What happens when two queens get together for tea and burgers.

The scene looks like two early 20's girls sitting at a lunch table somewhere, though the location is unclear. One is blonde, the other brunette; the blonde is in tight blue jeans and sweater, the brunette in a fancy Union Jack T-shirt with tight black pants. The brunette wears a sparkling crown on her head as she awkwardly pours tea for the blonde while they wait for their fish and chips, the only dish they can agree on. Such is life for the two virtual rulers of their own free world. Britney visits her sister on occasion, just to make sure that she doesn't stray too far from her message. Becky was originally a rebel against Britney, something she still teases her older sister about, but she was better educated by her father, Blair, and she grew to love Britney and her peaceful and blinding promises. Now she rules the British house of Windsor with the British companies ruling the House of Commons. She still posesses the key elements of old British culture, just like Britney brought back post-war American values. They laugh and tell stories of their people.

"So, love, how are the royal subjects doing these days?" Becky asks.

"Ummm, like, we, like, got rid of monarchy 250 years ago. Like, hello, we dumped your tea into Boston Harbor!" Britney replies, not having a clue what Becky is saying, before it dawns on her. "Oh! The American people! They're doing all right, I guess. Harder than I thought to kill all the dykes, so many have run to New York. But the people elsewhere are growing prouder and more religious by the minute."

"Good to hear, love. We already got rid of all the homos a while ago. Rather easy when they all wear skirts to show their preference. Took the army 6 weeks to kill them all. Scotland's a beautiful countryside now. I had the construction department make it into housing so my people could get out of those dreadfully small flats and have a suburb to make their home for their children. Care for a faggot?"

Britney winces at the last line until she sees Becky pull out a cigarette and she gladly obliges and lights up.

"I take it that you don't want to hear that we are building a new dike on the Avon?"

"Like, I know your language THAT well, Becky!" Britney replies sharply to Becky's obvious attempt to make fun of the differences in slang. Lunch is served and Britney stares at the fries next to her fish.

"I thought we were having chips, not freedom fries. Oh well, not like it matters," Britney says as she munches on a fry. "And don't try the spotted dick joke for dessert joke, either! I'm so on to that!"

"Why would I do an awful thing like that, love? Anyway, how's your father and boyfriend?" Becky chuckled back at her.

"Overprotective, as always. Honestly, they think that one failure before I was even born is going to bring me down. Okay, so his men did give me a bad case of the dizzies during opening day."

"Oh my! Was it serious, love?"

"No, just was having a baby and didn't realize it. Got a little overexcited. But isn't she adorable? She looks *just* like Natalie. In fact, I used her to replace Natalie when she got a little sick." Britney beams with delight as she shows Becky pictures of Kate and Natalie together at last.

"Ahh, yes, I had that happen to me once. Bloody Irish tried to take me over using someone who looked like one of your lasses. They wanted their land back, so I let them have it. All rocks and bogs anyway, little value except to those papists. Besides, I just took back the Raj. Why would I need a lot of drunkards when I have a whole subcontinent just for building things and a place for the coloreds to return home to. It's really something you should think about, love," Becky suggests with a smile.

"Naaah, sis, my people like teasing blacks. It gives them something to keep them from being bored by all my repetition. Besides, now I got it where they only see them when they want to make fun of them." Britney leans in like she's telling her sister a secret. "Once, some black man got run over and killed by an American, and no one even saw it! I gotta say, I'm good!" Britney giggles at the idea that she can blind an entire race to another race. "Besides, honey, you wouldn't be able to get near those dots if I hadn't taken Pakistan for my sweatshop. By the way, they made me this sweater, isn't it gorgeous?"

"Well, these trousers came from the Raj, they are quite clever with designs. And you can use them to peddle cheap food when your subjects get hungry while traveling or need something to read. Besides, now I have the Taj Mahal AND Buckingham Palace to call home rather than just some old mansions."

Britney shrugs. "Hey, at least I don't get lost in my own home! And WHAT, exactly, is so wrong with the White House?"

"Didn't we burn that thing in 1812? Ugh, what a dreadful old building!" Becky teases.

Britney taunts back, "Well, name one thing I didn't teach you!"

"Well, love, I showed you how you can hold your audience quite captive through sport. Of course, I use football, not that sped-up bastardazation of cricket you use," Becky replies.

"Heeeyyy, I like football! The impacts destroy brain cells and make my job easier."

Becky just rolls her eyes and smiles at the emptiness of this remark.

"Hey, at least I don't have two names like you do," Britney says once she realizes the stupidity of her previous remark.

"What? I called myself Becky when I wanted to control Americans. When Father wanted me to control the British I changed my name to Victoria. Becky is easier for you to pronounce, that's the only reason I use it with you." Becky says, flaunting her black hair and the Union Jack on her shirt just to show Britney that she isn't merely her puppet.

"Like, I still say that Diana would have made the people fall for you faster." Britney replies, trying again to show that she was the one who made her sister great.

"We don't like blondes here. We need something to show that we aren't Americans who butcher the language. Say, you know, we have finally gotten enough support to put the baseball league on the same tier as EPL." Becky giggles with pride.

"Awesome, sis! I'll look forward to having my Cubs beat your asses in 20 years! Keep up the good work. I better get back to my people- it's almost seven back there already! Darn five-hour time difference!" Britney gets up to head home.

"Take care, love, and remember that it was four Englishmen who made America so pop-conscious." Becky says, her last line said with extra pride for her country as she heads back to her home in Buckingham Palace to be the new Queen Victoria and once again make sure the sun never sets on the virtual empire.