SUMMARY: After Buffy suffered a nasty knee injury on the job, her friends think it would be nice to pay for her to have a little vacation. The problem is, they're all too busy to go with her, except Spike. But what would a vampire do in sunny Maui for two weeks? Heat things up, what else.

RATING: NC-17

DISCLAIMER: BTVS is property of Joss Whedon. I own nothing.

SPOILERS: Season 6. Buffy and Spike are friends, but they didn't sleep together

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CHAPTER 16: How to kill a demon in three easy steps

"No."

I beg your pardon?" Spike asked, an edge of defensiveness in his voice. He might be in love with the chit, but it didn't mean he enjoyed being told what he could or couldn't do. He was a master vampire for crying out loud.

Buffy was still lying on her back in the dirt, in the same position she'd been in for the last fifteen minutes. Spike was sitting next to her Indian style, his arms crossed over his chest defiantly.

"You're not going down there alone, and we're not going together either." She stated firmly, her tone allowing no argument.

"Mind telling how exactly you reached that conclusion, Slayer?"

"Only makes sense that the less flammable of us would go. And that happens to be me."

He huffed and puffed like an irate child. "I know how to play with a lighter without setting myself on fire! I've been a smoker for the past eighty years of my life..."

"I'm not talking about burning the demon you doofus, I'm talking about the sun."

"Yeah? What of it?"

"It's coming up in less than three hours."

"Right. Like it's gonna take me three hours to climb down, set a half dead demon on fire, and climb back up." He said derisively. "Half an hour, tops. Maybe an hour. But I'll be back before sunrise, that's for bloody damn sure."

"Really? What if something happens? What if by the time you get down there, the demon recovered enough to give you a hard time? What if it takes longer than you think and you can't find shelter from the sun? Or what if you think you have enough time, start climbing, then the sun decides to come out and play? Big pile of dust in the wind. Sorry but I'm not interested in seeing that happening."

"Buffy..."

"NO. I'm not giving you an order here, Mr. Ego, I'm telling you I don't want you to go down there. I can do this myself, I'm a big girl. That demon just dropped almost a hundred feet on hard, pointy rocks. Even if it starts to recover, it's still not up for a fight with the Slayer, weapon or no weapon. Besides, I'm mad as hell and anger always gives me an edge." She added, smiling smugly.

"And you're also tired. It's too risky."

"I was tired. Emphasis on the 'was'. I'm the Slayer, I recover fast. One night running around in the jungle is nothing, believe me. Now that I had time to rest a little, I'm fine."

"There's no point arguing with you, is there?"

"Nope."

Spike groaned in defeat.

She stood up and dusted off the seat of her pants out of habit, then looked at herself and realized how ridiculous her concern for a little dirt was. She'd stopped looking decent a long time ago and now looked like she'd been in a fight with a tiger.

"Here's the plan. I go down there, take care of the bad puppy, come back up, we stay away from the sun for the day, then try to find our way back to civilization. And once we're back at the hotel, I kick some Italian witch booty and finally... Finally, I take advantage of that posh spa they advertise in our room. A shower, a loooong massage and clean clothes."

"What's in it for me?" He asked hopefully from where he was still sitting.

"Well, maybe we could save money on the spa and you could be the one giving me the massage instead. Hot scented oil, candles ... could be fun."

"And would that massage get a... happy ending?"

Buffy rolled her eyes at him. "Do you even have to ask? Come on, it's us we're talking about. I think we proved over the past couple of days that we're real horn dogs."

Spike clasped his hands together and rubbed them eagerly. "All right then. Go get rid of the demon, and I'll have us out of here before you know it."

"Yeah right." She chuckled. "How? With that great sense of direction of yours? They'll probably find our bleached bones a few years from now."

"Have some faith in your man, will you? Now that I have a great motivation, I'll have us out of this jungle and back into our cozy hotel room in no time."

"You better because that humidity isn't doing my hair any favors."

She took the pocket knife and lighter he was handing to her and bent down for a quick kiss.

"I'll be back before you know it. And Spike?"

"Yes, luv?"

"Don't let the big bad monkeys scare you. They pull hair, but they can't kill you." She blew him a kiss and started walking toward the edge of the cliff.

"Cute, Slayer. Reeeal cute. If I might give you an advice of my own, careful not to put your hand on some giant hairy spider when you're climbing down the cliff."

She narrowed her eyes at him and he gave her his best smirk.

"Just saying."

He watched her go carefully over the edge, then he dropped on his back and folded his arms over his face with a grunt.

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Buffy lowered herself along the rock wall carefully. It took her a while to find the easiest way to climb down, but now she was getting the hang of it. Didn't mean she had to like it though. And every time she looked up, it reminded her that she'd have to climb back up eventually.

She decided not to bother with the last fifteen feet or so and simply jumped down, landing in a crouch. She automatically looked around herself for any potential threats, a reaction that had become instinctual after almost seven years of fighting for her life every night. One didn't survive so many years as the Slayer without being on guard at all times. It didn't take too long for her to spot the soon to be defeated beast. It was lying on its side on sharp edged rocks now splattered with blood, its flank rising and falling with its labored breaths. Despite the damage inflicted by the fall, the demon had already noticed her, its red eyes focused on its prey, its front paws clawing weakly at the ground.

Buffy couldn’t help but take a cautionary step back when the demon attempted to rise, but its broken bones didn’t allow it and it fell back heavily to the ground. The constant growling coming from its massive throat was far from reassuring, but after witnessing the state it was in, Buffy knew the demon was in no shape to put up a struggle.

“Aww, poor beastie. You have a big owie? Know what happens to bad doggies who try to bite people? They get put to sleep, and their owners get fined. Of course, your master won’t get fined, she’ll get her ass kicked all the way back to Italy...” Buffy shrugged, a cruel smirk on her lips. “Same deal.”

She drew the small pocket knife from the waistband of her pants and started approaching carefully. She circled the beast to avoid the sharp claws and teeth.

“God, this is gonna get messy isn’t it?” She said, frowning in displeasure while looking at the size of her knife compared to the size of the demon’s neck. “Oh well. My shirt is ruined anyway.”

She was about to plunge the knife in the demon’s meaty neck when it turned his head enough to bite down on her arms.

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On the other side of the island, a woman was happy. She was sitting in the armchair in the corner of her bedroom where she’d spent the entire night sulking. Suddenly, the gold hoop hanging on a chain around her neck glowed for a few seconds.

Carlita jumped up and hurried to the living room where Ben was sleeping.

“Benjamin, darling, wake up. I have marvelous news.”

A disheveled Ben sat up, the dark circles under his eyes a clear indication that sleep had eluded him for most of the night. He did not look pleased with his late night visitor.

“What to bloody hell do you want now?”

“It is done! As of now, the Slayer is officially retired.”

He snorted humorlessly. “You mean, the Slayer has officially been murdered. That is what you meant, is it not?”

The smile on her face didn’t falter for a second, guilt obviously not one of the emotion she was capable of.

“How do you know she’s dead anyway, you crazy bint? Thought you tried reopening the window and couldn’t?” He grumbled unhappily.

She pointed at the pendant around her neck. “When the beast has a taste of its intended prey, this hoop glows. It glowed a moment ago. Buffy Anne Summers and her lap dog won’t be a problem anymore.”

"Glad you're so happy to have someone's blood on your hands."

She tucked the pendant underneath her shirt while rolling her small dark eyes at Ben. “You are such a bore, Ben. You really have to loosen up a little. No wonder you are still single.”

As she turned around and made her way to her own bedroom for a much needed rest after a satisfying ending to a very long night, Ben stopped her.

“I’d pray that you’re right, Carlita. Because if you’re wrong and she isn’t dead, it won’t take her long to find out who was behind all this and we’ll both be in deep trouble.”

She shut her bedroom door without deigning to answer, and Ben wondered if the hoop she showed him was supposed to be black and tarnished like that.

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The words coming out of Buffy Summers mouth were words she seldom used. She was not a big fan of profanities. She saved those words for special occasions. Like when she was alone in her basement trying to get demon goo out of her favorite sweater.

Or moments like now.

She looked like she’d taken a bath in demon blood. She’d had to stop at some point to fight dry heaves. She was certain she would vomit. And God knows she had experience dealing with disgusting demon guts and entails. But this was just too much. The severed head lay abandoned on one side, and entrails formed a pile in front of her. Buffy seriously hoped that one of the appendages in the pile happened to be the stomach. Hard to tell with demon innards. She had gathered a few twigs and dried leaves to set the whole thing on fire. Now, the smoke was making her eyes water and she had to cover her nose and mouth with her hands because of the unbearable stench.

A thought suddenly occurred to her. She looked up and bellowed.

“Spike! Spike can you hear me?”

She waited a few beats before trying again. “SPIKE!”

“Bloody hell, Slayer... Quiet down a bit... Gonna wake up the neighbors!”

His voice was faint, but she could hear him just fine.

“Yeah, real funny.”

“What’s going on, luv? Are you all right down there?”

“Fine. I just can’t remember if I’m supposed to burn the rest of the body too or just the guts.”

“I think they burned the carcass of the other demon, but separately. What’s important is to burn the stomach and scatter the ashes, if possible in water. But burn the carcass too, just to be on the safe side.”

“God damn it!”

“Have fun, Slayer. And remember... You’re the one who volunteered.”

“And I’ll volunteer to kick your ass when I get back up there you moron!”

Her words were lost on the laughing vampire. Buffy gave the smelly dead demon a solid kick, then went to sit on a rock at a safe distance to wait for the fire to burn the organs of the demon. Looking at her nails, she waited for the boredom to settle over her. It wasn’t a long wait.

She busied herself inspecting the strip of her shirt wrapped around the wound on her arm. The throbbing pain had diminished thanks to her Slayer's healing capabilities. She picked at the dried blood on the cloth mindlessly.

After half an hour, the guts of the demon were nothing but a pile of smelly, smoldering ashes. She looked at the mess, then at the remains, wondering what to do next. She had to gather the ashes somehow. Spike could bless the Gods that she'd left his duster up the cliff. The thing would have been perfect to carry the smelly crap without having to touch it. Her blouse would have to do. It was ruined anyway now that she had to tear off a piece of it to bandage the arm that had been used as a chew toy, and she was wearing a tank top underneath anyway.

So with her nose wrinkled in disgust, she kicked the ashes into a pile on her shirt and once she was satisfied she had it all, she tied the whole thing together neatly. She was about to walk away when she saw the head and the rest of the body abandoned there, and decided with a frustrated sigh that it was better to be safe than sorry.

Flies were already all over the demon's body, or at least, what was left of it. While the guts had been burning, the carcass had slowly dried up and turned a dusty shade of gray. Buffy kicked one of the legs and it broke as if the bones had been under the desert sun for years. She touched the flame of the lighter to the body and it caught on fire instantly and burned in a matter of seconds.

­­­­“Neato!” Buffy commented, pleasantly surprised.

She walked away in search of some way to get rid of the ashes. Looking up at the sky, Buffy thought that it was a good thing Spike didn't come with her after all. There was no way she'd make it back up there before the sun rose.

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By the time Buffy made it back up the cliff, it was already morning. The sun was still very low in the sky, but it was a good indication that she'd been gone for a while. She only hoped Spike had found a safe enough shelter from the harmful rays.

Not seeing the vampire right away, she started worrying. "Spike? Spike are you there?"

"Yeah."

The voice came from somewhere to her left so she started walking in the general direction.

"Where are you?"

"Over here."

She pushed through some bushes and found herself under a group of trees. Their tight foliage created dark shade. In the relative safety of the shadow sat a vampire who did not look amused.

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CHAPTER 17: Rescue me

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