Cosmopolitan July 2002
An open letter to Sarah Michelle Gellar from Wil Anderson,
co-host of Triple J's The Breakfast Show

"Dear Sarah, Firstly I just want to point out that I am not an obsessed fan. Sure, I have a few Buffy posters (six at last count). Sure, I own every episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on video and DVD, (plus all the cross-over episodes of Angel). And sure, sometimes when I'm playing with my Buffy dolls (I mean action figures) I do pretend that Angel or Riley or Spike is actually me and that we are so in love - but I'm not obsessed. Far from it. It's just that I have finally come to the realisation that we are meant to be together. The evidence is just too strong. Let me explain..

For starters, your media career has had some amazing parallels with mine. You have starred in every single episode of the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, while I have watched every single episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Spooky, huh?

You have just completed the movie Scooby-Doo, I did an Arts degree at uni, so I spent a lot of time hanging out with stoned guys and their dogs. You won an Emmy award for your work on the American soapie All My Children, I was once invited to the Australian Logies (although I'm pretty sure they actually just got me confused with Angry Anderson). Some folk who haven't followed your career quite as closely as me might not realise that before all your adult success, you were also a very successful child star. This, I believe, makes it even more amazing that these days you are busy solving mysteries and slaying vampires, rather than hosting infomericals or holding up the local 7-Eleven.

In fact, you had your first major break as a child actor as the star of more than 30 Burger King advertisements. You were the Dougie the Pizza Boy of your generation, the only difference being that you went on to become a major world-wide star, and he went on to do a couple of episodes of Water Rats and then star in some more Pizza Hut ads.

You are also the face of the international cosmetics range, Maybelline. I myself have been the face of an advertising campaign, so I understand the immense pressure this places you under. I was the public face for the Maxibon ice-cream, the only icy treat in history that sounds like it should have had a unique sphagnum core and wings. We also have a lot of hobbies in common, at least according to your biography at smgfan.com. It reports your favourite film is The Princess Bride, and so is mine. It says your favourite season is summer, and so is mine (well, its actually winter, but seeing we live in different hemispheres, at least its at the same time of year). And it notes that you hate Meatloaf - me too, both the food and the singer.

OK, so we've established the reasons we should be together. Now the only problem is this Freddie Prinze Jr fella you're getting married to. I'm sure you're madly in love with him, and he with you blah blah blah, but have you really thought this through? Really? I mean, do you actually want to be Sarah Michelle Prinze Jr? They're going to have to make your TV show wide-screen just to fit your name in the credits.

Anyway, so you really want to be married to someone with "Junior" as their last name? Let's consider who are the two most famous Juniors in the world at the moment: Robert Downey, and George Bush, hardly great role models. Of course, you don't have to change your name, Freddie could change his, but then he would be The Artist Formerly Known as Prinze Jr.

Of course, he will be co-starring with you in your new film Scooby-Doo, which thanks to your dazzling presence is sure to be a major hit - but lets just take a look at what part he has been selected to play. Fred.

Fred with his perfect hair that made him look like a blond Ray Martin. Fred who was famous for his pastel jumpers and wearing a cravat. I'm sorry to break this to you Sarah Michelle, but Fred was about as interested in Daphne as Mr. Humphries from Are You Being Served?. I think we all know that Fred has a secret identity, and it wasn't the crazy old man from the amusement park either.

So there you have it, SMG. Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm in love with the star of Scooby-Doo. If you feel the same way about me, then please feel free to send your love notes (or restraining orders) care of Cosmopolitan.

Sincerely yours, Wil xxx "

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