"Hi," she said, looking anywhere but at him.
"Hi," he said, doing the same.
"So..." they said in unison.
"You first," said Christopher quickly.
"You, ah, you have a very nice apartment. It suits you."
"Thanks."
Raven clasped and unclasped her hands in a nervous gesture, "Well, um, wh-what did you want to talk about?"
Christopher cleared his throat, "I, ah...could we sit down?" He walked her over to the sofa and sat down next to her, "I guess I should just get right to the point."
Raven nodded.
"This is a really hard thing for me to do. Especially after what I did. But I wanted to tell you that...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ever doubting you. I'm sorry for the things I said and did. And most of all, I'm sorry for hurting you. I-I know I don't deserve it, but if you could find it in your heart, I'd like another chance."
Raven was silent after he had finished speaking. She'd known, in her gut, that this was what he was going to say. But she'd tried to deny it. Because she didn't know what she was going to do. She still loved him, but she didn't know if that would be enough.
"Raven?" He asked, afraid of her answer but needing to know.
"Christopher I-I know you are sorry for what you did," she began haltingly, then took a deep breath before continueing, "But I don't know if I could ever give you another chance. At least not yet. I'm afraid that if I do I'll get hurt again."
"But you won't," he insisted.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because...I love you," he finally admitted.
When she didn't answer right away, he said it again, "I said I loved you."
"I know what you said," she said in a shakey whisper.
"Then?"
She smiled ruefully, "Do you know how long I wanted to hear you say that? But don't you understand that these words don't mean anything if you don't trust me?"
She rose from the sofa, and walked over to the window to look out at the darkened New York skyline. Any other time, she would have marveled at the splendor of the surrounding highrises all lit up like christmas trees, but tonight she was blind to the beauty.
"Do you even realize how much you hurt me when you threw those unfounded accusations in my face? You didn't even give me a chance to defend myself!" She turned around to face him once more, "I gave everything to you. Every living and breathing part of me. And what did you do in return? Nothing! I gave all of myself, but you couldn't do the same with me." She laughed bitterly, "Loving someone also means shareing with them. Trusting them."
Her eyes started to water, and she quickly turned towards the door to make her escape, but she turned back to look into his sorrowful eyes, "You know something, I don't know if you're capable of that," she smiled sadly.
Christopher started towards her, but she stopped him with a negative shake of her head.
"Raven, I-I don't know what to say."
"Don't say anything. I don't think there is anything to say. Not anymore. I think we're past words now."
"I'm so sorry. I'm so damned sorry!"
"I'm sure you are. But not as sorry as I am."
She turned away once more and walked to the door. She had her hand on the knob when Christopher's hand on her shoulder detained her.
He said, "Please...don't go...not like this. What about us? What about the baby?"
She was close to breaking down and crying. But she wouldn't, couldn't do that in front of him. She raised her right hand, and placed it gently on his cheek. She said very softly, "I want you to think real hard about what I've said. And I want you to dig deep into your heart, be honest with yourself, and ask yourself if you really do love me."
"But I do love..." he began.
"No," she said putting a finger on his lips to silence him, "don't interrupt me. I want you to ask yourself if you love me, or more importantly, if you trust me. Because if you don't, there can be no us anymore."
She lightly kissed him on the cheek then stepped away from him, "Good-bye...Christopher."
She opened the door and walked out closing it softly behind her. The minute she did, the tears that had been threatening to spill, finally did. She ran to the stairwell in a haze of tears. Once there, she sat down on the top step, and cried until there were no more tears left.
Christopher stood looking at the closed door blindly. He raised his hand and put it against the cheek she had kissed. He sighed, closed his eyes, and dropped his hand.
He turned around to stare blankly at a room that seemed strangely dead now that she wasn't there to brighten it. She's gone, he thought, as he walked back to the sofa and sat down. He rested his elbows on his knees, and lowered his head onto the palms of his hands. With a sigh, he raised his head and looked at a framed picture that was sitting on the coffee table in front of him.
It was a picture of her.
Picking it up, he traced the soft outline of her face with his fingertip. As he looked at the picture, he didn't see her eyes saying I love you, as they had whenever he looked at the picture in the past. Instead, all he saw now was the pain, and the hurt. All her eyes said now was...you didn't trust me, you didn't trust me, you didn't trust me...
