The Nether Regions of Our Minds: More Than You Probably Wanted to Know Ya minna! It's that time again, time for a Free Talk, of sorts. But this little essay [or series of mini essays rather] isn't here to celebrate the conclusion of a certain number of parts, but rather, an accomplishment of a more lecherous sort. You see, we wrote this in celebration of our fiftieth smutty scene. True, they probably won't all be posted by the time we have this up, but trust us... there are fifty. That's more than the average fanficcer writes in their whole career, let alone one story. Someday we'll post the roster to amuse everyone. Maybe we'll get to 100. Anyway, its time to go into details about some things we can't cover in the regular text. Why? Because it's simply indecorous to do so! What could possibly be indecorous after 50 incidences of PORN? Naughty bits. Detailed descriptions of naughty bits that is. Because, I mean, after all that, shouldn't we almost HAVE to have some mental picture of what these people look like? We just haven't interrupted all that mind-blowing sex to tell you about them before. You don't want to hear how Youji's hung in the middle of his scromping somebody, do you? Well, you can hear about it now if you so desire. Oh, and we aren't just going to do the boys. ;D We also like offending people, but we're guessing you figured that out. *** Naru Time for fun Japanese penis words! But no, it's still NOT super uke time. Geeze, always the poor, little blond ones. Anyway, Naru has a masutake. Naru: *holds up a long, skinny mushroom with soft, droopy hood* That's the idea. Why don't you show them the actual good part. Naru: Aww... but it's goofy looking! <-- is wearing lady's high heels, green tights, watermelon print boards shorts with pink suspenders, a feather boa, a fishnet shirt and a gold lame pillbox hat with a veil. ... Naru: Would it help you intrusive little lechers to know I've a little medial ridge on the underside? And a happy trail. Naru: KYA! How could you tell them that!? Think of all the illusions your heinous admission has CRUSHED! We Bishies are supposed to be hairless. Did you read the rant about Schu and this topic? Naru: I was getting to it. I rest my case. * Masato Two words: Long and thick. Masato: Aw, but not *painfully* thick, just enough to be filling. It rises upwards towards his stomach when it gets hard, but barely changes in color at all when he's aroused. And he's shaved now, but he used to sport a curly patch of dark brown hair at his groin. Masato: Reiichi and his quirks. * And Reiichi is not a hypocrite! He's quite shaved. Reiichi: It's a bit of a fetish. You probably won't hear me say it but, since we're being candid. Masato: #T_T# And yes! He is indeed CHUBBY. Nicely cubby. Cuddly chubby like a teddy bear that's been stuffed a little too much. Reiichi: *huggles a handy stuffie which turns out to be Abbess in a teddy bear costume* Not to mention preternaturally fair. Of course, while being somewhat above average weight would NORMALLY be somewhat of a hindrance... Reiichi: Well, let's just say my thighs aren't the only thing that's chubby ^_~. Yes, it's of normal length, if not slightly less, but nice and thick, not to mention cut. He does not blush... much or have much of a defined head, just tapers off suddenly. It's a bit... rough. Reiichi: It's all about knowing how to use it. * Yuuji: Yeah, well, I wouldn't know about that, Rei. I'm too busy pining over...er, someone. Everyone: RAN!!! Yuuji: *glares* Shut up! Yes, why don't you, so we can get on with this! Youji: *preens* @_@ Moving on! As you can see, Yuuji is what we might call...well, average. Yuuji: Oi! As are most guys, according to what I've seen on the 'net. Youji: ^_^ Do tell? It was for research! And anyway, Yuuji, I meant by the size and width. It extends out, too, and curves a bit upward at the head, which is sort of squarish, and looks bulky when compared to his shaft. He has not shaved, but on occasion he does dye his pubes different colors--like lime green and bright yellow. And when he gets aroused, the veins running along his cock can be seen just under his skin, as he is rather fair-skinned there. Yuuji: Damn. Did you have to tell them all that? Why, yes. Yes, I did. >) * Farfarello Farfarello: Your love of penis descriptions hurts God. In that case, you should approve of them instead of standing there with your goddamn pants on! Could someone give me a hand here? Minna: *charges over to Farfarello* *much ripping and groping and moaning ensues* *when they retreat, Farfarello is left standing completely naked in the center of the room. Rather than do anything Especially Farfarello-like, he begins to sing.* I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt... ^_^;;; Umm... well, as you no doubt can see very clearly at the moment, Farfarello has a very picturesque penis with a gentle taper and an almond-shaped tip. And when I say gentle taper, I mean it's still rather dubiously heavy. Farfarello: It is a demon sucking on my groin with much less finesse than Crawford's Demon. Ok, enough of that. Next! * Schuldich Okay, as mentioned during Naru's little hissy fit up there, Schuldich's cock has already come into scrutiny thanks to one nosey, disturbed little fangirl who got herself a rant and that's about it. Well.. err, okay it was about that which surrounds his cock. Schuldich: I don't shave. For more details, try Free Talk #3 or you can call me at... And yes, he matches, henna and all. The rest shouldn't be too much of a surprise; he's rather long and on the thin side, but very straight and... a bit pale. That includes the head, which is, despite flushing just the slightest bit darker than the rest of him, rather elongated and indistinct. I'm thinking of a doujinshika who used to draw them that way and the name escapes me utterly... Schuldich: And when the little pervert says "rather long" she doesn't mean twelve inches of outsize bliss. Pfft, damn fangirls. Just because I'm supposed to be "evil" I have to have one of those huge dicks that just ruins the rest of my proportions? Strictly out of curiosity, just how... Schuldich: Seven give or take half an inch. Are you... Schuldich: The only one who bothered to check so far? I didn't! It was all Brad's idea. * Crawford Crawford: Oh, don't pretend like you didn't enjoy it, Au-- *AHEM* I have the floor now. Kindly come forward and expose yourself to the fangirls who might be reading this. Crawford: Oh, okay. :wriggles out of his black silk boxers: Now, as you can see, Crawford, being a rather tall man, has a cock to match. It's a little on the longish side... Crawford: Eight inches, when erect. It was only fair I measured myself, too. *smirks* But it is slim, and waves slightly from the root, and it has a rounded head. It does tend to get quite red all over when he's aroused, and the ridge along the underside is rather prominent. He doesn't shave either, and the hair around his sex is thick, black, and straight. * Nagi ...has a cock that's on the smallish side when erect--just 5 inches. Nagi: I've had no complaints. Uh...I'm sure you haven't. Anyway, it's smooth, narrow, and lists just a bit to the right, and curves downward from the root. He doesn't shave, but he doesn't really need to do it, as he's quite hairless there still. In fact, he has very little body hair, period. Nagi: But I have a nice ass. See? *pivots on the balls of his feet like a catwalk model* Yes! And I must point this part of his anatomy out as he is mostly uke to Crawford and Schuldich. His bottom is smooth and firm, the cheeks perfectly rounded, perfectly pettable. * Saffie Saffie: *pets Nagi's bum* But Nagi-chan isn't uke to me <3. Nagi is incapable of being uke to you. Saffie: *holds of a purple jelly double dildo* Point taken. Anyway, for those of you who think it may be distasteful to describe the questionable bits of a VERY underage girl... shame on you! You obviously haven't been paying attention to anything we've written T_T. As was brought up previously in part 17, Saffie has a ring of cherry red scars around her vagina which somewhat resemble a starburst. For the curiously, they're not just a change in color but are in slight relief compared to the rest of her netherlips, which themselves are otherwise pink and very shallow. I think that's the word... Saffie: Works for me. And otherwise silky smooth, not a lot of extra "petals" inside and a very tiny, round clit. Saffie: *holds up cherry pit and points* Viewed simply from the front, her sex almost resembles the bottom half of a little, puffy heart, and has just the littlest flecks of yellow silk on the edges- hardly noticeable if I hadn't pointed it out. Saffie: But you just had too, didn't you? I did. Well, you also have a cute little heart-shaped bum fit for a magical girl! Saffie: That, I can live with. And very tiny, art deco little breasts. Check out some period pictures of flappers if you don't know what I mean. * Manx ...would never have made it as a flapper, for her breasts are far too voluptuous to have withstood the tight binding that some young women of that age subjected their chests to, in order to achieve the boyish figure that was so popular then. No, hers are full and rounded, and just beg to be touched--like those of a 50s pinup. Manx: Like Marilyn's. Quite! And, like Marilyn's perhaps, she has a lovely bottom. Just *slightly* tanned, smooth to the touch like a peach, and very firm. This is a woman who keeps herself in shape. She's also sporting a tattoo of a red bird-of- paradise, that is the flower, on her left buttock. Manx: *turns around, smiling* Birman likes it. Youji: So do I. *_* Er...yes. Anyway...please note the appearance of her sex. Her pubes are of an auburn shade, as Miss Manx does dye her hair, and she keeps it groomed in a heart shaped design, with the lowermost point ending exactly above her clit. * Birman Birman: Not that I needed that to help me remember <3. *petpet* Saffie: Hey! How come you aren't stopping THEM from groping? This isn't fair! Well, they don't get as much screen time as you do, so we're trying to be fair and all. Birman: That, and notice how I'm fondling another girl. Everyone likes lesbians! Even yaoi fanficcers. We're just that nonethreatening <3. *Various anime screencaps featuring Manx and Birman with pistols fall.* Birman: Or not. Saffie: *storms off* Well, getting back to what we were supposed to be doing, you know those renaissance nudes with the great big, uber- perky tits? Birman: Titian would have loved me. Well, right now, all we have to do is worry about the fangirls loving you. You know what that means! Birman: *turns around and bends over* Birman's sex is rather more substantial than the average fanfic lesbian <3. Deep, but not too deep, she has to open her legs rather wide for her labia to let her vagina peek out... no, please don't do it now. She is peach-rose in color with slightly fluted, almost crimped edges to the inner lips, except where they meet; over her clit, she's very smooth there. She has an almost marquise-shaped patch of very curly pubic hair. Birman: And its naturally that way, I didn't cut it. I think it sets off my mound nicely. That and... What are you doing? Saffie: Woul you said fangirls like lesbians, so I brought my "friend" over <3. Birman: Oh, she looks like fun! Fiona: T_T. * Ah... since she's here, I guess... we're doing Fiona! Fiona: SAVIL! Stop that. I don't want a carrot in my kooch! Saffie: 's not a carrot. It's a dildo that looks suspiciously like a carrot. Enough with the dildo jokes already! Fiona, in the tradition of Terran kept persons, has no body hair. At all. She does however, have a small, narrow, almost puckered sex- the netherlips neither get very wide nor reach back very far, so her clit and her vagina are actually rather close together. Saffie: And that's good for all kinds of... Fiona: NO CARROT. She does though have a ring of smooth petals inside that fold around her vagina. Tired of hearing yuri ficcers call the female genitalia "orchid"? Fiona: Well, mine actually loose like one. And owing to her slightly darker complexion, it's more of a deep wine or violet color than pink. * Lord Vyx As for Lord Vyx, because I know some of you are curious... Lord Vyx: Not in my life, you malcontent lechers! *blush blush blush* Oh, come now, just a little! I'll buy you a new hat... Lord Vyx: *ducks behind the black velvet dressing room curtain nearby* No! Well... what can I say, I gave it my best shot. * Wissian Wissian, being the son of an elf, and the grandson of a heterosexual boy whore, has a fine, glossy sprinkling of blue-black hair at his groin; elsewhere, though, his body is smooth. His cock measures at around... Wissian: 6 and 3/4! Uh...really? Wissian: Yeah! You see, Ydara was bored one night, and-- Not now. Save it for the fic, mage boy. Wissian: Oh. *shrugs* Whatever. Oh, and it rises straight out from his groin when it's hard, without the slightest curve to its line, and it's of average width. Wissian: Average meaning just perfect in this case. ^_^ Right Ran? Ran: *<_<* Shut up. * Ken I'm not sure how clear this was in the text, but Ken has no body hair whatsoever. If this was his idea or Kaze's I don't know, but SOMEBODY spent a lot of money on electrolysis. You might have also noticed he doesn't shave. Ken: That's because I'm incapable of growing a beard now. I'm smooth as a baby's butt all the time <3. Riiiiiight. Trust me, that had to hurt. Anyway, if we, like Ran, were to catch him in the shower... Ken: Singing in the rain, just singing in the rain, what a beauti-... hey! ...we would find that, in a state of rest, his whatnot is of fairly average size, and lists a little to the left. However, if we pretend he's gotten over whatever's keeping him from doing the nasty and introduce a naked Ran to the equation... Naked Ran: *PLOP* ...we would discover that, no longer in a state of rest, the aforementioned whatnot is in fact just a teeeeeeny bit longer than average, with only a slight taper, and a small, chubby, rosy-pink, almost hexagonal head. Not to mention that it still lists a little to the left. And he's not circumcised. Ken: *blush* For the curious, he scars on his back don't reach his bottom, which is lean, dimpled, and looks like it's lots of fun to poke! Naked Ran: *poke* See the text for more details on that. In his younger days, Ken's tip is slightly less prominent and not given to blushing nearly as much. He has typical shota proportions until about 12 [damned if I remember which flashback that was...]. * And now...Uh.... Youji: *steps forward from the group and poses* Me. ^_^ Uh...yeah. Youji: As you can see, I am far from being average in length. Note the elegant lines of it. It doesn't wave, curl, swoop, or list. It rises upwards from my groin, forming a sort of V with it. It's neither too thin, nor too fat in diameter, and it comes in at just under eight inches when it's hard. Like now. Omi: *__* Youji: Mmm. And it's getting harder by the minute. TMI. >__> Finish up! Youji: Yosh'. Well, the rim around the head is narrow, and the head itself slopes gently down the sides. See? *fondles tip with one finger.* Stop that! Minna: KEEP GOING! Youji: Looks like you're outnumbered. *grins* Tell me something surprising. *rustles papers. reads.* Youji's groin is marked by a sleek patch of black hair. He also has a tiny faded tattoo of a ginkgo leaf at the outer edges of his groin, just where his left thigh begins. I don't understand that either. Youji: Nothing to understand. You almost done? Um...He has scars crisscrossing his back now, all the way down to his ass, but hopefully they'll fade in time. Hiro's beating left quite a mark. Youji: "...." ;_; But otherwise, he's all smooth. Very little body hair at all. Youji: Not to mention, absolutely no tan lines. *turns around. turns back. smirks, and starts petting his abdomen.* I'm lightly tanned all over. How...nice. Youji: You okay? You're looking a bit...flushed. ^^ *fidgets* Um. Yes. Right. NEXT! Youji: Oh, Omi? *leers* * Omi Is NOT super-uke sized. Don't even think about it T_T. Omi has a nice penis, don't you, Omi? Omi: ^_^V However, it is an easily distinguished one. He, like Ken, has never been circumcised. Omi: If this sounds odd, it's not for Japan. He has what, in red-light districts, is termed a "rakkyou": his tip is completely covered, not to mention that his naughty bit hasn't much of a head. Omi: It's kinda... blunt and swoopy-looking. Not to mention has a nice little curve to it when I'm being especially naughty. That's a slight upward curve, hence, a tendency to brush against his belly. Omi: *bounces up and down on his toes* I don't think they need a demo. Well, while he's amusing the other characters with his... antics. Let me just conclude by adding his "fluff" is very fine and smooth, almost shiny, if you could call it that. * Ran ...does not shave, and, like his Japanese cohorts, isn't circumcised. The hair marking his groin is of a darker shade of red than the hair on his head, and sparsely covers him. His penis is pale when not in use, but when he is aroused, it pinks just the tiniest bit, except at the head, where the color deepens quite dramatically. It's straight, and average sized--6 inches--and the rim around its slightly pointed head is noticeable. Did I get all that right? Ran: >_> Shut up. *BLUSHES*