Episode 6

The Easter Games

(They call sports a religion of its own. This is just as true in Channel 1 America as it was in the past, if not more so. From the days of well-known athlete Ford, to football standout Reagan, to Yale baseball legend Bush the 1st, to Bush the 2nd a former baseball owner who solidified the national pastime as part of being an American, sports, and the passion for sports, has been one of the distinguishing factors between America and the world. Britney took full advantage of this when she was created. Sports is now the backbone of society outside of television. The arts are nonexistent outside of Hollywood-produced propaganda and vapid entertainment, so therefore a night out consists of either movies or sporting events. Athletes are the only non N-stage members of the entertainment matrix; the results are still as unpredictable as they were in the old days, and therefore the passion for sports is greater than ever. There is no such thing as an empty seat at a sporting event, even though ticket prices have never been higher. Though there is overlap, the different channels go for different sports. Baseball is not just king of the sports, it is the entire royal flush, the biggest celebration of everything America. It has become to America what bullfighting was to Spain, more a celebration of the culture than just a sport. Football is just as popular as baseball, and more concentrated because of its weekly schedule. Basketball caters to the blacks, women's soccer to the younger crowd, tennis and golf to the rich, and auto racing to the poor. Every variety of college sport is watched by the student body and gains interest for the future prospects coming out of high school. Schools are highly competitive and most college matchups, both academic and athletic, are hotly contested. May 1st is when all college decisions are made final. A select few who excel at their craft are invited to the Easter Games, a prestigious contest that showcases their talent and college choice to the entire country. Indeed, it showcases them as heroes and celebrities so they become household names before they even set foot on campus. This idea was not new, but Britney took to it very quickly as a façade of the "15 minutes of fame" that inspires all youth in their daily competition and studies; at the same time it showcases the culture and fuels the frenzy for sports and events. The events range from a baseball game to a talent contest for those young people teetering on the N stage, from a football game to a trivia tournament. The Easter Games take place over the 3-day Easter holiday, starting on Good Friday and ending on Sunday and consist of 36 events spanning all channels. Each event is fully televised, the better events on Channel 1, the lesser events on the lesser channels. All the events are highly rated and the overall festival is the 4th most well known event of the nation behind only the World Series, Opening Day, and the Super Bowl. The Easter Games take place in the assumed birthplace of Britney- Baton Rouge, Louisiana, where a large complex was built simply for this event. In team events, the rosters are split East and West. In individual events each state sends its grand champion to compete in a race or tournament with the 64 states and territories of the US: the lower 48 states, the twelve territories of the Caribbean, and the 4 states of controlled Mexico. The Easter Games of course are not without the normal myriad of sponsors from the 500 and are often seen as more powerful in advertising than normal programming. Back in Toronto, these events don't go unnoticed as Todd meets with his troops.)

Todd: All right, we have spent the last month fact finding and getting the Blue Jays ready. What do we have to disrupt the Easter games? While Ashlee is in her full effect, you cannot just say things. It is the only time we can infiltrate in person and make some sort of statement. Also, I will be there to quash any attempt by Britney to erode my popularity by using the retreat during the kiss-in against me. I do not think it should be a problem but we should definitely take that precaution. So report! I want as many chances to disrupt things as possible without violence. We need to keep the fabric of sports pure so that the Blue Jays can take over this season while we wreak havoc on the streets.

Eva: The Easter Games are larger than ever. We have some people we know who are selected. Not official resistance but good people, so we can try to see if we can break Ashlee here. It is highly rated and the biggest thing before Opening Day.

Frank: Besides, it's the little girl's hometown, man, she thinks it's like Woodstock, she's, like, far out tripping about this event, dude!

Terrell: Hey, Jesus, if my little vanilla and chocolate couple is right, distortion among some of the really sheltered white guys apparently is so bad that we blacks became invisible or just come across as monkeys. Hmmm... I should use that to my advantage and boost some bling from the burbs.

Todd: Terrell!

Terrell: Hey, man, I haven't had bling since I was a lawyer! I got more needs than just my pot, you know! Besides, I think you can use this to strain race relations. Nothing like pissing off a black guy to wake 'em up.

Helen: The government seems to have changed course and decided to accuse inverse lesbians of phony crimes to start the gay holocaust. Luckily, they still need to have some mockery of the justice system, so we have time.

Bouchard: They have been doing that at the ground level already- our closer lost his lover and his sister to this.

Whitey: Show trials? Brilliant! Who said that the Nazis couldn't learn from the Commies?

Dee: Good God! They have no mercy, do they? They couldn't kill a free lesbian so they cut off their own left pinky! (sobs into Helen's arms)

Todd: Dee, that's why we are here, to stop this so they only trim the fingernails. Stay strong, we need you.

Dee: I know, it's just...

Todd: Your own people. I'll never pretend to know how that feels.

Helen: Good! That would piss off Eva!

(Even Dee cracks a smile at this remark.)

Dee: Hehe, you always knew how to make me forget. (Holds Helen)

Todd: And the fools can't see this.

Helen: They haven't for years before Britney. They just didn't want us dead before.

Todd: It will change, even if it is small I will make sure it will change.

Dee: I know, now the word also is that they've finally banned women's basketball. They folded the league last year and stopped it in college and high school, but now the former players are turning in the lesbians, those who haven't already escaped to New York. The game was the only sanctuary outside of New York, and now that's a death trap.

Todd: (Scoffs) Well, hell. How the hell did I capture Bin Laden without women's basketball, so there! I have a plan for that. Someone's gonna pay who tries to out someone in Baton Rouge.

Whitey: I discovered something, well, with Slash's help. You know how you were freed by contradiction?

Todd: You mean why I'm not pounding Dee in my dreams?

Helen: Besides the fact that I'd kick your ass, and then Dee would kick your ass, and Eva would just shoot whatever was left? Yeah, we know why.

Whitey: Britney overcompensated, big!

Todd: Makes sense. What did she do?

Whitey: She tuned all her messages to already familiar tunes and patterns. This distorts the memories of the past to her messaging so that no one can free themselves through their memories of the past.

Todd: They just hear the same messages instead, clever.

Whitey: And very breakable. The precision needed for that trick is so key they use the exact samples for the music they need to replace. Therefore, the same music will be taken as Britney's music even if it is in fact the original.

Bouchard: Pardon, but I see that as further distortion and more trouble.

Whitey: So did everyone else. It's a dirty little secret- hell, I'm not sure if even the 500 knows about this. You see, you are right on the surface. In fact, if you give them the original they will begin to sing along in Britney's voice. But remember, they're brainwashed, not deaf; soon, subconsciously they trip over the real lines and sing along to the real lyrics. If this is retained or not, I don't know. I need more research. But Slash's journal suggests that this can be used as a start to deprogramming. I DO know that this will cause a change in behavior, even if it is only temporary. This means that if you find the right tunes, you can convey your message without any threat of Ashlee.

Todd: That can be a huge mistake, fatal even. Keep exploiting it and see what else you can come up with. Good work.

Whitey: Thank you, sir.

Eva: Now the Easter Games are tough security, so we need to run as much as possible from here.

Whitey: Already done. You know how the interceptors block Britney's signal but allow us to see her programming? Well, I can use one of them in reverse to jam Britney's feed and distort the audio of the live remote. Not the subliminals, mind you, so it's safe, but you can have some pretty weird contradictions happening.

Bouchard: We tried that before, Ashlee can pick them up and use her delay.

Whitey: Not the way I plan to use it. Some things Ashlee just can't touch, that's what I discovered a few weeks ago.

Todd: Eva and I will go to Baton Rouge. That should make interesting fodder for the gossip pages! Everyone else will stay here. Terrell, you man the phones and wait for my reports when I spy targets. Frank, dude, keep tripping. Dee and Helen, get that gay quarterback they mistakenly invited ready to announce his choice. Keep talking to him, DON'T let him get cold feet like a lot of gays do. I'll bring 5 undercover Mounties to pose as his family- hell, even bring his lover. They won't suspect much, those boys have been friends since birth.

Dee: I'm just surprised that they haven't caught on. I mean, he did skip out of school and go to Harvey Milk!

Terrell: They made up some lame excuse. After all, he's a Texas brotha like me, and in their eyes ain't no man from Texas be gay. That's the land where everyone loved Bush even before they all fell for Britney.

Helen: Given where I went to school, I'll vouch for that. Even the women loved bush. (winks)

Dee: (Gasps) I never knew you voted for that fiend! How could you... (Helen whispers something in her ear) Ohhhh, THAT bush. Why didn't you say so? (Coy smile)

(It's now Good Friday, the first day of the Easter Games. As is tradition there is a huge parade of all the athletes from all 64 states and territories inside the gigantic, sold-out 100,000-seat football stadium. Since this is Easter, they all have their normal goofy hats on. Todd sits in the upper deck, getting his tickets for free once they saw his face and that he appeared to be dating Natalie. He scouts the athletes and sees Phil is indeed there, representing Texas in the football game. They march past the royal box where O'Reilly, Dorman, and President Richardson sit. Last year's talent show winner sings the national anthem, and Todd and Eva have to show great restraint among the brainwashed to keep from laughing at them keeping the line "land of the free" in the lyrics. Then, as is tradition, everyone in unison spontaneously sings "God Bless America". The ceremonies conclude with the traditional balloons, fireworks, balloons and a speech from President Richardson.)

President Richardson: Welcome, one and all to the Easter Games, this show of leadership and teamwork makes up the fabric of America and that freedom marches on! (Cheering) The task of freedom is not an easy one, and I know that with the crowd we have today, and the faith in God we all possess, we will withstand any threat and conquer any enemy and preserve freedom for one and all! God bless you, and God bless America! Let the games begin! (cheering)

(Back at HQ everyone is laughing)

Whitey: I'm surprised Todd didn't open fire just on general principles.

(Back in the stadium, the crowd splits up for the various venues. There is a lot of action in just three days, so the schedule is packed, but so are the stadiums. The ceremonies are just one event; there are about 2 million people here and the surrounding areas to see all the events. Fortunately, they have a good train system to make sure no one misses anything. Todd calls Terrell.)

Todd: See anyone you liked?

Terrell: Oh yeah, those Jamaican track honeys, man, were they ever sweet. Hell, the blondie can't make 'em give up pot, so there may even be a little hope for a stoner brother, mon! (laughs)

Todd: I meant in terms of potential targets!

Terrell: Yeah, boss! Saw they entered a chick from Fort Lee in the marathon, I thought that area was for people just starting out on the blonde. She looks a lil spaced, even for a Britney girl, but who knows with that area? They think it's a halfway house before Britney locks them away for good in the rest of the country.

Todd: Interesting. I'm surprised they would take that tack after realizing that New York wasn't even close to going under.

Terrell: From what I've heard from the broadcast, she's just that damn good!

Todd: Anyone else?

Terrell: Some white trash airhead bimbo soccer chump being praised as a hero for quitting basketball and personally outing and executing 6 lesbian teammates. Whitey wants to give her whatfor to test his theories on Ashlee.

Todd: I like his style.

Terrell: And your gay boys are in da house! They will be going at it Sunday, right before the baseball game- well, I think they'll be going at it sooner than that, but that's the time of the game. They ready to commit to NYU, and Whitey will be keeping Ashlee in check hopefully.

Todd: Anyone else to look for?

Terrell: The ho' sale, er, I mean tennis competition. Dee says she spotted Stacy there, representing South Dakota, and Dee says there's something just wrong with that. I said it made perfect sense, since that's where most horses come from and she's gonna get ridden like one shortly.

Todd: Great, a bitch so warped she knows about me. But that view is too off the norm, so I doubt she'd be able to cause trouble. I take it she didn't return to Lindseyville and end up a model.

Terrell: Nahh, too important, besides too hot. The 500 need their recreational heroine as well. (laughs)

Todd: And, oh yeah, I wouldn't make fun of South Dakota around lesbians, just a hint.

(Hangs up phone and looks for Eva, who is being bombarded by brainwashed fans seeking autographs... from Natalie. Everyone clears out of the way when they see Todd heading toward them.)

Todd: Can't a soldier have his trophy girlfriend to himself for one second? (Takes Eva by the arm.)

Eva: I didn't think we were THAT alike.

Todd: Who knows what they saw?

Eva: I at least knew enough to sign my name like Natalie. It has happened before, just not with so many people. (She shudders slightly.)

Todd: Well, now you are dating Todd Carter, no one's gonna mess with you, they have too much respect for me. (laughs).

Eva: That's good. Who says only actresses get heroes? (Kisses Todd)

(The scene shifts to the royal box. O'Reilly, Dorman and the President are there when they meet up with a Channel 1 reporter.)

Reporter: Your Honor, you won't believe who's here, the newest couple of the year. Todd Carter and Natalie!

O'Reilly: Interesting. Are you sure?

Reporter: They were kissing each other in the upper deck. They look soooo cute!

Dorman: I told you he couldn't last forever. It looks like we got our hero back.

O'Reilly: There's something odd about this, but I can't put my finger on it. I will do some research when I get back. I doubt he really would be so brazen to go into the birthplace of Britney- the risk would be too high. Must've just been some good-looking soldier. After all, you know the first rule of our government.

Dorman: Right, if the media is believable, you must be giving out too much information.

O'Reilly: Not sure if this is good for us, but... hmmm. It keeps Todd fresh in their minds. Perhaps if he keeps acting up we may be able to expose betrayal. Oh well, he's not that much a threat here. He has no friends and no dope, so let's relax and enjoy the games!

Dorman: Wanna ask Britney what she's thinking?

O'Reilly: Later, these are days to celebrate. I'd doubt he'd start a fight here- we'd see the troops. BUT I'd like to make sure Ashlee is in full effect. Who knows what is going on with all these 17-18 year olds?

(We now are taken to the women's soccer game, where the focus is on the East team and a player from Boston. Her name is Patty Morris, and she wears the 9 jersey, the number given to the top player on each side. Her six-foot height shows that this was not her first choice in sport. Her blonde hair shines with her long legs and firm build. She is giggly as everything. Back at HQ Whitey sees this and laughs.)

Whitey: Someone killed some gays today. Uh, sorry, Dee, Helen.

Dee: Sad, really. She looks so much like Lady Liberty did.

Helen: Only Dee would have a soft spot for the bleachers still.

(On the television, they hear Patty.)

Reporter: Ms. Morris, you had quite an experience recently, as a former basketball player who found the way of God. You were able to break from the dangerous arms of the perverted lesbian and move to the arms of the Lord- congratulations. So where will you be going to school?

Patty: Oh, like, I know I was, like, fooled by the dykes for a long time...

(At HQ)

Dee: HEY! Dyke? Whatever happened to censorship?!

Helen: Hell, dyke probably is in the Bible nowadays. (sighs)

(Back on the TV)

Patty: Well, I straightened out that situation and now I am ready to continue my career and my relationship with my Rudy at UConn.

(At HQ)

Dee: AAAAKKKK! A lesbian-shooting jerk going to UConn?! That is BEYOND wrong! Someone kill her, PLEASE!

Whitey: Don't worry, I got her first speech on tape. Wait until after the game.

Helen: This better work. I mean, just what we need, more fodder against the lesbians.

Whitey: If this works, I have a foundation to kill Ashlee once and for all. And maybe even crack Britney.

Helen: You sure are confident.

Whitey: You can't beat a cocky bitch without being just as cocky. Or maybe it's just the Chinese food I made.

Dee: You thought up Operation Fortune Cookie?

Whitey: Me and my dad. The army delivered it, and well... three million served! So yeah, I know my blonde pretty well... there, have her voice locked on, just call me Ashlee!

(It's halftime of the game and we see another interview with America's soccer princess.)

Reporter: So what is it like being free and playing soccer?

Patty: It's soooo awesome! I really love it! I can shower without fear!

(At HQ)

Whitey: Pay attention, girls...you may learn something.

(Over the TV, the following is heard.)

Patty: Feeling that my love of my life will come to me in peace. It's, like, all alone in her arms. It's soooo awesome! I really love it! I, like, love being a dyke! I can shower without fear... (The guys in the truck see the problem and quickly cut away, while Dee and Helen are laughing their butts off at HQ.)

Dee: Whitey, you are WRONG for that!

Helen: Damn, I haven't heard a blonde talk like that since I met Dee! How did you do it?

Whitey: Easy. There's a 5 second delay, so I heard every word of her speech in real time. She spoke every word of that speech. I just played with the order and that's what the people heard. Dunno if it stuck, but well... I just slashed their soccer queen... eeeeeeeeeee!

Helen: You know, I'm starting to see why you and Slash made a good couple.

(Back at the government building, O'Reilly sees what has happened.)

Britney: Daddy, did we invite a dyke to my birthplace? Or did my stupid little sister mess up? Or, ummm, have you been crossing my wires again?

O'Reilly: I think we had a visit from the Amazons.

Britney: Hello, we killed them! Remember? Pop, pop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief that was! Stupid queers! Nobody calls me a dyke and gets away with it.

O'Reilly: I think someone jammed Ashlee. You can do that using interceptors but very few are brave enough to try. They're worried they may hear you.

Britney: Well, I didn't think my singing was that bad, even with my Louisiana accent. (giggles) And that sister of mine is good for what, exactly?

O'Reilly: I don't know. But we can explain technical difficulties well enough. And besides, they can't stop the subliminals.

Britney: Oh, I know. Still, (pouts) bad crazy people!

O'Reilly: I'll have Dorman figure out what happened. No one's going to hurt you, sweetie.

Britney: Oh, I know, Daddy! You're here to protect me.

(The scene shifts now to the end of the women's marathon. We see Todd and Eva at the finish line. Andrea Hoffman has a huge lead and is going for the new American record which she has beat by a good 2 minutes. She crosses the finish line and Todd and Eva stare at each other.)

Eva: Was that the same airhead we saw at the start?

Todd: It was. She gains speed and focus. Listen to that interview.

Andréa: Hey, I just ran it hard and wide open. You gotta get the lead out and pound that pavement like it was yesterday's news if you're gonna survive a marathon like this.

Eva: Sounds like a New Yorker.

Todd: And she changed the pronunciation of her name. She breaks from Britney when she runs!

Eva: Think we can get her over to our side?

Todd: She just ditched her boyfriend to stay close to home. Maybe in a few months, but this shows that if Britney goes away, the people can be saved. At least some of them.

Eva: Yeah, I know.

(The scene shifts to Saturday, where we are at the women's tennis event. Tennis is one of the eight glamour sports for women, along with gymnastics, figure skating, rhythmic gymnastics, dance, cheerleading, synchronized swimming, and beach volleyball. This is code for the 500 to bid on and gain their interns for the upcoming term. Even in the days of the final freedom under Clinton, intern was slang for an overglorified and underpaid prostitute. Now they are mostly immigrant women, but the occasional native-born American goes deep enough under to sell herself to the government's primal interests. They are all dressed in their finest and tightest white short tennis dresses, holding their rackets like they were born to them. The main section contains all the members of the 500, all fighting to get the top 64 prizes. Todd and Eva sit in the back section laughing at this.)

Eva: Those schmucks know nothing about tennis. Hell, you could probably buy one of them and deprogram them.

Todd: Nahh, you'd kick my ass if I bought a blonde, and I'd never hear the end of it from Dee and Helen. Besides, most of these girls are just one step away from Hollywood to begin with. If I was going to take someone back to Canada to deprogram it would be that runner. But, well, we will see how she handles Rio first.

(We see Stacy ready to play her match against a young blonde from Florida. She swings and misses at the first serve but the fans don't seem to mind.)

Eva: Talk about playing for a score of "love", grrr.

(Stacy comes back and wins her match, and the founder and CEO of Teddy Bear Toilet Paper to go back to Washington with.)

Todd: Talk about going down the toilet. How terrible for her. Wonder what her mother would think.

Eva: It could be worse. He could have been named McCarthy. (Winks)

Todd: Remember, stay back from her. She knows who we are. But I do have a plan to bring her back.

(As Todd and Eva leave the stadium, Stacy runs out and meets them.)

Stacy: I saw you two traitors. I see you brought your rhyming jerk from Israel here.

Eva: Who, me, gay? Who, me, Jewish? Who would ever cast a gay Jew as the host of the most popular talk show in America? Now you go on and enjoy your boyfriend and become a good wife like God intended you to. Remember, love yourself, and Jesus will love you back.

Stacy: Sorry, Natalie, I thought you were someone else. But watch out for Todd, he isn't who you think he is.

(Stacy walks away.)

Todd: You were always a good talker, Natalie. (winks).

Eva: It's good to have a sister. (winks back)

(The scene shifts to Sunday. We are at the next to last event of the competition: the football game. The West squad has Phil Mayne as captain, and he hits his targets with precision. As is the tradition, the men declare their college choice after their big plays. Phil throws a touchdown and is pulled aside to make his announcement. In the bag is the hat of the Violet Pride of NYU. The NYU football program was created in 2010 with the opening of the West Side Stadium which they share with the Jets. NYU has become the safe haven school for both gays and lesbians. Queens College has become the home of exclusively gay men, both because of the name and because of the nearby community; Brooklyn or Hunter Colleges are the choices for lesbians, Brooklyn for its proximity to strongly lesbian neighborhoods and Hunter for its long- although past- women-only tradition. Like the Blue Jays, NYU has some great athletes but doesn't win as many as they should because of brainwashed officials. And in football, the linemen are inclined to hold more than they should. Phil is seen as their best-ever recruit, as many top gay athletes take up baseball and play for the Blue Jays. The name Violet Pride comes from the merger of NYU's program with Hofstra's in 2013, when the universities merged after the post-Olympic migration. Phil is set and Big Al is taken onto the field with the 6 Mounties who pose as his family, blonde women and all. Back at headquarters, Whitey readies himself to secure the announcement.)

Whitey: All ready... don't back down now, Phillie!

(On the screen we see Phil reach into the bag and boos rain down on him as he pulls out the hat of...)

Phil: I have done a lot of soul searching, and I found out who I am. I am a man of a certain way, and me and Al will be attending...OKLAHOMA!

(In the stands O'Reilly laughs.)

O'Reilly: Told ya I could fix it, Dorman.

Dorman: I hope it lasts.

O'Reilly: Some fag porn writer ain't bringing us down. Even if she is back from the dead.

(At HQ)

Whitey: What the hell?!

Dee: I thought you had Ashlee all figured out.

Whitey: I did. They must have fixed Ashlee. They definitely announced NYU. I saw a flash of purple before the OU hat was superimposed.

Terrell: It could be worse, you could have trapped them in Texas.

(The next day Eva is with Whitey.)

Eva: It's not just one familiar thing, Whitey. You did well, though. I heard about what you did to that bigot- excellent job. Don't feel bad, we got Phil back in NY, and he and Al aren't too disappointed. They'll show them on the field.

Whitey: How is it that one day I can out a straight-arrow God-loving blonde, and another they censor a little old cap? You'd have to have influence like Natalie or the Ten Commanding Comics to break the system. Damn it... they must have fixed the flaw after the slashing incident.

Eva: I'm still Natalie to them. I know from the thousands of autographs I had to sign. Hell, even Stacy couldn't tell the difference, and she knew that Todd could not possibly be with Natalie.

Whitey: Wait a minute... are you saying that if every detail is the same, not even Britney can tell the difference?

Eva: Just ask Todd.

Whitey: I think I have an idea. It's very, very dangerous and very risky, though. If you could-

Eva: I know, but Todd loves me too much. I don't know if I can.

Whitey: You weren't afraid to take on the government before. Let me know where you stand. It's dangerous, but it could mean the end of Britney.

(The scene then fades out.)