SUMMARY: After Buffy suffered a nasty knee injury on the job, her friends think it would be nice to pay for her to have a little vacation. The problem is, they're all too busy to go with her, except Spike. But what would a vampire do in sunny Maui for two weeks? Heat things up, what else.

RATING: NC-17

DISCLAIMER: BTVS is property of Joss Whedon. I own nothing.

SPOILERS: Season 6. Buffy and Spike are friends, but they didn't sleep together

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CHAPTER 18: A lesson in Italian

Buffy leaned against the door frame with a sigh, resting her aching body while Spike searched for the room key in his pockets. The aggravated look on his face brought a smile to her lips. For some reason, seeing him get worked up always amused her. Taking pity on him, she pulled the key out of her pocket and waved it under his nose.

"Looking for this?" She sing-songed.

"Bloody hell." He mumbled, taking the plastic key out of her hand.

"Oh cheer up, Grumpy McGrumpy. Think of the hot shower, the food... the bed." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively, making him smirk. "See? I knew I could help turn that frown upside down."

This time, Spike couldn't hold back the chuckle. "Yes dear, your powers over my mood are infinite indeed."

She grimaced. "Don't call me that."

"What? Dear? I think it's got a nice ring to it."

"Nice ring to it? It makes you sound like a bored husband who's been tortured by his bitter wife for fifty years."

"Fine," he conceded. He swiped the key in the electronic lock and opened the door. "What should I call you then? Mistress? Sex kitten? Would that be better?"

"You know, I think I kinda like Mistress Buffy. Sounds nice."

Spike opened the door for her, but as she was about to walk into the room, she hesitated.

Spike looked at her questioningly. "Something wrong, kitten?"

"It's 'Mistress' to you, dear. And no, there's nothing wrong. It's just that... I think before doing the relaxing thing, I need some action."

He grinned happily at his Slayer. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, pet?"

"I'm thinking, there's an Italian bitch and her British sidekick in dire need of a good ass kicking and it would be a shame to postpone it. Why do tomorrow what you can do today... Isn't that what they say? Whoever 'they' are."

Spike closed the bedroom door. "What my lady wants, my lady get."

Buffy frowned. "See... that doesn't work either."

He rolled his eyes at her. "Bloody hell, woman. Let's just go."

She chuckled and followed him down the hall. The resort was quiet at this time of the night. Eerily so. Spike and Buffy only came across a handful of people, most of them drunk and returning to their hotel room after a night of partying. The hallways were mostly deserted, and so were the trails leading from one small building to another.

"So," Buffy started casually. "The losers who couldn't find their way out of the woods are expected to find two people hidden away in a resort that has almost three hundred rooms spread between five smaller buildings... how?"

Spike huffed indignantly. "I can still pick up a trail you know. I can feel magic users. Whenever I'm around Red or her bird, I can feel the vibe from half a mile away when they just did some mojo."

"Honey, not to burst your bubble, but Miss Tall and Ugly summoned the demon over twenty four hours ago. So unless she cast another spell recently, the mojo is probably long gone."

Spike stopped and lit a cigarette before answering. "Come on, Slayer. Humor me. If it doesn't work, I'll just try to seduce the girl at the front desk so she gives me the room number."

"No flirting with front desk clerks, buddy. And you're not allowed to smoke inside by the way."

"Pet, the only place where I respect the no smoking rule is at your house. And that's because I'm secretly scared of you."

Buffy laughed at that, but Spike's attention had already shifted. His eyes were focusing on the door right across from where they were standing. Buffy turned around to see what he was staring at.

"What?" She asked curiously. "Did I miss something?"

He put his index finger to his lips, motioning for her to be quiet. “I hear some arguing coming from this room over there.”

“And we care because..?” Buffy asked, not understanding what he was getting at.

“British swearing, pet. Lots of ‘soddin’ hell’, ‘piss off’ and ‘bloody cow’.”

“So? A compatriot of yours is fighting with his wife or girlfriend. Big deal. I thought we were on a mission here. Or did you forget about the Italian witch?”

Spike shook his head slowly while staring at Buffy with disbelieving eyes.

When he didn’t answer right away, she insisted impatiently. “An answer would be good, you know.”

“Give a bloke a minute, would you. I have to carefully prepare my answer so I don’t end up sleeping on the couch tonight for questioning your intelligence.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Answer or not, that’s where you might sleep, fang face. The question now is whether you’ll have pillow and a blanket. So spill.”

“Bossy chit.” Spike mumbled. “Fine. How many British men did you met here since we arrived? Beside me, I mean.”

Buffy’s eyes widened in understanding. “Oh.”

“Yes. Oh. And if I hear a woman’s voice with a bad Italian accent, then my suspicions will be confirmed and we can get this bloody party started. So will you stop talking for a minute? Please?”

“Got it.” Buffy pretended to zip her lips and throw the key away, her childish actions making Spike smile.

They remained silent for a few minutes, Spike listening intently to what was going on behind the door. After a while, his lips stretched in a slow smirk.

“Heard something?” Buffy asked under her breath when she noticed the satisfied look on her lover’s face.

“Oh yeah.”

“You sure it’s her?”

“The voice is unmistakable.”

Buffy smiled happily. “Shall we then?”

Spike motioned toward the door. “Why don’t you do the honors, kitten?”

She cleared her throat, then knocked on the door. “Aloha. Room service!” She said loudly in a ridiculously high pitched voice that made Spike chuckle.

There was a long moment of silence on the other side of the door, then footsteps.

“We didn’t order anything.” A muffled female voice could be heard saying.

Buffy winked playfully at Spike just before kicking the door in and sending Carlita flying backward to land hard on her ass.

“You didn’t?” Buffy asked mockingly, standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips, Spike right behind her. “Damn, I must have the wrong room. Strange. I could have sworn you ordered a good ass kicking.”

The expression on Carlita’s face was priceless. She looked like she wanted to scream, but instead only managed to say: “You! But... but...”

“But but but... What? We should be in the middle of the jungle, our bones being used as a chew toy by a giant puppy with bad breath? Sorry to disappoint.”

His back against the wall not too far on Buffy’s right, a red faced Ben snorted loudly before bursting into hysterical laughter, the sound a mix of hilarity and a bad case of nerves.

Buffy and Spike glanced briefly at each other before turning their eyes on Ben.

“What the bleeding hell is wrong with the wanker?” Spike finally asked.

Ben calmed down long enough to speak. “Oh this is highly amusing.”

Buffy blinked a few times. “You think this is funny?”

Ben wiped his teary eye with the back of a shaky hand. “In an ironic ‘oh God I’m gonna die’ way, yes.”

Buffy saw Carlita standing up. Before she could take a step in the direction of the patio door, Buffy had the much taller woman by the arm and twisted it painfully until Carlita fell on her knees.

“Not thinking about leaving the party early, are we?”

“Let go of my arm this moment.” Carlita demanded, still retaining her air of superiority despite the precarious situation she found herself in.

“Why? Are you not comfortable?” Buffy smiled cruelly before applying more pressure to the abused limb until Carlita let out a yelp of pain. “Now, unless I’m asking you a question, you shut up. Got it?”

Ben tried to take a step away from the wall he was still leaning against. Spike moved so fast his compatriot didn’t even see him until the vampire was holding him against the wall in full game face. He held Ben by the throat, but was careful not to hurt the human.

"Now that we got your attention," Buffy said, not loosening her hold on Carlita, "it's question time."

Still in game face, Spike snapped his sharp teeth near Ben's face. "Not sure I'm up for a twenty bloody questions game, luv. I'm already bored and I don't think anything they have to say will help with that. Can we just get rid of the wankers already?"

"Spike, behave." Buffy mocked scolded.

"Fine, but I'm feeling a bit peckish. If I don't like what they have to say, I might just have myself a little snack." The vampire said, looking into Ben's terrified eyes.

"You can kill us if you want, but we won't say a word." Carlita spat out before screaming in pain again when Buffy nearly dislocated the taller woman's shoulder.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" Buffy asked, an innocent smile on her lips.

"Uh... I'm sorry to interrupt but, I'll talk." Ben said. His eyes were trained on Carlita, a malicious sparkle in their brown depth.

Surprised by this new development, both Spike and Buffy looked back and forth between the two, curious by what would happen next. This was unexpected.

"You coward!" Carlita yelled at Benjamin.

"Oh no, Carlita, dear. Not because I'm afraid. But you see, after you called me my uncle's pathetic puppet the other night, I had some time to think things over. You were right. I was acting like the old man's puppet. And I think it's time for me to grow a back bone and do what I think is right."

Carlita opened her mouth in outrage.

Spike grinned and let go of Ben. He smoothed down the other man's rumpled shirt and patted him on the shoulder. "Wise decision. Why don't you have a seat and tell us what we want to know, mate?"

Still shaking slightly, Ben made his way to the armchair and sat down with a sigh of relief.

"So?" Buffy asked impatiently. "What was the attempted murder all about?"

Ben looked at Spike, then Buffy, before answering. "You."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Duh. We're the ones the doggy wanted to have for dinner, so we figured that much already."

The man shook his head. "No. I mean, you. As in the two of you... Together."

Spike narrowed his eyes and took a threatening step toward Ben. "Mind being a bit more specific, mate? I'm starting to lose patience here."

"The two of you being in an intimate relationship was unacceptable to the Watcher's council. We were told to eliminate you." Ben elaborated.

Spike growled in anger while Buffy opened her mouth in stunned surprise.

She knew she wasn't the Council's favorite Slayer of all time, but she would have never thought they would go as far as trying to have her killed.

Spike was the first to regain his composure. "And how the bleedin' hell do they already know about us? We've only started dating after we got here."

"After your relationship with Angelus, Miss Summers, some members of the Council feared that something like that could happen again. Then, when they visited you in Sunnydale last year to give you information on Glorificus..."

"'Give' is not the word I would use." Buffy interrupted moodily, still bitter about the Watcher's Council last visit.

Ben looked confused for a moment, not understanding Buffy's comment, but kept talking. "After their visit, they were under the impression that you were working closely with William the Bloody. Too closely I should say. Especially since you were resurrected. So they decided to keep an eye on you to try to confirm or deny their suspicions."

"Keep an eye on me? You mean spy?" Buffy spat out angrily.

"In a matter of speaking, yes." Ben confirmed with some embarrassment.

“Benjamin, you are so pathetic.” Carlita said from her position at Buffy’s feet.

“Shut up, we’re not done here.” Spike said, efficiently interrupting the Italian woman before she could go on.

Buffy roughly brought her to her feet, then forcefully made her sit on the couch.

“So,” Buffy asked, turning her attention back to Ben. “Who is involved and why did they chose the two of you for the job. I couldn’t think of a more mismatched pair to be honest.”

Ben looked down at his fidgety hands, suddenly uncomfortable under the stare of the two supernatural beings. “Well, here’s the thing. When I say Watcher Council, what I really mean is...”

“Quentin Travers.” Carlita finished for him. “His uncle.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Travers. Of course. Who else would come up with something like that? Wait... Travers is your uncle?!”

Both Buffy and Spike snickered at the idea. Ben and his uncle couldn’t have been more different.

Benjamin Travers pouted like a child. “Could we move on to something more important, please?”

“Yeah. So, Quentin and who else? I’d like a list please so I know whose ass I’ll have to kick.”

“Quentin worked alone. He didn’t want the rest of the Council to know about this because he said some of the members wouldn’t see the big picture and would oppose on morality grounds alone. He sent Carlita who is an old family friend, and me, to do the job. He wanted you to die, then take care of Faith as well, so another slayer would be called. With the two of you gone and a new Slayer, hopefully more predictable and easier to work with, things would go back to the way they should be.”

“Bloody typical if you ask me. Slayers have always been nothing but mindless puppets to the Council. Buffy is the first one who can think for herself.” Spike commented while helping himself to the finest scotch in the bar. “It’s what kept her alive this long--if you don’t count the brief interruption last summer--but that’s also why old Travers hates her so much.”

“I changed my mind after meeting you. Realized that even though I don’t approve of a Slayer being in a relationship with a vampire, it still didn’t justify murder. That’s why I tried to warn you.”

Spike snickered. “Could have tried a little harder, mate. But thanks anyway.”

Buffy went to stand next to Spike, her arms crossed over her chest. “So, what do we do with them?”

The vampire took the time to empty his glass before answering. “Too bad neither one of us can kill humans because I’d say ship the boy back to England, and kill the bloody cow.”

Looking intently at Carlita, a slow smile formed on Benjamin’s lips. “If I may speak...”

“What is it, mate?”

“She isn’t human.” Ben stated, an evil glint in his eye.

Spike frowned. “She smells human to me.”

“Srylaiia demon. Devout magic users and...”

The vampire’s eyes lit up with understanding. “... fantastic at human disguise. Well, well, that changes everything then.”

The three of them looked at Carlita just in time to see her mouthing some Latin words, before she vanished in a puff of smoke.

“Bloody Hell!”

“Son of a bitch!”

“Stupid cow!”

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CHAPTER 19: Leaving on a jet plane

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