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Willow: My parents don't even bicker. Sometimes they glare.

Cordelia: Hello? Doofus! You're in my light.
Xander: Wendell, what is wrong with you? Don't you know that she is the center of the universe, and the rest of us merely revolve around her?
Cordelia: Why don't you revolve yourselves out of my light?

Buffy: Chapter five? Active listening? Where you put on your big ears and really focus on the other person?
Wendell: Ms. Tishler demonstrated it yesterday.
Willow: With you!
Buffy: She was wearing that tight sweater?
Xander: Oh, the midnight blue angora! See, I was listening.

Joyce: You just have to remember that your father adores you. No more than I do, by the way.

Xander: Well, the Hellmouth, the center of mystical convergence, supernatural monsters: been there.
Buffy: Little blase' there, aren't you?
Xander: I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party!

Wendell: They're not insects. They're arachnids.
Xander: They're from the Middle East?

Hank: It was you.
Buffy: Me?
Hank: Having you. Raising you. Seeing you everyday. I mean, do you have any idea what that's like?
Buffy: What?
Hank: Gosh, you don't even see what's right in front of your face, do you? Well, big surprise there, all you ever think about is yourself. You get in trouble. You embarrass us with all the crazy stunts you pull, and do I have to go on?
Buffy: No. Please don't.
Hank: You're sullen and... rude and... you're not nearly as bright as I thought you were going to be... Hey, Buffy, let's be honest. Could you stand to live in the same house with a daughter like that?
Buffy: Why are you saying all these things?
Hank: Because they're true. I think that's the least we owe one another. You know, I don't think it's very mature, getting blubbery when I'm just trying to be honest. Speaking of which, I don't really get anything out of these weekends with you. So, what do you say we just don't do them anymore?

Willow: Xander kinda found himself in front of our class not wearing much of anything.
Xander: Except my underwear.
Willow: Yeah! It was really...bad. It was a bad thing.

Xander: You are a lousy clown! Your balloon animals are pathetic! Everyone can make a giraffe!

Buffy: Scary! I'll tell you something, though. There are a lot scarier things than you. And I'm one of them.

Willow: When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?
Xander: Willow, how can you... I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque!
Willow: Still dug her, huh?
Xander: I'm sick, I need help.
Willow: Don't I know it.