March 10, 2003
Sweet gods...the United States Army has my phone number. I got a call from a recruiter doode asking me where I was going to be in ten years. Of course I said prison…and he went off on how the youths of America are cynical and pessimistic. (he just realized this.? To think we entrust our safety to this individual...I’m disturbed) After a few moments of mindless babble...I interrupt and say “I’m going to be Warden you idiot’...the phone line was then bathed in an uneasy silence...I find it amusing that they won’t let me enlist (not that I want to, but it’s the principle of the thing damn it) but they’ll waste 15 minuets of my time. Bah.! Anyway could you imagine me with a gun.? Seriously...think about it. That’s like giving a monkey a nuke...it just isn’t right...
March 12, 2003
Alright...today Purple was talking about Elvis...but I thought she said elvish...so naturally I started going off about elves. Then she starts making fun of me because ‘foolish human’ is now a permanent part of my vocabulary. It’s not my fault humanity is freaking stoopid. I’m not the one that beats them over the head until their IQ equals that of a peanut. (on a good day for them...and a bad day for the peanut) Bleh. Idiots.
March 13, 2003
There is a porn book in with the bibles in our school library. It’s rather amusing...bible...bible...porn...bible. Now, being the mature persons my Purple and I are...we picked up the book and looked for pictures. Here’s the kicker though...we found one. It was a strange little cartoon with this fat guy kiddy-porn director. It was disturbing...so naturally we made mad photo copies and blew the thing up. After about an hour, we put the book back with the bibles and went looking for the call number. Heh...we found a book entitled ‘Humane Sex’... Hoping for more pictures, we flipped through the thing...low and behold, an article entitled ‘Incest is Not Always Damaging’... oh my sweet gods...that thing is freaking hysterical. Did you know that 4% of incest occurs between Mother and Son...14% between brother and sister...90 something between Father/Stepfather and Daughter...and 3% other...no father to son percentage...which was kinda disappointing.
March 17, 2003
Where’s the logic in this.? This chick starts babbling on and on about stoopid stooph...so of course I state my opinion on the matter...I do it all the time. Does she really think she’s special because I happened to make sarcastic comments in her general direction.? Please...she’s nothing more than a slutty bubblehead. Of course, being one who despises gossipers, I said this to her face...I wouldn’t recommend telling people they’re slutty then ask them to put on a shirt before someone pokes their eyes out...bleh. She started screaming ‘you wanna start shit then dun finish it.? Beeeyoooch.!’ After my usual ‘I only start excrement with those I consider excrement’ line...she turns beet red...I think she’s going to have her little bubbleheads jump me. I can take most bubbleheads...but never underestimate the power of bubbleheads in large groups. They could poke my eyes out with their implanted nipples...or shove their lipsticks up my nose...or worse yet...tear my shirt.! Why is it girls always feel the need to rip clothing.? I’ll admit I may not fight all that fair (I’m a street fighter...what do you expect.?) but I’m not going to peek at their...privates. Bah.!
March 26, 2003
Alright...I was talking about life and death today with a friend of mine, so here is my theory on the subject. I believe the only above and below are the ones we create. Then again, I also believe that life as we know it is merely someone else’s dream, and each person in this reality is just the ‘physical’ manifestation of another’s subconscious. When the dreamer awakes, we die. Sucks to be a dream.
March 28, 2003
Alright, Purple and I had a couple hours to kill, so we walked from class to the public library. (about a 45 min walk at a fast pace on a good day) Now, being the mature people we are, Purp spent about a half hour searching for this children’s book entitled ‘Fortunately’. This was a screwed up book. “Fortunately Billy received an invitation to a surprise birthday party in San Francisco.” ...turn the page... “Unfortunately he lived in New York City.” ...turn the page... “Foretunately one of his friends let him borrow a plane...unfortunately the engine exploded shortly after take off...fortunately there was a parachute on the plane...unfortunately it had a hole in it...fortunately he was falling towards a haystack...unfortunately there was a pitchfork in the haystack...fortunately he missed the pitchfork...unfortunately he missed the haystack...fortunately he landed in some water...unfortunately there were sharks in the water...fortunately he could swim...unfortunately there were tigers on land...fortunately he could run...unfortunately so could the tigers...fortunately he ran into a dark cave...unfortunately there were bears in the cave...fortunately he could dig...unfortunately he dug into a ballroom...fortunately there was a party going on...unfortunately he was wet, tired, and dirty...fortunately it was the party he was supposed to be at...unfortunately it was his birthday.” Or something like that...it was worth the half hour look...it was freaking hysterical. Anyway, after a little fight with the librarians not selling a 17 year old book for five dollars even though they had two copies...we went looking for the karma sutra. Now tell me which is more disturbing...that we went looking for the karma sutra in a public library...that we found the karma sutra in a public library...or that we were disappointed because it lacked pictures.? Seriously...all the karma sutras in the movies had pictures...freaking cheap library. Did you know there’s a whole chapter on Biting.? Aaannnnd there’s a chapter entitled ‘The Art of Scratching’...and did you know that a scratch on a woman’s breast, even seen from far away, is attractive.? I wanna know where the hell these people are living if chicks are running around bare chested...AND I wanna know how deep those scratches are if you can see them from a distance...I mean I like lil scratches and all...but something seen from a distance.? Damn...
