Sunday Roast - Sunday Telegraph
Sunday Magazine May 16 2004
MOVE OVER MATE
And you think asking your mate to walk your dog constitutes a big favour. Spare a thought for Craig Stevens, says Wil Anderson, who gave up his Olympic spot to avert a national "tragedy"
It's only a been a few weeks since Craig Stevens revealed Australia's Worst Kept Secret, but already the phrase "doing a Stevo" has passed into the national lexicon. At the pub the other night, I even heard two blokes talking about a girl they obviously both fancied, when one of the guys pleaded to his mate: "Come on, Mike. I know she's a spunk, but how about doing a Stevo and letting me have a crack?"
Yes, ever since The Craigpedo allegedly recieved about $60,000 to appear on Today Tonight (although I heard he chose that show because he also has a cellulite cream he wants to launch) and revealed he was handing over his spot in the 400m to Ian Thorpe, Australia has talked about nothing else.
Firstly it was the payment itself which provoked rumours Seven had "bought" Stevens off so Thorpe could swim at the Olympics for the sake of ratings. (And if this didn't work Seven boss David Leckie was going to have to teach Delta to dog paddle.)
However, despite this, there is no truth to the rumour Seven offered to change the station name to Channel Stevens to get the deal done. Although, coincidentally, Tony Squires has offered to wash Steven's car for the rest of the year, Hamish and Andy is now Hamish and Andy and Craig, and next week live on Today Tonight, Naomi Robson is giving Stevo a lap-dance.
Despite the media bitching, I think most Australians say good on Stevens for getting paid for something he was going to do anyway. These opportunities don't come along every day. It's not like anyone was going to pay the guy who came sixth in the 400m at the Olympics to eat muesli bars or desing his own range of pearl necklaces.
And let's be realistic about that. Stevens was fully aware it wasn't his best event and his best time was eight seconds behind Thorpe's record. The only way he was going to do well at the Olympics was if his Speedos had an outboard motor attached to them.
At the end of the day, I can't quite understand the media outrage about the money. I mean it was only $60,000 - Thorpey keeps more than that in the change pocket of his fatskin suit. Stevens would have got 10 times that if he had shagged David Beckham.
Also I think a lot of people have been unfair in their criticism of Ian Thorpe's role in this saga. Despite having to fight vicious media rumours tat he is a "false starter" (not that there's anything wrong with that) Thorpe has been nothing but graceful. He was disqualified ander the rules, and he accepted that. He called it an "oops" moment. You can't criticise him for this, if it had happened to me, I woudl have used a four letter word, too, but it would have been one that would make even Kevin "Bloody" Wilson blush.
We don't expect this sort of grace from sportspeople these days. Shane Warne wouldn't have taken it the same way. He would have called a press conference to tell us how his mum pushed him in. In fact, Stevens was at pains to point out that Thorpey had even rung to assure him that there was no pressure for him to step aside. What he failed to mention was that Thorpey called every hour, on the hour.
Personally, I think if there is anyone to blame for the pressure on Craig Stevens it is not Ian Thorpe, it is us. Ever since Thorpey slipped, the Australian public have been looking for a way to get him back in the race. At one stage, the conspiracy theories were so rife I thought we were going to claim he had false started after hearinf a second shooter on the grassy knoll.
Even as the PM John Howard (who I bet is constantly being encouraged by Peter Costello to "do a Stevo") weighed into the debate. He called it a "real tragedy for the country". Remeber, this is a man who won't say "sorry" to the Aboriginal pople, but Thorpe stands on the blocks, hears someone let one rip and falls in, and that is a national tragedy. Paging Mr Perspective.
For a while there, I thought the PM was going to start claiming Thorpe had been thrown in the water by boat people, or follow the precedent of the Melville Islands and just declare Thorpe's lane an "exclusion zone", so technically he didn't fall in the pool, he just fell out of the country.
Don't get me wrong, I thought it was a "tragedy", too, when I first heard about Thorpey falling into the pool, but then I remebered something important that reassured me... he can swim.
So I think most Aussies will be glad to cheer on Ian Thorpe to gold, gold, gold at the Athens Olympics, and proclaim Craig Stevens a national hero. Let's face it, at the end of the day, he got paid not to work, and that's the ultimate Australian dream. In fact, why not try it next Monday. "Sorry boss, I don't think I'm coming into work today... I'm chucking a Stevo!"
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