these are the lost months...aka the months my computer died.
August 11, 2003
Why do humans have butt cracks.? There isn’t anything up there...so there isn’t really any reason to have the crack that large. Is it for old men to pinch.? Nah, they can pinch one flap of skin as well as two. Perhaps it’s for looks.? Nah, if we only had one cheek it’d look normal and nice. I’ve got it, it’s for chicks to belittle themselves by shoving strips of material between them in a stupid attempt to conform to society’s flawed notions of beauty and attraction. Without butt cheeks, there’d be no thongs, and females would be -gasp- held to the same ass standards as men.! You don’t see men running around in tight clothing to show that they have ass floss. Psha. Butt cracks have no logical use.
August 18, 2003
Ok, my mother and grandmother both know that I like females as well as males, but they sit there and scream at people on tv calling them queers, fags, dykes, and just about every other horrid name there is out there. I know they’re just waiting for me to jump in, but it’s not really worth it anymore. Not that I approve of what they’re doing, but they are, after all, my family (and at the moment I need their money)...I’d fight with them when they first started, and I always got the ‘you’re going to hell you fuckin lez’...and at the moment I’m just not up to that shit. Meh. I’m pissed. I just don’t understand how they can sit there and criticize people because of stupid prejudices. At one time they treated my gay friends as humans, now I can’t sit downstairs with them before my stupid family starts ripping them apart. It really pisses me off. They’re my friends, no one can tell me who to see or who not to see (which brings up a lovely thing, my bestfriend is now forbidden from talking to me because I’m her bitch). Gods I hate people...I really do. I saw Ghost World today...’twas amusing. Saw Freddy vs Jason yesterday, pretty decent fight scenes, horrid ending. Saw Pirates of the Caribbean awhile ago, pretty good. Depp is damn hot. Still need to see LXG...I was supposed to go with purp, but now I don’t know...
August 24, 2003
Sodomy laws suck. They basically rule out everything fun. Sodomy = any sexual act that’s not missionary involving one male and one female. Suckiness.
August 24, 2003
I hate my grandmother...I really do. I’m in town all day, so she shoves all these boxes in front of my door so I can’t get into my room. Then, after I spent an hour moving all the shit to an out of the way spot, she screams at me for moving her stuff...so while she’s screaming she decided to yell about Lycoron making too much noise. It’s her damn fault I have the chicken.! It’s HER 30 chickens in the backyard, not mine.! I just saved one baby who got stuck on a wood staple and abandoned.! So she can kiss my fatigued ass. Bah.
UPDATE
added ::..my friends..:: under my life...also more what the fnik pics
August 26, 2003
I always fall for the guys I can’t have. First, we had the married guy. MAD crush on him...I don’t know if it was love, but I liked him alot. I told him...and I think the friendship suffered because of it. Here’s the kicker though, I was pretty good friends with his wife. So I felt really, really bad. I still feel bad about it...next we had the WAY older guy. Hell that’s why I stopped talking to him every night because I was afraid I’d say something we’d both regret. Which is probably the wrong thing to do because he’s a really great guy...even though I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell him that. And just so I don’t seem too whoreish, these were spaced pretty far apart...now the guy I should fall for, the one who moved all the way from New York to go out with me because I wouldn’t have an internet relationship, is the guy I’m not sure I want to be with. How fucking pathetic is that.? I mean really...the guy up-roots his whole damn family and moves out of state to be with me, and now I don’t want him near me.? Jeebus I’m sick. Now I find out that two of my friends may be able to find happiness with eachother...and I’m left with that empty feeling everyone hates...I think...I need to vanish. Think about it...I haven’t really done anything for anybody...I don’t think I’ll be missed. Hell look what I did to Nick. I’ve told everyone he killed himself two months after I dismissed his proposal...it was two weeks. It’s not exactly something you want to tell your closest friends you know...? Hey I laughed when a guy asked me to marry him so he turned around and fucking hung himself.! Yay for me.! Meh. I’m done writing.
August 26, 2003 (beta version)
Ok...I figured out what that hollow feeling was. It wasn’t that I have a thing for the guy...it’s that so far when my best friend has found a new chick...I’ve been left behind. I’m not talking about just not seeing them as often...I’m talking about being totally forgotten. And now that two of my best friends are fond of eachother, I think somewhere deep down I know it’s only a matter of time until both of them leave me. Oh, and I also figured out why I hate Mike so damn much...he’s an asshole. He keeps calling between 1 and 4 in the morning...even though I go back to school soon and need sleep. He keeps pressuring me to kiss him, bugging me to move in with him, and wants me to marry him because I’m ‘the one’. I’m only -- years old.! I can’t get married.! I don’t even wanna think about marriage yet.! Hell, I’m going for a degree in PC Networking soon, to a school with an excellent placement program...I finally know what I want to do with my life, and here he comes telling me I should take a year or two off and move in with him. How goddamn arrogant is that.? Things are finally coming together...and he wants me to throw it away. I’m sorry...no guy is worth flipping burgers for the rest of eternity.
August 28, 2003
...as lifeforms, everything must first come into existence...birth...(or hatching...whichever form of life you happen to be)...birth is not really painful for us...but rather annoying for the giver of life. Few organisms remember their birth...wheather it be because the brain is too small to recollect much of anything...or because the brain is too underdeveloped to know anything except that which comes naturally does not matter at this point, everything is at the same level...after infancy, we enter that which everyone loves and hates at the same time...life...lovely no...? This is when things get interesting...some organisms leap to the heads of the world, while others remain simple...happy...content...fish...are content...dogs...are content...goats...are content...for the most part...they enjoy what they have, never take anything for granted, live life to the fullest extent...and basically have it grand...humans are another story...we have taken it upon ourselves to rule the world simply because we happen to have a slightly higher brain span than other creatures. We capture them, tame them, make them wear stupid little hats and ride around on a unicycle...we take them out of their home and throw them into cages so we can take our annoying offspring to stare at them with the slightest of hopes that they learn something while visiting so they can one day capture the beautiful creatures of the world so their children can point and stare and throw paper and coins...humanity fuckin sucks...we rip down habitats that have stood for centuries...we take away all that other creatures have and then get pissed when they attack...idiots. We kill for sport...few other animals kill for sport, and no animal cuts the head off of their prey to hang on their wall...no other animal skins their prey to make a coat...we video tape lesser animals killing eachother and find it amusing...we kill weaker animals who would never harm us for the hell of it...yet we scream when a human kills another human...why...? What makes humanity better than all other lifeforms...? Everything lives at different levels...fuck the lower ones. After the all too short lifetime is over, we are left with death...the time when everything soars to the same level...decomposition...everything becomes food for worms sooner or later...and again we consider humanity to be better because we mourn death, or honor it...so do elephants...elephants mourn probably more than humans do...why can't elephants rule the world...? Shit...I'm off topic...fuck it.
August 29, 2003
...what is one supposed to do when old scars burn as they were new...
September 4, 2003
Pantheon died today...and when my mom got home the first thing I said was ‘Pantheon is dead...and just so we’re on the same level I blame you.’ Apparently, she felt bad because she went out and bought me a bunnie...I don’t want another pet, but this is quite possibly the nicest thing my mother has ever done for me, and I didn’t want to throw that in her face...I may hate the bitch...but I don’t know...he’s cute I guess...I just...mer.
September 28, 2003
My poor little site is so far behind...I think my baby is dying...bah...
September 29, 2003
...I'm having a bad life...
The voice has returned......it never left...
I have found the razor......I never lost it...
October 24, 2003
...why do they make scented toilet paper...? It all smells like shite in the end anyway...seriously...have you ever thought about it...?
October 30, 2003
...one cannot be romantic one's whole life. Eventually, reality comes to bitch slap the life out of you...then you're fucked...
November 2, 2003
...some new pictures...none of me...deal with it...
November 3, 2003
...I found this in my inbox today...
...the identity of this idiot shall remain a secret...and I really shouldn't waste my time on someone who can't even spell lesbian correctly...but...alas I'm terribly bored...Beloved Angels is fine the way it is (except for the whole lacking an ending part)...and I have no plans to change either character's sex simply because a few morons refuse to look past their genders. They are in love what should it matter if they're male or female...? It's tragic because they want to save eachother, but have to kill their love in order to do so. If it makes you feel better you can think Terren has a penis...and just think of all the 'she's and 'her's and 'women's a typo...happy now...? Good...now go play disciple somewhere else...for I am done with you.
November 4, 2003
...bah...chathouse is down yet again...and wingz is down for repairs...that sucks...much monkey...I wanna RP...but not at yahoo...they're so damn...bah. Too restrictive I suppose...I don't really like structured RP anymore...maybe I've been freelance too long...maybe Lunaria just...pushed my standards too high. -phantom website laugh- Whatever the reason...I'm not yahooing it...and since my entire RP list on msn and aol is offline I'm screwed for the moment...ugh...I have to write that damnable letter...and the one to the school...ughlike...and I'm still a few weeks behind on my novella...I should be on nine...I'm on seven...ugh...
November 12, 2003
...I think I hurt Daniel's feelings...I didn't mean to...but I feel bad mooching off his computer...at least he's not telling me to become a computer whore like some other people... -phantom website eyes a certain friend- Anyway...I just wanted to say to Griffin that I'm sorry...and I'm really not ruling you out...but you have to understand that I don't want to continually use your computer...that's called mooching...I don't care how silly that sounds to you...but...yeah...movie night next week...can't get the popcorn but I'll bring the movies...
...blade to your wrist...noose neck tie, hanging high...metal shaft in your mouth, pull the trigger, say...goodbye...death is easy...greet it with open arms and dry veins...
November 13, 2003
...meh...
November 14, 2003
Thanksgiving is a moot holiday. Nobody is thankful anymore...the only reason we sit down and eat turkey as a 'family' is because it's tradition. Some families don't even eat turkey anymore...it's like ham...or chicken...it's insane. Most families end the holiday with a fight...I know at least one person in my family ends up in the emergency room...but every year we sit down as a family and eat turkey because it's expected of us. Do you know what I'm thankful for this year...? Hm...? Want to know...? Jack shite. I'm not going to lie...I'm not thankful for anything. I could go off and say I'm thankful for my friends...or I'm thankful for my job...but most of my friends aren't friends...and you never know your true friends until...well I suppose you'll never really know. As for a job...I hate my job...but I need money...and I'm sure as hell not thankful for working so much...the sad part is I know I'm not the only one who thinks like this...I'm just saying what no one else will. Or maybe I'm just a bitch who doesn't know what she's talking about...but have you looked around the store when you're out getting a turkey...? It's usually a single person out buying for a whole family because the rest are too busy to help...or if they are out as a family they're fighting over sides...it's truly sad how our society is now...it truly is.
...it feels like two warring tribes of monkies are having a shite fight in my brain...oww...
November 16, 2003
::...razor.marks.on.a.soul...::
...I made my mom cry today...but I no longer care...everytime I look at her...everytime I meet her gaze...I see disappointment...I told her I see it...I know it's there...but she denies it...you can't fake stuff like that...you can't...but I don't care...I don't...as long as I get up and out of the house...I'll be fine...it doesn't matter that I'm trying to claw my way out of this depression...it doesn't matter that I'm alone...I just need to get out of the house...I'm sure as hell not getting any help from anyone...one can get used to being alone...but one does not have to like it...but I no longer care.........
November 17, 2003
I'm at the bloody library...again...to access my disc...again...it's insane...at first I couldn't get on an unfiltered computer, so I was forced to use the bloody bess thing...I fuckin hate that system...fuckin dog...bah...! But...obviously...I was able to get on an oh so lovely gates computer...and dilly dally around for a little while...my ride is looking at the kama sutra...so...I've got some time...I hate it...everyone around me is using the 'hunt and peck' methood of typing...and it just...bleh...I know I shouldn't make fun...but seirously...you could at least use two fingers...I keep getting looked at because I'm making alot of noise...it's not my fault the spacebar on this bloody keyboard is loose...everytime I hit it it makes this loud splich sound...AHH stop looking at me you freaks...! They're so...intense...ha...the person next to me is looking at porn...hey that chick is kinda hot...meh...the next big update on the site is going to involve changing all of the 'questionable' material onto another server...I keep getting warned...I'd change the whole site over...but I'm lazy...so I'll have the pg13 part of the site and the nc17...ah that's going to be alot of work...I should probably switch the site...or re-read the angelfire rules...either course of action requires alot of work on my part...bah I hate work...anyway...I like darkwerks...but they've got the porn banner on the top...which I really don't want...then again most of the others have the same rules as angelfire...which sucks...so I'm on the hunt for a new server...the smart thing would be to buy a domain...but I'm poor...I mean I work at ollies...meh...I don't like geocities layout...I don't like the service on sphosting...I don't like boomspeed...I haven't looked at homestead yet...25megs free sucks...so does 50 and 100...their service sucks...always down...meh...anything run by North Star has even worse rules than angelfire...the hunt continues...
November 29, 2003
November 30, 2003
::...work.sucks.i.know...::
...I got yelled at...I was told to run...I was on reg. five today...the last one...the one that's always broken...but they told me to run...so I walked over mumbling 'I hate my job...I hate my life...I hate my fucking job'...a customer was standing right there...he looked stunned...I smiled...massive amounts of ticket switching today...and I splurged...I bought myself a blanket...some french word...I know it...but I've got no idea how to spell it...velloux...? -phantom website shrug- It's nice...I like it...20 bucks for a queen...not too bad...bah...I slept in the backseat of a car last night...don't do that...it's uncomfortable. I don't see how people can get frisky in the backseat...I had trouble finding room for just me...maybe I'm just fat...or maybe the car was small...or maybe both. Hm...ugh.
December 1, 2003
December 2, 2003
::...meh.potatoes...::
...meh...I hate John...he keeps sucking up to me...keeps telling me 'you're the best damn cashier we have'...he's so full of it.
...what the hell is with people calling me at ungodly hours of the morning...? I don't have a problem with it...I never sleep anyway...but five people called me after 1 lastnight...five people...I slept through the rings...but it's the principle of the thing...five bloody people...one of them was Tony asking me to marry him...that's another thing...what is with people asking me to marry them...? Christ...
...I have work to do...meh...
...almost forgot...I called my boss a numb nut today...that was probably a bad thing...
December 11, 2003
...my cousin bought me Prince of Persia for Xmas...he gave it to me today...I'm very...surprised...wow...
December 16, 2003
...Bill, Me, Josh outsiders
I love my penis
That's nice
...it's amazing that there's three miles of endtrails in a human body
-mutters a meh-
You're an idiot. Shut up Small Penis
Hey...my penis is three inches...from the ground! -laughs- I love that one... -churkle-
...hey...what if you had a three mile long penis...?
Shadow shut the fuck up.
That would kick so much ass
Not possible.
You could take out your endtrails and use that nu-skin to cover it...there three mile long penis
Ok...let's just assume for argument's sake that you possessed a three mile long penis...where would you put it...? We're going to assume that it's three miles long during chubby stage...what do with it...? You're arm reaches like a max of two feet...so there goes masturbation...what'd you do with the other 2.9 miles...? You'd have to get someone in a car...and they could like stick their hand out the window...and drive really fast...backwards and forewards...but then eventually you'd run out of gas...so you'd have to have another car with extra gas so it wouldn't stop...but then it'd have to go in a perfectly straight line or else you'd get like bendage and that would hurt...and you'd have to get the car to go over a lot of bumps so you'd get the vibrating effect too...nice...but where would you put the thing...? You'd need to go on a highway or something straight so you could roll it out...but since that's not kosher with the public you'd have to have a three mile stretch of straight property...with a house...but if your penis was out in the open field...it'd get cold in the winter...so you'd have to wait for summer...but then you'd get sunburn on your penis...and what if it's out in the field and some hunter flies above...looks down...says ooh an albino anaconda...bing you have a hole in your penis that's not supposed to be there...ow...so you'd have to have a three mile long house...which would be expensive to keep heated in the winter and cool in the summer...ok now we get back to happy time...sex wouldn't be fun...ooh nine maybe ten inches inside someone...sexshie. -pauses to take a drink-
Shadow shut up
-laughing-
-staring-
And what about lollipopping it...? One chick is out...you'd need like 200 chicks to be sucking and licking and crap...that's alot of chicks...or you could spead peanut butter all over your penis and let dogs lick it off...but that's a huge risk...the dogs could bite...and that would really fuckin hurt...and you'd have to worry about ants...and other bugs...and that's alot of peanut butter...ok so let's go back to sex...you could have the one chick on the end...and the rest straddling and rubbing up and down right...? What about semen...? There isn't enough pressure in the body to shoot out anything through a hose that long...so at best you'd get some dribblage...but even the dribblage would take alot of time to get that far...if it could at all...and what about blood...? The gods may have given you two heads but you only have enough blood to run one...so what if you have a three mile penis...? That's alot of fuckin blood...so let's just assume you have that much blood to get a chubby. You now have 200 chicks in one three mile long house. Let's be nice and say they'll be five chicks to a bathroom...that's still 40 bathrooms...that's alot of water...plus washers...driers...food...heating...ac...clothing...and soap. You'll have to wash your penis sooner or later...and that's alot of fucking soap...you'd get done washing it...but you'd have to start all over again...and what kind of soap would you use...? Dish soap...? Liquid soap...? Bar soap so you get some rubbage...? Hm...?
-laughing his ass off-
Shadow you're as dumb as him
Think of the bills...three mile long house...so you'd go bankrupt...you're 200 wives would leave you...and you'd be on the street...and you'd get picked by carnies and be an adult freak...then you'd have horny chicks wanting to screw the three mile long penis so you'd be pimped out and the dirty carnie guys would have to help support your penis and then you wouldn't get any because it wouldn't be that fun for the chick then you'd DIE...! Three mile long penis rotting in the ground...sucks to be the three mile long penis guy...
-bell rings-
