DYING INNOCENCE, THE LAST PRAYER
DON'T WANT TO SEE
As his hand presents it's work,
with a gesture.
Know I am in all this just dreaming.
Dreaming the Sisters' skulls, smashed against the stoned floor in the convent's cellar.
Red rivers, touching my toes. I'm naked.
In Armageddon, of red and light!
Flashes before my sight.
" It's only wine"
The Devil whispers in my ear.
"Don't fear it Drusilla, it's only God's work".
I'm caught!
The web is black and naughty.
Sticks to my limbs.
I cut my arms with knives, so i will know,
I'm still alive.
I clung to the savior's chest.
Climbing his cross in the chapel.
Crying out my pain.
And so I tear all the flowers apart.
White petals on the floor. Like small clouds of cotton.
When I bleed on them.
It looks almost like the rivers in the cellar.
It's nice.
I watch, until the Sisters finds me and lock me up.
Sometimes I think they're with him.
That the faces under their veils, are human skulls
free of flesh.
White bone screaming his message in my face.
The wine, the drops of salvation on my tongue,
the true savior's blood.
Is my own.
And the sacrifice shall be my soul. Running out with each drop.
Each pint of life.
Wine.
My sacrament.
Is My Own.
What he wants me to give, to myself.
Everything I've held holy.
Everything sacred to my heart.
Is a lie.
Darkness is in my mind.
Eating,
swallowing,
like cake.
I WANT TO BE GOOD!
"Be evil!"
He says, and kisses me.
Safety, is
no longer
an option.
Doomed
Damned
from
relief
*
I know I touched my mother's blood.
As it spread on the carpet.
Playing with the woven roses.
Coloring them, black.
I played with my sister's limbs.
I tore her dress apart, and opened her mouth,
filled it with dirt from the garden.
I was the one who broke her neck, like a birds.
I was there.
Watching it all with sparkling eyes.
Demon eyes.
Bright and yellow!
And we laughed.
He and I.
For the picture was so pretty.
He is in me, always.
Like an endless ocean.
Moving like tide.
I'm the devil's childe.
A scarlet woman,
riding through the damned cities.
Celebrated all over Sodom and Gomorra.
On the black goat's back I'm conquered queen.
Fire in my hair,
I feel strong!
*
Lord!
see to your childe!
Save me from falling!
Take my immortal soul to your heaven.
Please, let me die in your mercy.
Pure!
Free!
I beg you!
Still,
he comes haunting me in my dreams.
" Drusilla" he calls, while his hand is moving
up
between,
and inside.
" Does it feel good?"
...
" Soon!"
A dark silhouette in the flowery garden
Silent whispers through the walls.
He blows me a kiss,
and disappears.
Leaving
fear
pain
and a silent aching
that grows
" Surrender yourself to me, childe"
*
No contract written in blood,
only an exposed neck.
A pounding vein
and it will all be over.
I will be
Drusilla
Queen of the Night...
I'll feed of the living, become the pure evil.
That grows from inside.
Into a crimson rose.
I'll do god's work.
Spread death, and fear.
The harvester...
Black ripper,
goddess of skulls and bones.
It's the serpent in my heart whispering.
Tempting me,
with the taste of hot blood.
The burning sun inside.
*
They didn't tell me that the devil was a man.
With beautiful eyes, and thick, shiny hair.
With good hands, and a gentle touch.
With manners and sympathy.
And a smile that can freeze blood into ice.
Nobody told me evil was beautiful!
" I'll show you! "
He says, with his sharp teeth exposed.
*
The priest at the convent, wants to force the Devil out of my body,
with vanilla and rose scented smoke.
But the Devil is not inside my body.
He's inside my soul.
Slicing pieces of it.
Drains the blood of my heart
from somewhere behind.
I tell the priest that I opened the window and asked him in.
that night.
The night the roses in mother's woven carpet turned black.
He says I'm possessed.
I ask him why my heart beats faster,
why my blood runs hot,
when I see him.
And with fury I ask him why it feels so good,
to be touched,
longed for,
by a devil.
He calls it disguise.
And reads his latin verses.
And I ask;
Why the Devil
calls himself
an angel.
" All Devils were angels once"
He says, and tells me about Lucifer,
the morning star.
And I know he soon will be licking his own blood
from the stoned floor in the cellar.
With the smiling angel hovering above.
Among bottles of the savior's blood.
His promise,
his link to humanity
Eternal life,
through blood.
Like wine.
" Drink my blood"
- And the promise remains the same.
I rub myself against the wall at night.
Trying to still my body's longing.
When all I want to do,
is open the window.
And fly
The sisters shows mercy,
but I know they think I'm doomed.
When I cut myself
When I cry his name
When I can't help but touch myself in the most
unholy
way,
because his eyes are twinkling stars in my mind.
And the one time he held me close,
so I could feel his marble body against my own.
I lost myself in fire.
- And I know that's what he will offer me,
as his wedding gift.
To burn
Eternally
So why is the fire so sweet?
So filled with juices of fruit.
Why is the promise so deliciously, heavenly
good?
Shouldn't it be painful?
Dark and twisted.
And why does my bleeding mother's face
fade
Were we wrong all along?
Is the savior's name Darkness?
Does he wear the face of an angel?
He leads me to my old room at night.
Show me my old bed with the knitted bedspread.
And all my dolls.
They are so pretty, dressed in satin and silk.
I've named them all after my sisters.
( Edith's heart in his hand. Dripping with red fluid)
" Do you miss them?"
( Sarah's throat, a gaping wound)
" Yes I do..."
( Caroline's face are gone in a red mask of terror)
" You can have new dolls. Prettier, and bigger."
I WANT TO BE GOOD
I WANT TO SHINE LIKE A STAR
I WANT TO HAVE A PURE HEART
But nobody can hear me,
but him...
Angelus
The devil
Soon We'll meet again
When I open my window
take my rosary off.
he'll stand in front of me,
with the little smile on his lips.
I let my dress fall to the floor and says:
" Take me! I'm yours! "
His fingers will trace the curves on my body,
And his dark voice will say;
" Are you sure this is what you want little girl?"
I nod and his strong hands close around my hips.
Caressing them.
He'll move closer and his mouth will close over mine, like a seal.
And when we lie down
- as I bend backwards on the goats back, to feel it's
rough fur towards my skin
- he will mark me as his.
Body and soul
- Will die.
And I become,
as intended
the Devil's bride
The harvester.
The scarlet woman,
Drusilla.
And damn the Convent to death.
Red rivers will float in the cellar.
Like blood
Like wine
Like a promise of eternal life
Like release
from death
and pain
THE END