Title: Breathe
Part: 1
Author: Meredith
Email Meredith at: mpierson@uneedspeed.net
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon is responsible for everything that is Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Summary: Fluffy story with an angsty beginning. Spike leaves and Buffy is forced to face some issues.
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Season 6
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hi Nibblet. How are you this evening?"
"I'm okay Spike. It's still kinda weird to have Buffy back, but I'm glad she's here."
The Slayer had been gone for one month, and was brought back three months ago. They were only just starting to settle down, but Spike and Dawn were still aching from what had happened. The scars ran deep in each of them, and no one else knew. Either that or they couldn't deal with it, so they choose to ignore it.
"Got a moment? Something I have to tell you." He took her by the hand and led her to the living room. She glanced out the window and saw his DeSoto sitting out in front.
She looked at him with eyes that were much too old for such a young child and asked, "Going somewhere?"
"Yeah platelet. 'Fraid I am. I'm leaving tonight."
"When are you coming back?"
He sat and pulled her down next to him, holding her hand. "Not. I'm sorry. I just can't stay here anymore."
"But why!?" Dawn's voice was a combination of surprise, pain and confusion, yet at the same time it carried tones of understanding and pity.
"I can't keep doing this. Every night it's the same thing with her. We talk, sometimes laugh, most times fight, and I long for her. And she just turns away and goes home. I tried, but it's too bloody hard. Used to be she'd walk into the room and my heart would beat. Now it just breaks. She'll never love me. I'm nothing to her, and I have to get away."
By the time he was done, she was crying. She clung to his hand and begged him to stay, but it was no longer possible. He hated hurting Lil Bit like this, and before long he was fighting to hold back his own tears unsuccessfully.
He explained as best he could why he could be around Buffy anymore. Dawn understood, but she was loosing one of her best friends, and she was crushed.
"What do I tell them?" She blew her nose and waited for an answer.
Spike had though long and hard about how he would do this. Should he go and tell everyone that he was moving away? Just Buffy? Write a letter? He settled on telling Dawn only and slipping away as soon as their conversation ended.
"Don't tell them anything Sweets. Not unless they ask. You and I both know it will probably be a few weeks before anyone even notices I'm gone. Then you can tell them whatever you want."
"Where will you go?"
"The world's my playground. Anywhere, but most likely nowhere special. It's time for me to leave."
They stood and held each other crying for several moments. He pulled away, kissed her forehead and walked to the door. As he opened it to leave, he turned to her and said, "You know how much I love you, don't you Dawn?"
She nodded yes and mouthed "I love you too," back to him. He shut the door and she stood listening to the car drive away until it was completely silent.
***************************************
That was two days ago. Dawn didn't know what hurt more: the fact that Spike was gone, or the fact that no one had noticed yet. She spent a lot of the past days crying or moping, and although everyone asked her what was wrong, she refused to answer. As the time went by, the sadness had turned to anger at Buffy and the others, and that's why the way they found her worried them so much.
It was late at night and Dawn had crept out of her home to get away from the feelings of oppression and pain that surrounded her. She made her way to the Magick Box and jimmied the door the way she had seen Spike do it.
It was 6:45 a.m. when they found her in the training room, still in her pajamas, beating the punching bag. Her hands were masses of bruises, the skin split in several places. She was dripping wet from sweating so hard, her heart was pounding and she could barely catch her breath.
Buffy practically dragged her home with everyone's help, and she was now on a speaking strike. They begged her to talk to them, screamed at her to talk to them, tried to make her smile, make her cry, anything. But Dawn was emotionless and silent, refusing to respond to any of their attempts.
Anya was annoyed and finally spoke up. "We should just get Spike to make her talk. Bet he could do it. They're good friends."
That's when it hit Buffy. She looked at her little sister and immediately knew what was going on. "Dawn, where is he?"
"Gone."
"Where? Where did he go? Tell me!"
'Away from you! You and your bitchy better than thou ego! You chased him away! He couldn't stand being near you anymore, and neither can I! I wish he'd taken me with him!" Dawn ran out of the room and up to her bed where she spent the rest of the day refusing to speak to anyone.
"She'll get over it. You'll see. The Summers ladies are quite resilient." Giles assured Buffy that she had nothing to worry about.
******************************************
Three months passed and Dawn had come out of her depression a very small amount. Buffy on the other hand, was starting to spiral into a depression. She found herself visiting Spike's crypt on a nightly basis. She never planned to make the trip, but every night she was there, standing inside staring at a wall or the floor.
And now she was starting to see him. Spike was everywhere. He stood in front of her in line at the supermarket. He danced with the girl next to her at the Bronze. He sat a few rows up at the movie theatre. And he turned corners in front and behind her constantly. Every time it turned out to be someone else, but she was forced to admit how much he haunted her.
Finally one night, Buffy walked into the store and stood before her friends, a backpack slung over her arm and a duffel bag in her hand.
"Guys, I have to talk to you." She had 'that' tone, the one that said, 'I mean business,' so everyone settled and gave her their attention.
"I don't know how to say this. It's just that it hurts. Really bad. I can't just sit here and let everything go on like normal, cause it's NOT normal anymore! Oh please don't hate me for this, but I'm."
She struggled with her words, and realized just how much this was hurting her as the tears started to make their trails down her face.
"Buffy, you'll promise to keep in touch, right? Let us know where you are." Giles had been waiting for this. He knew she was at a breaking point.
"Yeah, I'll call daily."
Willow was also completely unsurprised by everything, and offered to send her off with a few sways and talismans to help and protect her.
Xander, being the ever-present voice of reality, asked, "What will you do when you find him?"
Buffy was no longer crying, she was now relieved and anxious to start her trip. "I'll bring him home."
Arrangements were made to have Willow and Tara move in with Dawn until Buffy returned, and they took her to the bus station. For the first time in months, the Slayer was excited as she headed towards Los Angeles.
********************************************************
Buffy began her search in LA with Angel. Spike had come through when he first left Sunnydale, but he stayed only one day and moved on. Angel was able to tell her that his childe was heading south towards Arizona.
When he asked her why she was searching for him, she told him the same thing she had told Xander. "To bring him home."
Buffy was off almost immediately and arrived in Phoenix the next day. She visited several of the local bars asking if anyone fit his description. Three nights later she had another break and was sent on to Santa Fe. After that came Houston, New Orleans, Georgia and Miami. It had now been 6 weeks since she initially set out, and she felt she was no closer today that she had been in the beginning. Spike always seemed to be several steps ahead of her.
Her stay in Miami ended with her standing in the airport waiting to catch a plane to Europe. The US trail she was following ran cold with nothing other than suggestions that he might have gone England. She boarded the plane and sat back to sleep for the long trip across the Atlantic.
On her way, she reflected on her past with him. She had spent so much energy fighting him that it was all she knew. When he wanted to change their relationship, she was afraid. There was always so much to deal with, and she choose not to deal with him so she could have one less thing to worry about. But he kept coming back and the issue refused to die. So every day, she was forced to deal. Since he left, she was forced into a completely new problem with every single passing moment. She missed him.
She knew now that missing him was only part of the issue. She'd grown used to having him around, but she'd also grown to enjoy and look forward to seeing him more than she though possible. She had found herself spending time just looking at him, and she was angry at herself for not moving faster. If he had stayed just another week or two, she would have been ready to admit to him that their feelings were somewhat mutual. They would have gone out on a date, and then taken it from there. Instead, she waited too long because of fear and missed her chance. She was determined to put it right.
She sat looking out the window at the stars as the plane sped to its destination. Her thoughts drifted further back to the time that Willow cast the spell on them that resulted in her getting engaged to marry him. At one point when Giles had gone completely blind, he staggered off to the kitchen to get away from their constant kissing and pawing at each other. She didn't have that much time alone with him, but it was enough to give her a taste of Spike's talents.
She remembered how he pulled her onto his lap and kissed her deeply and passionately. She had felt the warmth spreading through her body as he held her, and that same warmth spread through her now, as she got lost in the memory.
He was incredibly gifted, just a light brush on her arm or a tickle beneath her knee sent her blood rushing. She was amazed at how just the memory had her responding as if he were sitting next to her. She took the blanket out from the overhead compartment and pushed the chairs back. She was on a sparsely populated plane and had no one sitting on either side of her, so she pulled up the arm rests and leaned her back against the window. She bent one leg at the knee and rested it against the chairs while the other was out straight in front of her.
Once she was comfortable, she let the memories wash back over her again. Spike had slipped a hand under her shirt that day, brushing his thumb across her bare breast. Her nipples hardened in response and she shifted on his lap to allow him better access. She could feel the hardness in his pants pushing against her as they held and touched each other. Spike teased her gently, pulling back from their kiss and making her mouth chase after him.
She played along with his games, capturing his bottom lip in her teeth and gently dragging them across it. He purred and she moaned against him as his fingers gently played with her nipples.
Buffy tried to control her breathing, hoping to remain unnoticed by the flight attendants. Her face was red and her hand was making slow circles on her stomach. She closed her eyes to allow the sensations to flow over her easier.
Behind her eyelids she saw Spike, kissing and nipping at her lips and neck. He purred in her ear making her body break out in goosebumps. She remembered how it felt when his hand rested on her thigh and made lazy trails all the way up. He brushed her mound over her clothes, making her pant against him. They were as quiet as possible, but at the same time made sure to say things like, "Spike, hand me that book," and "Buffy, can you get me a pen?" keeping up the illusion that they weren't fooling around.
But as his hand continued to stroke her, she found it harder and harder to sound normal. She laid her head on his chest and concentrated on the feelings he was drawing out of her. Her heat was radiating off her, warming his hand and arousing him to a point he'd never experienced before. The more he stroked her the hotter she became, and she was now rocking back and forth in his lap creating erotic friction. He picked up her rhythm and felt himself breathing unneeded air hard and fast.
In the plane, Buffy slipped one hand into her panties and drew the moisture that formed up with the tips of her fingers to lubricate her swollen nub. She alternated between holding her breath and breathing deep, hoping it sounded as if she were asleep. The blanket hid her from view, but she was lost in the eroticism of her public masturbation and memory quest.
She remembered how they both grew completely silent the closer they came to release. Spike's hand rubbed her hard and purposefully, and her body writhed sensuously against him. Buffy turned her body and faced him, her legs on either side of him buried in the chair. Their hips met and the hand on her mound was replaced by his hard shaft. She lifted her head to look at him, and the expression on his face was indescribable. His eyes were squinted half closed and he was biting his lower lip. It was that look that finally did it. She threw her arms around him and latched her mouth onto his, their kisses muffling the moans fighting to escape along with their mutual release.
In the plane, Buffy bit her lip hard to stem her moaning as the memory brought her to her climax. She rode it out, and when it was finished, she straightened herself and fell asleep for the next several hours. She dreamt of him, and woke feeling renewed.
*******************************************************
Buffy spend three weeks traveling through Western Europe. She started in England, moved to Ireland, back towards Spain, and finally found herself in France. She gave the bellboy a tip as he put her luggage on the bed. She was in a nice hotel that had a view of the Arc de Triomphe. Buffy began her search the way she had in most cities, in the small bars and pubs.
She would describe him and ask if the bartender remembered him being a client, most times getting a no, but on the rare occasion someone would remember him. They told her he was always alone, and would sit and watch the people come and go. He would get drunk occasionally and stagger out to the street. Buffy learned he had been in Paris for three weeks, and the last sighting of him was in a large Americanized club called Moonlight. He was seen there two nights ago.
Buffy dressed and made her way to the club. It was early, but the club was popular and already packed. She paid her entrance fee and stepped inside. The club was beautiful, very dark and sensuously decorated with long red crushed velvet curtains on the walls and red veils filtering the light. She stepped forward and looked below. You entered the club from the second story onto a balcony. From there you could look down to the dance floor and see the writhing bodies. There were long bars on either side and against the back wall was a stage. No bands were playing tonight so the stage had rows of tables on it, each one filled.
The stairs wound down to the main floor from the left and right sides of the balcony. Buffy walked down and to the middle of the bar on the left. She grabbed the first vacated seat and ordered a Coke.
This was just the kind of place Spike would like. It was like a large Bronze and there were droves of people moving to the music. You could get lost here very easily. As she sipped her Coke she was approached many times and asked if she wanted to dance. She turned down all offers and continued watching.
By now, Buffy had finished off four Cokes and it was time for a bathroom break. The bathrooms were located back towards the front of the club under the balcony, so she made her way through the throngs of people. She knew she risked loosing her seat, but didn't mind much. This club was one of the nicest places she'd been to since she started this quest, and she would stay there all night if needed. After a few minutes, she walked to the bar on the other side of the room.
The music changed to something with a deep beat, and after a few moments she recognized the dance mix of Faith Hill's Breathe. She always loved this version of the song, it pounded against her, making her want to dance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *Breathe*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The music wound up high and hard and tight, and was nearing the first climax. Everyone was dancing and Buffy felt her heart pounding with the beat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *Breathe*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She walked slowly, looking at all the faces as she went. She looked at the bar to find a seat, and walked the length with no luck. She turned to walk back and look once more, and as the music beat hard and then crashed suddenly, her eyes found and locked on two deep blue eyes, like points of cobalt light standing out against the crowd.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *Breathe*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They stood perfectly still and started at each other. After searching for him for so long, and missing him so much, she felt the shock of finally finding him wash over her and paralyze her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I can feel the Magick floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I've
Never been this swept away.
All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms
Whole world just fades away the only thing I hear
Is the beating of your heart ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the words were sung she stepped towards him and stood in front of him. His face was a mixture of joy and fear, and she could tell he was getting ready to run. Before he could move, she reached out and put her hands over his, which were hanging at his sides.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cause I can feel you breathe
Watching over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to breathe.
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She ran her hands up his arms and back behind his head, locking them together at his neck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *Just breathe*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Come home with me." The moment the words were out of her mouth, his lips crashed down on her and his arms wrapped her up in a loving and desperate embrace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down
Closer than I've ever felt before
But I know and you know
There's no need for words right now
Cause I can feel you breathe
Watching over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to breathe
Caught up in the touch
Slow and steady rush
Baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
Just breathe. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They danced, talked, and kissed, and kissed, and kissed, for what seemed like hours. She told him how much she missed him and how sorry she was. She started to beg him to come home with her, but he didn't want to see her beg. He silenced her with his kisses. The closeness of their bodies and the pounding of the music had them both extremely aroused. He led her out of the club and to his car in the rear.
Buffy directed them to the Eiffel Tower instead of her hotel, and they walked around it until the found a nearly deserted area near one of the legs. They jumped the security gates and Spike watched in amazement and horror as Buffy began to climb. If Spike's heart could beat, it would have stopped from blind fear as Buffy continued her ascent. He followed her close behind, and they made their way quickly to the first level.
He could hear her heart pounding as they sat on a level area hidden from view. "What are we doing up here?"
"I wanted to get you alone, and every since that Superman movie, I've wanted to climb the Eiffel Tower. So here we are! Two birds with one stone."
'Ok, we're here and you have me alone. Now what."
"Now, you come over here and kiss me."
He smiled and didn't hesitate to press his body against hers. They kissed and nipped each other until Spike was certain it wasn't a dream. His hand trailed to her breasts and played with her nipples through her shirt.
She pressed into him and felt the bulge in his pants throb against her. She had dreamt of being with him for so long, and wanted to touch him so bad, that a sob caught in her throat from the onslaught of emotions slamming into her. She reached down and stroked him slowly, and he purred into her mouth.
Buffy wanted their first time together to be special and slow, but they needed each other more than they could ever admit, and she tugged his pants open quickly. His hands were under her skirt in a flash, tickling the sensitive skin of her inner thighs. His thumbs ran under her panties and over her clit, her channel so slick and wet his hands slid without any friction.
She pulled the hard muscle from his pants and stroked it, taking the beads of pre-cum and rubbing them back into his skin, lubricating him. They were both panting and moaning, and Spike had trouble keeping control.
"I want you inside me now." She could barely get the words out, but the guttural need behind them drove any illusion of control from Spike. He ripped her panties off and pulled her onto his lap. He impaled her on him in one thrust, and she buried her head in his neck to stifle her screaming. Had she not been the Slayer and he anything other than a Vampire, they would have fallen to their deaths for lack of strength.
Buffy moved on him while gripping his shoulders hard and tight. His hips rose to meet hers, and he shifted so her clit was rubbed with every movement they made. Buffy was keening against him, and her heat encircled and burned his body. She was close to going over, and he reached between them to play with her clit. That was all it took. With muffled cried, Buffy came and Spike followed immediately after. They sat still holding each other and breathing in each other's scents. She could feel their mingled fluids trail down her thighs, cooling as the night air wrapped them in it's warm embrace.
They climbed down an hour before dawn and went to Buffy's hotel. The next two days were spent making love and talking, catching up on the past few months.
Dawn finally received a call from Buffy stating that she was bringing him home. She wanted details, but the only thing Buffy would say was that they were happy. Very happy.
The day before they left, they went to the small flat Spike was renting to pack up his belongings. Buffy woke to the scent of bread and coffee, and walked out to the kitchen to see what he was up to. Spike stood behind the counter wearing a blue apron that said "Embrasser Le Chef" with big red lips on it. He poured her a mug of steaming coffee and set a large piece of bread on the table for her.
"Thank you!"
He leaned down and kissed her, and turned away to return for his own cup of java. Buffy had started to take a sip when she caught him out of the corner of her eye, and nearly choked on the hot fluid. Her eyes went wide and she fought the need to explode into laughter.
Spike was wearing the apron, and nothing else. When he turned from her, she was treated to a perfect view of his cute ass swaying away from her. His right hand reached around behind him and he teasingly scratched himself, causing her to lose the battle she was fighting. Her laughter blasted from her as he walked behind the counter. He looked at her as if to say, "What?" but her giggles were contagious, and before long they were both hysterical.
The next night they boarded the plane and settled in for the long journey. They were flying mostly at night, stopping over in New York for a changeover. Luckily, their changeovers were after dark so they anticipated no problems.
About 5 hours into the first part of the journey, Buffy was cuddled into Spike's chest, sleeping soundly. The blanket covered both of them and Spike felt some of the old "Big Bad" sneak back into him. He slid his hand into her panties and tickled her clit, rousing her from her slumber.
"Spiiiike.what are you doing?" She mumbled sleepily until she realized exactly what he was doing. She couldn't believe he was so cocky! They she remembered who he was and the surprise disappeared. She spoke in hushed whispers, "We can't do this! Stop it!"
Spike just laughed and continued dipping his fingers into her folds. She was responding against her better judgment.
"There's this club luv, thought we might join it. Interested?" He winked at her and nodded towards the bathroom.
Her initial reaction was to say, "Are you crazy?" But she remembered what the past few months had been all about. Buffy was through playing everything straight. She knew how short life really was, and had decided she was in control of her destiny, no one else. That meant taking risks that others might not approve of, such as loving Spike, and doing things that others shouldn't approve us, such as joining the "Mile High Club".
So instead of calling him crazy, she gazed in his eyes and said nonchalantly, "Okay."
Spike bit his bottom lip and looked at her with barely contained lust. "Go on in, I'll watch to see which one you choose. Then in a few minutes I'll follow you. I'll knock twice."
She was so excited she could barely walk. She picked a bathroom the furthest from the main cabin and slipped inside. Almost everyone was asleep on the plane, so she was extra quiet. She had her jeans pulled down and off one leg, and she waited for him to arrive. The wait was agonizing. She was swollen and wet couldn't wait for him to get there. The entire situation was so risqué and taboo, it nearly had her cumming just thinking about it.
* knock knock *
She opened the door a little and saw it was Spike. He squeezed into the tight space and caught an unneeded breath in his throat when he looked at her. Her entire body was flushed red and he couldn't get over how sexy her current state of undress was. He lifted her up and sat her on the counter by the sink, freed his hard member, and slid inside.
"Once on the Eiffel Tower, now during an international flight in a tiny bathroom a mile high, what's next luv?" He whispered in her ear sending shivers up and down her spine.
"We have forever to find out. I love you, you know that, don't you?"
In response, he kissed her. They held tight and were thanking the Powers that the bathroom was located right behind the engines. The noise drowned them out, they hoped.
He showered her with kisses and she whispered sweetly to him as they swayed together. Their movements picked up speed and urgency almost immediately. The fact that they were making love coupled with the knowledge they were in an airplane had them close to cumming before they even began. Spike held her hips tight and thrust into her fast and hard, and Buffy found it was increasingly difficult keep her grip on him. With a growl of lust and love, Spike climaxed, pushing as deep into her as possible. She followed immediately, biting her lip to quell the scream in her throat.
After a few moments, Buffy regained her composure and her heart started to slow down.
"Um, luv, did I do that?"
"Huh?" She looked at him for an explanation and realized her legs were wet. He was still sheathed in her, and when he pulled back they found that the noise they took for the engines was actually the faucet. It was one of those movement based fixtures, and their swaying had turned on the flow of water. Her back had closed the stopper when she leaned against it, and the sink was full of water, which was pouring up over the top and down her legs, into her shoes and onto the floor.
"Oh NO!" Buffy jumped down and slipped on the wet floor. Spike's hands shot out to steady her, and they took in the damage. They were both wet from the waste down, and the clothes dangling from her foot were sloshing against the floor.
Spike snorted in an attempt to hold back his laughter. Buffy was ready to explode with anger, but the hilarity of the entire situation overcame her and she laughed with him. The next several minutes were spend trying to clean up the spills on the floor and slide back into cold, wet clothes. They had hours more to travel and nothing to change into.
Spike told her to wait and he returned to their seat to claim his duster. When he returned to her, he stripped the clothes back off her and wrapped his coat around her. He didn't much mind the wetness on him, he was able to hide most of it if he untucked his shirt.
The soft lining was comfortable around her naked legs, and they made their way back to their seats. That's when she noticed that most eyes were trained on them, and one passenger even gave them a thumbs-up as they walked by. The blush in her positively glowed in the semi-dark chamber.
She sat still and silent for several more hours, until her clothes were dry enough for her to wear them comfortably. Right before they landed she redressed, returning his duster to him. The second and third parts of the journey were completely uneventful, and they walked out to meet in LAX. After much hugging and giggling, Buffy led Spike to the car, hand in hand. They settled in and watched the road go by as they made their way to their new life together.
"You know," Tara began from the front seat, "I hear there's this club that people on long flights join, called the Mile High Club. Do either of you know anything about it?" She slyly looked at the couple cuddling in the back seat.
Buffy and Spike looked at each other and answered simultaneously, "Never heard of it." Knowing laughter drifted around them and Spike looked in her eyes. All sound was blocked out as he gazed at her, and he knew he was finally coming home. And home had nothing to do with Sunnydale, or California, or the US. Home was where Buffy was, and she was in his arms.
The End