Here comes the sun

SUMMARY: Year 2006, the vampire population has grown out of control, forcing an older and bitter Slayer to travel around the world to balance things between good and evil. But a carefully planned raid in Berlin is compromised by a familiar presence.

DISCLAIMER: Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters all belong to Joss Whedon. But the story is mine.

LYRICS: translation of Sonne, by Rammstein

SPOILER: Takes place 4 years after Seeing Red. Season 7 never happened. And let’s pretend Spike didn’t leave his duster at Buffy’s house that night shall we.

WARNING: character’s death (not Buffy or Spike, you crazy you! I’d never do such a thing)

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The music was loud, the warehouse dark and crowded. Clad in black leather pants and a simple sleeveless black shirt, the Slayer was jumping around, the loud German music roaring in her head. Her blood was pumping to the hypnotic beat, adrenaline rushing through her system. She was waiting for the battle to come and thought of nothing but the thrill of the fight.

Cold, hard bodies were clashing around her, as lost in the savage dance as she was. The blonde girl seemed unaware of the horror that surrounded her, unaware that her species was in the minority at this exclusive underground party, but she wasn’t. She was very well aware of the kills that were taking place, and of the willing humans, their warm skin slick with a mix of the new drug of the day and blood, offering themselves to their master vampires on dirty old couches scattered around the warehouse. But Buffy was deliberately ignoring the fact. Only the mission mattered. She’d deal with those coward humans once the dust settled. For now, she was dancing and waiting for the right moment. Because unlike those willing slaves, innocent humans were hiding in their beds in fear of the night, and this had to stop. She had to stop it. Nothing personal, it was her job. Her sole purpose in life… and the only thing left for her to enjoy anymore. That, and dancing.

Berlin was probably the worst vampire nest in Europe right now, and the Slayer and her crew were there to make things change. They were very well organized and had proven time and again that they could get the job done.

Buffy smiled, something cold and scary, while thumping her foot roughly to the beat of the music. The dark make up made her expression unreadable, but even stripping her of any artifice wouldn’t have changed anything. There was nothing there to see. Just a girl dancing, trying to forget about her loneliness and the pain of the world while waiting for the right moment. To her, it was like being on a high. The waiting, the expectation, the adrenaline rush. Those were her drugs. The only thing that made her smile these days were the screams of pain from vampires before they’d satisfyingly turned to dust.

After only two months traveling through Germany, she already knew enough about the language to understand some of the lyrics of the song. Knowing what was about to happen in the dark warehouse, she reveled in the irony.

The sun is shining out of my hands
it can burn, it can blind you
when it breaks out of the fists
it lays down hotly on your face
it lays down painfully on your chest
balance is lost
it lets you go hard to the floor
and the world counts loudly to ten

Oh, she was counting all right. She closed her eyes and grinned evilly. She closed her eyes, and let it all out through her mad dancing. She didn’t see him coming. Didn’t see him until he was a foot or two away.

When she opened her eyes again, her heart skipped a beat. Or two… or maybe even three. But if she was shocked, she didn’t let him see it. She kept on moving wildly to the music, her eyes locked on him. She seemed to be observing him, as if making sure it was really him. The one who had been missing from her life for four years and five months now. She danced her way to him until they were almost touching. The fucking liar who said he’d never leave her. Spike. As beautiful and dangerous as ever. Deserter. Angry green eyes met stunned blue ones, enthralled. They stared at each other, until reality came crashing down on her. Familiar anger was quickly replaced by irrational fear. She swiftly removed her earpiece and shoved it in the back pocket of her leather pants.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off, panic now obvious on her face.

“You have to leave. NOW.”

He looked pained, misinterpreting her words.

Seeing that he wasn’t moving, Buffy put one arm around his neck and started moving, pretending to dance so she could talk in Spike’s ear without being heard by the other vampires next to them.

“Anytime now this place is gonna be filled by artificial daylight. Make your way to the back door as quickly as you can. It’s the safest exit. It’s only guarded by a potential Slayer. Be careful, she has a crossbow pointed at the door. Just make sure to get the microphone in her ear before you get away or she’ll call Willow for back up and you’ll be screwed.”

She pushed him away. Seeing him hesitating, she yelled over the music. “NOW!”

Spike took a step in the wrong direction. She grabbed his arm to stop him. “What in the fucking Hell are you doing?! Didn’t you understand a word of what I said? Do I have to speak German now?..”

He yelled over the noise. “My jacket” as if it explained everything.

“I’ll take care of your stupid jacket God damn it! Just go!”

She watched his retreating back for a few seconds before she started hearing the screaming coming from the other end of the warehouse. Xander was turning on the lights one after the other. The brightness of it blinded Buffy momentarily so she backed up against a large column to protect her back from any eventual attack. But the vamps were too busy trying to save themselves to think about killing anything. Basically, she was only there to pull some random vamps from underneath tables and dark corners, and finish them off. That new artificial sunlight technology that Wolfman and Hart’s scientists had come up with two years ago was definitely a good thing… scratch that. A fantastic thing. She still loved a good one on one, but the undead population had gotten so impressive over the past few years, that anything that could make the fight easier was welcomed.

With her hand covering her nose so she could breathe despite the dust, Buffy glanced quickly towards the door where she had last seen Spike and she wondered if he made it. But seeing that all that was left were a few humans walking around with stunned looks on their faces, she snapped out of it. She’d deal later.

Requiring too much energy, the sun lights were burning out one after the other. Seeing the place getting darker, Buffy did a quick round, making sure that no undead fiends lived to tell the tale. Satisfied that the clandestine club was indefinitely closed for business, the Slayer made her way out, pulling a few humans along with her. She had no compassion for these people. These were the cowards. The ones working for vampires or acting out as their slaves in order to save their own asses. But who was she to decide who deserved to live and who should die? She shook her head, disgusted at how pathetic and weak human beings could be sometimes. Before going through the door, she remembered something.

“You people get lost. Go home, whatever. I don’t give a shit. It’s over, there’s nothing left here.”

She turned around and went back inside the club, now lit by only one sun light that was flashing in and out of life, and the club’s blue neon. She looked around, tripping on tipped over stools and tables, broken glass making cracking sounds underneath her heavy boots as she tried to find her way through the mess. The vampire dust was making it hard for her to see where she was going and she couldn’t stop coughing. She finally found the jacket in a heap on the dirty floor. She smiled and put it on, then left the place to go meet her crew outside.

Buffy walked out, as her team was about to walk in to get her. They could only look as she walked right pass them, covered in dust, the black duster billowing slightly behind her. They were great people, really, and she cared for them more than she let on most of the time, but right now, she couldn’t care less if they were worried about her or not.

The Watchers Council had put together this great team of vampire hunters three years ago when the situation got out of control. Of course, they chose Buffy, the best Slayer they’d ever had, to lead the team. That was on top of being the head of the training department at the WC’s headquarters. The crew was composed of her oldest friends, Willow, Xander, and when he could, Giles. And in addition to them, there were also three of the most promising potential Slayers, two Watchers in training who had been tested in fight for the past two years, and Willow’s new girlfriend, the head of a witches’ coven associated with the WC. Having been living with these people for three years, Buffy considered them family. But she had become a loner over the years and didn’t care much for their worries. Didn’t want any of them to worry about her making it through the night or not. She knew some night, one of them wouldn’t come back home for pizza after a fight, and she decided it would be easier on everybody if they’d get that through their thick skulls. But obviously, her detachment didn't rub off on them.

“Buff! You scared the shit out of us! What took you so long? We lost connection with you a long time ago… before I turned the lights on.”

Xander crossed his arms on his chest, waiting for an answer.

“Earpiece fell off Xand. Someone stepped on it. No big.”

Iris, Willow’s lover, was giving Buffy a strange look.

“What?” Buffy asked defensively.

“Nothing. Just… Cool Jacket. Did you steal it off some vamp before he got dusted?”

“Long story. Forget it.” She turned to Xander. “Did anybody escape?” She tried not to look too hopeful as she glanced discretely towards Daria who was watching the back door.

“Everything went smoothly except for the back door. Daria said she ran into some kind of trouble but we were waiting for you to get here before she tells us what happened.”

The redhead shifted uncomfortably under Buffy’s gaze.

“Really? Are you hurt?”

“… No.” The young potential answered hesitantly. “He just knocked the crossbow out of my hands then avoided all of my kicks and punches with a speed I had never seen before. I don’t know why he didn’t hit back. As soon as he got a chance to get close enough, he grabbed me and took the microphone from my ear and crushed it under his boot. Then he just ran away. I don’t understand how he knew I had that, or why he didn’t try to hurt me. It was like someone told him something was up and…”

Buffy cut her off. “Hey, no big deal Daria. You tried your best. Could have happened to any of us.”

“She’s right honey,” Willow added with a bright smile “besides, we can always go after him. It’s still early. Just describe him and we’ll split.”

Daria opened her mouth to answer, but Buffy took her arm quickly and started pulling her to where the van was parked.

“It doesn’t matter hon. One more vamp, who cares. We’re still here for another two weeks at least. Chances are we’ll get him eventually.” She tightened her grip on the girls arm as a silent threat and added through clenched teeth, just loud enough for Daria to hear: “You don’t remember anything, understood? You don’t remember his voice, his face, his hair, what he was wearing… Got it?”

The girl nodded, intimidated by the Slayer’s tone of voice.

“Good. Just don’t ask questions. I have my reasons.”

Buffy turned to the rest of the group as they reach the van. “You guys go ahead, I’ll stay and do a quick patrol of the surroundings in case that slippery vamp is still around. I’ll be back soon with pizza.”

“Want me to tag along Buffy?” Willow asked, not liking the idea of her best friend patrolling the streets of Berlin alone.

“No. I’d like to be alone... I’ll be careful, don’t worry. I’ll be back before you know it.” And she walked away, not waiting for the answer.

Something was off and they knew it, but they also knew better than trying to get the girl to talk when she was in that kind of mood. Buffy had changed a lot over the years. A lot of bad things had happened. Things they were not allowed to mention in front of her. It didn’t matter. They wouldn’t want to bring those things up anyway. So Buffy had slowly drifted apart from them. They were still best friends and in a way, still very close. But they didn’t know her heart anymore. Or didn’t want to know. She wasn’t really sure which, and frankly, didn’t care all that much. She had learnt how to not rely on the sharing to ease the pain. Had learnt to rely on herself only. She was the only one who could understand her own heart. Her friends meant well, but they could never get it. The only one who could…

She shivered at the thought. Or was it the crisp late October wind? No. Definitely a “scary thought” induced shiver. Four years and five months keeping the pain for herself. And worse yet, four years exactly since the darkest night of her life. And she knew for a fact that with only one look, one touch of his hand, he would be able to open the gate and unleash the storm. And he’d probably break down too when he’d heard about what happened that night.

Buffy stopped walking and looked around herself, her arms wrapped around her own body protectively. Maybe it would be best for both of them if she wouldn’t try to find him and just go home instead. Leave the past where it belongs. At least, she’d have the duster to keep her warm at night.

She turned around and started towards their temporary home. She was not gonna cry. Hadn’t cried in years and wasn’t gonna start tonight. She decided to forget she ever saw him. She’d just go home and move on with her empty life as if nothing ever happened. *Good plan Buff* she told herself.

She arrived at the old abandoned building and made her way up the rusty emergency stairway in a record time. She had stopped by the pizza place on her way back and was carrying a few greasy boxes of smelly goodness. She smiled slightly and shook her head at her “Xanderism”.

She hopped on the roof and after taking a deep breath and putting on her cheery face, she went through the open window. Xander saw her first and rushed to her.

“Thank Goodness! I was starving here!”

“Yeah, hello to you too Xander.”

He took the pizza boxes out of her hands and waved distractedly in her direction. “Hello”

Seeing Daria eyeing her warily, Buffy tried giving the girl her nicest smile. “Daria, that vamp tonight, did you say he was really tall, with a ponytail and tattoos?”

The potential Slayer pushed a stubborn strand of red hair away from her face, then nodded carefully. “Yes…”

Buffy smiled brightly, letting the girl know that she gave the right answer. “Great! I got him then. He’s as dusty as they get.”

“Good,” Willow said looking more than relieved. “Cause we all remember what happens when one of them escapes. Next thing you know all the raves and parties get canceled and you have to wait a few weeks, if not months, before they start letting their guards down again. I don’t really feel like spending another month or two in Berlin. I’m already starting to miss my afternoon scones and tea…”

“Would you listen to that?” Iris said, laughing at her girlfriend. “A real little British wannabe. Isn’t she adorable?”

“Personally, I prefer German food. Give me Schnitzels over blood sausages anytime of the day!” Xander adds, sounding more than a little carried away.

Buffy rolled her eyes at her friend’s conversation while she looked for her cigarettes. Empty. Damn it. She checked the duster pockets and found Spike’s cigarettes. Her chest got a little tighter for a second there. But she ignored it and, stepping out the window, she went outside to sit on the roof.

“I don’t understand.” The soft-spoken girl came to sit next to the Slayer.

Buffy exhaled some smoke into the cold night air. “Nothing to understand hon. I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“At least explain to me why you let a vampire get away. I covered for you. Don’t I deserve to know?”

She sighed. “We have… history together. He’s the best fighter I ever came across. I couldn’t let him go down like that. It was too stupid a death for him.”

Daria frowned, hesitant to say anything else. But she couldn’t help herself. “Was he… The one we’re not supposed to talk about?”

Buffy gave a short humorless laugh. “Yeah… That’d be him. The name Xander, Willow and Giles are avoiding around me.”

“But… I don’t get it. I assumed it was because you hated him. But then, why did you let him get away? Don’t you want him dead? I mean… if you hate him, isn’t it logic that you’d want him dead?”

“Yeah. I guess it would be. If I hated him as much as I’ve tried to convince myself. It’s so much easier to hate him…”

Daria shifted uncomfortably next to Buffy. “Don’t kill me for asking but… what happened between you?”

Pain radiated from Buffy, startling the girl who was so used to the Slayer’s coldness. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“He left us.” She finally answered in a barely audible voice. “He wasn’t supposed to leave… ever. He had promised. He said he would love me and protect her till the end of days. Maybe if he hadn’t left…”

“You mean… Dawn?” She was almost expecting Buffy to bolt but surprisingly, she didn’t.

Buffy’s eyes shone with unshed tears, but she held them in. She nodded slowly, staring off into space.

“He… loved you? I thought Angel was the only vampire lover you’ve had. When we read the Watcher’s journals for training, it said nothing about another vampire. Was it Sp.. Spike? The one with the chip who was helping you for a while?”

“The one and only.”

“How come it doesn’t mention anything about him loving you in the journals?”

“Because I forbade Giles to write about it. He deserved better than being just another stupid entry in a stupid journal…” Not knowing what to do with her shaking hands, Buffy lit another cigarette. “I just… it’s irrational, I know, but it felt like writing the story in the Watcher’s journal would make it over. It would be like turning a page and moving on. For years, I didn’t want it to be over. Hell, I still don’t want it to be over.”

“Why did he leave if he loved you?” She knew she was pushing the envelope but couldn’t help her curiosity.

That Slayer was such a mystery. Daria felt almost privileged to hear the tale directly from her. Buffy was so different from all the other Slayers she had read about in those journals. They were all pretty much the same –Slayer got called, killed big nasty demons and vampires for two or three years, vampire killed Slayer- But then she had read about the current Slayer and had been fascinated by her. She was the rebel that the Watchers Council could never tame. She tamed them instead and made them see things her way. The new training concept for potential Slayers and new Watchers was her idea. Buffy had changed everything and the new generation all looked up to her.

“The million dollar question hon.” She laughed bitterly. “Look at me. For years, I’ve been hating him and blaming him for everything that went wrong in my life, just because it’s so much easier than blaming and hating myself. But the truth is… I made him leave. I pushed him away. And it’s not only because of the horrible fight we had that night; it’s everything that led to it. I treated him like shit because I was too scared to let myself love another vampire. That’s the truth. Even if I hate it and hate everything it implies.”

Daria reached to touch the girl’s arm, but seemed to think better of it.

Buffy wanted to stop. She didn’t want to open up to anybody, but she just couldn’t stop. It was so much easier to face the truth when it was out in the open. She wasn’t really talking to the redhead girl sitting next to her; she was talking to herself. The other girl just happened to be there.

“Part of me knows that it wouldn’t have changed anything. He wasn’t following her around all the time. But I can’t help it. I can’t help but fantasize about what my life would be like if I hadn’t been such an idiot and he would have stayed. Maybe I’d still be in Sunnydale. Maybe my mother’s house would still be standing. Maybe I’d be happy and carefree as I used to be. Maybe… Dawn would still be here with us.”

He landed in a crouch next to the two girls, jumping off the second rooftop. Daria shrieked but Spike ignored her, his panicked eyes locked on Buffy’s.

“Dawn.” He said, almost choking on the word.

She knew it would happen. The memory of thinking he would be able to make her break down with only one word briefly crossed her fuzzy brain as she rushed him. She pummeled him with her tiny fists, blinded with tears. He let her take it out on him; his own tears falling down as realization of what she had said hit him. His little bit had died. And he wasn’t there.

She finally stopped pounding on him and slumped bonelessly into his arms, sobbing, exhausted by the emotional outburst.

“You left us. YOU LEFT US!” Her yell was muffled by his chest, but the accusation came clearly to his ears.

“YOU SAID YOU LOVED US!” She hit him again, weakly.

The screaming had brought the gang to the open window, but Daria pushed them back in and shut it behind her to leave Buffy and Spike alone.

They cried in each other’s arms for a very long time before either one of them could talk.

Spike finally found his voice again… barely. “Did--did she--suffer?”

She merely nodded against him. He inhaled sharply; feeling like someone had just reached into his chest to rip his heart out.

“Can you tell me what happened?” He asked softly.

It took a long time. He thought she wasn’t going to answer and was starting to think that maybe he didn’t want to know when she started talking.

“After… you left, she made an habit out of sneaking out of the house at night to go to your crypt. Clem had left to move in with a friend maybe a month or so after you left. She could have gone during the day, but I guess it was more thrilling that way. She was a real Summers you know…” She started crying again, but wiped furiously at her tears.

“That night, I was going out with the gang at the Bronze. Something about getting rid of mopey Buffy and getting good old Buffy back again. We asked Dawn if she wanted to come but she said she needed to study. I came back it was almost morning and I was pissed drunk so I just passed out on the bed. When I woke up in the afternoon, Dawn wasn’t home. I just assumed she was in school. But there was a message on the answering machine from her school asking me to call back to explain why Dawn didn’t show up. The only thing that came to my mind then was that she was gonna be grounded for life. I never thought..”

Spike stroked her hair, trying to comfort her the best he could. She was shaking in his arms. “It’s all right luv. You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to…”

“Yes. I need to. I haven’t talked about it since it happened four years ago. I need to be able to get it out.”

He nodded and she sat back on her heels to look at him. Her eyes were bloodshot, dark make up running down her flushed cheeks. He reached up to wipe the dark streaks with his thumb.

“Later, I started panicking. The sun had just set and I didn’t know where she was. I had tried her cellphone but it was on her nightstand. I called all of her friends. They didn’t know where she was. I had never been that scared Spike." Her voice broke.

He looked away. He had never hated himself that much in his life or unlife. He should have been there for her.

“Xander and I went everywhere. I think on some level, I knew. Because I was carefully avoiding the crypt… I guess I must have known somehow. Normally, it’s the first place I would have looked. She just loved to light some candles and read her books on that dirty old couch of yours. I found her there so many times. But that night, I wanted to look anywhere but there. Xander finally stopped his car in front of the cemetery’s gate and said that we should look.” Buffy started sobbing loudly and stopped talking.

He took her back into his arms and rocked her back and forth, trying to calm her down.

“There was so much blood…”

Spike felt like he was gonna throw up. He had never felt that sick.

“I thought she was sleeping Spike. My brain didn’t want to acknowledge the blood. When it finally did, I passed out. I think I stayed out for hours.”

They spent another fifteen minutes not saying anything. She just couldn’t get the words out.

“I didn’t go. I couldn’t bury my little sister. Giles took care of everything. And while everybody attended the funeral, I found who did it, a new master vampire that had been giving me trouble all summer. I found his lair and burnt down the whole thing in the middle of the day so they wouldn’t escape. It didn’t make the horrifying pain go away, but it needed to be done. I cried all day, looking at the fire, then I went home. There wasn’t any home left though.”

Spike didn’t want to ask the question. He was too scared of the answer. But she said it anyway.

“One of them must have gotten out. There wasn’t much left of my house… after they controlled the fire.”

“God… Buffy…” The girl had had a taste of Heaven, then had been sent to Hell. Literally. How could those Powers That Be be so bloody fucking unfair to their own warrior? How could they put her through this soddin mess? Spike felt so helpless. He’d give his unlife to help her, but there was absolutely nothing he could do to make it go away. Nothing at all. Every word he could have said would sound empty and meaningless. “I’m sorry.”

He felt her nod but she didn’t say anything.

“I wish I could go back in time and make it all better…”

She laughed sadly. “Yeah. I’ve been wishing that since the day I’ve walked into your crypt and Clem told me you were gone.”

He didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say.

“I’ve been waiting for you, you know. I’ve been waiting for you to come back. Even after I moved to England with Giles, I’d still call Faith in Sunnydale to ask her if she’d seen you. They took her out of prison and sent her to protect the Hellmouth after I refused to do so.”

“What did you do in England pet?”

“At first, the Watchers Council didn’t even want to hear about me. But when the vampire population grew out of control in Europe, around spring 2003, they didn’t have much of a choice but to admit that their ways were outdated and they had to adapt. So believe it or not, they came knocking on my door and asked for advice. Having something to do snapped me out of my depression. I soon became head of the training department and changed everything. We started bringing in Potential Slayers from all over the world. Giles would go on trips to find them and he would send them to me. I thought it would be better if the next slayer who would be called had already been trained. Giles and I put together a new training for Watchers as well so they would be better prepared to work with a Slayer and more ready to adapt to unexpected situations. Then, at the end of 2004, vampires got more organized, so we had to be too. We put together that little team and we organize what I call “special events” like we did tonight.”

“That was bloody brilliant by the way pet. I’m impressed… and kinda glad you got me out too. Your mates are still with you?”

“Yeah. Xander, Willow and Giles, when he’s not on a mission of his own. Anya also teleports herself once in a while, but only for apocalyptic stuff. She’s a vengeance demon now and her boss hates it when she does too much good. The others, you don’t know. Willow has a new girlfriend, Iris. She’s nice and funny. Took me a while to learn to like her, but she kind of grows on you.”

“Red’s not with Tara anymore? Did something happen to the little witch?” She was about to answer but he stopped her. “You know what? I don’t want to know. It’s already too much for tonight. Can’t handle it.”

She gave him an understanding look, then lay her head back down on his shoulder. After a long moment, he realized that she was asleep. So he backed himself up until his back was against the brick wall and closed his eyes.

Her voice was so soft, he barely heard her. “I miss her.”

“I know…" He kissed the top of her head.

“What do you say we go home Luv…?”

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Epilogue

The sun had just set over Sunnydale and the sky was still pink when the blonde couple made their way through the cemetery. They were walking slowly, holding hands. She was wearing a simple, long sleeve, black dress and he was wearing black slacks and a dark gray shirt. They stopped in front of the small headstone and leaned into each other for support.

“Hey Dawny.”

“Hey Niblet… Sorry it took us so long.”

Buffy smiled through her tears.

“Yeah. We kinda got sidetracked there for a while. But we’re home now.”

The End

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