Can't get you out of my head
SUMMARY: Buffy’s dreams are haunted by a certain blonde vampire. Spike finds out about it and since he’s tormented by the Slayer too, he tries to help. But will a night of passion without tomorrow get each other out of their systems?DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, Joss Whedon and his minions are behind Buffy and company. I just make the characters do what they should do according to me.
SPOILER: Set in season three, after Angel came back. Don’t worry, this is not a B/A at any moment of the story.
RATING: NC17
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“Buffy?” Angel straddled the windowsill, and took foot into the slayer’s bedroom. “Buffy, are you…” He stopped, breathless at the sight of the blonde woman sleeping soundly.
She was on her stomach, naked, the crisp cotton sheet covering mere inches of her firm behind. Her face was peaceful, golden hair sprawled across the pillow. So beautiful. His forbidden fruit. The woman he could never taste again.
He backed up slowly, quietly, not wanting her to know he was ever there. But she moaned. Long, deep, pleasure filled moan, stopping him in his tracks. He half expected her to say his name, but she just stretched languorously, like a woman under the hand of her lover. The sheet moved as she shifted on the bed, exposing more of her tanned skin. Angel knew he should go, but he couldn’t bring himself to move or to look away.
Buffy moaned again, followed by a rapid succession of breathless pleas.
“no.. no please don’t… no, we can’t. “
She curled up on her side, one hand caressing her own thigh. The blonde girl hissed in pleasure and slid her hand between her legs, obviously imagining her dream lover doing the same thing.
“yes.. oh God, so… wrong. Oh God, no, don’t stop… yes, please, Spike…”
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Xander just stared in amazement, and a little fear, as Angel paced and growled in front of the fire place at the old mansion.
“Should I run for my life, or do you still have that pesky soul of yours?”
The vampire turned to Xander in full game face, before returning to his human features. The boy took a few step back and put his hands up.
“Hey big man, I was kidding. At least, I was hoping I was kidding…”
Angel took a swig of bourbon directly from the bottle, and dropped himself on the armchair.
“Don’t worry. It’s still there. But go away. I want to be alone.”
“Whoa man, what’s going on?
Angel just growled at him. The teenager ignored the warning and took a seat.
“That bad huh? Come on, hit me with it, I’m sure it’s not as bad as it seems.”
“Go away, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Look, pretend I care, and tell me what’s wrong. I won’t share with anybody, promise.
The vampire looked wearily at him, than hung his head low.
“It’s Buffy. “
“What about her?”
“I stopped by her place an hour ago. She was tired earlier tonight and I told her I would patrol for her, so I went to see if she was ok. “
“What? Did something happen to her? Is she ok?”
Angel shook his head. “No, nothing happened to her. She’s fine. It’s just… she was sleeping and.. I know I should have left, this is wrong, it’s like spying on her, but I couldn’t move.” He trailed off. “She was having a dream. One of those dreams…”
“A wet dream?”
Angel motioned with his hand to say ‘exactly’. “She was twisting and turning, moaning in her sleep. Then she started mumbling. There was no denying what kind of dream she was having. For a little while, I though it was about me. I mean, I know we’re on a break, but it’s not because we don’t love each other… But at one point… she… she said a name.. she…. Oh God.” He rubbed his eyes as if wanting to chase the memory. “She said Spike.”
Xander gasped loudly in horror, effectively covering another gasp coming from the shadows behind them.
“Nooooo. No way she meant THAT Spike. You sure that’s not a nickname for you? You sure it’s not some kind of secret code for something else? Or, maybe another wacky guy’s name.? There could be more than one guy named Spike. Which is not any better for you, but anything is better than knowing Buffy fantasizes about another member of the undead club. No offence.” Xander reached for the bourbon “OR, she had a lot of junk food before going to bed, and was actually having a nightmare about having sex with Spike.”
“Look Xander, I appreciate your efforts to rationalize, but it didn’t sound like a nightmare. She was quite enjoying herself by the sound of it.”
Xander sighed and looked seriously at Angel. “Listen man, I think you shouldn’t over react. There is a reason why dreams are not for public viewing: they’re personal. What Buffy dreams about at night, only her knows about it, and only her knows what it means. There could be all kind of explanations for it. Even if you heard a couple of words, you were not in her head with her. You know nothing about the setting and what was really going on. And I know this hurts, but even if she does fantasize about the bleach nut job, it’s in her private little world. You are not allowed in it.”
“It’s rather scary, but you are making sense.” Angel groaned and ran his fingers through his now messy hair for the thousandth time that night. “You’re right, I can’t judge her on a dream I’m not even supposed to know about.”
“That’s the spirit! And personally, I’ll go back to swimming in the Nile if you don’t mind big guy.”
Angel gave him a puzzled look.
“Never mind. See you later.”
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Spike tripped drunkenly on a rock. He caught himself just in time, then let his body slowly slump down next to the dried up fountain. He laughed softly at the irony before taking another gulp of his bottle.
So his little Slayer was thinking about him too. He wasn’t the only one being tortured in his dreams.
Suddenly, putting an end to his ponce of a sire’s life didn’t seem so important. All violent thoughts in his fuzzy brain were suddenly replaced with the face of the Slayer. The girl had been haunting him every night for the past few months, and this had to stop.
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“You’re sure you’re alright Buffy?” Angel asked on the front steps of her house.
“Yes, of course. Look, I’m just tired ok? These two demons put on a hell of a fight. Not that it wasn’t a nice change; I like the action once in a while. Nothing like a good fight before going to bed. But that’s exactly what I want to do now: to go to bed.”
“Fine. Sleep tight. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He climbed up one more step. “Good night.”
But she was already going through the door. “Good night Angel.”
She closed the door behind her, almost relieved. Her moments alone with Angel had been tensed lately, especially tonight. She still loved him, but she was not in love with him anymore and the knowledge was weighting heavy on her shoulders. No matter what, she didn’t want to hurt him. Not after all he had been through because of her. And on top of everything, there were those stupid dreams she couldn’t stop thinking about. Her nights had been restless for a long time now.
Ever since her mother had innocently asked how Spike was doing, a month and a half ago, she had started thinking about the blonde vampire a lot. What, at first, was mild interest in his fate, had now turned into real obsession. He was extremely sexy, that was for sure. She couldn’t understand how Drusilla had decided to neglect him over Angelus to the point where Spike had had to form a truce with his mortal enemy to win her back. Didn’t make sense to her. But then again, we’re talking Drusilla here. Hello, nut job? But he loved her so much…
*If he loved me to that extreme… Ok Buffy, you’re doing it again. Stop.*
She walked upstairs to her room, undressed and slipped under her sheets.
*No naughty dreams about the bad, bad vampire. Just sleep and dream of… I don’t know, pick nicks, Christmas gifts, bunnies… whatever *
Soon, the Slayer drifted off to sleep, only to be met with icy blue eyes and cool hands again.
Spike stood outside the open window looking at her. There was no word to describe how incredibly beautiful she was. More beautiful than he could remember.
He waited a long time. Until he was sure she was deeply asleep, then he let himself in.
He sighed. *I might die tonight, but it will be worth it.*
He stalked over to the foot of her bed, and, after dropping his duster to the floor, climbed carefully on it. The bed shifted under his weight, and he stood still for a moment, waiting to see if she would wake up. When she didn’t, he got on his hands and knees and moved over her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful it was almost a crime to wake her up. The crisp cotton sheet was covering almost all of her body, but one of her perky breast was peeking out, tempting him mercilessly. Not able to resist, he bent down and took her rosy nipple lightly between his lips in a tender kiss. She sighed. But that was not what he wanted. He didn’t want to take advantage of her sleep. He wanted her awake and consenting.
He brushed a strand of hair from her forehead and she shifted underneath him at his touch. Holding himself on one arm, he ran his hand lightly down the side of her face, along her neck, and stopped on her shoulder. She shivered and let out a small moan of contentment.
Through her foggy mind, Buffy could hear someone calling her softly. She didn’t want to wake up, she was too happy where she was, but the tempting voice insisted. She felt a draft of cool air on the sensitive skin of her neck, followed by what felt like a kiss… then another one. Slowly emerging from her dream, she pried her heavy eyes open, only to find herself staring into stormy blue ones. Startled, she backed herself up into her pillows. It took her a moment or two before the shock wore off enough for her to be able to speak.
“… Spike?” Her voice was unsure, and not much louder than a whisper. She was not even attempting to cover herself. She could only stare at him, waiting for an answer to her mute question. But it never came. He just lowered his face closer to hers, bringing them to a rather intimate distance.
“Spike, what… what are you doing?”
Emotions played on his beautiful face, and when he spoke, his voice was hoarse with desire. His lips were almost touching her cheek, and she could feel his unnecessary breath on her skin. A shiver ran up and down her spine and her breath caught in her throat.
“Buffy… I …” He shut his eyes and swallowed hard. “Buffy… I don’t know what’s going on… I just… I can’t stop thinking of you.” He whispered, his lips still against her skin. He pulled back a little to look into her eyes. “Every night I dream of you. You’re always there. It’s driving me insane.”
“Spike… please…” But she couldn’t move. She was paralyzed. She couldn’t even tear her eyes away from his.
“I know it’s the same for you luv, I know it. Don’t tell me you never dreamt about it. I see it in your eyes right now.”
She wanted to answer, say something, push him away while she still could… but it was already too late. The desire was coursing through her veins like fire, leaving her completely helpless and at his mercy.
“Please Buffy” his lips were upon hers, almost kissing her. “This has to stop. I can’t go on like that. I denied it, but it’s true… it’s only you. In my head, every night.” He started kissing along her jaw line. “I know you dream too. Let me take you. Just this once. Satisfy each other, get it out of our system.” He trailed his lips down to her throat. His whispering got more urgent, more demanding.
Buffy closed her eyes and tried to think of something intelligent, but she couldn’t, her brain having shut down a while ago. All she could do was to focus on the sensations his cool lips triggered in her. His body was against her, and she could feel his desire for her. It was not some sick game, he was saying the truth. He wanted her.
“Just once pet, and then you’ll never see me again. I’ll be out of your life. I promise. Just one time. Let me taste you. No one needs to know.” He looked into her eyes again. “It will be our secret. Let me make love to you…”
She lifted her head slightly off the pillow letting her lips connect with his. All hell broke loose. The passion overtook her, controlling her actions against her better judgment.
Slowly, he pulled the sheet down her body to her hips to reveal her and broke the kiss to look at her. She was more beautiful than his wildest fantasy. He bent down and captured one of her nipples in his mouth. She instinctively arched her body off the mattress and sighed softly, relishing the feel of his tongue and lips on her sensitive skin. Aroused beyond possible, Buffy grabbed the back of his T-shirt frantically, trying to pull it over his head. Spike stopped what he was doing, and sitting on his heels, he took it off himself while she undid his belt. Taking his jeans off, he stood in front of her, completely naked. Buffy gave up any rational thought and offered him her arms. He lay back down on top of her, his naked body pressed intimately against her own and captured her lips again in a fevered kiss. She lifted her hips off the bed seeking contact but when she realized there was still a sheet separating her from Spike, she kicked at it until there was nothing left between them. She inhaled sharply when she felt his erection rubbing against her inner thigh, her eyes widening slightly. But she soon lost contact, as Spike went down on her, slowly liking and kissing her collar bone, down to the hollow between her breast, and all the way to her stomach.
Spike let out a throaty moan, enjoying the feel and taste of her golden skin and the sound of it made her quake in anticipation. He stopped at her lower abdomen, and blew softly on her curls. Buffy whimpered and wiggled under his touch, as his hands left her hips and traveled down the outside of her legs, only to come back up her inner thighs. She spread her legs for him, in a silent plea to be touched. Lowering himself even more on the bed, he started nibbling at the sensitive flesh of her inner thighs, biting lightly with his blunt human teeth. Buffy had never wanted anything or anyone that bad in her life and was starting to feel frustrated because he was denying her what she wanted. She knew why. He wanted to hear it. He wanted to make sure it was him she wanted, not just anybody. But she couldn’t be proud at this moment. Didn’t want to be. She just wanted him.
“Spike… please. “
He lifted his head to look at her with lust filled eyes, and other emotions that couldn’t be named.
“Please what luv?” his voice was rough with need and passion.
“Please… please, I want you Spike… I need you.”
Without a word, he separated her folds with his fingers and pressed his lips to her soaked flesh. She moaned loudly enough to wake the entire town.
“Shhh. Luv, you’re gonna wake your mum.”
“I don’t care. Don’t stop. Please.”
He proceeded to lick the juices coming out of her, avoiding her clit with each lap of his tongue. She ran her fingers through his short blond hair, trying to hold him to her, her knees digging into his sides. He dipped his tongue inside her a few times and felt her walls tightening around him. Spike took her clit between his lips and sucked on it. She cried out, on the verge of her orgasm, but he let go of her. Buffy lifted her head to look at him, her eyes wide and unfocused.
“What… what are you doing?”
He slowly climbed back up her body until his face was next to hers again.
“Not yet Buffy.” He lowered his head to kiss her.
“But”
“Shhh, trust me, it will only be better.”
Lying on his side next to her, he gave her a long tender kiss, caressing her stomach lazily, giving her body time to calm down a little. She licked his lips, his chin, kissed his nose, tasting herself on him. Incapable of staying still, she touched him everywhere, discovering his strong body, tracing every muscle with her warm little hands.
Realizing he wouldn’t last much longer, he eased himself on top of her. Automatically, Buffy arched her own body to make contact with him. His shaft was pressed against her lower stomach, and it felt almost twice as hard as the first time she felt it. Spike ground his hips on hers, seeking friction. She scooted herself back on the bed a little bit so his cock was between her legs, where it should be. Buffy felt the head of his cock at her wet opening and she grabbed his shoulders in a bruising grip in anticipation of what was to come. As he pushed into her burning hot core, Spike’s eyes never left hers, staring deep into them.
They both gasped at the incredible feeling. Buffy put her arms around his neck and pulled him down into a desperate kiss. He started rocking against her, slowly moving in and out of her, in an agonizing rhythm. She was trying to make him go faster by meeting his every trust, but he steadied her hips, wanting it to last as long as possible. Forever would be great. Looking at Buffy, he couldn’t help but think that waking up in the arms of this woman every day would be the only thing that would truly make his unlife happy and satisfying.
Shutting his eyes tightly, he pumped faster into her. Her moans of pleasure sounded like music to him and encouraged him to go deeper, slamming mercilessly his hips against hers, rubbing himself on her throbbing clit. Suddenly, her eyes opened in shock as her orgasm hit her full force. He felt her body tightening around his cock as waves of pleasure hit her. Her entire body shook and she bit into her own arm to keep from screaming. His own body reacted to her, his balls tightening, and he came into her. The longest and most satisfying orgasm of his existence.
He fell limply half on top of Buffy, his face in the crook of her neck. She kept her arms around his cool body, kept him inside of her. She didn’t want it to stop anymore than he did. She didn’t want to wake up and think this had just been a dream. But she fell asleep. He listened to her breathing slowing down and watched her features relax. He wanted to stay too. He wanted to fall asleep at her side and wake up next to her.
He waited until she was deeply asleep and disentangled himself from her warm body. Taking one last look at her sleeping form, he sighed and started getting dressed.
When she woke up, Buffy stretched with contentment, but soon realized that where she had been expecting to find another body, there was an empty space. She sat up, to find him busy buckling his belt.
“So that’s it?” her voice was angry, but she couldn’t hide the hurt in it.
He didn’t answer, just looked at her.
“You had a good fuck so now you’re just gonna leave and never look back?”
“Buffy…”
“Oh no, don’t you Buffy me. Don’t waste your time trying to make excuses. Anyway, I should have gotten it by now. Buffy’s not worth a second go. She’s not even worth a goodbye. She’s only good to wake up alone. I think I got it now.”
“But, luv…”
“You’re right. You had your fun, you feel better, now get out! Leave me alone.” She was now almost screaming at him, tears streaming down her face. “That’s all I’m good for anyway, being alone. That will teach me to let stupid vampires into my bed…”
“Bloody hell! Would you stop it for a second!”
He screamed louder than her, and she look at him in shock. But he lowered his voice to say what he had to say.
“I was leaving now, because I realized that if I stayed one moment longer in your arms, I would never leave.” Pain was now evident in his voice as he continued. “ When I came here, I didn’t even know you had something for me, no matter what that something is. I learnt it from someone who spied on you and heard you saying my name while you were sleeping. I figured this was just some kind of obsession, and maybe, if we slept together, it would go away. I’ve never been more wrong in my unlife. It just made everything worst. And then, I was holding you, and I started thinking that there was nothing I wanted more than waking up next to you and it just… I had to…” He looked away, trying to avoid her eyes, and half expected her to throw him out.
“Please Spike… just tonight.”
His head snapped up and his eyes met hers. She offered him her hand.
“Won’t you stay?”
A second later, his clothes were discarded for the second time of the night, and he was back in her arms, making love to her again. This time, they both fell asleep afterwards.
When Buffy woke up and opens her eyes, she found herself staring into blue ones.
“Good morning pet.” He said softly before kissing her forehead. He was still holding her in his arms, but he was fully dressed.
“You’re leaving?” she asked, her voice still sleepy.
“Have to. The sun hasn’t reached the front of the house yet. I can still make a run for the sewer entrance. Just wanted to say goodbye first.”
She cuddled closer and nuzzled his neck.
“Will I ever see you again?”
He hesitated. “I think it’s best if…” she put her fingers to his lips to stop him.
“Shh, don’t say it.” He smiled and kissed her before getting up, leaving her lying on the bed, wrapped in the now wrinkled cotton sheet. He picked up his duster from the floor and put it on.
“Goodbye, luv. Take care of yourself ok?” He turned to leave.
Buffy got up from the bed in a hurry, holding the sheet around her small body, and reached him before he got to the door. She tripped on the sheet and he caught her in his arms before she would crash to the floor. She pulled him to her for a goodbye kiss, then reluctantly let go of him. She touched the side of his face and smiled.
“Be good.”
He smiled “I’ll try.”
Then he was gone. Leaving her feeling more alone than she had ever been in her life
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Buffy was walking a few steps ahead of Angel, an axe swung over her shoulder. The floating skirt of her silk red dress swinging as she walked angrily.
“Buffy! Won’t you slow down a little? God what’s wrong with you?”
Buffy turned and gave him the look of death.
“Why don’t YOU walk faster? I’d like to get this over with. I was supposed to have a nice quiet evening at the Bronze with the gang. Instead, I’m stuck here, looking for some stupid ass demon with you.”
“Buffy, don’t you think you should calm down. Look at you, you’re all brassed off for some reason and it will only get you killed. Leearha demons are quite nasty and really hard to kill. If you don’t stop bitching and try to focus, it might get you killed.”
“Yeah, and wouldn’t that be terrible seeing as you wouldn’t be able to barge on me all the time with your: ‘Buffy, something bad’s coming up’ ‘Buffy, the apocalypse is coming’ ‘Buffy, there’s a big nasty demon you have to kill’. Yeah, I could just rest in peace, and be in a bad mood all I want without everyone interrupting.”
She heard a loud growl coming from behind her, and without even thinking about it, she swung her axe, then turned around to face a stunned Angel, putting the axe back on her shoulder. “Am I not allowed, like everybody else, to be cranky? Is that a rule in the Slayer handbook that on top of saving the world and always doing the right thing, I have to smile all the time?”
“Are you pmsing?”
Buffy lifted the axe from her shoulder and tapped it on her hand in a threatening way.
“Watch it Angel…”
“I’m just saying that for almost two weeks now, you haven’t been yourself. You’re acting all pissed off and moody around everybody, especially me. I don’t know how to act around you anymore. Is it something I’ve done, cause you’re making me feel really uncomfortable you know.”
“Oh, poor you, my bad mood is affecting you? Excuse me while I go put on my fake smile to make you feel better” Seeing the pained look on his face, she softened a little bit. “Look, I’m sorry, but everything is not always about you Angel. I’m allowed to not be perfect you know. This has nothing to do with you. I’m sorry if it looks like I’m dishing out on you, but I just need some breathing room, ok?” She looked at her watch. “Now, where’s that stupid demon so I can kill it and move on with my life?”
“Uh, Buffy? You beheaded the thing a good five minutes ago.” He pointed at something on the ground behind her.
She looked down at the now headless Leearha demon. “Good. Let’s go.”
Angel shook his head sadly, not understanding this woman he used to love so much. And he started thinking that maybe he never understood her in the first place.
“Buffy!” She stopped but didn’t face him. “I’ll join you guys later. I have a couple of things to do first.”
“Yeah yeah, demons to kill, apocalypse to stop… knock yourself out.” She mumbled under her breath, low enough to make sure he wouldn’t hear and she just raised her hand in acknowledgement before walking away.
When she finally got to the Bronze, her face was as red as her dress, and she was still clutching a stake furiously. She found the Scoobies and sat down at their table without a word. They all stared at her in wonder. She roughly grabbed Willow’s purse from the table and started going through it. The witch looked at her, mouth gaping. Buffy finally found what she was looking for. She took the Kleenex out of the purse and started wiping the mud from her right foot, mumbling insanities through clenched teeth.
“Uh… Buffster? Everything alright?”
“Fresh grave. Expensive strappy sandals. Pissed off. Need a beer.”
“Ooookay. I’ll… get a beer.”
Xander got up to get Buffy a drink, leaving her with Willow, Oz and Cordelia. The silence soon became uncomfortable around the table. It was only broken by the stake being tapped impatiently on the table by Buffy.
“Buffy… you’d tell me if something was wrong, right?”
Lost in her thoughts, Buffy looked blankly at Willow.
“Uh... sure. I mean, of course I would Will. Don’t worry, it’s nothing. I had a very bad night. Ugly demon, bad fight with Angel, ruined shoes. And for some reason, I have the feeling it’s not gonna get any better. I think I should just go home…”
“No. I think you need to get drunk and find a man.”
Buffy raised an eyebrow at Cordelia. But she smiled.
“Yeah, I guess that would do the trick Cordy.”
They all looked surprised, but no one said anything. Xander came back and put Buffy’s beer in front of her. She took it.
“Phase one of the ‘Buffy getting better’ project.” She said, lifting her beer in direction of Cordelia. The girl looked at the Slayer quizzically, but decided against commenting.
But after two beers, Buffy was not feeling any better. She was brooding in her corner, pouting at her drink. She was seriously contemplating the idea of going back home and soaking in the bath tub for an hour or two before going to bed. The song playing next did it. She loved Kylie Minogue, but this song was a little too appropriate for her taste. She got up to go to the washroom, with every intention in the world to leave the place as soon as she would come back.
She was roughly making her way through the crowd of dancing teens, pushing people out of her way, when she stopped dead in her tracks.
I just can't get you out of my head Boy your loving is all I think about I just can't get you out of my head Boy it's more than I dare to think about
For the person haunting her thoughts was standing right in front of her. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. He wanted to say something, but couldn't. Buffy took a step forward. Before he knew it, his arms were closing around her and they were kissing like there’s no tomorrow.
I just can't get you out of my head Boy your loving is all I think about I just can't get you out of my head Boy it's more than I dare to think about “I’m sorry Buffy. I really wanted to leave, but I couldn’t. I tried, I swear I did.” She shut him up with another kiss, pressing her body against his, feeling the bulge in his jeans through her silk dress. Soon, they were both panting heavily, desire taking over.
“Spike…”
He stopped to look at her. Her face was flushed, and she was trying to catch her breath.
“Not here. Let’s go to my place…”
He kissed the side of her neck, and took her ear lob between his lips.
“It’s too far”
Won't you stay Won't you lay Stay forever and ever and ever and ever
“Come with me” He led her towards the washrooms, walking right pass them, in direction of the kitchen. Looking around, he found a narrow hallway, dark and deserted. Then, in a corner, there was a shelf against the wall. He sat Buffy on it and went back to kissing her.
“These were the worst two weeks of my life” he said, taking his lips away from hers for a second.
“I know. Me too. I can’t get you out of my head Spike.”
I just can't get you out of my head Boy your loving is all I think about I just can't get you out of my head Boy it's more than I dare to think about
He slowly lifted her dress all the way to her hips, caressing her thighs as he did. Buffy fumbled feverishly with his buckle and the buttons of his jeans.
There's a dark secret in me Don't leave me locked in your heart
Spike slid the spaghetti strap of her dress down her arm and placed butterfly kisses on her silky shoulder. She wrapped her legs around him and without hesitation, he buried himself inside of her. He closed his eyes, just taking in the feeling of her hot flesh surrounding him. That feeling he had been craving desperately for the past two weeks. She let him fill her, stretch her.
Set me free Feel the need in me Set me free Stay forever and ever and ever and ever
“Stay with me Spike. Please, don’t leave. I need you.”
“Buffy…” His hips started moving instinctively, incapable of staying still any longer. Soon he was pounding into her, and Buffy met every trust eagerly, hungry for him. The music was blaring in their ears, but they couldn’t hear it anymore. Their lips connected again as they both came with a force neither of them expected.
I just can't get you out of my head I just can't get you out of my head I just can't get you out of my head...
Calming down, Spike reluctantly pulled out of her. Buffy’s hands were still holding the back of his head, unwilling to let him get away again. So he stayed, busying himself by making her presentable again. He pulled her dress down to cover her thighs, replaced a few wild strands of hair, fixed her lipstick with his thumb… trying to avoid her eyes. He didn’t want to hear it. The ‘you know we can’t be together’ talk.
“Spike…”
“I know. Just don’t say it.”
She pulled his face to hers, his forehead connecting with hers.
“You don’t even know what I was about to say.”
“If the words ‘you and I’ and ‘can never be together’ are in it, I don’t want to hear it right now.”
“Spike, this is all crazy, nothing make sense to me anymore, but I had no intention of saying that.”
He pulled his head back to look into her eyes, trying to decipher the meaning of what she said.
“What do you mean pet?”
“Look,” she jumped off the shelf and stood in front of him “I’m not sure what I mean. I’m not sure of anything right now. I… I need to be alone, clear my head. I’m too confused to talk about this right now. All I know is that since you walked into my room two weeks ago, everything changed. My life is upside down and I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“Buffy…”
“No. I need to go”
He closed his eyes, frowning worriedly at the idea that if he let her walk away now, she might never come back. Seeing that, she sighed softly and smiled up at him, forcing him to look at her.
“I’ll see you later.”
He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, and finally smiled back.
“Yeah… Don’t take too long.”
She walked away, her heart racing at the idea of what she had just done, and the consequences of it. All she wanted now was to get out of this place as fast as possible.
*Fresh air.. I just need some fresh air *
She quickly made her way to the table to get her purse, hoping against all hope that they would all be dancing. But she was out of luck. Willow was siting at the table, with Oz, and they both gave her a strange look.
“Buffy, what the hell happened to you? And where were you? I was starting to get worried.”
Buffy looked down at herself, and understood why her friends were giving her puzzled looks. Her silk dress was scarily wrinkled, the spaghetti strap still down her shoulder, and her hair was probably a mess too.
Indeed, Willow couldn’t help thinking that Buffy looked like she had just made out for hours. The girl had what looked like bed hair, her red lipstick was visibly smudged, her dress was a mess…
“Demon.” Buffy said, looking almost proud of her answer. “Big nasty demon outside in the back alley. See what it did to my dress? I think I’m gonna go home. Can’t stay here looking like that. What would Cordelia say?”
“Buffy, come on! You haven’t even been here for an hour! Stay. Who cares what Cordelia says.”
Buffy started blushing, now seriously aware of what she looked like. When she saw Oz nostrils flare, and him looking away from her with a slightly embarrassed look on his face, she realized it was more than time to go.
*Stupid wolfy senses!*
“Look, I’m not in the best of moods. I really need to get some fresh air, take a walk… kill something or whatever. I’ll see you tomorrow Will.”
Buffy walked away quickly before Willow could say anything. When she finally reached the door, she bumped into Angel. They stood in front of each other for a moment, then he frowned and looked like he was about to say something.
“Sorry Angel. I’ve got to go.” She mumbled, not looking into his eyes.
Before he could stop her, she was gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy walked aimlessly around town for a good hour or so. Her first idea was to go straight home. But then she had decided that one last round of patrol might help her clear her mind. Unfortunately, no vamps showed up. And instead of assessing the situation, thinking about the problem and trying to understand what was going on, she found herself having silly thoughts like *What would it be like to wake up in his arms every day for the rest of my possibly short life * She sighed deeply and hung her head in defeat.
When she looked up again, she realized that she had been walking in a loop for an hour, ending up exactly where she had started: behind the Bronze. The alley seemed deserted, but just as she was about to turn around and go home, she noticed a leg coming out from behind a large garbage container. Hesitantly, she started walking in that direction, unsure of what she would find. The closer she got, the more she could see. Legs clad in black jeans, a bit of leather showing, probably a long… duster.
* Spike? What the hell is he… *
She didn’t finish her thought. A long, agonizing moan came from behind the container. Forgetting any precautions, she rushed to his side, but stopped in her tracks at the sight. The wind knocked out of her, she couldn’t move, couldn’t breath, couldn’t say a word.
Spike was slouched on the ground, well, not completely since he was not actually touching the ground. A long steal pole coming out of a pill of garbage was piercing all the way through his torso, holding him a few inches above the ground. His bloodied hands were around the thing, trying to lessen some of the pressure on it. There was blood in his white blonde hair, and one side of his face was different shades of purple and blue.
Horror painted on her face, Buffy could only repeat ‘Oh God’. She finally snapped out of it, and knelt by his side. He seemed to be almost unconscious by then, his body hanging lifelessly on the pole. She gently brushed some hair away from his forehead and he whimpered in pain.
“Spike?… Spike, what happened?”
He started moving at the sound of her voice.
“No! Don’t move. Stay still. Spike, listen to me. We’re gonna have to get that thing out of you. If it was possible, I would break it, and we could do it the easy way, but I really don’t think it’s possible. It’s gonna have to be the hard way, and it’s going to hurt like Hell.
He didn't open his eyes, but nodded weakly. The only sign that he was still councious.
She reached into her purse, and pulled out a stake.
“Here, bite into this.” She put the stake into his mouth, and he bit down on it. “Ok, now, you’re gonna put your arms around me, and hold yourself up as much as you possibly can. I’m gonna have to lift you up a little, and pull you towards me to free you from this thing. Can you do this? For me?”
He nodded again and did as she asked. Before he had time to think twice about the pain to come, she said “Now” and with her arms around his torso, she pulled him. He cried out in pain, the stake falling from his mouth. Finally free from the steal pole, Spike fell on top of her. She carefully turned them around and lay him down on his back to assess his injuries.
“It’s over. You did good. You’re gonna be ok now.” She tried to sooth him, but she knew he was far from ok.
“God Spike, what did this to you? Why did you let it hurt you like that?”
“Didn’t… hit from behind… baseball bat.” His voice was hoarse, laced with more pain than one can take. “broke the bloody thing over my skull.”
“Who? What was it? Demons?” She gently put his head on her lap, smoothing his blood soaked hair back while trying to think of a way to get him to her house. He didn’t answer, couldn’t answer.
“I promise Spike, if I ever find that thing who did this to you… Spike? We’re gonna have to get out of here. It’s going to be hard, but we have to at least get out of this alley so we can take a cab home.” She got up, and started helping him standing up. He stopped her.
“He’s still here…”
“Spike, who…”
“Me.”
Alarmed, she quickly looked up in the direction where the voice had come from. She didn’t recognize the voice right away because of the way it was twisted with torment, anger and emotions. Now, she could only stare in disbelief at Angel, sitting on the ground on the opposite side of the alley, a broken baseball bat still clutched in his hands. Fury started to boil inside of her as realization sunk in.
“You…” Her voice was a low whisper that only a vampire’s keen hearing could hear. “You did this?.. You?” she took a few steps in his direction, tears streaming down her face. He dropped the baseball bat and it came rolling to her feet. Buffy stared at it, still not understanding. Not wanting to understand, because the idea of Angel putting someone in such pain because of petty jealousy would make all her beliefs come crashing down on her.
He slowly stood up, a lost look on his face.
“Buffy…”
“No, please don’t say anything.”
“I had to.”
The rage she had tried to control came flaring up.
“Jealousy? Is that what it is? Fucking jealousy?!”
“No… I.. I wanted to protect you…”
“From what? Falling in love? You asshole!” she was now screaming at him. “I am not your thing! You don’t own me!! I sleep with whomever I want and I don’t have to have your approbation. You’re not my father, you’re not my lover, and after this, you’re not even my friend anymore. I don’t have any permission to ask. And if I’m gonna get hurt, it’s my business, not yours. You hear me?!” She was now standing in front of him, her face red with anger.
“He is evil Buffy! He has no soul.”
“You have one, doesn’t make you that good as I can see. “
“It’s probably some sick game he’s playing with you. Don’t you see?”
“I think I can judge that for myself. Spike is straight forward. He hates you or he loves you, but he does it in your face. Mind games were your thing Angel. You sired him, you’ve known him for a hundred and twenty something years, and you still don’t get that? You still don’t know him? How thick are you?”
“Buffy, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. I only did this for your own good.”
“No! Shut up! It wasn’t for my own good. This was an act of pure hatred. Lie to yourself if it makes you feel better, but you are nothing but a selfish, self-centered little man. I once loved you and respected you, Angel. I obviously didn’t know who you really are. What is it Angel? Because you can’t have me and it makes you miserable, I have to be miserable too? I can’t fall for another man because if I do, you’re gonna be there to torture him to death? Is that it? Answer me you asshole! Is that it?”
Before he could answer anything, she punched him on the chin, effectively breaking his jaw and sending him to fly all the way across the alley.
“Told you I was in a bad mood you stupid jerk.” She walked over to Spike “And I’m not finishing you off only because Spike will probably want to do it himself once he’s all better. So if I were you, I’d get out of town now while you still can. And if you have any respect at all for me, for what we once had, you’ll never come back. It’s over Angel.”
Buffy bent down and gently helped Spike up. He moaned loudly and couldn’t stand straight, probably because of broken ribs. She had to hold him up because he couldn’t do it himself. He could barely walk so she half carried him to the end of the alley. When they got there, he dropped to his knees, incapable of going any further. Buffy tried to stop the few cabs roaming the streets at this time of the night, but every time they would see Spike in the state he was in, they kept going, probably scared of stopping. She was now crying, trying to get him to stand up so they could try to get to her house.
“Buffy? Oh… Oh god!”
Buffy looked up to see Willow, Oz and Xander standing in front of her, mouths gapping. Their eyes kept going back and forth between Buffy’s devastated face, and a now unconscious, bloody Spike.
“What Happened Buff?” Oz asked, keeping his cool as usual. “...Angel?”
“How… how do you know?”
“Let’s just say I can put two and two together.” He answered, with a knowing look on his otherwise expressionless face.
“Oh” she remembered the way he had sniffed the air at the Bronze earlier when she had showed up in front of him and Willow.
“Angel? What does Angel as to do with this?” Willow looked confused, still not understanding what was going on.
“Sorry, not now Will. Oz? Could you… “
“Sure. I’ll get the van.”
Two minutes later, he stopped the van in front of the alley. To Buffy, it felt like a lifetime. Without a word, Xander helped Buffy get Spike into the car. They didn’t notice, or just didn’t pay attention, to the figure standing in the shadow.
The ride to Buffy’s place was made in silence. No one dared saying anything. Buffy was sitting at the back of the van, Spike’s head in her lap. When Willow caught Buffy kissing Spike’s forehead from the corner of her eye, she finally understood what was going on and felt really stupid for not getting it faster.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s complicated Will. I’m sorry.”
Willow nodded. “We can talk later if you want… I mean.. If you need to talk, I’ll be there.”
“Thanks.”
They all helped getting Spike out of the van and into the house, putting him down carefully on the couch. They sat on the opposite couch and stared in shock at the vampire, as Buffy ripped his T-shirt open. The entire right side of his body was one huge bruise, his ribs obviously broken, his right arm broken, probably trying to protect himself from the attack. But that was nothing compared to the gaping wound on his abdomen. Willow left the living room and came back with the first aid kit.
Spike finally opened one eye, the swollen one staying closed. He saw Buffy and tried to smile at her, but it didn’t quite come out as a smile.
“Hey” she said softly.
“Hey pet… sorry I got you all worried.”
Buffy smiled. “Would you shush already? If someone should feel sorry, it’s definitely not you.”
“Oh I think he does now. You did a bloody good job on him.”
“Yeah, and now, I’ll get you up and running again, and you can go kick his sorry ass yourself.”
“What did you do to fangface anyway Buffster? You didn’t just let him walk away? Not that I have something against the guy… well I do, but that’s not the point. This is just…” he pointed at Spike “wrong.”
“Gotta agree with Xandman here” Oz added. “Not the best ex in the world.”
“I didn’t do much physical damage, but I think I got him with my words.” She started cleaning Spike’s wounds, and he hissed and groaned every time she touched him. She couldn’t help but think of how he had hissed in pleasure last time she had touched him. She closed her eyes and chased the thoughts away. Putting the washcloth down, she started dressing his wounds.
“It’s all good, I mean... All cleaned up and pretty again, but don’t you think the Evil Dead’s gonna need some blood to recover? And I’m not volunteering in case you ask.” Xander made a face at Spike.
“Uh, yeah…” Worry darkened her features again. “But... Willy must be closed by now. Where can we get blood at this time of the night?”
“At my place, luv.” He tried to sit up, but she stopped him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I have… pig blood in the fridge.”
Oz stood up. “Ok, we’ll be back as soon as possible. What’s the address?”
Spike gave them the address, aware that Buffy had never taken her eyes off him. Willow and Xander were arguing about who was going, who was staying while Oz was playing impatiently with the keys in his pocket.
“What?” he whispered, his eyes never leaving hers.
“Since when do you have pig blood in your fridge?”
“Since the woman of my dreams asked me to be good.”
They were suddenly alone. They didn’t hear Willow saying she wanted to go with Oz and see where Spike lived. They didn’t hear Xander say that he didn’t want to stay alone with Buffy and her new vamp toy. They didn’t hear anything. They were alone.
“I mean, really, this isn’t fair. Just when we were getting rid of one bloodsucker, the replacement comes running.”
“Xander, you don’t have to be an ass. Just go with Oz already. I’ll stay with Buffy and… and Spike.” Still talking, Xander turned to Buffy.
“Buff, this thing with bloodbreath, is it seriou….” He stopped mid sentence and watched for a few seconds as Buffy and Spike kissed passionately, before hanging his head in defeat.
“Damn.” He dragged his feet to the door, followed by Willow’s laughter. THE END
