Episode 14

September Pennant Races

The Great Dilemmas

(Throughout every war come the tough decisions that make victory achievable despite defeat looming close. In war, unlike any other competition, it is how these problems are solved that separates the successful conquests from those mired in insurgency and turmoil. In founding great change, every step must be taken to understand what is being destroyed and how to destroy it or if in fact it never was destroyed in the first place. The scene opens up deep in the bowels of the dungeon of Rikers Island. There an interrogation committee has been set up. Dee and Helen sit at the main table along with Vera Brown and Tyler inside one cell. The four of them occupy one cell for their work while about 30 blonde women sit inside a large holding pen. These are the denizens of the HOPE program who were rounded up in secret raids following the fall of the Lone Wolves. Indeed, many HOPE camp records were kept on file by the Lone Wolves and were found in their headquarters. Vera reviews the records along with the detailed records she found as the first person, a short blonde with a horrible makeup job and a riverboat captain’s uniform on, is led into the room.)

Dee: Name?

Woman: Cherie Sullivan, captain of the Glory Boat, proud saver of 20,000 souls in 10 years of voyages.

Dee: And just HOW were they saved?

Cherie: I showed them how to plot a new course in life and brought 20,000 lesbians out of the hands of the devil and into the loving waters of Jesus Christ. I set sail every Friday the 13th, the day of the devil, and always returned with an empty boat with everyone finding salvation on the holiest of Sundays of that month. Fastest saver east and west of the Mississippi! Because, believe me, I covered both sides in my travels!

(Vera turns away from Cherie, telling the panel that she has heard enough, and convenes the panel.)

Vera: Harmless. Let her go home to live with her husband. She’s useless as a witness and harmless as a criminal.

Helen: How can you say that? She claims to have saved twenty thousand… that makes for about a load of 50,000, which means who knows what she did on the open water? I don’t WANT to know.

Vera: The Glory Boat was a fraud, and even the Channel 1 types knew it. I had a few “escapees” come to my bakery; if they were in need it was to get brownies for people they met who went through a real HOPE camp. The Glory Boat was well known for getting whoever they could at least inverted, dumping them in New Orleans or whatever Britney calls it these days, then dumping those who didn’t care on Mexico and leaving them to fend for themselves. Most did quite well, found transportation here or went to Cancun, the New York of the Mexican territory. She’s just a moron for believing her own press. Always was.

Dee: Okay, you can go. Next!

(A tall and foreboding black woman skips into the room. There is an empty smile on her face and she giggles like a schoolgirl.)

Woman: HI! I’m Becky!

(Helen looks at her in disbelief)

Helen: Ummm, you don’t look like a Becky. Every Becky I ever knew… well, they might have been that blonde, but they were… ummm, much sexier and easier to please.

Dee: And shorter and better armed.

(Becky sees Dee and Helen’s demeanor. In the blink of an eye, she changes, becoming steely-eyed and ruthless.)

Becky: DYKES!!! The Lord shall have NO mercy upon thee!

(Becky lunges at Dee and Helen, knocking Tyler over on his back.)

Tyler: You ingrate! You dirtied my shirt! Do you know how much dry cleaning costs these days? And who wears blue jeans with black and purple, anyway?

Becky: FAGGOT! (She swings wildly at Tyler, who ducks out of the way.)

Tyler: No thanks, I don’t smoke.

(Tyler calmly pushes the alarm button. It takes 10 guards and Dee and Helen to finally wrestle Becky to the ground. Meanwhile, Vera has retreated to the corner and she sighs morbidly at the scene.)

Helen: Okay, who or what the HELL was that?

Dee: This is why mixing Channel 4 with Channel 1 equals a 5-star headcase, I guess.

(Vera helps get everything righted and sits down with her notes.)

Vera: The rumors were true. BALTO did exist.

Tyler: I thought Britney stopped steroid use. Too bad. Those guys were sooo muscular! Wonderful to look at, even if you just knew they'd be no good in bed.

Vera: Wrong consonant. I wish it was just the drugs of the days past. There were rumors of built men and women who were muscle for the camps. They were often the most vacant minded, but also were the cruelest guards in the camp. It was rumored for years that they were somehow actresses made into thugs, but such a thought was unbelievable. I read Linda Wolfe’s notes and realized that her frayed mental condition was being duplicated across the country to make human weapons that answered to the camp leaders so they could have a heavier hand. Most of the bloodiest HOPE camp denizens I suspect of being rendered into this condition.

Dee: Mental rape, is that what you're telling us? Would not surprise me one bit. (Her expression hardens, and Helen tries to hold her hand to keep her composure but Dee will have none of it.)

(Suddenly a voice from the holding cell speaks up.)

Voice: You dykes have no idea, do you? You will never understand the meaning of salvation. This supposed hell you have us in is no match for the hell you will face when the Lord kills your worthless bodies and burns your souls in the deepest pits of Hell!

Dee: Oh, send in the loudmouth. I feel like interrogating someone right now.

(The woman steps in. One look at her powder blue sweatshirt is more than enough to send Dee into a deeper rage.)

Woman: Yeah, go ahead and hang us. We'll die martyrs to our Lord, and your lust for vengeance will have you burn all the longer in Hell.

Helen: You know, stamina is not the problem in our relationship, is it, dear?

Woman: Such filth, the Lord has no place for you except…

Helen: Damnation, we know. Actually… I’m kinda proud of that. Heaven’s no fun anyway, since all the good-looking girls are taken- well, except for that girl who had a kid without doing it. She was one of us, I think. What do you think, honey? (Dee ignores this.)

Woman: The BALTO project was created for demonspawn like you!

(Dee’s eyes have not wavered throughout the whole incident.)

Dee: What is your name?

Woman: Rachel McAllen, if you must know, but you knew that already. Owner of Holy Trinity, took it from Cory Harper-Martinez when she took over for Cardio with Caitlin.

Dee: Tell the whole story, bitch!

Rachel: Why should I? By nature, you are torturing me illegally.

(Helen winks at Dee and puts her hands around Rachel’s waist)

Helen: One woman’s torture…

Rachel: You can’t scare me like that. The Lord protected me from women twice as butch as you!

(Dee becomes angrier as she sees everything flash before her eyes)

Dee: Oh, I remember you now. You were the most disgusting, deceitful, two-faced person I ever heard rumor of, and you tried to make MY school your home for hate! Not only that, you murdered your mentor and got away with it. Why else would it be Cardio with Cory now?

Rachel: How dare you watch that…

Helen: Mmmmm, spandex-clad pussy…she may very well be the most popular actress in New York now that Caitlin's retired. I’d nutmeg that soccer princess in a second! Only other one I’d want more would be you. C’mon, let’s see it, you know you’ll be next one day, let’s see that leg go up.

(Helen leg whips Rachel and grabs her left leg and tries to pull it over Rachel’s head)

Dee: Does that feel sexy NOW, bitch?

Tyler: Geez, she ain’t gonna tell us if she’s dead, you know. I do think it’s kind of important we find out something from her.

Dee: What, that she was the worst of the HOPE camp denizens? Vera can tell us that.

Rachel: You will never know about BALTO… the saver of ALL the damned!

(Dee shows an anger normally reserved for Helen and throws Rachel into a wall until Vera intervenes.)

Vera: Violence that begets violence is no better than the violence you supposedly fight! Enough. I thought you were the calm one!

(Dee steps back, embarrassed)

Dee: Oh, right. Isn’t that right, Helen?

Helen: I dunno, why do you think I have no hair? (winks)

Dee: Not funny, Helen. Look, we need Rachel to talk! It doesn't matter what we do. You know what they did at THEIR camps!

Vera: Which is why we must be calmer. Turn the other cheek, remember? "Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord," not saith Deirdre Clay.

Dee: All right.

(The scene shifts to Roosevelt Hospital where Whitey is surveying the damage with Ames. We see many blondes throwing up, or trying to, at their distorted body images. Ames winces in sympathy while Whitey takes a more philosophical approach.)

Whitey: No, mints and diet Oaktree do not create a geyser in the stomach. Man, they are resorting to all they saw on TV to the point that they don’t know HOW to inflict harm on themselves.

Ames: The old finger down the throat trick knows no time period, son.

(The doctor walks in and signals for Ames and Whitey to proceed to the isolation room. There we see the back of a large bank of TVs. The doctor pushes a button, and agonized screaming fills the air. We see a beautiful blonde actress writhing in pain, clutching her knees- Caitlin.)

Ames: She can feel when disconnected!

Whitey: Unheard of! Britney is losing her grip… or is there more?

Ames: With these X-rays, it doesn't matter HOW numb you are.

Doctor: It’s worse than you think. She was bending her leg day in and day out for years with knees that bad. I don’t know how she literally didn’t rip her leg off.

Ames: Some things are best left unsaid, doc.

Doctor: Her leg pretty much stabilized like this for a good 3 years.

Whitey: Or when Cardio with Caitlin became Cardio with Cory. We get it, she becomes the senior citizen, retires happily, and lives happily ever after with her husband. You said she was captured while being transported to Walter Reade, right?

Doctor: Left here by the cult of the Lady because they didn’t know what to do. Actresses are protected, but well…

Caitlin: Owwwwwwwwww! Why???

Ames: Well, she has the whining lines down pat, minus the skating dress, that is.

Doctor: Her leg is beyond repair. She cannot walk on her own. But when she’s connected, it's like it doesn’t matter.

Whitey: They ARE more like zombies than I thought.

Doctor: Even so, she picked up a limp. That’s why they had to take her off TV, but according to the file that came with her…

Ames: The maddening pain started…the day of the ban. You mean…

Whitey: She must have been a player in her day. (The doctor hands Whitey the file.) Worse. Connecticut, of all the places. That’s what made her feel the pain in her knees, when not glued to a TV- none of them could escape.

Ames: And with Britney losing steam, it only gets worse.

Whitey: Can’t prove it, but it makes sense.

Ames: We know Britney lets her puppets fade away if they are no longer needed.

Doctor: Well, standard TV knocks her out enough that she’s comfortable… of course no one goes near her then.

Ames: “Property of LIJ medical center maternity ward, special unit LW” Certainly not! My team broke that sordid story. Let's just say that Linda was as out of her everloving mind as 50 sometimes.

Whitey: Yikes!

(The three leave the room and turn the production equipment back on and Caitlin calms down as they walk away. Back at Rikers Vera has taken control of the interrogation of Rachel. Rachel is sitting petrified in her chair, screaming at what she sees before her, her eyes wide, a half-eaten cookie next to her.)

Rachel: No, Lord, don’t let me drown in the flood of the dyke!

Helen: Man, and you called us bad-ass. At least we don’t throw them out on acid trips.

Vera: Peyote, actually. Doesn’t last as long, doesn’t cause as much brain damage, and she still has her senses, hence why she’s living the nightmare. When she comes down, she should be more receptive.

Dee: Let me ask the questions.

Vera: Okay, she’s now about where she has her thoughts but is still in the grip of fear.

Dee: I AM THE GRAND DUKE!!! You will answer my questions or perish!

Rachel: Please don't hurt me! You can keep the gym, just let us have the honor of punishing the dykes.

Helen: Duke? Man, you are pissed, honey!

Dee: Who was the goon?

Rachel: Cory- Cory made her, she was the first! The rebels, they said she and Cory were dykes, and Cory knew it wasn't true, but she had to do something. She called Linda, wanted her to become an actress but no network would take her, so Linda created the program. It erases memories and puts in the stereotype, but then creates an inner weapon of pure rage. Gail was the first, and BALTO was born. Every camp leader had one made, mostly butch women, someone who could punish, that way we wouldn't have to have the filthy blood on our hands. Some would use it to eliminate troublemakers, but most would just find big girls. I created the second, we needed a second, your people were furious that we wouldn't let them take part, so I found one of yours. Forgive me!

Dee: What were the BALTO women used for?

Rachel: Punishment.

Dee: WHAT KIND?

Rachel: They were built to break the bones of any incorrigible. The more incorrigible, the more vital the bone.

Dee: To killing?

Rachel: A dyke is not a human, it is more wrong to abort a fetus than it is to kill a dyke. A dyke was stripped of their humanity by the devil. They are the cousins of vampires and witches, NOT humans.

Dee: After the program ended?

Rachel: We disposed of any remaining dyke waste according to code.

Dee: And the BALTO project?

Rachel: They remain our protectors. They are true soldiers of GOD! They were to multiply as further dykes were rounded up for disposal.

Dee: And the Becky we met?

Rachel: Butterfly Colony, 46 kills, never missed a broken bone.

Dee: And yours?

Rachel: Big Al was only there to dispose of the filth. I used Gail for assault. She was the best preacher I had, everyone prayed for her to destroy the dyke who would continue to infiltrate the perfect camp. When it came time to purge, she was perfect, she killed everyone in 3 days.

(Tyler has already left the room to throw up and even Helen looks queasy, but Dee remains focused. Vera has turned her back so she does not have to hear the gruesome details.)

Dee: May God have mercy on your soul. I recommend death.

Rachel: So I shall join the Lord in Heaven as the devil's bitches try and try again to bring me down.

Dee: God does not live in your church, that’s why I linger.

Rachel: Why do you side with your rapist?

Dee: Because our minds are fused by the devil because we do not have enough soul left to function, remember?

Rachel: I am unbreakable! The Lord is my chastity belt that cannot be penetrated. You can kill me but you can never make me a…

(Dee straddles Rachel and tongue kisses her while Helen summons Becky back in. Sure enough, Becky cannot tell mistress from target and attacks Rachel before Vera pulls them away. The scene shifts to Todd in his office with Terrell.)

Todd: Who do we have?

Terrell: We have millions from across the nation coming in. In fact, we have enough that Bouchard is setting up troops in Canada to invade Seattle and Hollywood to take care of the main parts of Britney.

Todd: Take out the foundation and the peripherals while we take out the mainframe, it makes sense.

Terrell: We have members from all 50 states now, large contingents, about 20 million men and women ready to fight.

Todd: And Dee and Helen are exposing the atrocities, right?

Terrell: Yeah, Jesus, they found one hell of a nut to roast to show how much there WAS a gay holocaust.

Todd: Good, just so that they don’t harm any more actors or actresses. We're still cleaning up after that reporter in Westchester.

Terrell: You didn’t hear, man? There’s an emergency council meeting at Roosevelt Hospital. There’s an actress there, and the rumor is she has a death warrant against her.

Todd: How can she? They are all innocent.

Terrell: Except she had ties to the Lone Wolves.

Todd: The universal death warrant?

Terrell: Yep. Indeed, but it’s tough to fathom killing an actress, man. Why couldn’t they just OD like the past, man? Makes things easier and you get something to laugh at for a week.

Todd: You know more than you show, you always did.

Terrell: And that’s why I was smart enough to keep YOU around for protection, cuz, well you are Jesus, man. Why? Because they are all FREAKS over you and the government wants a nation of Jesus freaks.

Todd: Or freaks over freaks, but that’s another issue.

(The scene shifts to the hospital where the entire city council is sitting.)

Dee: She has to be executed just like the HOPE camp she was patron of! Otherwise, there IS no punishment for the crimes, she was the symbol and reward of what was a death camp!

Helen: Or at least left to rot from being kept away from the machine.

Ames: But she hurts more without Britney. Britney keeps her at peace. Without a hyperprogramming machine, you are torturing her to death, and that’s cruel and unusual.

Whitey: But she was going to be killed by the government. She IS a Lone Wolf under all the lights after all, and she was crazier than all of them before she went Hollywood. May I add, it’s Linda Wolfe’s machine she now uses.

Todd: Actors and actresses are innocent, dead, victims of Britney, they cannot be held responsible for their actions.

Terrell: It is up to her to be cared for. She should be given back to the government, no matter what their intentions, she’s their property in the end.

(Don Arturo speaks up)

Arturo: You said that she is dead inside, that she has no soul.

Todd: In a way, yes.

Arturo: Before this, what was her name?

Dee: Caitlin Shea.

Arturo: Ah, a good Irish Catholic name. Thank you. May I speak to the doctor privately?

Dee: Why?

Arturo: In the Catholic faith, you save all you can once, but you do not bring unneeded suffering. Why extend her life beyond the natural?

Ames: Without the machine, she can barely move.

Arturo: Bring a priest.

(Suddenly a government representative speaks up.)

Government rep: She is ours, give her to us.

Arturo: Why?

Government rep: It is God’s will to be a member of the people and not against the people living in filth.

(Arturo calmly pulls his gun and shoots the government rep.)

Arturo: I’m Catholic, we’ve been killing in the name of God for thousands of years before you even had a faith. Now, I asked for a priest.

(Erica Stephens shows up an hour later in full priest robes. Shortly thereafter, Don Arturo exits the hospital room to meet with Whitey and Ames.)

Arturo: It is over now. No more worries about her knee, or leg, or mindlessness. It was the way God planned. There are more important issues at hand. There's no need to waste time with petty debate.

Ames: You shot her, didn’t you?

Arturo: No, I stopped a distraction that would destroy the effort, and ended the suffering of someone who had suffered for years. No more pain after all.

Whitey: She told you to kill her, didn’t she?

Arturo: Maybe. Such is life in the family.

(The scene shifts to Center Moriches where the council of the SUE sits with Rachel set on the stage with the firing squad facing her.)

Dee: It is time to move forward. We hold this execution here because we need to show the barbarity of the American people. In this box was the evidence that damned Rachel here to die. Her thoughts were beyond Britney and caused the death of hundreds. Furthermore she manipulated the system to gain more and more for herself in the name of God. In a way, she is no different than anyone else, but the scale to which she executed it goes beyond imagination. But do not let my word be the only evidence.

(Becky is brought in. In her maddened state, she changes from ditz to monster in one split second, spewing filth as the details of the BALTO project are revealed. The crowd that was once split was now united and as Rachel is executed the Council of the SUE walks to the forefront for the battle and march to Washington. They are joined by millions from across the country, ready for battle. Meanwhile, in Baltimore, the Blue Jays clinch the division over the Orioles. The madness builds for the final destruction.)