Remember New York?

SUMMARY: After coming back from New York all alone, Buffy tries to go on with her life, but her heart is just not into it. She feels lonely. The love she gets from her friends is just not the love she craves for. Nothing is the same. Patroling, Bronzing.. Living. Without him, there's just no point. Can she really do it? Never see Spike again for the sake of her friends and family?

DISCLAIMER: Buffy The vampire Slayer's characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy, yaddy yaddy yadda. I borrow them and own nothing.

SPOILER: season 5

RATING: PG-13

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Buffy is sitting in Giles' couch, looking distractedly out the window. What is he doing right now? Did he find a place to live? A place to get fresh blood? Is he gonna forget about her? How did he react this morning when he found the note she left him? All those questions she's been asking herself all day, again and again, and will remain without answers because the only way to get the answers would be to talk to him. Which is not possible. *Ok Buffy, don't think about never talking to him or seeing him again, it's not the time to start crying.*

"Huh.. Buffy? We're doing a debriefing, and you were the only person here who was actually there. So could you please help us a little bit?"

Buffy snaps out of her silent contemplation and looks at her former watcher.

"Sorry Giles" she says in a lifeless tone not usual to her. "What is so important that you need to know? Ask and you shall get an answer."

Giles look at his Slayer with a raised eyebrow.

"Well.." he starts cleaning his glasses. "The lower breed of demons, the Gatashes, could you describe them?"

"Not much to say. Big guys, not much fighting skills but very motivated. Went poof into flames as soon as the Master guy had his head ripped of his body."

Soft "ewwww" coming from both Willow and Xander.

"So you're saying the master was beheaded by Spike and then..."

"Look Giles" Buffy interrupts "Could we just drop it? We killed them, we stop the apocalypse, the sect of Kaalan does not exist anymore, we're both alive and I'm back home. What else could you possibly wanna know? No, don't answer that please. My point is, I'd like to put it behind me and move on. Could we do that? I'm sure there is plenty of evil to worry about here in Sunnyhell."

Buffy grabs the boll of popcorn and start munching furiously, putting an end to the conversation.

"I was thinking" Xander starts, eating his pizza like he hasn't had anything to eat in weeks, "Whatever happened to the Evil dead? Did he get dusted or something?" As soon as he finishes saying it, Xander knows he just put his foot in his mouth. He doesn't know why, but he knows.

Buffy gives him the look of death then answers in a icy cold voice.

"Spike, because that's his name in case you never noticed, has decided for personal reasons to stay in New York. The subject is off limits, and do not mention his name in front of me again. Ever."

She gets up, grabs her jacket and walks to the door.

"Good night. I'm extremely tired. I want to go sleep.. or kill something, of whatever."

And she slams the door behind her, leaving three very stunned people in Giles living room.

"Holy cow! What got into her?"

"I don't know Xand, just looks like you asked the wrong question."

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Buffy slowly wakes up. Spike is standing next to her. He's wearing blue jeans and a black turtleneck. She smiles at him.

"Spike!.."

He doesn't answer. She notices his face is covered in tears. Worried, she looks around, trying to see where they are. She's in the same hospital room she was in when she had her concussion in New York. Giles is on the other side of the bed, wearing a long white doctor shirt over his cloths, a stethoscope around his neck and holding a pillow.

"Spike? What's going on?" But he doesn't answer her.

"Doctor, I don't understand this! Why couldn't we be together? I loved her! We could have make this work.."

"I'm sorry Mr. Summers, it was not possible."

Spike is crying and holding his head, running his fingers through his short blonde hair.

"Spike, it's ok, I'm here." She tries to move but soon realizes that she can't. She can't move. She can't breathe. She can't talk...

"You didn't have to kill her doctor. That's not fair, she didn't deserve this, the pain. She's all alone now, away from me. This isn't fair to her. Give her back to me!"

"I'm sorry Mr. Summers, there was nothing I could do. I had to keep her away from you and killing her seemed to be the only way."

"Why? We loved each other. I would have done anything to make her happy." Spike shakes his head, looking at Giles with pain filled eyes.

"I know that. But you don't have a soul, therefore, it is WRONG. I couldn't let that be. I had to kill her, I'm sorry."

Dr. Giles turns around and leaves. As soon as he left the room, Xander and Willow walk in, dressed as nurses. They are both holding stakes.

"Your turn now Deadboy" Xander says with a smile.

Buffy screams, waking up covered in cold sweat and shivering from head to toes. That dream again... She looks at her clock. 6h30pm. She slept the afternoon away again.

"God, I'm sleeping way too much."

She takes a scorching hot shower, trying to fully wake up from that awful dream. She then gets dressed and goes downstairs to find her mom in the kitchen.

"Hi honey. Feeling any better?"

"Yeah mom, I'm fine."

"Willow called earlier. Are you going out with them tonight?"

"I don't know. Yeah, I guess."

Joyce smiles at her daughter. "Good. I'm happy then. It will be good for you to finally go out with your friends and have some fun. I've been worried about you lately Buffy. I don't know what's going on, but you haven't been yourself for the past month.

"Mom, I'm telling you, I'm fine. Don't worry about me ok?"

She turns to leave.

"You think I haven't heard you crying at night Buffy? You are not fine. I don't know what happened to you, but I just hope that when you're ready to talk about it, you'll let me know."

Buffy smiles at her mom.

"I will, promise."

She kisses her on the cheek and leaves to meet her friends at the Bronze.

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"Buffy, you're drunk."

"Nah.. I'm just pea-chy. Peachy. Isn't it a funny word? Don't you think? I feel great." She takes another swig of her beer. "Didn't have that much fun in a while. Last time I got drunk like that in a bar..." She stops to think for a second, and start crying.

"Ok, that's enough, I'm taking you home." Willow helps her friend getting up.

"We're leaving already? I wasn't done with the fun."

"You're not having fun Buffy, you're crying. Let's go."

Xander wants to go with them, but Willow stops him.

"Sorry Xan, it's a girl thing. See you tomorrow."

And they leave the Bronze, Willow half carrying Buffy.

Once they get to Buffy's room, Willow drops the drunk girl on her bed and just stares at her with her arms crossed on her chest and a raised eyebrow. After a while, Buffy lift a very heavy looking head from her pillow to look at Will.

"umm... what?"

"That's enough Buffy, now you're gonna tell me what the hell happened in New York. In details, without censure, and without getting pissed at me for asking."

Buffy starts sobbing again and Willow soften a little.

"Aww, sweety, I'm sorry. I just want to help you. You know you can tell me anything. We've been through so much together, you don't have to hide anything from me. C'mon, try me. What happened? It's about Spike isn't it?"

Buffy nods in silence.

"What is it? Did you two have a fight? Did you dust him?"

Buffy sits up.

"God no!" She looks horrified.

"Well what is it then?"

"I'm in love with him."

"Uh?... Ok, not exactly what I was expecting. Wh when did that happen? I mean... last time I checked, you two were always fighting. You didn't even want to go to New York with him! When did it change?"

"It didn't change Willow. I was in love with him long before the trip. I just did a pretty damn good job at hiding my feelings. Well I have to say that with Spike, it's pretty easy since we love to argue. 'Sides, it's an old habit to say I hate him. So nobody ever noticed. And that's why I didn't want to go on a trip with him, alone. With nobody around, I didn't have to keep up the act. And falling in his arms was way too easy."

She gets some tylenols from her nightstand and continues

"When I said we failed to beat the bad guys on the first night, I lied. We won the first night. The master and his minions, all dead. I lied because we wanted to stay together longer. So we spent the rest of the week in the hotel room, talking, watching movies... making love. Just enjoying being together, in each other's arms. I had never been this happy Willow. We just love each other so much. You should have seen the panic on his face at the hospital after the fight. I was actually more worried for him than for myself. And how passionate he was later that morning when we made love for the first time. I'll never forget the look on his face when I told him I love him."

"But... what happened?"

"During our last night, he told me that he was not coming back with me, that it would make it easier for both of us. We agreed that it was better this way, that there was no way.... you guys would let us be happy. Please don't get all insulted, I mean more Giles, Xander, my mom... the world in general. This world was not made for a vampire and a vampire slayer to be happy together. It was just doomed. So instead of waiting for the night flight, I left that morning before he woke up, leaving a note on my pillow."

Willow lay down behind her friend and pull her in her arms.

"I'm so sorry Buffy."

"yeah well I'm sorry too" Buffy finally manage to choke out in between two sobs. "I love him so much Will. Why can't I fall in love with the guy next door? Is there something wrong with me? I just want to be happy.."

Will try to comfort Buffy, but the girl looks like she could cry for weeks.

"Shhh, it's all right sweety, don't worry, it's gonna be just fine. I promise." A few minutes later, Buffy is asleep, feeling safe with her best friend's arms around her.

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Buffy wakes up with a start when she hears someone moving around in her room. She opens an eye to see Willow putting her stuff in a bag.

"Will? What are you doing?"

"Packing."

"And.. you are aware that it's my stuff that you are packing, right?"

"Yep. You're going on a trip."

Buffy is now completely awake.

"I am?"

"Yes. You're going to New York. You're gonna get Spike's cute butt back here and be happy again. I'm sick and tired of seeing my best friend wasting away and being miserable. So what if Giles and Xander don't like your new boyfriend? It's your life, not theirs. So they will just have to deal with it. And if they're having a hard time doing so, I'll help them with a good ass kicking session. And no buts, I already bought your ticket and it's not refundable." She zips Buffy's bag with a proud smile. "Here, all set. You just have to take a shower, make yourself look pretty, and you'll be ready to go."

Willow turns to find Buffy right in front of her.

"Thank you."

They hug and Willow pushes Buffy to the bathroom.

"Hurry up, your plane leaves in two hours.

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The phone rings in the Rosenberg house, startling Willow. It's late afternoon. Buffy has been gone for a week and she always calls around the same time, so it's probably her.

"Hello?"

"Will, it's Buffy."

Her voice sounds tired and sad.

"Hey Buffy, how are things going? Did you find anything yet?" Willow asks, knowing the answer all too well.

"No. It's like I'm trying to catch a shadow. I found places where people have seen him, they know who I'm talking about, but none of theme have seen him for a week or two. This is ridiculous. I'm wasting my time here. He probably got bored and left. Maybe he went back to Brazil... or London. Or maybe something happened to him."

"No! Buffy! Don't think like that. I'm sure nothing happened to Spike. I'm sure he's just fine. You know what, I think you should come back here." Willow glances at the person sitting across from her and continues "You know how Spike is... he won't be able to stay away from you very long. He couldn't when you were mortal enemies, how could he now? He'll come back to you eventually."

Buffy laughs bitterly.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. There's a flight leaving around 10pm tonight. I'll take it. I'll be at the airport at 12am, can you meet me there?"

"Sure Buffy, I'll be there."

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Buffy walks into the bar. It's that place where she had such a wonderful time with Spike. It's only 6pm and she still has a few hours before her flight leaves. She sits on a stool and looks around the place when she hears her name. She turns around, heart beating faster, only to find the bartender smiling at her. It's the same one who was there that night a month ago.

"How do you know my name?"

"Well, to be honest, I know a lot about you Buffy. Your ex boyfriend, William... you know, the blond guy who came here with you one time, he talks about you a lot. That's of course, before he passes out. So I got to know you pretty well."

Buffy is frantic.

"He comes here? Often? Do you know where I can find him? Does he come here every night? Please, I need to find him."

"Whoa sweety, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I haven't seen him in a week. Last time I saw him, he was worst then usual. He wouldn't even talk. He just stared at the wall and drank. Then he mumbled something about not being able to live without you, and he left. I haven't seen him since. I assumed he decided to go back to you or something like that. I was hoping it would work out. I remember when you two came here the first time. You were such a sweet little couple."

Buffy smiles at the bartender, tears in her eyes.

"Thank you. Would you do me a favor?"

"Sure thing kid, what can I do for you?"

"Just... if you see him, could you tell him I was here, and I can't live without him either. Tell him.. tell him to come home ok?"

"Of course honey, anything for you."

"Thanks. I have to go now, I'm gonna miss my plane."

The bartender looks at the blond girl leaving and secretly hopes that everything will works out for those two. Cause love really shouldn't be that painful.

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It's 12am when the aircraft finally lands at Sunnydale airport. For Buffy, getting on that plane in the first place was like giving up. Admitting that was it. But landing in Sunnydale is worse.

She grabs her bag on the carrousel, and slowly makes her way out the doors and into the arrival area. She stares at her shoes, not wanting to see all the happy people waiting for their loved ones since she has no one waiting for her. Oh yeah, she has Willow. But it's not the same. She just wants to go home now, and forget about everything.

She's lost in her thoughts, looking at the floor, when two boots appear in front of her. She stops, lifting her head a little just to see black jeans and a oh so familiar leather jacket. She stands there in shock for a few seconds, not believing her eyes. Then she drops her heavy bag to the floor and throws herself in Spike's arms.

"Didn't Red tell you I could never stay away from you luv?" he murmurs in her ear, soothingly caressing her hair.

Buffy lifts her head to look up at him.

"She knew?! She knew and she didn't tell me?! Oh I'm so gonna kill her!" she says, kissing him desperately.

"Huh... please don't kill me... it was a surprise."

"I hate surprises" Buffy tells Willow, not taking her lips off Spike's but smiling brightly. "But I'll let you live for this time. Just don't do it again."

Willow smiles at the happy couple in front of her, relieved that everything worked out fine, and that Buffy is happy again. But after ten minutes standing there, she looks at her watch with a dramatic sigh.

"Guys, not that I'm not enjoying watching you two make out, but could you maybe continue this in the car? It's getting kinda late..."

THE END

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