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Characters
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The Good Guys
Conker
When he was young Conker's parents had always said to him: "Look lad, if you want to get anywhere in life, don't touch
alcohol, don't be materialistic, never curse or swear, and never, never ever urinate in a public place."
"Oh well," he would say to his buddies. "At least I never swear."
Conker's parents were, to say the least, a bit disappointed.
Berri
The first time Conker introduced Berri to all his mates at the bar, everyone thought what an unlikely couple they made.
Where Conker is short, impatient and cute, Berri is tall, impatient and cute. "It'll end in tears!" they said...
Birdy
Okay, so he's usually drunk, but nevertheless this slightly unsavoury character has a wealth of knowledge to offer when he's feeling co-operative. And
he's easy enough to spot - if you see a scarecrow looking unsteady on its post, that's probably Beardy... erm, Birdy!
Franky
Pitchforks are not known for their brainpower, and Franky is considered a bit stupid even for a pitchfork. He is, however,
blindly loyal to anyone he sees as a friend, which goes a long way towards explaining how Ron and Reg the paintpot and
brush get away with so much.
Fangy
When you first meet this raptor, you will not be allies. But after a little hypnotizing, you will become fast friends.
This guy has a vicious appetite, especially for a certain race of cavemen. He will also help you defeat a certain boss
who claims to have the biggest bone.
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Guys You'll Meet
Mr. King Bee
Another drunkard but with a big, kind heart. Well, almost. The husband of the over-emotional Mrs Queen Bee has mysteriously
disappeared amidst sordid rumours of an affair with another woman, leaving his wife to defend the hive. Time will tell, but
his absence has not gone unnoticed by Wayne and his cohorts.
The Dung Beetles
An unlikely crew of fast-talking Scouse dung beetles, whose sole purpose is to roll poo around all day. Sometimes they
can't help but feel that the whole business just doesn't have the appeal it once did. Still, it beats "goin' down da social
every day", as they often comment.
Carl/Quentin
Carl is probably the most obnoxious cog ever to have existed, but to counter this he has a more sympathetic alter ego known
as Quentin (split personalities are quite common in cogs). Carl, naturally, is the more dominant of the two and as such he
tends to prevail in the ongoing war over who gets to be upright.
Death
Nobody particularly wants to meet this guy, though you'll probably bump heads with him a few times on your travels anyway.
He's been seen around quite a lot recently - everyone thinks this is something to do with the coming war...
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The Bad Guys
Wayne and the Wankas
These notorious stingers, led by Wayne, are definitely ones to watch out for (there seems to be more and more antisocial
gang-related behaviour these days) as they seem intent on bringing misery, pain and destruction to all hive-owning
creatures. Citizens of the land: lock up your hives!
The Brute
Afternoon tea and scones their only aspiration in life, these fine upstanding members of catfish society will stick their
noses in anywhere and up everywhere. They also are rumoured to have a large stash of cash in a safe somewhere, but
unfortunately it's guarded by their mortal enemy, a dim-witted and spiteful dogfish called Brute. Never mind!
Uga Bugas
This tribe of cavemen are slow-witted and quick to worship a false god. They'll be fast to club you if you get too close.
They are not just your enemy however as they live in a volatile environment. Also, if you wear the proper hat, they may forget to be
your enemy for a while.
The Evil Tediz
The first use of teddy bears as weapons of war during the early years of the Milk Wars proved deeply ineffective, as their
stuffing was flammable and their button eyes kept falling out. A few hundred years have passed since then and the Tediz are
back, this time much stronger and in greater numbers, and they've already invaded the grey squirrel homeland. It is has
been reported that War! is soon to be announced by the Squirrel High Command, and an invasion called 'T-Day' is imminent...
The Panther King
It is said that he came to power over 300 years ago during the final huge battle of the Milk Wars, when he betrayed the
oldest known race of squirrels, the Kulas of Conk, against the Weasel King who ruled at the time - sentencing the Kulas
squirrels to be sent to The Dark Place. If the Fabled Panther King does indeed exist, then it is suggested that you stay
well out of his way.
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