1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do

it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be

grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you

saw, it is not standard

practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to

swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of

my head. Last I heard, deep

throat had been done. And additionally, do you

really WANT puke on your

dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK

to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer

week" - get it through

your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so

no, I don't feel particularly

obligated to blow you just because YOU can't

have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked

on high school girls - if

you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me

alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from

my

teeth, don't tell me I've

just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games

immediately afterwards is

highly inadvisable if you would like my

behavior to be repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best

not to speculate about the origins

of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be

happy that we're good at it. See

also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I

don't care about the protein

content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how

they don't get blow jobs

often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is

inappropriate to either sympathize

or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does

not mean I have to "kiss it

good morning."

--Guys

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If

you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a

hell of a lot easier than licking

a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the

word "queef" mean anything to

you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry

about it and be thankful I'm not

pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something

in your mouth is the only

way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck

it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five

straight days, you need all the

fluids you can get. Trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I

tell you that we get the short

end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding

in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it,

we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake"

in the morning now, but

when you get old & fat and looking for some

action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be

"sound asleep."

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry

about getting any on your

face, now will you?