Buffy- "Xander...did I ever thank you for saving my life?" Xander- "No." Buffy- "Don't you wish I would?"
Cordelia- "Buffy? You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren't you?" Buffy- "As defending champion, you nervous?"
Willow- "Buffy killed a vampire last night." Buffy- "I think you can get a little more volume if you speak from the diaphragm."
Buffy- "Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone I'm a Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron."
Buffy- "Cordelia...your mouth is open, sound is coming out. This is never good."
Buffy- "Master's gone." Giles- "I'm sorry?" Buffy- "The Master. I went by his grave the other night, and they have a vacancy."
Buffy (to Angel)- "I've moved on...to the living."
Buffy- "Come to the Bronze before it opens, or we make her a meal." Xander- "They're gonna cook her dinner?"
Buffy- "Being called an idiot tends to put people out of dating mode." Xander- "It actually kinda turns me on." Buffy- "I fear you."
Buffy- "Could this get yuckier?" Willow- "Maybe they kept the parts to eat." Buffy- "Question answered."
Chris- "He needs someone." Buffy- "Who? Eric? He needs some industrial strength therapy."
Buffy- "Add it up and it all spells duh!" Xander- "Is now a time to talk about the facts of life?" Giles- "You know, I am suddenly deciding this is none of your business."
Cordelia- "I don't think we should do anything educational in school if we don't want to."
Angel- "I know, we found some of them." Buffy- "You mean two of the three?" Angel- "I mean like some of them. Like parts."
Eric- "Let's go scare you up a date."
Willow- "Don't be too hard on Chris, he's not a vampire." Buffy- "I know. He's just a ghoul."
Eric- "Oh, look at those legs!" Willow- "No, thank you."
Buffy- "You shouldn't have come here." Spike- "No. I messed up your doilies and stuff. But I just got so bored. I'll tell you what? As a personal favor from me to you, I'll make it quick, it won't hurt a bit." Buffy- "No, Spike. It's gonna hurt a lot."
Xander- "Come on. One dance. You've been studying nearly twelve minutes." Buffy- "No wonder my brain's fried."
Buffy- "Okay, if my slaying doesn't get me expelled, I promise my banner making won't get me killed. Just please let me get through this week."
Xander- "That's it! I'm puttin a collar with a little bell on that guy."
Spike- "You nearly died in Prague. Idiot mob. This is the place for us. The Hellmouth will restore you, put color in your cheeks, metaphorically speaking of course."
Buffy- "About how long till this wears off and you start ragging on me again?" Joyce- "Oh, at least a week in a half." Buffy- "Very cool."
Xander- "And while I'm whittling, I plan to whistle a jonty tune."
Buffy- "Well, that was never proven. the fire marshal said it could've been mice." Snyder- "Mice?" Buffy- "Mice that were smoking?"
Xander- "Really?" Ampata- "Really." Xander- "That's great! Really?" Ampata- "Really." Xander- "That's great! You're not a praying mantis are you? Sorry, someone else."
Buffy- "Look at us. We came up with a plan. A good plan." Giles- "Right. We'll meet there tonight after it closes." Buffy- "No. Bad plan. Have other plans. Dance plans. Cancel plans."
Buffy- "This is so unfair." Willow- "I don't think it's that bad." Buffy- "It's the uber-suck."
Buffy- "One of these days you're gonna have to get a grown up car."
Xander- "You want life? You're gonna have to take mine."
Willow- "On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke." Xander- "For twenty one hours?" Willow- "It's addictive, you know."
Oz- "I'm not picky. You're just impressed by any pretty girl that can walk and talk." Devon- "She doesn't have to talk." Ampata- "You're not a normal girl." Buffy- "And you are?"
Xander- "Okay boots, start a walkin."
Buffy- "Well, say it." Xander- "I'm not gonna say it." Willow- "You lied to Giles." Xander - "She will."
Willow- "Cordelia?! Did I sound jealous just then, because I'm not. Really. Cordelia?!"
Xander- "Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation have to come around to that freak. Hey, how ya doin?"
Richard- "Hi, Sweetheart. I'm Richard, and you are?" Buffy- "So not interested."
Willow- "Oh, sorry. The reflection thing, that you don't have. Angel, how do you shave?"
Buffy- "I was just thinking. Wouldn't it be funny to see each other when it wasn't a blood thing? Not funny, ha ha."
Xander- "One day, I'll have money, prestige, power. And on that day, they'll still have more."
Cordelia- "Do they mean us?" Girl- "Do you see anyone else chianed up in here?"
Cordelia- "What's your deal? Take a pill!" Xander- "Buffy. Lady of Buffdom. Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe. I completely renounce spandex."
Buffy- "It's come as you aren't night."
Buffy- "It was terrible. I moped over you for month. Sititng in my room, listening to Divinyl's song, "I Touch Myself." (Xander and willow give her a look) Of course. I had no idea what it was about."
Xander- "Are you and I noticing a theme here?" Willow- "As in Vampires, Yay?" Xander- "That's the one?"
Buffy- "There was a cat." Ford- "Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire." Buffy- "What? Whating a what?"
Willow- "Buffy saw Angel with a girl." Buffy- "Will, do we have to be in total share mode?"
Angel- "This can't go on, Drusilla. It's got to end." Drusilla- "Oh, no my pet. This is just the beginning."
Buffy- "I am trying to save you. You're playing in some serious traffic, here. Do you understand that? You're going to die! And the only hope you have of surviving is to get out of this pit right now, and my God! Could you have a dorkier outfit?"
Buffy- "Does it get easy?" Giles- "What do you want me to say?" Buffy- "Lie to me." Giles- "Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are stalwad and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats and we always defeat them and save the dairy. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after." Buffy- "Liar."
Buffy- "Could you stop with the Slayer thing? I'm the damn Slayer!"
Giles- "Not to my knowledge. Um, th-the new Slayer is only called after the previous Slayer has died. Uh...Oh, Good Lord! You were dead, Buffy." Buffy- "I was only gone for a minute." Giles- "IT clearly doesn't matter how long you were gone. You were physically dead! Thus causing the acivation of the next Slayer." Kendra- "She died?" Buffy- "Just a little."
Kendra- "No wonder you died."
Buffy- "Yeah, it's ok. Kendra killed the bad lamp."
Buffy- "You and bug people, Xander. What's up with that?"
Buffy- "Excommunicated and sent to Sunnydale? There's a guy big on the sinning."
Buffy- "Yeah, they had tools, flashlights, the whole nine yards. What's that mean anyway, 'whole nine yards'? Nine yards of what? Now it's gonna bug me all day. Giles, you're in pace mode. What gives?"
Buffy- "Well, I'll jump that bridge when I come to it."
Buffy- "No, Angel, it's not you. You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me. I just get messed up sometimes. I wish we could be regular kids." Angel- "Yeah. I'll never be a kid." Buffy- "Okay. One regular kid, and her cradle robbing, creature of the night boyfriend."
Willow- "Buffy would never do that! Oh. Except that sometimes you do that. But only with Angel, right?"
Xander- "Cordelia Chase, aways ready to give a helping hand to the rich and the pretty." Cordelia- "Which, lucky me, excludes you. Twice."
Oz- "I, uh, I'm shot! Y'Know. Wow! It's odd, and painful."
Buffy- "We got that part, Hon. He means your name." Kendra- "Oh. Dey call me Kendra. I have no last name, Sir." Buffy- "Can you say, 'stuck in the eighties'?"
Xander- "Man, that guy got major neck in his day!"
Xander (in reference to Buffy)- "No, it's statistically impossible for a sixteen year old girl to unplug her phone."
Buffy- "Uh, Giles, it's one thing to be a Watcher and a Librarian. They go together like chicken...and another chicken, or...two chickens, you know what I'm saying! The point is, no one blinks an eye if you want to spend all your days with books. What am I supposed to do? Carve stakes for a nursery?"
Buffy- "Vampires are creeps." Giles- "That is why one slays them." Buffy- "People are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come and they run around and kill people, and they take over your whole house. Then they start making these stupid little mini pizzas. And everyone's like 'oh, I like the mini pizzas' but I'll tell you..."
Ted- "I don't stand for this kind of malarky in my house!" Buffy- "Teddy! This house is mine."
Buffy- "All right, seeing my mother french a guy is definitely a ticket to therapy land."
Xander- You are the best person ever! I adore you! Those are the cookies talking, but you rock!"
Cordelia- "I guess you should know since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time."
Xander- "So, you wanna go to the utility closet and make out?" Cordelia- "God! Is that all you ever think about?... Okay."
Buffy- "Did I ask for back-seat mommy?"
Buffy- "As far as punishments go this is fairly abstract." Willow- "No. It's your baby." Buffy- "K, now I get it even less." Xander- "You know, it's the whole sex leads to responsibility thing. Which I personally don't get. You gotta take care of the egg. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values." Willow- "My egg's Jewish." Xander- "Then teach it that Dreidel song."
Buffy- "'Everyday Woman'?" Joyce- "Mmm hmm. Here's the receipt." Buffy- "Why don't you just go Moo Moo's R Us?"
Joyce- "Honestly. Don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes?" Buffy- "Saving the world from vampires?" Joyce- "I swear sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head."
Xander- "Apparently, Buffy decided that the problem with the English language is all those pesky words. You...Angel...big...smoochies." Buffy- "Shut...up."
Willow- "Are they getting weirder? Have you noticed the weirdness of them?" Buffy- "They're weird."
Willow- "You boiled your young?" Xander- "Yeah, I know it sounds cruel. But sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind."
Willow- "Carpe diem. You told me that once." Buffy- "Fish of the day?" Willow- "Not carp. Carpe, it means sieze the day."
Angel- "She hasn't been sleeping well. Tossing and turning. (Everyone looks at him) She told me! Because of her dreams."
Willow- "Are you okay?" Oz- "Yeah. Hey, did everyone see that guy just turn to dust?" Willow- "Well, uh, yeah." Xander- "Yeah, vmapires are real. A lot of them live in Sunnydale. Willow will fill you in." Willow- "I know it's hard to accept at first." Oz- "Actually, it explains a lot."
Oz- "I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night, and I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting." Willow- "Oh, well, if it helps. I'm gonna say yes." Oz- "Yeah, it helps. It creatres a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?" Willow- "Oh! I can't." Oz- "Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable."
Judge- "You two reak of humanity, you share affection and jealousy." Spike- "Yeah, what of it?"
Angel- "Leave her alone!" Spike- "Yeah, that'll work. Now say pretty please."
Cordelia- "This is great. There's an unkillable demon in town. Angel's joined his team. The Slayer's a basket case. I'd say we hit rock bottom." Xander- "I have a plan." Cordelia- "Oh, look, a lower place."
Willow- "I knew it! I knew it! Well, not knew it in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know. You two were fighting way too much. It's not natural." Xander- "I know it's weird." Willow- "Weird?! It's against all laws of God and Man. It's Cordelia! Remember? The 'We Hate Cordelia Club' of which you are the treasurer."
Willow- "No, Xander's right. My God, you people are all...well, I'm upset and can't think of a mean word right now, but that's what you are, and we're going to the factory!"
Willow- "No. It just means that you would rather be with someone you hate, then be with me.“
Xander- "Whoa. Whoa! I...I think I'm having a thought. Yeha, yeah that's a thought. Now I'm having a plan. (Lights go off) Now I'm having a wiggins."
Angel- "She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive."
Buffy- "Everytime I see you, you're stealing something. You should see someone about this klepto issue."
Willow- "You mean bunnies and stuff? No, don't tell me." Oz- "Oh, don't worry. I know they may not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves."
Willow- "But I want smoochies!"
Giles- "Anything yet?" Buffy- "Yes. And you won't believe what I saw! Brittany Podell was making out with mPwen Stadeel. But he goes with Barrette Williams. If she ever found... no, uh, no sign of the werewolf."
Willow- "Yeah. Him and Xander. Guys." Cordelia- "Who do they think they are?" Willow- "A couple of guys."
Willow- "He said he was going through all these changes, and then he went through all these changes!"
Willow- "Hi!" Oz- "Oh, that's what I was gonna say."
Buffy- "Like a typical male." Xander- "On behalf of my gender, hey!"
Giles- "Let's not jump to any conclusions." Buffy- "I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were."
Willow- "Oh, what, you're special? You're special boy now...with chains and stuff. Why do you have chains and stuff?"
Cordelia- "If we die in here, I swear I'm gonna kick your ass!"
Xander- "I intend revenge. Pure as the driven snow."
Xander- "Would lap dancing some into that scenario? Because I find that very conforting." Buffy- "Play your cards right." Xander- "Okay, you do know I'm Xander?"
Xander- "Amy, hi. Good to see you. You're a witch." Amy- "No, I'm not. That was my mom. Remember?" Xander- "Yeah. I'm thinking it runs in the family. I saw you working some mojo on Ms. Bakeman, maybe I should go tell somebody about that." Amy- "No! You don't...that is so mean!" Xander- "Blackmail is such an ugly word." Amy- "I didn't say blackmail." Xander- "Yeah, well, I'm about to blackmail you so I thought I'd bring it up."
Willow- "I want you, Xander...to be my first." Xander- "Baseman. Please tell me we're talking baseball."
Xander- 'I got an idea. How bout you use me as bait." Buffy- "You mean have Angel come after you?" Xander- "No, I mean chop me up into little pieces and stick me on hooks for fish to nibble on because it would be more fun than my life."
Buffy- "I wasn't ready, but I think I finally am. I can't hold on to the past anymore. Angel's gone. Nothing's ever gonna bring him back."
Buffy- "Sorry, Angel. Changed the locks."
Spike- "Uh-uh. No fair going into the ring unless he tags you first."
Man- "What are you gonna give him?" Jenny- "His soul."
Spike- "Are you insane? You're supposed to kill the bitch! Not leave gag gifts in friends' beds."
Angel- "Alright! You had your fun. But you know what it's time for now?" Buffy- "My fun!"
Xander- "Well, good morning ladies. What did you two do last night?" Willow- "Oh, we had kind of a pajama party, sleepover with weapons thing."
Buffy- "Sorry about your fish." Willow- "It's okay. We really hadn't had time to bond yet."
Xander- "Your mom's trying to bogart the cheesy chips. What's that all about?"
Xander- 'He's dead right? I mean, I heard something snap." Buffy- "That would be his neck." Xander- "Your not gonna yak on me, are ya?"
Buffy- "Hey, here we are. It's all of we. Are we taking me home?" Wilkinson- "No, you need to lie down." Buffy- "Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than anything that's not my bed."
Xander- "Man, Buffy. My life just flashed before my eyes. I gotta get me a life."
Xander- "The flu, fainted, fell. She's sick, make her better!"
Buffy- "Good 'hmm', or bad 'hmm'?"
Willow- "You want me to go real fast? Not that I would."
Buffy- "No. James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind passion. And that's not something you forgive. No matter why he did what he did. And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish, and stupid. It's just something he'll have to live with." Xander- "He can't live with it, Buff. He's dead." Cordelia- "Okay. Overidentify much?"
Spike- "You might wanna let up. They say when you've drawn blood you've exfoliated."
Xander- "Yikes. The quality of mercy is not Buffy."
Willow- "Xander, what happened? Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closet?" Xander- "You're just a bucket of funny, Will."
Buffy- "I'm telling you, something weird is going on." Xander- "Something weird is going on. Isn't that our school motto?" Buffy- "pretty much. But this time it bugs me." Xander- 'I don't wanna poo poo your wiggin. But a domestic dispute, a little chalkboard Tourett's? All sounds like Hellmouth Lite to me."
Spike- "It's paradise. Big windows, lovely garden. Perfect when we want the sun to kill us."
Cordelia- "Perfect. I'm scarred, and swollen. Why didn't they just kill me?"
Xander- "Your dreams are getting wicked accurate, Buff. You wouldn't happen to see me comin across some big cash? Or possibly knowing the love of a woman? In the full body sense?"
Cordelia- "Hey, if Sunnydale burns down does that mean we automatically graduate?"
Xander- "I'm undercover." Buffy- "Not under much."
Xander- "Oh, forgive me your swimteamliness."
Cordelia- "Say it. You ran like a woman."
Willow- "So, you delved into the Black Arts and conjured up a hellbeast from the ocean's depths to wreak your vengeance...didn't you?" Jonathan- "What? No...I snuck in yesterday and peed in the pool." Willow- "Oh... Ewww!"
Buffy- "Open your eyes, Mom. What do you think has been going on for the past two years? The fights, the weird occurences. How many times have you washed blood out of my clothing and you still haven't figured it out?" Joyce- "Well it stops now." Buffy- "No, it doesn't stop. It never stops! Do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is? How dangerous? I would lovet to be upstairs watching TV, or gossiping about boys, or...God even studying! But I have to save the world...again."
Angelus- "My boy Acathla here is about to wake up. You're going to Hell" Buffy- "Save me a seat."
Angelus- "Now that's everything, huh? No weapons...no friends....no hope. Take that all away...what's left?" Buffy- "Me."
Buffy- "Hello, Lover." Angelus- "I don't have time for you." Buffy- "You don't have a lot of time left."
Buffy- "We're mortal enemies. We don't get time-outs."
Buffy- "A friend died tonight, and I may lose more! The whole earth may be sucked into Hell, and you want my help cause your girlfriend's a big ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care."
Buffy- "What? You thought I was guilty? Jeez, feeling the love in this room."
Buffy- "What happened to Angel wasn't his fault." Xander- "Yeah, well, what happened to Miss Calender is. You can paint this any way you want, but the way I see it is that you wanna forget all about Miss Calender's murder so you can get your boyfriend back."
Snyder- "These public displays of affection is not acceptable in my school. This isn't an orgy, People. It's a classroom." Buffy- "Yeah. Where they teach lunch."
Angelus- "You can see all that in your head?" Spike- "No, you ninny. She read it in the morning paper."
Willow- "My head feels big. Is it big?" Oz- "No, it's head size."
Joyce- "Have we met?" Spike- "Um...you hit me with an axe once. Remember, 'get the hell away from my daughter'."
Spike (to Drusilla)- "I don't wanna hurt you, Baby. (Hits her) Doesn't mean I won't."
Xander- "Oh, yeah, finals! Why didn't you let me die?"