lot more than his "hero" Jackson Vahue who's snorting like there's no tomorrow. Sister Pete advises Hill to get another hero, and he does: himself. Hill arranges for a trumpet player to make Dobbins' cello less lonely and feels good... for about 3 minutes until Vahue's harrasses Dobbins and then later breaks his cello. Bastard.

Well, that about does it for culture. Let's go see how Schibetta's doing. Hey, I guess Ryan's poisoning paid off because now Schibetta's bleeding from all his facial orifices (I'm not even going to speculate about non-facial ones). That'll teach Nino to call Ryan a stupid mick bastard. Adebisi and O'Reily let Said know that any business he had with Schibetta now belong to them. Said isn't exactly shaking in his khofi.

Hey! It's Long Vern Silver! Schillinger's back in action, but one eye's temporarily out of commission. McManus can't decide whether to move Beecher or Schillinger out of Em City but Schillinger's sassmouth makes the decision for him. Bye Vern, enjoy Unit B. Beecher doesn't get the warm return he hoped for, as Schillinger's cronies taunt him. At least he smashed those ugly glasses of his in the hole. He asks McManus to move him around, but McManus rightly points out that he ain't no travel agent. Well, like I always say: If you can't get your way, kick someone in the nuts. Beecher does just that to Schillinger when they meet in the gym. But he doesn't stop there, my friends, oh no. There's a hit to the head with a weight, a slamming of the chest with a bench and then, le piece de resistance: He takes a poop right in his face. Oh yeah, baby. Long live CrazyBeecher!

A Game Of Checkers

Hill notes that wars have been started over a game of checkers. Keep this subtle hint in mind, children, it's gonna rear it's ugly head a lot over the next hour.

Schillinger's recovered from a face-full of crap, and he says it's made him a changed man. Most of us are content to go to church or volunteer, but hey Vern, whatever floats your boat. He mentions his kids came to see him and they were all hepped up on goofballs and they laughed at him. Schillinger wants to make his parole in 3 months so that he has a chance at saving them. Because a few hugs and kisses will make up for 17 years of hate, I'm sure. McManus relents, and passes the news on to Beecher, who ain't too pleased 'bout the whole thing, but says he'll try to make nice. Beecher becomes O'Reily's podmate (is it just me, or could we have avoided a lot of anger if this had happened a long time ago?) and O'Reily asks him to get his back if a riot breaks out. Not that one will, mind you, just *if* it happens. Yeah, right.

McManus catches Diane giving cigarettes to Ross but he doesn't fire her. I guess there are benefits to sleeping with your boss. She tries to tell Ross her contraband days are over, but Ross makes it clear that he decides when it ends.

Rebadow, for the record, is still old and scared.

Said organizes the Muslims for the upcoming 'jihad' but in the end, it's *gasp* a game of CHECKERS that starts the whole damn thing. Who would've thunk it? Two inmates begin arguing about who moved whose pieces and the prison goes into instantanious chaos. Just add fire. Glynn, for his part, tries to calm months of pent up anger, sexual frustration and physical abuse by yelling into a bullhorn, but it just doesn't have the effect he was hoping for. Said organizes the prisoners and O'Reily, Ross, Adebisi and Alvarez join him as the "leaders" of the prison. All access is shut out and many of the C.O.'s are beaten and taken as hostages including Wittlesey, Hunt and Mukada (guess Miguel isn't the pal you thought he was, eh Ray?). In the fray of the riots, Dobbins is badly hurt and Hill guilt-trips Vahue into taking him past the gate so that he can get medical attention.

Beecher is enjoying himself for once, and he's obviously digging being crazy. He tells Schillinger that he knows Vern's trying to stay out of trouble to get paroled, but he wonders aloud what would happen if, every time Vern was up for parole, he somehow got into a fight with his old roomie. Fiddle-dee-dee, what would Verny do? He also calls him 'prag' which makes me smile. I love a good role-reversal.

McManus watches his vision for the perfect prison slip through his fingers. He wants to talk to the prisoners before Gov. Devlin sends in the SORT team and turns off their water and electricity. The inmates are hungry so McManus offers to bring them sandwiches. This way, he can also see the hostages. He sees that Mineo and Armstrong are doing particularly badly. He wants them to release the two, along with Wittlesey in exchange for himself. Adebisi points out that 3 for 1 is a bad trade. Who knew Adebisi could count? In the end, McManus is traded for Mineo and Armstrong, while Wittlesey remains.

McManus tries to reason with Said, proposing that together, they could build a better prison. Said says that they don't need more prisons, bigger prisons, better prisons. They need better justice. Now what can McManus do about that? Yeah, what can you do, tough guy? McManus is stymied.