JOKE OF THE DAY!

Funny Jokes

There was a girl sitting in a history class in a catholic school. She was very bored and trying to sleep in the middle of the teacher's lecture. She was also sitting in front of the class clown. The teacher asked the class: "Who created the earth?" and just then, the class clown poked the girl in the back with a pencil. She cried out in surprise: "My God!" and the teacher said happily: "That is correct. Now, who was crucified on the cross?" just then again the class clown poked the girl in the back with the pencil. "Jesus Christ!" she cried. "That is correct! Very good! Now, what did Eve say to Adam after they had their 21st child?" once again the class clown poked the girl with the pencil and she screamed: "You stick that thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half!"

What's the difference between a porcupine and a lambrogini? Procupines have pricks on the outside.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef.

A snail and a slug got in a crash. When the police, ambulances and news reporters arrived, a reporter asked a tortoise what happened. He replied: "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

A college professor always started off his lectures by telling an obscene and drity joke to the students. Finally, two girls got fed up with this and decided to walk out of the classroom the next time he did this. But the proffessor found out about this and the next day he came into his class and began: "Did any of you hear about the whore shortage in Indiana?" just then the two girls stomped out of the room. The proffessor called to them: "Wait girls, the train doesn't leave until tomorrow!"

A man died and went to hell and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed. Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?" The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hell." but the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked. The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Alright!" creid the man. "Do you like drinking?" the demon asked. "Yeah!" The man answered. "Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Sweet!" cried the man. "Are you gay?" asked the demon. The man frowned and said: "No." the demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."

What do a bungee jump cord and a hooker have in common? If the rubber breaks you're screwed.

What happens when four mexican guys are standing in quick sand. Quatro Sinko.

When Adam asked Eve out for dinner she replied: "Oh I'd love to, but I haven't a thing to wear."

A man walked into the doctor's office and said: "Doc, I've eaten something that disagrees with me." A voice from his stomach replies: "No you haven't."

A salesmen rang a house doorbell and it was answered by a kid wearing a top hat, a purple cape, smoking a cigar and drinking a glass of white wine. The salesmen asked: "Are your parents home?" the kid replied: "What does it look like?"

A pig walked into the bar and asked for some beer, drank it and asked where the bathroom was. The bartender said: "Down the hall and to the left." and the pig left. Another pig walked into the bar and asked for some beer, drank it and asked where the bathroom was. The bartender said: "Down the hall and to the left." and the pig left. A third pig walked into the bar and asked for some beer, drank it and asked where the bathroom was. The bartender said: "Down the hall and to the left." and the pig left. And yet another pig walked into the bar and asked for some beer, drank it and asked where the bathroom was. The bartender said: "Down the hall and to the left." and the pig left. One more pig entered the bar and asked for a beer and drank it. The bar tender hesitated: "Aren't you going to ask where the bathrooms are?" he asked. The pig shook his head. "No, I'm the little pig that goes wee wee wee, all the way home."

Cheesy Jokes

A man was walking down the alley late at night, when all of the sudden he hears: THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! so he turns around to see a coffin chasing him. He walks a little faster and the coffin goes: THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! right along with his pace. So he breaks into a run towards his house. THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! the coffin in pursuit. He runs in and locks the door, running up into his bathroom and slamming it shut. He sits down next to the window. Suddenly the coffin comes crashing throgh the window and THUMPS toward him. As his last resort, he took a jar of Robatusan from the cabinent and threw it at it and the coffin stopped.

Two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other: "Man, it's hot in here!" the other one says: "Ah! A talking muffin!"

Two guys walked into a bar and the third one ducked.

A rope walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender frowned; "We don't sell to ropes. Are you a rope?" he asked. The rope replied: "No I'm a frayed knot."

Did you hear the joke about the light switch? It turns me on.

Did you hear the joke about the rope? Just skip it.

A ham sandwich walked into a bar and the bartender said: "We don't sell to ham sandwiches." but the sandwich replied: "That's okay, I only want a beer."

A skeleton walked into a bar and asked for a beer and a mop.

A wood pecker walked into a bar and asked: "Where's the bar tender?"

Name Jokes

Mike Rotch
Jack Strap
Gabe Astard
Mike Hunt
Abe Itch
Joe Mama
Angie Daddy
Amanda Huginkiss
Jack Hoff
Ivana Tinkle

Blonde Jokes

A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen; "I want that tv." the salesperson shook his head and said, "No, we don't sell to blondes." so the blonde left and came back with her hair dyed brown and said; "I'll take that tv." again the salesman said; "No, we don't sell to blondes." so she left again and came back with her hair dyed black and said; "I want that tv." but the salesman still said; "No, we don't sell to blondes." finally the blonde got fed up and said, "That's it! How'd you know I was a blonde?!" she asked. The salesman answered; "Cause that's a microwave."

Two blondes were running from the cops as they had just been caught sneeking over the border into Mexico. They dashed up to a fence and climbed over it, lights and sirens running behind them. As they arrived on the other side, they came face to face with a long river. One blonde said to the other. "Here I'll shine this flashlight over the water and you can walk accross the beam of light." The other said: "What do you think I am, stupid!? I'll get halfway accross and you'll turn it off!"

A blonde, a brunet and a red head were in a competition to see who could swim 60 miles accross a river. The brunet swims 30 miles, gets a cramp and drowns. The red head swims accross 30 miles, gets bit by a shark and drowns. The blonde swims 30 miles accross, says: "I'm tired." and swims 30 miles back.

A blonde, a brunet and a red head were running from the cops when they came upon three empty sacks laying in front of a closed store. "Let's hide in these and the cops won't find us!" said the red head, and they each dove into the sacks. The brunet hid in one that said CAT. The red head hid in one that said DOG, and the blonde hid in one that said POTATOS. When the cops came by, they saw the bags and said: "Maybe they're in these sacks. Kick one of them." to the other. The other cop kicked the bag the brunet was in that said CAT and she said: "Meow!". So the cop kicked the second bag with the red head that said DOG. She said once kicked: "Woof!". So the cop moved on to the final sack that said POTATOS and kicked it. The blonde cried out: "Potatos!"

Special Joke Series

Pick On Women Day:

I married Miss Right. I didn't know her first name was always.

Marraige is a 3-ring circus. Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

In the beginning of time, God created the world and then rested. Then he created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

Young Son: Is it true Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her
Father: That happens in every country son.

A man inserted an ad in the classified section: "Wife Wanted." The next day he recieved a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel! Second guy:  "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying!"

Star Trek Jokes

What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common? They both wipe out klingons.

What did Data find when he went into the bathroom stall? Captain's log.

Music Jokes

A drummer walked into a music store and said: "Okay, I'll take the accordian and the red trumpet." The man at the counter replied: "You can have the fire extinguisher but you can't have the radiator."

Who hangs out with musicians but isn't a musician? Drummers.

How do you tune two oboes? Shoot one.

Road Kill Grill
If this is copywritten, tell me immdiatly!

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