Sam watched through the quantum mirror as her ‘other’ self kissed Colonel Jack O’Neill. She watched as the colonel kissed back. It was hard to believe that this simple little act could hurt so much. Actually she was not sure what hurt more, watching the kiss or knowing that it wasn’t her he was kissing—they could not kiss like that, not while he was her commanding officer. Afraid that these emotions were visible on her face, she quickly looked down as Colonel O’Neill came through the mirror.
Trust the colonel to notice. “You okay?” he asked solicitously.
She forced something of a smile onto her face as she looked up at him. “I’m fine. It’s good to know that they’ll be all right there now.”
“They have a lot of rebuilding to do,” he pointed out.
“True.” Further conversation was pushed aside as General Hammond asked her the best method of destroying the mirror. Daniel voiced the opinion that it would be a shame to destroy it, as the alternate realities could be fascinating to study; but Hammond was decisive on that front. The mirror posed a possible security risk. Sam agreed on the issue, but for a different reason. She was not sure whether she could handle meeting another version of herself again, especially one from a reality where she was allowed to have a relationship with Jack O’Neill.
It was late that night when Sam was finally able to escape to the privacy of her lab. The task of destroying the quantum mirror had taken most of the day and half the night, but focusing on the problem allowed other thoughts to be kept at bay. Now they returned full force. Somehow, somewhere along the way, she had fallen for her CO. The presence of the regulations meant that she had never given it a thought before, but the jealousy she felt when she saw “Samantha” kissing him left no doubt in her mind.
But what of it? Where did that realisation leave her? There was not much she could do about it in any case. The regulations about fraternization were still there, and meant that as things stood nothing could happen between them. And even if that were not an issue, there was no indication that the colonel even felt the same way. The kiss in the mirror seemed more bittersweet than anything. The fact that they were together on the alternate realities that they knew about did not mean anything. There was not much good in transferring out of the SGC if there was no reason to on that front; and she liked being on SG-1, thank you very much.
So caught up in her own thoughts was she that she did not notice that the colonel in question had been rapping on the door to her lab. He had to actually walk in and wave his hand in front of her face before she took note of him.
“Sorry, sir, I didn’t see you there? Is there something you wanted?”
He shrugged. “Not really. Couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d take a walk. I was surprised to find you here. Thought you’d be asleep, after destroyin’ that mirror thing.”
She managed a smile. “I don’t think I could sleep either. There’s too much on my mind.”
“I know what you mean. But too much thinking about alternate realities or whatever can give you a headache.”
“But the possibilities are intriguing. We didn’t get time to think about it after Daniel’s experience last year, but just think; a whole different reality because a different decision was made somewhere along the track…”
“Like I said, it’ll give you a headache.”
“Interesting how in both of the ‘realities’ we’ve encountered you and I were together…”
“Carter, don’t!”
Sam flushed, both at the sharpness of his tone, and the fact that she actually voiced the thought that had been running around in her head. “I’m sorry, sir. But I just keep coming back to that.”
“I know. But with the regulations…” he trailed off, instinctively knowing there was nothing else to be said.
“I saw you,” she whispered. “In the mirror. I saw you kissing her.”
“She kissed me,” he pointed out. “I think she was just missing ‘her’ Jack… her husband. I don’t think I measured up too well.”
The silence between them grew awkward after that. Sam had no idea what the colonel was thinking, but she was devoutly wishing that she had not brought the subject of the kiss up. It was none of her business, and it was obviously making the colonel uncomfortable. Not only that, she was way out of line for even mentioning it. What was she thinking, bringing the subject up, knowing full well what the regulations said on the subject? Where did she think it would get her? All she did was embarrass herself when all she wanted was to be ‘one of the guys’. But was that all she really wanted anymore?
While she was furiously trying to think of a way to back-pedal enough, Sam had no idea that the wheels were turning in Jack O’Neill’s mind as well—in a totally different direction. Suddenly he took a step closer to her, took her face in his hands, and kissed her. It was a sweet kiss, gentle at first, gradually deepening to a point where oxygen was becoming an issue. But she never wanted it to end; it may be the only one she would experience with him.
The choice was taken from her when he drew back, breathing harshly. “Sorry,” he whispered. “You can bring me up on charges, but I just needed to know.” Without elaborating any further, he left the lab, leaving Sam tingling and confused.
What just happened? Okay, stupid question; but why? Were the same questions that were boring holes in her brain also haunting him? If so, what did that mean?
Sam knew that these unanswerable questions would drive her crazy, so she shook her head to clear it. One thought made its way to the front of her mind—the colonel’s parting words. She was well within her rights to charge him; technically that kiss constituted an assault. But she knew that she did not want to lay charges. There was no need. She could not blame him for wanting to answer a question that would have otherwise haunted the both of them, possibly affecting the team dynamics.
But how to tell him that? Knowing him as well as she did, she knew that he would try to brush it aside if she attempted to bring the subject up. Not only that, but it could put on record the very thing they wished would never be on record. Talking was out, so what did that leave? Email?
Clicking her fingers, Sam turned on her computer. Jack O’Neill may procrastinate a little when it came to his paperwork, but she knew that he at least checked his emails semi-regularly; and if he was concerned that she might bring him up on charges, there was a good chance that he would check his emails.
It was also easier to compose a short email than to broach the subject in person. No charges are necessary was all she typed. The subject line was a little more problematic, because she knew that if any warning flags were to rise, it would be from that. Finally she decided to just put ‘The Lab’, and hope he knew what she meant.
Sighing, Sam sent the email, turned off the computer, and sat back. She had no idea what would happen now. The kiss did not have to change anything, but in her experience that was rarely the case. She just had to hope that they could still work together as a team.
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