*ROAR!* I'm Bill Goldberg. I never was or will be a wrestling fan, but over the course of the past five years, I've become a multimillionaire thanks to a business that I have no respect for whatsoever. I've accomplished this by squashing myriads of wrestlers who are ten times better than me when it comes to actual wrestling ability, like Ernest "The Cat" Miller, Barry Horowitz, and Hulk Hogan, plowing over everybody on the WCW roster, then winning the WWE World Title in 2003 from my MORTAL ENEMY *SNARL*, Triple H. And get this: during my WWE tenure, I never worked house shows and rarely travelled overseas- shit, half the time I wasn't even on Raw- yet I was still one of the highest-paid members of the roster! HARHARHAR!!!!!!!

*GROWL!* A lot of peple accused me, early in my career, of being a Steve Austin rip-off. What the #@&$ are they talking about? I wear black tights, black boots, I'm bald, and I have a goatee. I look nothing like him, damn it.

*HISS!*Did I mention that I hate Triple H? Yeah, he might've put me over clean two times in a row at two different PPVs, but still... he's scum. He made fun of me when I took like eight months off to recover from a booboo I got on my arm when I punched my hand through a practically bulletproof limo window on Nitro. I've hated him ever since. I challenged him over the internet to come to my house to fight, and I even yelled vulgarities at him in public in front of children when he was with Stephanie (I think they might be a couple- but I'm not exactly sure yet- if you see any wedding pics of them on the web or something, e-mail them to my beautiful site). And after all my efforts to redeem my pride, all Helmsley did was laugh at me. That sumbitch.

*BLEARGH!!!!!* Those idiots at WWE wouldn't let me plow over their roster like the guys in WCW did. They said my character needed to be more "human" and actually *GASP* SELL MOVES FOR MY OPPONENTS. I never learned to "sell" moves while I was at the Power Plant in WCW. These jerks were trying to kill my credibility! I've beaten legends like NORMAN SMILEY like 55 times in a row, okay?! You just don't take a name like that and make him pretend to get beaten up by guys like Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and Ric Flair. What a joke.

*HOO-HAA!* So now I'm done with WWE. Vince can stick it up his tucchus. They've totally ruined my image- people at Wrestlemania XX were actually chanting "GOLDBERG SUCKS"! In WCW nobody ever said that... I mean, the chants were piped in by the sound guys, but still.

*SPIT* I might spend some time in Japan, doing like one or two shows a month because, like, that's how hard I work. It's a tough schedule, but somebody has to do it! They might wanna make sure the defibrillators are on hand if they expect me to go over ten minutes though.

*RUFF!!!!!* Did I mention that I'll never ever ever ever ever ever work for Vince again? Just like when I said I'd never ever ever ever ever ever work for him to begin with before my WCW contract expired. Yep, I'll never ever ever ever ever ever... huh? What's that, Vince? You're offering me HOW MUCH? WOW. OH MY GOD. ABSOLUTELY, I'LL BE AT RAW ON MONDAY, WHATEVER YOU SAY VINCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!