April 1, 2003
Bras. What kind of sick and twisted person decided to put wire in bras.? It must have been a guy...seriously. No sane female would say ‘hey, I think I’m going to stuff this wire into my bra even though it serves no purpose so it can stab my...all day.!’ It doesn’t do anything except poke...bah.! It’s like wrapping a sharp coat hanger around your chest and going to sleep. It just doesn’t work. And why can guys flap in the breeze but females can’t.? There are more man boobies out there than hairs on a dog’s arse...but no one’s making them wear sharp pointy things. Stoopid society...men get all the good stuff. Except bathrooms...our bathrooms smell like soap...guys smell like urine. I wanna be a navy seal damn it.! But nooo...I’m a girl...can’t do that now can I.? Get a sex change and I’m a transvestite so I STILL can’t be a navy seal.! And what about the man boobies on navy seals.?! Damn it...manzier...I’m gonna make a comic strip of my life...except I’m going to be a pig and Purple is going to be a cat. Fart and set off the metal detector.! Get arrested for bio-terrorism.! Bubonic rats...wait, such a waste of rat. Bubonic...Mexicans.! Wait...I don’t have a problem with Mexicans...and Mexican food is kinda good. Ethiopians.! But Ethiopia is cool...erm. Monkeys. No one likes monkeys anyway. Bubonic monkeys.
April 4, 2003
Forbidden is thy crypt of sane
Locked deep within thine mind
Lost am I within this frame
For all eternal time
-TSK
April 6, 2003
Alright...I have this comic...I forget the title for the moment, but in this comic is a story about a carnival sideshow gone horribly wrong. These kids sneak into a carnival, and see this goat man holding balloons. Now this goat man offers the girl (three of them, two guys one girl) a balloon, she pulls a black one from the huge amount of colored ones. Now before they leave they have to ride the scary ride (of course) the lead guy takes the black balloon and rides by himself while the other two cling to each other. The guy (alone) gets kidnapped by the goat people...at the end of the thing there’s this whole speech about a god loving a goat and creating goat men...they rape human girls in an attempt to look more human so they can live above ground...there’s a shot of hairy nipples...it’s scary. Anyway, the lead goat man gets pissed that they stole a guy, but the other two escape. You can practically hear the goat men saying Let the Ass Raping Commence (even though they never say it and the comic ends before anything good is shown). AND I found a song by Voltair entitled ‘Dead Girls’...it’s about necrophilia...now I can die happy. Ass raping goat men and necrophilia...my life is complete.
April 10, 2003
Funniest moment in:::
Grade school- Mr. Nash; fifth grade music class; he plopped down on the piano bench and the thing broke in two pieces...he also tore a huge ass hole in the back of his pants...he was wearing highlighter orange boxer shorts with little black music notes. All he did was stand up, brush his pants off, turn the piano so his ass was towards the wall, and told us to start over.
Middle school- Mr. K; first day of six grade; first period math class; Abby ripped this huge fart…smelled like something died, and the noise reverberated off the walls. Mr. K stopped class, and wandered around the room sniffing the air. He stopped at Abby’s row and said ‘It stinks over here, who passed gas.?’ Abby, beet red, whimpered that she did. He made her stand up and apologize for passing gas and not saying excuse me...I thought I was gonna pee my pants...
High school- Ms. Keeshe; ninth grade English class; we were taking the midterm, when Chris rips a huge fart. After it ends, he makes this little sneezing sound. Now, he probably would have gotten away with it, but he turns around and starts complaining how no one said bless you when he sneezed...one of the more obnouxious boys in the room snorted and said, “Sneeze my ass, you pinched a turd bubble and you know it”...it was great.
April 11, 2003
The 'real world' is nothing more than the altered perception of a different reality...what we consider real, is anothers' dream...perhaps what we consider dreams are anothers' fact...? Or perhaps we are nothing more than amebas locked in an ant farm in some zoo for a distant species...? Or maybe what we consider reality is not really reality, but a horrible dream from which we cannot awake...? Perhaps I am just a babbling idiot...then again...perhaps not.
April 12, 2003
The dryer nazi yelled at me for sitting in the rollie basket and having muh bud push me around. I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who sit in those little rollie basket things, otherwise they’d be in better shape.! But she started babbling on and on about how they’re a couple hundred dollars a piece...and how everyone ruins the laundry matt stooph. Go to ollies and buy one for twenty bucks. LIAR.! And what’s the deal telling me I can’t dry my clothes there because I didn’t wash them there.? Aren’t you supposed to do the stuff you can’t do at home there.? Bah.! NAZI.! I’m gonna get my ass kicked one of these days...lunch nazi...bus nazi...dryer nazi...speaking of lunch I’m hungry. I want some icecream...ooh wait one of those misty things from DQ.! Mmm...strawberry-kiwi...
April 15, 2003
I had a freaking horrible week...and it’s only Tuesday.! Now I have no idea if I ranted about this already, but the damn paper is STILL on my ass about Don’t Hate on Me, Blame Society Now, this is quite possibly my best poem, but they want me to rip it apart so they can put it in the paper. Usually, I would jump at the opportunity to show my work, but I have to draw the line. For those of you that haven’t read it(what the hell are you doing reading my thoughts if you haven’t read my poems.??), Hate is basically a slap across society’s face for the increasing amount of violence and sex portrayed in the name of entertainment. Now, I can understand changing a few of the naughtier words, but damn. They want me to remove all references to gangs, drugs, prostitution, and any offensive language. Now, I can deal with offensive language, but removing ALL of that will totally change the meaning of the poem. Here’s the kicker though, they don’t want me to pull it. They’re offering 20 bucks to put the thing in there, and honestly, I want the money. But even us evil people have to draw the line...and I’m drawing it now. They want me to replace the line... ‘Mommy I want a black leather trench coat for Xmas’ with the line ‘Mommy I want a dead sponge bob square pants toy’...bloody hell. Even if I didn’t loath that idiotic sponge, it changes the meaning totally. Jeebuz...ah.! I fully support the artist section of the paper, and I’m rather flattered they chose me, but damn...don’t rip the thing apart you bloody idiots.!
April 15, 2003 (beta version)
I had this dream a few weeks ago that this guy was wondering around raping nostrils. Everyone had a bloody nose...it was weird. This cop was running around taking pictures of everyone’s nostril. I’m pretty sure my nostril was still a virgin, but I can’t really remember much. That would hurt though...a lot. At least I think so. Then again I’ve never shoved something like that up my nose...and to be honest, I don’t plan to.
April 16, 2003
All right, why is it that everyone seems to be so short sighted.? No one looks at me anymore, I mean really looks at me. They look at the camouflage, the dark makeup, the orange hair, and boom they refuse to look any deeper. Shallow people suck. When you’re in such a hick town like this, people automatically label you a serial killer if you’re a little different. Damn people. Open your eyes and actually look around, there is so much beauty in the world that society ignores. All right, let’s take a look at a turkey buzzard. Now if you ever look at a buzzard up close, they are butt ugly. But look at their feathers, when the sun catches them just right, it’s like looking at velvet. When they circle on the breeze, it’s beautiful to watch. Even though they are beautiful creatures, everyone writes them off as annoying and stupid. Even something trivial like a paperclip is beautiful in its own right. The bend of the metal, the shine, even a rusted paperclip is beautiful. Rust is a beautiful color. But hey let’s discard the rusty paperclip because it marks up the paper. Bah. I don’t feel like elaborating more.
April 17, 2003
I hate family. I had to watch my crap ass little cousin all damn day. She is the spawn of something truly, truly evil. All day she was whining and crying she wants to go in my room. Of course, being the nice person that I am, I said hell no. One must understand, that she has managed to steal half of my cds, many of my dvds, and a chunk of my video tapes. My door remained locked, and I spent all day on the computer. So, at around ten at night, she complains she wants to play a game. She begs to go into my room to play Playstation, I say hell no. She wants to go play a card game, so I hand her a deck of cards. Then she breaks into tears and wails about how she wants to play a computer card game, I say hell no I’m online. SSSSCRRRREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAMMMMM.! Then she wants to call her dad, so she starts dialing the phone. (please remember I have one phone line, and I was online as I have stated earlier) Naturally, I said what the hell are you doing I’m online you idiot. Shit...she’s breaking stuff...maybe I’ll write more later, maybe not.
April 18, 2003
I saw a bunch of hairy christians walking down the street today...kinda felt bad fer 'em...everyone was yelling at them to get the hell outta town...so of course I yell at the people in the cars that they’re assholes...never tell a person in a big truck that they’re an asshole...first they try to hit you then they get pissed when they run into the mailbox. I was kinda scared when the guy started getting outta the truck...but he was shorter than I was musta been 5 foot nufin...told the guy to get back to the chocolate factory, kicked him in the nuts for denting the mailbox...then told him he had exactly five seconds until I released the hounds he didn’t move, so I released the hounds. Wooo, little guys can run like the wind when they’ve got a king Shepard and a Shepard mix on their ass.! Mwah.!
April 19, 2003
I did a lot of thinking the past few hours. Everyone says ‘follow your dreams’ and ‘you can change the world’...what a load of donkey excrement. Reality gave my dreams an overdose of morphine, now they’re dead. Dead, dead, dead. Damn it. I’ll elaborate later, it’s three and I should go lie down.
April 19, 2003 (beta version)
Gods I hate holidays. My grandma made me take her to wal mart. Now I’ll give you the layout for holidays: Shadow wakes up :: Shadow goes downstairs :: Shadow finds family has already open / received their presents :: family looks stunned and says ‘We’re sorry Shadow, we knew we were forgetting someone, we’ll all double up on -insert holiday here- :: Shadow says ‘uh hu’ :: family gets angry because Shadow didn’t get them presents :: Shadow gets the speech on how real love is showed in presents :: Shadow is told to vanish for the day so they can have a nice -insert holiday here- :: Shadow wanders around town all day, by herself, hoping to run into someone she knows :: Shadow returns home the next day to find everyone passed out in various locations: Remember, this has all be rehearsed and refined over the past 10 years, so it’s pretty much a given. This year all of my cousins are going to be down.! Woo freaking hoo.! I can’t wait.! Maybe I’ll just skip the whole thing and leave tonight...only problem is I want to speak with someone, so I’ll probably be glued to the computer and be dead tired by morning. Lovely. I do hate holidays...
April 20, 2003
It’s 4-20. Ha. Fuck Easter.
April 20, 2003 (beta version)
Alright, most people know I’ve got chickens in the backyard, so I’ll just get down to the story. I was sitting on the roof (I had to vanish for the day remember.?), when the neighbor children started mimicking the crowing roosters. Being the mature person that I am, I ‘crowed’ over to them get a life…after a few moments of nothing, the neighbor guy (who happens to be rather attractive) ‘crowed’ back, got one. It was rather amusing, I suppose you had to have been there though. Instigating fights, in chicken talk, on easter, with the cute neighbor guy...only over here.
April 22, 2003
Internet is cut off...they're telling me to pay online...but how can I pay the bill if they cut me off.?
April 24, 2003
Sometimes beauty is not in the eye of the beholder but in the mind of the one being judged...always remember that the body you pass over due to a slightly unattractive figure...could hold the key to the universe in their inner being...
...or a machete in their pant leg...think twice before flipping the 'fat' child off...
...the majority of society holds as much depth as a puddle in late july...
...be that extra raindrop...
...the world would have no color if not for the storm cloud...
April 24, 2003 (beta version)
There is this poster in the hallway near the library advertising a school carwash. The drawing is horrible...but from what we can decipher, it is a blond, thin, large chested woman with a bunch of $100 bills shoved in her bikini top and thong. Hm...we can’t post a few GSA posters but they can solicit prostitution for the benefit of the school.? GSA helps the school...without the ‘safe place’ to run to, many of the student body would have no one to talk to, thus deepening their depression and leading to a possible suicide attempt. Communistic bastards. Prostitution is fine as long as it’s with a member of the opposite gender...asses.
April 24, 2003 (beta beta version)
Don’t you hate it when someone close to you lies, then lie about lying in a last ditch attempt to cover up the fact that they lied.? Then when they try to claw their way out of the hole, only end up digging themselves deeper.? Maybe it’s just the crowd I hang with...perhaps it is just bad karma...perhaps it is the law of three coming back to haunt me...then again they could be telling the truth, and it is only my pessimistic and cynical nature screaming at me to find a flaw...mayhaps none of the above.?
April 25, 2003
This is just a partial post from a forum I frequent...I'm too lazy to type more so I'll just copy and paste the thought for today...Hm...lost my thought trail...oh yes...the whole newbie thing. I realize that pikes :: aka newbies, noobies, b00bies, whatever you call them in this realm of boardom :: can be slightly annoying. Before you get all holyer than thou just remember a few basic facts...most of them have been stated all ready but I shall repeat them in one spot for you darker crayons. One- Even the most popular seasoned boarder...was once a newbie. Obviously, people got over the number of posts and accepted your snotty arse into the click. Two- It's not the number of posts someone has under their belt...it's the quality of the chat. Yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking...just a newbie hiding behind words...but while I may be a pike in this line of boards, I am somewhat of a regular on many others...so stop jumping behind an idiotic number and open your eyes to the lesser known boarders...because eventually their numbers will rise in digits and you're going to get a headache trying to figure out another horrible reason to bash on people. Do you honestly think a few rude comments are going to weed out the freaks/idiots/insane/anything else you want to prejudice against. So let's just skip the excriment run and get to the good stuff...insult me if you will...I would enjoy a good debate...but stop with the childish junk...
April 26, 2003
Holy gods...my mother, Purple and I all went to the Chiller Theatre Convention, and let me tell you...it was worth the $15 fee. First off...there were massive amounts of bondage porn. It was great...a bunch of hot chicks were walking around in leather. At first, I didn’t think we’d get in because we couldn’t find a parking space...then we had to wait in line, in the rain, and got halfway through the damn thing before someone told us this was the prepaid line and we had to walk all the way around the building to stand at the back of the paying line...in the cold rain. Purple and I sang bingo. Finally, we got inside the lobby. There was a guy in a great costume, I think it was from water world, but I’m not sure…anyway there was a pair of handcuffs hanging from his belt, and being the mature person that I am...I squealed ‘ooh handcuffs...kinky.!’...the guy stopped and walked over all evil like...it was great. He put me in a choke hold and growled into my ear while purple took a picture...I found it strangely arousing. Then, after paying for the purple wrist band (Purple was very happy), we went upstairs and started wandering around. BONDAGE GALORE.! There was this one heavy set girl in skin tight pleather...not a pleasing site...then we saw this horrid, horrid commercial for laundry soap. Black and white...bad guy kidnaps a girl and pushes her in front of a movie wall towards some pool of bubbling liquid...then this strange super hero guy runs over and pulls her from the edge of the pool just in time. (but how did he walk in front of the same wall without falling into the pool with her.?) anyhoo...then there were sheets, bondage, and laundry soap...it was strange. More bondage...more bondage...more bondage...then we found the Midnight Syndicate’s table.! I bought all four cds.! (at ten dollars a pop, not bad because they are pretty long cds...but even if they weren’t, it’s still damn good). Then we went to the Alice Cooper table...they had free pens. I went off on how cool the pen was, and the guy behind the table gave me a FREE House of 1000 Corpses t-shirt.! FREE.! In my size.!! Purple was pissed...I’m just THAT cool people. Mwaha.! Don’t worry...I took lots of pictures...as soon as they’re developed I’ll post a bunch. Now where was I...oh yes. After that we saw a bunch more bondage, then we went upstairs. SO many celebrities.! I saw that Spanish guy from Dusk ‘til Dawn. I even took muh picture with the guy...then I got to TOUCH the guy from Hellraiser...! The father.! AND he hugged me while purp took a pic.! Mwaha.! Then I saw this relatively hot chick from Hell Asylum...she’s a horrible actress, but she’s cool. Took a pic with her too...that was it for that floor, except for a few porn artists. Then we went to the next level, where more celebs were. (I wanted to kick Jason in the gonads). That’s where I saw the guy from hellraiser. Almost died...then we went into this other room where the cast from Time Tunnel was sitting...I was talking to I guess the lead guy when he told me to buy a picture. I told him I was poor, and he told us to go away then. Purple started going off about a poop stick (cig) in one of the pictures and he told us to get the hell out of the room. It was rather amusing...I also took a pic of that kun foo guy...and a couple other people...then the storm troopers.! They had a bunch of storm troopers wandering around, and I looked over just as one of them scratched his ass. It was great...mwaha. Flirted with darth vader…groped a hot female (she consented), then we went to leave after we got yelled at for not buying a picture from someone from grease. We saw more storm troopers, so I went over to ask for a picture. They asked me if I had any tissues...because ‘someone said “let’s sprinkle some dirt on you for effect”...then sprinkled them with manure.’ Being the nice person I am, I bust out laughing. I got my pic, then Purple gave them some walmart brand perfume...and the one storm trooper used like a quarter of the bottle. It was great, he was spraying all over himself, including his one armpit (missed the other) his genitals, and his ass. Which I took a picture of...then I got a picture of the same storm trooper squirting one of the others...it was worth is just for that. Oh, and the Time Tunnel guy saying ‘poop stick’...THEN we got to my house and we watched Sleep Easy Hutch Rimes...that movie is freaking hysterical. I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard...and the jelly bean porn.! Purple and I made jelly bean porn.! (don’t worry, I plan to add some of those pictures as well). In short, I had a freaking awesome day. WAIT.! I almost forgot about the ride home.! We got lost like 8 times because my mom kept getting off of the road we needed to be on.! We ended up asking two different people directions to the same place. The first guy was a black construction worker with no teeth, he got angry when I asked him how to get to -insert state here- when we were almost two states away. (two hour drive, no stops). But, she made a wrong turn and we had to ask some Indian doode at a gas station (in a very, very, very scary part of town). He was all rude and stuff, but obviously we made it home fine...even though she did get off the road a few more times...
April 28, 2003
Today, the lunch crew and I were talking about penises. You see, Purple and I found this pic of a naked guy with an exceptionally large package. I didn’t think it was real, neither did any of the female lunch buddies. So, being the type of people we are, we asked Tim if it was proportioned correctly. He turned red and started laughing. It was rather odd...I’ve never seen Tim blush before. Anyway, we had him ask Tony if it looked real. He didn’t look at the whole thing and threw it on the table...one of the other guys (the name escapes me at the moment) picked it up and laughed. Then it ended up at our table again. ‘twas strange. None of the guys would comment on it, but we finally got Tim to say it was probably fake. I’d post the pic of course, but my site would probably get shut down for nudity, so you’ll just have to take my word that the thing was rigged. No one has a ding-a-ling down to their knees, I’m sorry it just doesn’t work that way. I mean, if he got aroused, the thing would rip through his pants.! I mean full oral sex would basically be out of the question...and it would probably hurt getting stuck with that. Ugh, I think I’m off topic...what was the topic again.? Oh...I guess I’m not off topic then. After lunch we were walking around talking about penis envy and sex. Should have seen the freshmen...all of them that walked by turned beet red and repressed giggles. It was rather amusing...jelly bean porn coming soon.
April 29, 2003
Hm...rant topic...ok. Today on the bus, this tiny little gangstah wannabe sat a few seats behind meh. Little tard went off about how he didn’t understand chicks who wore camo...it was so ‘unnatural’. So, being the nice person that I am, I said to no one in particular, ‘know what I don’t understand.? People who bleach their hair and shove things into their eyes. It’s so, unnatural.’ Obviously, this pissed the lil guy off and he yelled at me. ...I just smirked and told the doode to get me some chocolate before I embed my boot into his arse. Ooh ooh funny post in the forum today...copy and paste time yet again..: Just a little back info, we are attempting to figure out if anyone, real or fictional, could set off a metal detector by passing gas. Ironman obviously came up. She said he could do it, I said he’s not made of metal so he couldn’t release a cloud of metallic gas she said…
quote: from Zarathi
But say if he (ironman) bust Arse realy hard and broke his suit and pieces went flying
I don't think anyone can build up that much pressure...I mean...he'd have to be squeezing his cheeks for years to bust that much cheese...and I think that a fart of that much power would be wet...and chunky...arse cheese...nasty...wouldn't need to set off any alarms...that's like toxic waste there...the sound alone would clear the building.
April 30, 2003
Everyone wanders around crying and whining how life isn’t fair, beneath their cries lie the truth that no one wants to face. Life is what we make it. Sure, life can be a bitch sometimes...all right a lot of the time...but what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, so deal with it and move on. I got yelled at for telling Steph to cry me a river and drown in it cuz I don’t give a shite...automatically I’m the bad chick. Ok, I know it wasn’t exactly the nicest thing to say, but damn it all day every day ‘I’m so depressed’...’I just want to die’...’I should end it all right now’...blah blah blah. Everyone has problems, trust me I know, but I don’t go around babbling to anyone within earshot. I vent on a site damn it...I’m not making anyone read it, I’m just posting it, if someone reads it then fine, if not the fine, it doesn’t matter to me. Bah, moving on. Did you know that if you stick a hotdog in a toaster it looks like a penis.? It’s true; I’ve seen it. It’s very penis like. All right, I’m a geek.
