Inspired by reading the AOA round robin in two sittings, and previous readings of many others.

Being a young Muse- the baby of the group, as every frelling one of them felt the urge to remind him- had its disadvantages. Being a Muse born straight out of his Writer's inspiration, bound to her as his creator, also had its disadvantages, some of them even connected to his youth. He had by now mastered the instinct to stare longingly at her various avatars, a discomfiting desire that came from his template. But because he was young and new- "Shiny!" Wanda had exclaimed before taking off for parts unknown- he hadn't gotten the proper training that Jasmine and others had, and he had learned that he needed to learn control, both over the flow of inspiration and over his Muse powers, so rudely discovered during the rebuilding of Subreality.

Paul stabbed at a carrot, even more irritated when it escaped his spork and skittered for the edge of the tray. A second stab impaled the drab orange thing, and he chomped on it with victorious relish. The cafeteria at the Collegium offered surprisingly decent food, although he rather thought that having a Writer in residence might improve things a lot. And he couldn't fault the view, either; though having the cafeteria at the top of a tall tower was inconvenient when starving for lunch, it definitely whetted the appetite, and when the Collegium had been rebuilt, Sonya had ensured only the most awe-inspiring stretches of Subreal landscape would be shown. But he was lonesome, alone for the first time, because the other Muses who time-shared space in CG's brain had thought it would be cheating for him to maintain their link while he was in classes.

Another Muse sat down at the table with him. He was about to bite off an angry remark in hopes of dismissing the other person when he recognized the flame red braid and the snow white sweater set. "Hi, Sonya. What's up?"

"I am well, and working hard, as you know. Rebuilding the archives has been a monumental task, and I have had little luck in acquiring the records from minor demesnes. I appreciate your concern, and your willingness to talk. I know that I have not always been the easiest Muse to work with. I am glad to have found you here, because my research, coupled with my previous experience, has led me to an interesting conclusion that I felt you might be able to use and build upon."

"Oh? Small talk from the Bitch Princess. I'm flattered."

"Paul, if you cannot be civil..."

"I can behave, honest." He reached up for his hat, only to be reminded that, duh, he'd taken it off for lunch. Barring the ability to doff his hat in a gentlemanly manner, he put his hand over his heart instead.

"As Erineae and her Writer compile the archives, I have... amused myself in reading some of the stories and round robins. Though some of them are amusing, and others call to my specialty, all of them seem to have one thing in common." Sonya lowered her voice to make sure that none of the few other Muses there could hear her. "These Writers hate themselves with a disturbing passion."

Paul's jaw dropped. Since this was Subreality, ruled by the laws of cliché, he had to put it back into place with one hand before he could reply. "How does giving yourself the power to change reality and interact with characters you believed to be fictional translate into hating yourself? It sounds more like they think more of themselves than the rest of the world does. Sorry, Sonya, but I'm not buying this."

"Subreversity- the place where everything one is not exists; the place where all that one hates can be discarded in a convenient bundle, or that one longs to be can be explored. Though I have not explored that level, I have felt the presence of... Becky." Paul shuddered at the mention of CG's Reverse. "Exactly my sentiments. Or perhaps the work of Raven would convince you? Perhaps some of Laersyn's pieces? Or, Scribe preserve us all, Bones? Or would it take the round robins, with their masses of collaborators, to make you understand? Subreality Slave Ring, Film Noir, the Halloween Massacres- Massacres, Paul, not Massacre- both Alter-Café round robins, Tapslaught, Age of Apocabyss: to read this is to read of Writers maiming, torturing, and killing themselves, and each other with proper permissions. Read Kielle's self-characterizations, or Frito's, or Raven's. I often wondered if there was an off-board competition as to who could mindfuck one's self the most effectively."

"Look, I know this is what you do for a living, but, well, I think you're reading too much into things. It's not like we can ask the writers themselves; most of those Writers don't come around here anymore. Rowan's been seen, but that happens once in a blue moon. Oh, I know, you could ask Rossi."

"I know better than to cross one of Frank's Writers, child. No, I can provide you the proof your logical mind demands without angering the Death Pixie, and all I need to do is hold the mirror up to our own Writer."

Paul frowned; the conversation had taken a turn that made him uncomfortable. "CG doesn't hate herself, which is a helluva lot more than I can say for most women her size. She shakes her ass and enjoys it."

"Then why is it that her Subreal avatar weighs a good fifty pounds less than she does? Why does she write under a pen name? Why do all her self-inserts die in various ways, none of them natural? Why has she said that in the Bluejay universe- your personal project- her avatar would have become a good little drone like so many other people? Why does she allow Becky to continue existing- by the Scribe, why *does* she allow that pale, pastel anorexic to keep existing? Why is it that Melusine, angst dealer extrordinaire, is the one Muse out of all of us who looks like CG?" Sonya delivered her points brusquely and efficiently, the way she did everything.

"So she has a love of the darkness. Tell me something I don't know," Paul challenged, thinking of Lone Wolves and fictives screaming in the night. "It's no sin to Write what peeks out of the shadows. Your fingerprints are on "Shiva" just like mine, right down to the obsession over word count. You make it sound like being honest about one's weaknesses is a bad thing- what's the matter, not used to it? I'd think a Muse so obsessed with Reality as you are would enjoy people characterizing themselves with all their flaws present." He was starting to enjoy needling Sonya; there was something about her pedantic manner that pricked the harsh temper CG had given him when she so lovingly modeled him on her boyfriend and writing partner.

"There is such a thing as going too far in the other direction, and that is the behavior to which I refer." Sonya was really starting to heat up; her English was heading towards the English professor's even more than usual. Of course, the more obvious danger sign was that her hair was edging more towards flame and less towards red.

"Subreality concentrates and magnifies everything, for good or for ill." Unnoticed, Jasmine had slipped into the conversation and seated herself between her quarreling colleagues. "People create beauty and horror in the same set of breaths. This is the place where everything is not only possible, but also expected, and in fact anticipated. Except, of course, whoopee cushions. Yes, Writers hate themselves, and yes, Writers love themselves. It all comes out here. It all comes out through us, though not usually this literally." At Paul and Sonya's shared look of utter confusion, Jasmine blew out a sigh. "Both of you have a lot to learn about Subreality, I see." Before either of the sometime combatants could ask her what she meant by that, she tilted her head. "I'm being paged. Either Whispering Jessie has a cunning plan or CG is trying to work McMillan into "Down Poison". I'll see you both later, then." She waved at them before stepping through a plothole and vanishing.

The two Muses shared a glance at the place where the plothole had been, looked up at each other, shrugged, and resumed the debate, albeit more civilly.

Kielle gave us Subreality to play with. She, and any other Writers mentioned in this piece, are referenced without permission, but with the greatest respect (no, really, it *is* respect). Likewise, Erineae is referenced without her Writer's permission, but since a reference is all it is... All Subreality fics referenced here can be found on Subreality Central, and hopefully soon on the new Subreality archive as well. Sonya's role as historian and rebuilder of the Collegium is present and future to the "Rebuilding Subreality" round robin. The three Muses are mine (at least at times).