SILENT SHADOW PRESENTS:

The Game

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A/n: This is a Juri story. It’s basically what she thinks as Leomon dies.

They say the digital world is composed of the dreams and wishes of the children. Perhaps that was once true, perhaps once upon a time it was a happy place.

But now it is a desolate kingdom ruled my strange demons where my tired feet had been wandering for days. My friends and I have been searching for evil in this world, we have found many.

This digital world is nothing but battles, killing, and the lust of getting stronger. Stronger then anyone else, evolved higher then anyone else. This is their happiness, this is their goal. I don't know why they push for this, to me it sounds so empty. All I wanted is to have a digimon partner.

And I did, Leomon. I felt so happy when I first got him. I finally was a someone. You see my biggest fear is being alone. I don't show it, with my happy-go-lucky smile with always a positive attitude, but I guess all people pretend once in awhile.

But my pretending was forever.

It's been a fear of mine since I was little, since my mother died. It feels like it was only yesterday that I lost her. The image of her dying was still haunting, my father tried to comfort me by saying at least she went peacefully.

My mind flashed with and an image, The frail woman on the stainless white blanket. Her piercing eyes were closed and her matted hair was over the lumpy pillow. There were tubes everywhere, sticking in her skin. A strange clear device covered her mouth to help her breath. Her skin was pale and there was a steady beep of the gadget that measured heart beat.

I slowly took her limp hand into my own small one holding it close to my face.

"Mommy," I said, "Mommy are you there?"

I felt a slight pressure on my hand.

"Mommy, please stay with me," I not even trying to hold in my tears, "Mommy I love you so much."

I saw a slight smile cross my mothers ashen lips, and suddenly the beeps got louder in an alarming sound. I rush of men entered the building.

"We're losing her!" said one doctor hastily.

"Get the girl out of here," said another. I felt firm hands around me pushing me away.

"NO!" I screamed pushing against him with all my might, "MOMMY! I HAVE TO STAY WITH…"

The door was slammed and I couldn't see her body anymore. I ran back in but she was covered from the head with the blanket.

…The next time I saw her she was in a box being lowered to the ground.

I wasn't strong enough to help her.

At first it was painful, mother was never there to make breakfast, lunch and dinner. I missed her voice, I missed her laugh, and I missed the little puppet shows she would do for me with a dog puppet. But at least I had my father.

He didn’t comfort me, he never talked about it again. Don’t get me wrong. I knew he loved me, even if he never said so.

But it still hurt though. I know you must be confused. It's not like I was crushed like Ruki was, I had a little time to heal. But when father brought a woman to our house, it still hurt. She took all my father’s time. He spent more and more time with her and less with me. I would stand in house for hours watching the time tick by.

Now don't get me wrong here either, she was a nice woman. Kind and gentle. But no one, I mean no one could replace mother.

They got married in a beautiful white and joyous wedding and I was the cute little flower girl, the flower girl that would have given anything to stop this wedding. But I couldn't.

They went on their happy honeymoon leaving me with a crabby old baby-sitter who smelled like old milk and rotten peaches. Half the time the baby-sitter was asleep and I would stand there alone and bored. Alone….

I walked around my house father bought. He took me away from mother's soft touch in a different way. Every memorial I had of her, every picture I had of her, every storybook she read to me was gone. I feared that my memories would not be enough to keep my mother alive in my heart.

Father you wretch! YOU have no idea what you have done to me! I want to see my mother's things! I want to look at her unmoving face, even if was behind the dusty glass.

I look around the new house weeping inside. They I noticed a small toy on the ground, stationary. I slowly picked it up staring at its dog like structure and brown button eyes. It was the puppet mother played for me. I placed it against my heart.

It was the last of my mother I had, and I would never lose it.

They thought I was weird playing with it. I didn't really care, no one really understood enough how much it meant to me. What they thought of me was their business. I'm not stupid. I know what people think when they see me playing with it. I just ignore them. They aren't important, just she is.

Just my mother.

Soon my wounds were healed, time did so. Well, at least that is what everyone thought. I still had nightmares of it, my mother’s funeral. When the casket closed, it would be the last time I saw her. And the casket slowly, inch by inch, lowering away.

I shuddered.

Pretty soon my thoughts of loneliness was replaced by, 'How could I have saved her… What could I have done?'

I blamed myself of everything, if I only I knew before. If I was only stronger. I wasn't worthy of being a daughter, that's why she died, I'm not worthy of having anything.

But now I have Leomon, and all those doubts vanished when my D-arch appeared. I was so happy, so glad. I am not alone!

I had a friend!

Until…

Impmon, or Beezledramon, or whatever his name was took him away.

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"NO!" I said screaming tears threatening to pour down my face. My knees shook as my hand trembled, "LEOMON!"

"Don't worry Juri. Be strong, you have a lion's heart."

I gasped, the last of him was gone and absorbed. My legs gave way and I fell to the ground, my heart shattering inside me. The ragged edges pierced everything, my stomach churned and tears were know flowing freely, and my d-arch went blank.

Alone…

"Juri…"

I could barely hear anyone's voice. For awhile I was stunned, unable to move, unable to think. It hurt worse then my mother dying, it was like having a part of you ripped away from your soul. And no one can live without their soul.

Leomon…

I grabbed my d-arch and began to wish fiercely. 'I wish I had Leomon back,' I prayed repeatedly. I waited for him for a long time. But he wasn't there. They said if I wished something would happen. But nothing did.

This was reality.

This was MY reality.

To be alone forever, everything I touch die and whither away. Because of me Leomon died. Because of me Takato went crazy and Guimon was going berserk. My touch withered them away. Death…

Takato had now merged with Guimon into a new digimon. He was beating the murder of my friend. Should I be happy?

"No…" I whispered as Beezldeamon lay bruised and hurt. No. No more death. No more fighting. Please stop.

"NO STOP!" I screamed as Takato almost killed him.

"But Juri… he killed Leomon!"

"But killing him won't bring Leomon back, no matter how much I wish. I'm tired of killing, I'm tired of death. I know Leomon died because I wasn't strong enough, and if any of you die it will else be because of me. So please…"

Please….

"Stop."

I burst out crying again sinking even lower to the bare ground. I grabbed my head.

Takato was next to me, but I ignored him.

I realized something. Life was a game, a game with rules. Some are born good at it, some are born bad at it. Some realize the rules and some ignore it.

The rules are that the sneaky, underhanded, and dishonest come out victorious. That power is the goal to obtain and to survive you must kill another because for some reason that there is not enough room in the enormous world for two. Justice is blind only with rage… there is no such thing as ritcheous, just revenge. And once something is gone… it's gone.

It's so unfair this game. There will never be a winner, no matter how we try. No matter how much we plead, no matter how much we kill.

It's unfair because I didn't know I was playing this game before. By the time I realized what was happening, something was taken away. Leomon was dead before I understood how to play, and there are no second chances in this world.

Such a sick, sick game.

I'm sorry Leomon, if only I had known how to play maybe you would be here today.

Then this whole destiny thing, changing one, having one. It's bull, no one has a destiny. No one has a set future. There is no fate, it's all a lie to make ourselves feel better.

Destiny? If there is then it is that we will live hard cruel lives trying to play a mindless game. We fall prey over others that we thought were friends, we fall victim to the back-stabbers, while the just lay on the floor weeping in agony.

The Just? Just? No… there is no just, only revenge. No one does things for the good of people they don't know. They do things for themselves and a loved one and if that meant they did a good thing, well it was an accident.

This game, this life, this endless cycle is too cruel too bear. That's why I choose never to play in it again. No, even if I die I won't get stronger, I won't kill to survive. I have nothing left to survive for and I won't hurt another thing.

Never again will I live in this game. Even if I die.

I am not one of them, I am not just another player. I’m breaking free I’m escaping. I’ll escape… even if the only way to do it is death.

Death……