May 1, 2003
All right, I was writing a short story involving two ‘angels’ who happened to
‘swing the other way’...my mother found it and read it, and I got this huge lecture on how writing shite like that is the key to the gates of hell and being lesbian is evil (all of this after she throws a dictionary at me because I told her I enjoyed the company of male and female alike). Well, I got a speech on oral sex, but she refused to say any sexual organs, she referred to them as ‘chicken’ and ‘kitty’. She told me to always remember they pee with their chicken and kitties taste like dead fish (how would she know if she never tried it.?). ‘Don’t lick the chicken Shadow, and never, ever touch a kitty’. I thought I was going to vomit...
May 2, 2003
Ha...went to the movies with Purple and her friend. It was great, we saw X2. Lovely movie. I would so do Nightcrawler. He’s hot as fire.! Except he wasn’t fuzzy in the movie, he’s supposed to be fuzzy, and they didn’t do the Mystique mothered Nighty either...ah well. Storm is hot, I can’t remember the actress’ name at the moment, but I know you get a chest shot in Swordfish and a full shot in Monster’s Ball...(both were excellent movies). Well, we walked from campus to walmart to meet Sarah, and when we get about 15 mins from walmart, the sky opens up. Both Purp and I had umbrellas, but they didn’t do didly shite because the rain was like, horizontal. Not even our damn heads were dry.! What’s the point of having an umbrella if it doesn’t keep you dry.?! Ah well. Well, we got to walmart, soaked of course, and about five mins after we got there, the rain ended. POOF and it was gone, I was slightly pissed. Well, the soda guy came and was filling the coke machine...so of course I started flirting with him and asking for a free soda cuz I’m poor (I always do that, never got any soda). But this time, he gave me a cherry coke. (it pays to flirt with the right people...mwah). ‘twas great. I dub soda guy Soda Bob. We luv Soda Bob. Oh yeah, back to the story. Anyways, we get to the theater with backpacks full of candy and soda, and of course, we get searched. (random searching my ass, I always get searched...I suppose the smart thing would be to stop wearing full fatigues every day, but that’s not going to happen). So, he opens the backpack, and purp asks “You gonna confiscate my candy.?” The guy said no... purp asks: “Do you care.?” The guy (who was a manager) said no, he just wanted to make sure we weren’t going to blow up the theater. It was terribly amusing. Heh...we were throwing lemon heads (that tasted like soap) through the majority of the movie (even thought it was a pretty good movie). But, the best part of the movie came near the end, when there was this big dramatic scene with thunder and lightning, well, just after a big thunder crash, purp makes this loud farting noise...the entire theater bust out laughing, and we even got a few claps. (she also ripped a real one, and damn did it stink...she told me she’d fart on the third ‘date’...I’ll never doubt her again).
May 4, 2003
Who knows me.? Who really knows me.? Lets examine...my mother, the one who should know me nearly the best, is the one who knows the least about me. I realize it is as much my doing as it is hers, after all; conversation is a two way street, and when both sides refuse to move, accidents happen. What about the man, the boy, who says he loves me.? Does he really know me, or is it simply the shadow I project that he knows so well.? He believes we share a bond that goes beyond words; perhaps he is correct in his assumption, perhaps not. We are both so young, can we truly know what love is.? Is it simply lust.? Or just a mutual understanding that we are alike in many ways therefore we should, in all logical thought patterns, be together.? What about the boy who said he loved me.? That was lust, pure and simple. We ended that relationship before both of us were played...what about the one who is my friend, though I longed for so much more.? He is off with his new girl, far, far away, working on his new life; I am simply a fragment of his past. We rarely speak anymore, and when we do it is for but a moment, then one of us leaves and we don’t speak for weeks. The one who claims she wishes to save me from myself.? No, she knows only the shadow...as does the mutual male friend of ours. Is there anyone else.? No...all, false friends. There when the sun is up but gone when the last orange ray sets...now, do I really know myself, or only what I want to be.? Sometimes I wonder if the image I try so hard to project is really an image of my true self, or merely an image that the outer me wishes the inner me would be...all I know, is I am searching for something, though I have no idea what that something is. I believe, that I need to leave the internet behind until I find that something...I believe when I find whatever it is I’m looking for, everything else will fall into place...or perhaps I am merely searching for an answer to a question that has not yet been asked, or searching for a reason where none is needed...then again, aren’t the answers that need to be found the hardest to locate.? Eiah...
May 5, 2003
Lets see...lets see...hm. You know what vexes me.? Corporate America. They say the best things in life are free, but you’ve gotta buy every damn other thing. So, you go looking for a job...you fill out an application, only to have them tell you after you spend an hour filling the stupid thing out that they’re 1: Not hiring, 2: You’re not qualified, 3: Females can’t work this shift/do this amount of work or my favorite 4: We’ll call you in a few days (even though they know that you know that they know you’ll never hear from them again). So after this happened for the millionth time, I looked at the manager and told him that he should have saved us both an hour and said I don’t have a chance. He just looked at me...damn it. Know what else rubs me the wrong way.? Hollywood. Look at X2. It’s an all right movie, but they made wolvie look dense. Seriously, the tent scene, he should have known it wasn’t her to begin with.! I mean damn.! Not to mention the fact that the guy has a very violent and bloody past, witch matches his mannerisms perfectly, but the movie watered him down so much. Bah.! Storm is hot though...
Ok, what's with the 'she only adds porn to her site' attitude.? This is not a porn site.! There's content here damn it.! Ok I'll admit that alot of my humor is adult oriented, but that doesn't make it porn. What...one little link, that doesn't even go anywhere, and people freak.? Is it the lunch talks.? The two stories with sexual references.? Someone tell me please...
May 6, 2003
Hm...I was paid a dollar today to eat my pretzel after it fell on the floor. I don’t understand what the big deal was, it landed mustard side up...Ah well, it was a good pretzel, until I ate what I thought to be an air bubble in the mustard...it wasn’t. I don’t know what the hell it was, but it sure as hell tasted nasty. Almost made me vomit. It was disgusting. Moral of the story is:: never eat a pretzel that has fallen on the floor for a dollar...ask for five.
May 7, 2003
Dear Mr. Senator Type Doode;
Bite us.
Much love,
The People Who Swing the Other Way
(a letter to Sen. Rick Santorum, suggested by me to the local GSA. They refuse to send it, so I’ll have to do it by myself)
May 8, 2003
Purp signed me up to be an usher at the musical. I think she wants me to wear a dress...sorry chickah but that’s not going to happen. Oh yeah, we freaked out some doode at the library. I told her to find herself a new hooker because she couldn’t buy me anymore…the guy started to flip. It was rather amusing. I’m rather tired at the moment, so you think of something to rant about.
May 9, 2003
I miss mai mikey.
May 10, 2003
I went bra shopping with a friend today (I didn’t buy anything, she needed some...I really have no idea why I went along, but ah well). I thought they only went up to DD, but I was wrong. They have DDD, E, EE, F, FF, G, H...I was like...woah. I could put my head in some of those cup sizes. But here’s the kicker, those huge ones, they had them in like 30H. Know what that means.? The chest is 30 inches around, with a huge ass cup. So, one of their boobies is larger than the circumference of their chest. I was stupefied.
May 11, 2003
I hate family. My fucking cousin was over again this weekend, she’s such a bitch. The idiot mixed cleaning chemicals in this stupid plastic egg, in our tiny bathroom. I opened the door, and was almost pushed over by the fumes. The retard.! She said ‘she had to for school.’ Yeah, school teachers routinely tell their elementary age students to go home and commit suicide. Then I get yelled at for yelling at her. I swear, I’m surrounded by idiots. Oh yes, and today was mother’s day, woop di fucking doo. I have less than a hundred dollars to my name (97.36 to be exact), but I took out 60 to buy my mom lunch. Had to go to the Quakertown family restaurant though, and she was not happy. She wanted Red Lobster, or Fridays or something, so I got a big speech on how I’m mooching from her and I won’t even take her out to a nice place on mother’s day. (she did nothing for her mother), then I come home to hear my uncle screaming about how my door is locked and he can’t play his new gamecube game. Now, please keep in mind, that the gamecube was given to me, that it is in my room, and that I loath my uncle. After telling him to buy his own damn systems, he spat in my face and threw the game at my face. I do hate him. I hate mother’s day. I hate family. Fuck life.
May 11, 2003 (beta version)
I had a balloon yo yo thingery bob jigger. It was a rubber octopus on a rubber string thing...the octopus was filled with water (please take note of the past tense). The thing cost me a buck at zerns, and I found a full days worth of enjoyment from the thing. Well, today I was sitting at the computer, bouncing the thing around...suddenly splat...and I’m covered in water. Suckiness. I’m all ready missing the thing. I’m thinking I’ll fill it with sand and hot glue the thing closed. That could work...it would be interesting when I started hitting people with it (because you and I both know that it’s going to happen sooner or later...probably sooner and later). Now I just have to get my hands on some sand...
May 12, 2003
It finally happened, I lost one of my closest friends. I knew it was coming, for awhile now, but it still phucking stings. On the list of things to come is Barbie porn, jelly bean porn, gijoe porn, cracker porn, and action figure porn. Write your own damn rant today.
May 13, 2003
I was flashed today at lunch. I was getting ketchup for my cheesesteak when Purple told me she was wearing her new bra. I asked which one (black or white, remember I was there when she got them.?), and she lifted her shirt and showed me. Oh, and let’s not forget the sadomizing, bestial, action figures/beanibabies/flashlights. All through lunch, she kept putting her little toys in different positions (obviously most of them disturbing). Bleh. Listen to Jack Off Jill When I am Queen. A good demon song.
May 14, 2003
I hate baskets. I have to weave a stoopid basket, and I hate it. I wanted to make a key basket to hang on the wall, but it’s deformed. I use deformed loosely, it’s more an abomination to basket making. It’s just a twisted bundle of reed. It looks like something a retarded person would make. Stoopid baskets...bah.! Freaking baskets.! Basket weaving is the work of the devil damn it.! Sitting down there on his dark throne of blood, weaving his egg baskets from the marrow of the bones of children. Damn the devil and his demonic key baskets.! Damn them to...heaven.!
May 15, 2003
Today at lunch we debated about farts. –insert name here- said that the flame could travel up the gas trail and enter your butt, but I don’t think this is correct. It’d have to be one hell of a fart (and long, you’re cheeks would have to be pretty far open for the flame to travel up and in). I’ve seen people light their pants on fire, and I’ve seen some arse hair get singed, but I’m pretty sure you can’t have the flame inside. It just won’t work...too closed off. I think if you’re stupid enough to attempt to light a fart, you deserve to have your arse hair burned off...tard.
May 15, 2003(beta version)
Baby’s first words:: Walmart
Baby’s first phrase:: Get your phucking toys off the damn floor Jonnie...!
...the baby’s name is Gloria...
May 16, 2003
I wish people wouldn’t say I love you unless they really meant it. People have no idea how much it hurts to hear I love you when you know for a fact it isn’t true. The word love is thrown around too much today. I think that modern society confuses lust for love...a lot. I mean look around...there’s people running around with ding dongs the size of cocktail weenies (cuz they’re young you idiot, not because they lack...) with girlfriends whom they claim to ‘love’. It’s unreal...now I’m not saying preschoolers should be running around having sex, but you understand what I’m attempting to get at. Don’t tell someone you love them, unless you are positive it’s love and not lust. You can’t tell if you love someone you’ve known for a month (obviously, I’m not a believer in love at first sight). Yeah I can appreciate a good looking person walking down the street, but I’m not going to say I’m in love. It just pisses me off...all right I’m done.
May 17, 2003
I got maiself a new little yo yo tick thing. Found ‘em at the gas station...they only had balls and two ticks...I got the green one. Freaking felt like I got peed on after mai octopus popped. It was all warm and wet...and the sound was horrible. It sounded like the pop I heard when I stepped on that mouse. Thank gods I had shoes on...I stepped on a dead mouse once, and it popped. It was disgusting...almost threw up. It was nasty. Anyway, I don’t feel so well, so I leave you with this bit of knowledge...if you think it's a bad idea...it probably is...so don't do it.
May 17, 2003(beta version)
I found a song about ass raping...I can now die happy again...song about necrophilia, comic about ass raping goat men, and now a song about ass raping. Life is good...life is good.
May 18, 2003
Well, I officially fucked up. A note to anyone who reads this: don’t block your entire contact list, they get angry. With good reason I suppose...a few of them don’t deserve it, and one should have enough sense to not log onto a messenger when one doesn’t want to talk. Now, most of the few friends I had online are very angry, and reversed the block...and I could take this rant a few ways. I could be angry at them for being pissed about my fuck up; that wouldn’t be fair to them. I could go into a bout of self-hating rips into my psyche; that would be fairer to them, and I probably deserve it, but I’m not going to do it. I could always apologize with the hopes that even though they are not speaking to me, they would want to know what’s going through my head...but I think that would just be wishful thinking on my part. If it was the other way around, I don’t think I would check their daily rant...at least not for a while. I could attempt to push blame on them, but that would be a stretch...even for me. So I’m just going to say I messed up. I know what this sounds like, I don’t care...but I assure you I do care that I pissed them all off, but there’s really nothing I can do (aside from apologizing of course, but I’m not quite ready for that). I know I stirred up a wasp nest (meaning a select few will turn around and start telling all of chathouse that I am a bottom feeding bitch), but aside from going back in time and telling my past self not to do it, there’s really nothing I can do about that now. For now, happy chatting and remember every action has a consequence.
May 19, 2003
I went and saw Matrix Reloaded today...it was pretty good, but I had the misfortune of seeing the movie with my grandmother and mother. Mom’s all right during movies, but g-mom is another story. See, you’ve got to understand that g-mom absolutely loathes females in positions of power (ok, females in general). One female is in the majority of the movie (Trinity of course), and one female is in power (the female commander)...and she made sure she stated her hatred for these characters, loudly. All I have to say, is it’s a damn good thing the theater was nearly empty, because we got a LOT of shh’s and shut the hell ups from the few people in there. Gods, I hate that chick. Now after downing a large popcorn by herself, she said she was hungry (even though my mom and I weren’t, we still had to go out to eat, at 8 goddamn 30). So I sat there and sucked at a root beer as those two had all this good stuff. Now, during the meal, two homosexuals sat down behind us and were telling each other how much they loved the other. I thought it was sweet, but they went off...loudly. I kept telling them to knock it off, but they just kept going. The two men got up and switched tables. I felt horrible about it, then I saw Sarah Soda (yes that’s her name, and she’s lesbian). So, being the nice, nice person that I am, I got up and kissed her...I mean kissed her. After licking Sarah’s nose, I sat back down at our booth and went back to slurping my root beer (she tasted like nachos, and she said I tasted like apple butter...strange because I didn’t eat apple butter tonight). They were quite pissed, and expected me to pay for their ruined meal. After fighting for about a half hour, they finally realized that I only had about 90 cents in my account, so my g-mom paid. I probably shouldn’t have kissed SS like that, but they just pissed me off.
May 20, 2003
I phuckin hate mai dogs. It takes me months to get the dead smell out of mai room (I don’t know what died, but it sure as hell stunk). Now since the dogs got fleas in mai room, I had to spray this horrible flea killer...and mai room smells like gasoline. I’m going to kill those little shites...I swear. I hate phuckin dogs.
May 21, 2003
Ok, I had to get mai picture taken today, and they made me put on a damn dress. So, there I was, a chick in black makeup, untied boots, dog collars complete with hanging paperclips, and a black velvet dress thing...I was not a happy chickah. Then they give me this flower, so, naturally, I eat it. I was hungry ok...? They got pissed. I got the good old 'Miss, you’re making a scene.' The picture chick got a lot angrier when I said 'no I’m not, you're the one making the scene...I've already swallowed.' Woo...phuckin dress thinggery.
May 22, 2003
Yah know what, I like Jack off Jill. I’m pretty sure you’d classify them as grunge, but I like them. Female demon music...I’d have to say my favorite song of theirs is Angels Fuck, Demons Kiss...yeah. Well, maybe Spit and Rape...no. Angels. Check 'em out yo.
May 23, 2003
Well, I went and saw the Matrix with Purple. Heh...threw skittles and m&ms (with nuts) basically the whole time. We were much worse during Xmen, but we got two evil stares after this movie was finished. Then we went and played the vibrating four wheeler game (at least I think it was four wheelers, I can’t really remember, I just remember handle bars...it might have been some other kind of ATV). Then we spent five dollars on this killer carnival thing. It was mad hard. They gave you this plastic sawed off shotgun (which you had to cock every three seconds) and expect you to shoot a million things a second. Bah. I’m tired.
May 24, 2003
Fuck the monkey.
May 25, 2003
I swear on the role players bible I’m going to pull a Michael Myers and kill mai damn family. We’ve got old wiring in our house, and blinking funny will flip the breaker...I was sitting in mai room today, actually beating the third Egypt level of Gauntlet Dark Legacy (it only took me phuckin months...those stupid snakes get me every damn time), when FLASH my tv flickers off (you can only save in between levels). I was phuckin pissed. My stupid ass cousin was attempting to microwave hotdogs (I didn’t find this out until after the third time I go down into our skanky basement to switch the breaker back on). I told her not to cook the hotdogs, we needed them for tomorrow, but no...she never fuckin listens. I hate that fuckin bitch.
May 25, 2003(beta version)
Ok, you know how a lot of grandparents pinch cheeks when they see you.? Well my grandmother doesn’t do that...she pinches between your legs. I don’t mean ass, she shoves her fingers between your legs and pinches. I don’t know what the fuck she’s trying to do, but it sure as hell pisses me off. I fuckin hate when she does that...and I tell her every god damn time she does that, yet she continually does it. What the fuck is she trying to do...pinch a clit.? Jesus Christ I fucking hate it when she does that. Occasionally, she’ll attempt to pinch my nipple, and I fucking hate that too. I don’t want no old fucking bat trying to touch me there...it’s fucking molestation is what it is. Fucking whore...I hate that bitch...I really fucking do. Can you tell I’m pissed off.? I hate holidays.
May 25, 2003(rant free)
I’m sick and tired of this damn holiday, and it hasn’t even happened yet. I know I’ve all ready ranted about how each holiday is just a rather long and cruel speech about how I’m this huge failure and disappointment, so I won’t go into it again...but I’m just tired of having to walk away from all the fights they pick...I know I know they don’t mean it, they’re just lashing out at a stationary target, but I’m just so tired of being the one everyone bashes on...damn it. Another holiday down the tubes before the actual holiday started.
May 26, 2003
My rats have mites. Poor lil ratties...they’re dotted with scabs, and I feel horrible. I thought they were just fighting...bleh. Let me fall if I must fall. I bought Caligula the other day at blockbuster for five dollars...I like the movie (obviously). I know a lot of people say it’s just soft pornography, but it’s a decent plot once you get beyond all of the naked people (come on, it’s from penthouse films, what could you expect.?). I also got frailty, but it’s screwed up...so I have to take it back. Oh yeah, and my hair looks fuckin pink.
May 26, 2003(beta version)
...there’s a place in france where the naked monkeys dance...song of the moment: Godsmack's Vampires
May 27, 2003
Hm...I think I’m going to pick up Diary of a Serial Killer soon...either that or Beloved Angels. The part I have posted is kind of in the middle I suppose...and I don’t want to just drop the thing. Bah, too tired to type more. Song of the moment: Iced Earth’s A Question of Heaven.
May 28, 2003
A joke :: In a second grade class, there is one boy who just learned all of the curse words (let’s just call him bob), and uses them frequently. Well, one day the class starts playing an alphabet game (the teacher goes through the alphabet and calls on a student to say a word that starts with that letter). Well, the teacher says A, and bob is the first to raise his hand. Knowing a curse that starts with A, the teacher calls on Sally, who quickly replies apple. Then she says B, and knowing a curse that starts with B, she calls on George, who replies banana. Next (of course) is C, and bob waves his hands around in the air. Knowing a curse that starts with C, she calls on Billy, who replies cat...well she goes through the alphabet, and eventually comes to R. Knowing no profanities that starts with R, she finally calls on bob. Bob replies :: rat...a big fucking rat. :: Thank you. Song of the moment :: Dances with Vampires’ For Sarah.
May 29, 2003
Hm...Grunde wants me to send in Beloved Angels somewhere...she said I should look for a gay/lez mag, but they only want non-fiction...so I'm looking through sci-fi/fantasy/horror (they're all one section). I find it amusing that they're next to the sex mags...anyway...oh yeah, I’m into the damn Yu-Gi-Oh shiznit. I know I know...pathetic. It’s freaking addictive...damn Japanese.! Anyway, I finally got mai blue eyes white dragon, and my red eyes black dragon cards...so I don’t have to trade my toon world to Donald. I’m happy. I have some rare cards, but most of them were given to me and aren’t in the best of shape...three starter decks and a few others, I think I’m doing pretty good. Ok I’m hot and tired so you can write you own damn rant today. Song of the moment:: My Ruin feat Jessika Miss Anne Thrope.
May 30, 2003
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again...I can only say sorry so many times and still mean it...and I’ve been apologizing a very long time. I shouldn’t have to be sorry that I get pissed at my goddamn grandmother when she barges in while I’m taking a shower. I don’t need this shit. Bah. Song of the moment:: Tatu Clowns...don't say a word...ass.
May 31, 2003
You know what I don’t like...that the damn store people make those cereal pyramids then get all angry when you take the one box that supports the whole thing so it falls over. Why make the pyramids.? You and I both know that someone is going to come along and get the urge to take that one box, then boom it’s on the floor. If they weren’t so damn cheap, they wouldn’t care that a few of the boxes were a little banged up. Oooh, the corner is bent, sell it for a dollar.! They’re multi-millionaires.! They probably don’t lose anything.! And what about the poor people who always have to eat from the dinged boxes and cans.? If it wasn’t for me, poor people all over -insert town here- would starve.! I’m doing the community a favor by knocking over that cereal pyramid (even though I didn’t knock it over, it just fell after I took the box. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it damn it.!). Acme should thank me instead of yelling.! CEREAL NAZI.! I really should stop saying that...cereal nazi, internet nazi, nazi this, nazi that...people are going to start thinking I’m a communist. I bought the purple teletubby not the red one.! Wait, I mean I don’t own a teletubby...wait...I mean what are those squishy british things with the communist homosexual children’s entertainment items.? I’m not a fascist, I’m an anarchist, get it right damn you. Song of the moment:: Alice Cooper’s I Love the Dead. One can never go wrong with necrophilia.
