June 1, 2003
Another month gone, another month closer to death...lovely. It’s my cousin’s birthday this month, I think the fourteenth...I have no plans to get him anything. I know I’ll get shite for it, but I’m beyond caring at this point. They forget about me every damn holiday, and even went so far as to kick me out for easter...so the lot of them can kiss mai arse. Bloody wankers...damn hairy germans. Stinks too. Bah
June 2, 2003
I had a lot of fun today...the most amount of fun I’ve had doing nothing for awhile. Yeah yeah, I know...how can anyone have fun doing nothing for hours.? But it’s hard to explain...-insert name here- and I didn’t really do anything...went to the library, looked at some poetry...talked until it closed...then we went to McDonalds...ate some late dinner...talked until it closed...but it was great. We only had one serious conversation (the rest were mostly about ass raping or bodily functions), but it was still excellent. Hm, I think it sounds like I’m downplaying the day, but I’m not. I think I’m digging myself into a deeper hole...seems like I’ve known him forever yah know.? Ah well, if yah don’t...yer loss. I’m off to watch Nosferatu...so naughty dreams and good night.
June 3, 2003
Ok, you’re walking through the rainforest, when suddenly a zebra comes out from behind a bush and eats your shoes. That’s right, your brand new nike sneakers have been eaten by a zebra...now, my question for you is how many sodas can you fit in your freezer.? Stop looking at me like that...the correct answer is none because bears don’t eat chicken. What’s that.? Bears eat chicken.? What the hell does a chicken eating bear have to do with a zebra eating your shoes.? My gods your train of thought is strange...
June 4, 2003
Uh...lets see. I found this great book at the library... “An Anthology of Medieval Lyrics”...the first song I opened up to was entitled Sonnet for fat Margot or something...it was about beating prostitutes, then she farts before taking control and going on top. “In the brothel where we hold our court.” Best song I’ve ever read. The book is circa 1967 or something, but I’m going to buy it the next time I get to a book store. Great book...brothel where we hold our court...mwaha.
June 5, 2003
Ok I’m officially pissed off. All of my white camouflage is ruined. All six pairs are ruined, either bleached or gummed up. I was ‘dressing too boyish’, so she dumped bleach in the washer, and smeared gum all over the one pair not in the wash. I don’t have the money to go out and get more pants, they’re like 40 bucks a pop, and I’ll need three or four pairs...that’s 120 bucks...I don’t even have a damn penny...and most of my black pants have faded to grey, I’m freaking screwed. Bloody fuckin hell.
June 6, 2003
Hm, don’t know what to rant about. I found a golf ball in the front yard today...I have no idea how it got there, but it was there. I picked it up and whipped it at my cousin’s head, but I missed and hit the door...good thing the glass didn’t break. I stabbed myself with the foot of the pendant I’m making...little tard hurt. I had to use like a bottle of peroxide to get all the copper dust out of it. Still hurts...I'd like to see Wrong Turn...but I'm really not in the mood to see a movie alone...and since everyone I know has a life, I'm pretty much screwed. Ah well...just hit theaters so I have some time yet. Well...I’m not really feeling well at the moment, so think of your own humorous rant.
June 7, 2003
Well, Minion died today...or night. I went to feed them (the rats) today, and Minion was just lying there, breathing heavily. Obviously, she was having problems...so I held her. I just held her for hours...she was kind of squishy, and her breathing was getting progressively worse. I would have taken her to the vet, but I don’t have the cash to fork out...and she was going, nothing anyone could really do. The first hour went by very slowly...I just sat there holding her. About an hour and a half into the sitting, she started weezing. I started crying again, and another hour went by before the weezing slowly started to get softer and softer...then she tensed up and twitched...then she was gone. My minion is gone...
June 7, 2003 (beta version)
Did you ever have a dream that was so lifelike...so real...that you didn’t know you were sleeping.? Your dream is so beautiful, so lovely, that it’s all most surreal...so you whisper to the wind ‘this cannot be real’...and you awake. Thrust back into the world where everything is what it is and always will be...a reality that hates you nearly as much as you loath it...all you can do is close your eyes and plead for sleep...willing the dream to come back...but sleep will not come, and you’re forced to see the truth for what it is. Insanity is a fun house, where the mirror that always tells the truth becomes distorted...leaving only a partial truth surrounded by illusion. If I could choose between insanity or reality...reality would be left in the dust. But alas, we are all forced to stay in this horrid reality...which in truth is only the fictional world created by another’s subconscious. Therefore one is forced to wonder...if what I know to be true is false, and what I know is false is really true, are we not all insane.? Or is insanity a mere few syllables we throw together in a vain attempt to make ourselves fit into this fictional world that we believe to be true.? Perhaps I’m just a babbling idiot who wouldn’t know a truth if it came up and slapped me in the face...then again...perhaps not.
June 8, 2003
Everything you know is false and life is just a candle flickering out in the winds of eternity...sometimes the flame is dim, nearly invisible...sometimes so bright it nearly blinds...then again the light is always brightest before it dies. I had another lovely day today. Almost...clickish...but clickish sounds too corny. Perhaps...attraction.? Attraction is dangerous. Crush.? Too...grade school. Friendship.? Definitely. Shite, I’m off topic. Then again, how can a rant every be on topic...especially my rants eh.? What was I talking about, oh yes, happiness before nightfall. Although, are happiness and fun related.? A rather good question if you think about it. If one were happy, weren’t you be having fun.? So, by default, if you had fun...wouldn’t you be happy.? It’s almost like light and dark...one cannot have light without having dark (shadow. Even the brightest of lights cast a shadow...even if it’s only under the object, it’s still there), but one does not need light to have dark (an underground cave, like deep underground cave. If you’re down there and your flashlight dies, you won’t have any light). So perhaps fun doesn’t always mean happy (I guess meaningless sex can be fun, but you wouldn’t be happy because it’s meaningless, but then I would be calling our time together meaningless and that would be an outright lie...although one could argue since we didn’t do anything earth shattering it would be meaningless, but I think we both need to get out more...and hey if we click it’s good for our mental stability to hang out right.? Two geeks watching the extended version of lord of the rings and talking about sex with farm equipment...woo hoo). Bah I’m off topic again. Ooh long rant tonight...anyway. I had a good time (not that kind of good time yah tard), and I was happy during that time, therefore by default I was happy today. Heh...took me three quarters of a page to say one simple statement. It’s a rant, it’s supposed to be pointless (perhaps...meaningless.?). My arm itches, and I want to freaking change but nooooooooo...uncle has to take up the bathroom for hours and hours and hours. Bah.! ...ram yooooouuuuuuu... Hey it’s Monday...good time for a taro reading. Bah too tired. Damn it I lost my soda.
June 9, 2003
Hm...lets see. Nothing overly interesting happened to me today, and I really don’t have anything amusing to say. I’m very happy with Manson’s new cd...really good. Um, yeah. Dug through some of my old, old, old, old stuff. Whew...I sucked. Well, maybe I still suck, but let me have my delusions damn it.! I was surprised at how...upbeat I was. So very stupid...I think manson just said something about anal something-or-other. Anyway, I wrote this whole stupid story about a chick and a ball and losing the ball and getting turned into a snowman or frog or something...but it had a happy ending, a rarity for my writing now. Won’t say too much about that though...most of my works have yet to be finished. The only real happy thing was the Raver, but the sequel is depressing. But seriously, what can you expect with a title like the Suicidal.? Anyway...the last battle of a dying angel isn’t depressing...at least I don’t think so. Yeah the angel dies, but he accepts his fate...so it’s kind of happy. Ok ok, I’m not light and fuzzy bunnies...but if there weren’t the evil pariahs, the fuzzy bunnies would over-run the world and eat all the veggies until they eventually killed the planet, which in turn would kill their species and every other living thing in this reality...so if you think about it, the world needs us evil dark people. Mwaha I’m smarter than you.! Bendy straws are cool...and cheap. I got like three hundred for 99¢. Multi colored too.! Three for three...I kick. Speaking of monkies, shrine de’monkey is coming soon...as soon as I get mai lazy ass up off the computer bench and take some damn pics. Give me some credit though, finals, thesis, loss of rats, blah blah blah.
June 11, 2003
Bleh blip bloop I feking hate people. Blah blah blah blah blah.
June 12, 2003
Well, going to a party later tonight, so...yeah.
June 13, 2003
The party was good, I had fun...I kind of felt bad because I broke off a movie date with mai friend. Now the damn movie is gone even though it only came out like a week ago because all the good movies that I want to see go away in like two days and I’m feking cursed and I hate this damn town. Anyway, yeah I had fun at the party, but I feel like I kinda missed out on something yah know.? Don’t get me wrong, I luv mai girl Amber, but...yeah. Ok I’m gonna stop typing now.
June 25, 2003
Well, I think I finally got the computer up and running...thank gods. I was starting to get twitchy. The thing still gets cranky, but I’m pretty sure it’ll be otay. Anyway, I was typing something...oh yes, I have started a poem. -smirks- Cardboard Box of A Thousand Idiots...I know, I get amused easily. It’s basically a fuck you to the family. First little rant is about General Aas. -salutes- Blah blah blah...then it goes into Little Aas, who is smaller than the original yet very much larger (if you know anything about mai family, you know who I’m talking about). Then it goes off about a former fascist, fat animals...beer bottles walking around stabbing people. It’s just full of inside jokes and junk...I’m pretty sure no one out of the family would understand it (then again most of the family wouldn’t understand it either...damn idiots).
June 25, 2003 (beta version)
Sweet gods on crack...purp’s bruthah has a feking elephant up his ass. The guy is nice looking, and his voice is nearly orgasmic, but his damn attitude brings the hot-o-meter into the negative numbers. Ugh...’tis insane. Bah fek typing. Oh yeah, a little note, Purp found the margot poem. Fank you.
June 26, 2003
Ok, my computer is still broken. I hate the fact that my entire family thinks I’m some idiot who doesn’t know jack excrement about computers...chauvinistic bastards. I’ll admit I’m not the best computer person in the world...state...county...town...hell not even the damn street, but I have more computer knowledge in a single blood cell then the lot of them have combined. ‘Did you run a virus scan.?’ ‘Did you run scandisc.?’ ‘Defrag the thing.?’ (even though defragmenting the drive has nothing to do with working just speed) ‘Maybe you should just reinstall windows.’ I shouldn’t have to do that you fuckin retard. It doesn’t help that your main disk drive doesn’t read shite and your backup won’t open. And it doesn’t help that every single time you attempt to restore the hd the computer freezes and eventually crashes. I get maybe a half hour of work time before the system dies, then I need to let the fucker sit for a few hours before it’ll boot up. It’s fubared. I told the little fuckers not to download that ‘patch’. I told the little idiots not to install a game that isn’t compatible with my drive. I told the fuck up not to even blink at my cpu. But noooooooooooo...I’m just a stupid fuckin girl...I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. If I wasn’t so damn pissed, I’d point and laugh at the morons, but at the moment I’m about five seconds away from cutting the retard open and making him eat his internal organs. Thank you family for taking away my one fuckin release. Oh oh oh this is classic. Since I can’t role play on the computer any more, the lot of them got together and bought me Everquest Online Adventure for the ps2, but they refuse to let me use the line to actually play the game. We have one phone line in the entire house, and I’m not supposed to blink at the thing. Thanks a lot for buying me a game that I can’t play. I guess I could always have a friend of mine tap into a line and run an illegal extension into my room...but I don’t really know if Nick would do that for me. We’re not exactly on speaking terms at the moment. Anyway, my lovely little uncle said he would get some computer guy he knows to come and look at the computer (even though Trevor, Tim, Kara, Gwen, and I have all done everything we can think of to try to fix the damn thing), and I’ll have to sit next to him to learn all his tricks (he was toasted, so I’m pretty sure that little promise will be lost with his brain cells during tomorrow’s hangover). Anyway...yeah.
June 26, 2003 (beta version)
Ok, my cousin is listening to Move Like an Emu by the Wiggles. Yes...the Wiggles. She’s in the kitchen dancing to the thing (the music is blasting of course...it’s like bubblegum pop). Now, there is a lyric that reads..."throw your hands in the air just like an emu"...and being the nice person that I am, I yelled into the next room emus don’t have hands...she yelled back get a life...I calmly told her to take that elephant out of her ass before she gets arrested for poaching...she didn’t get it. The insult loses all humor when you are forced to explain it to an idiot.
June 26, 2003 (third version)
Well, somehow the circuit in my room got fried, killing my strip. There’s a pretty good chance that all things electric in my room was killed, a tv, ps2, digital camera, radio, vcr, cable box, monkey lamp, clocks, street light, fan, blah blah blah. So in short, I’m stuck here with my fuck wits of cousins, with no computer and no entertainment during the night. I’m fuckin fucked. And to top it all off I missed Griffin's call and it's too damn late to call him back. Woop dee fucking doo.
June 27, 2003
Well...I suppose my first entry should be about something...important, so...yeah. I've been pondering hell recently...and got a thought...what if all of us are dead, and this is hell...? I'm not talking about the cheesy fire/horns/big red guy with fangs hell...but hell hell. Like, what if we're aliens banished to a hell planet because we died without honor...? Then, in our pitiful attempt to forget that we're dead, we imagined another death after death. Or we could go Dante and say that this hell (earth), is just one level of hell (possibly...lower level...?), and after we 'die' we enter the next level of hell until we hit rock bottom. Then the big alien god tells us that we've been dead for billions of years, we're in hell, and we're feked. Then he throws the remaining portion of our saddened soul into the darkness of true oblivion. Maybe I'm just pessimistic...maybe it's just the fact that it's five in the morning and I have yet to sleep...ah well. I'm pretty sure I just lost my train of thought so I'm going to stop typing now.
...guess what...I started an online journal. -smirks- It’s pretty much just going to be a copy and paste of the daily rant...but I’ll give you a cookie if you can find the thing...hmm. Oh yes...shit I forgot. Bah.! That psychotic chicken is at it again.! Every damn day, quarter after five, that damn chicken starts clucking hysterically. She starts out in the front yard (the tree), goes up the driveway (very, very, very slowly, still clucking her ass off), past the barn (setting all of the chickens in there off), up to the top of the yard (I’m assuming, the clucking gets rather faint), then she slowly works her way down the other side of the yard (I’ve seen her the few times I went out to scream at her. Yes, I went outside at twenty after five to scream at a chicken), down past the house, ending up back at her tree and clucking for about five more minuets (the tree is directly under my window). Not that I’m ever asleep, but it’s the principal of the thing man...the fuckin chicken shouldn’t be clucking her ass off at five in the damn morning.! BAH.! Shite...party tomorrow...lovely. -rolls eyes-
June 28, 2003
Ok, I took my baby to this old guy so I could get the old girl fixed...but he didn’t do jack shite. I had mai mom pick it up because I was at a party, and she said the guy was very rude and angry...ass. Blah blah blah, don’t do it mai way you can take your computer somewhere else. What the hell does he want...sexual favor as payment.? Hell, if he gives me a new hard-drive for free, I’ll turn a trick for him. I know I know, I’m a whore...but I hate this cow. He says there’s nothing wrong with it, but I guess he didn’t attempt to open the disk-drive. The lower one (the main one) won’t close, then it gets stuck and you have to force it in there, then it won’t read whatever you stuck in. I’m fucked. Old creepy guy with no teeth, but I’m desperate. I need a new hard-drive...I need a new cpu seeing as the cow is pushing four...I should just go to one of those computer shows and buy a new cpu. I have all the software I need, it’s just the hard-drive that sucks monkey. Fuckin gateway...I’m never getting a cow again.
June 28, 2003 (beta version)
Ballade de la Grosse Margot by François Villon
What though the beauty I love and serve be cheap,
Ought you to take me for a beast or fool?
All things a man could wish are in her keep;
For her I turn swashbuckler in love's school.
When folk drop in, I take my pot and stool
And fall to drinking with no more ado.
I fetch them bread, fruit, cheese, and water, too;
I say all's right so long as I'm well paid;
'Look in again when your flesh troubles you,
Inside this brothel where we drive our trade.'
But soon the devil's among us flesh and fell,
When penniless to bed comes Madge my whore;
I loathe the very sight of her like hell.
I snatch gown, girdle, surcoat, all she wore,
And tell her, these shall stand against her score.
She grips her hips with both hands, cursing God,
Swearing by Jesus' body, bones, and blood,
That they shall not. Then I, no whit dismayed,
Cross her cracked nose with some stray shiver of wood
Inside this brothel where we drive our trade.
When all's up she drops me a windy word,
Bloat like a beetle puffed and poisonous:
Grins, thumps my pate, and calls me dickey-bird,
And cuffs me with a fist that's ponderous.
We sleep like logs, being drunken both of us;
Then when we wake her womb begins to stir;
-To save her seed she gets me under her
Wheezing and whining, flat as planks are laid:
And thus she spoils me for a whoremonger
Inside this brothel where we drive our trade.
Blow, hail or freeze, I've bread here baked rent-free!
Whoring's my trade, and my whore pleases me;
Bad cat, bad rat; we're just the same if weighed.
We that love filth, filth follows us, you see;
Honour flies from us, as from her we flee
Inside this brothel where we drive our trade.
I bequeath likewise to fat Madge
This little song to learn and study;
By God's head she's a sweet fat fadge,
Devout and soft of flesh and ruddy;
I love her with my soul and body,
So doth she me, sweet dainty thing.
If you fall in with such a lady,
Read it, and give it her to sing.
June 29, 2003
Ok, does this make any sense at all...? I went out and bought subway today (mother dearest wanted it), so I got myself a nice little cheese steak thing, complete with all mai fav fixings. I put them on the stove and went to get my soda...and I was stupid enough to forget the thing. When I finally remembered (maybe twenty mins later), they had picked off all of my stuff and given the thing to my uncle (the one who wasn’t supposed to be eating here). Now I’m hungry and fuckin pissed. Bah.!
June 29, 2003 (beta version)
Ok, I just saw a commercial for LXG again, and it still pisses me off that they have Dorian Grey as a good guy. Dorian Grey was bad. The only thing good that boi did for society was break his picture, but he only did that because he didn’t want the damn chick to see it. I think I’ve ranted about this before, but I don’t give a damn.! It pisses me off.! It was a great effect to have the picture in color, when the rest of the movie was black and white...beautiful idea. But damn.! BAD dude.! ...and the original was a lot cuter than that tard they’ve got playing him. Damn Hollywood.
June 30, 2003
Mai cousin is freaking hairy. I mean, he is one hairy little tard. He’s like a monkey or something...he goes into the city and people throw paint at him chanting ‘no fur no way’. It’s rather pathetic...but strangely amusing. Personally, I try to stay away from overly hairy guys...I’m a scratcher and a biter...it’s hard to scratch someone when super hair of doom creates a protective layer over their skin, totally killing any chance of a little playful pawing. Biting is totally out of the question with overly hairy people...no one wants to bite down and end up with a hairball (which brings us to the interesting topic of oral sex, but that’s a rant for another day). I forgot what I was ranting about...oh yes hairy people. Bleh. I suppose one would get used to it after awhile, but I don’t know if I’d stick around long enough for that to happen...
