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Butterfly Kisses

by Allison K. East

 

NB. This is part of a universe that I am in the process of making, where the Bob-Whites spend three years in Australia studying. The Sage family are friends of the Wheelers' and that's who they stay with.

 

"Okay, we're almost there," the doctor said. "Just one more push, Bianca."

"Easy for you to say," Bianca Sage grunted between pants. Her long pale blond hair was damp and stringy and plastered to her forehead; her tall, slender, graceful body was bloated with pregnancy; and her crystal blue eyes had dark shadows under them as testament to a 30-hour long labour. Yet for all this, both Dan Mangan, the father of her baby, and his girlfriend Hallie Belden thought and said that she was beautiful.

At the doctor's command to "bear down", Hallie pushed a lock of black hair behind her ear and clasped Bianca's hand, shifting position slightly to provide better support as the other girl pushed the baby out. Her blackberry coloured eyes glanced up at Dan's dark ones, and was rewarded by the quick, loving smile he gave her before turning back to the task at hand. Hallie's secret fear was that she would lose Dan to Bianca once the baby was born because the baby was a bond that could never be broken.

"There we are," the doctor said. "A healthy baby girl. The nurse is just going to clean her up, and then you can hold her," he spoke to Dan, knowing that he, and not Bianca, was going to raise the baby.

Dan and Hallie exchanged another glance, and Hallie nodded to him. "Um, actually," Dan spoke up, "we think Bianca should be the first one to hold her. Nothing will ever change the fact that Bianca is her mother, and we have no intention of hiding that. We always planned on Bianca keeping in contact with her."

There were tears in Bianca's eyes when she held her daughter, counting her fingers and toes. "I know that we decided that if she was a girl you'd name her after Tatiana, but have you two decided a middle name for her?"

There was a pause before Hallie answered. "We thought we'd name her after you, too. Tatiana Bianca Mangan."

"It was Hallie's idea," Dan said, wrapping his arms around that lady.

Overwhelmed, Bianca did not know how to respond. She just watched Tatiana for a moment, then said: "Hey Tiana, would you like to meet your Daddy now?"

Dan sat on a chair next to the bed and gently took Tatiana. Hallie stood behind him, reaching down to gently stroke the baby's cheek. "You know, you're the luckiest little girl in the world," Dan spoke softly to Tatiana. "You have two Mamas."

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8 years later…

The front door slammed as 8-year-old Tatiana Mangan came barrelling in, her blue eyes red with tears. She broke into fresh sobs when she saw her father, a White Sands police officer, and rushed into his arms.

"Hey, hey," Dan Mangan said soothingly. "What's the matter, my little Tiana-bear?"

"It's awful, Daddy," Tatiana sobbed. "Everybody at school calls me a liar."

"Why?"

"Because they say that I can't have two Mamas. Why can't I have two Mamas, Daddy?"

"Now hold on a minute," Dan led his daughter over to the sofa and sat down, pulling her onto his lap. "Who told you that you can't have two Mamas?"

"Jerry Vanderpike."

"Well Jerry's wrong. Lots of kids have two Mamas or two Daddies. Look at your friend Blair. He's got two Mamas."

"Yeah, but that's because his Mama and Daddy split up when he was three and his Daddy married again. But Jerry says that that only makes her his stepmother. And Blair doesn't call her Mama. He calls her Jenny 'cause that's her name and she didn't carry him in her tummy like Mama did with Timmy. But that didn't happen to you. You and Mama have been together since before I was born. That makes Mama my real Mama. But what about Mummy in Australia? How can I have two Mamas?"

"Sweetie, in that sense, your Mummy in Australia is your real mummy because she was the one who carried you in her tummy. Mama is technically your step-mother."

"I don't want Mama to be my step-mother. All the stepmothers in stories are mean and wicked and ugly. Even the kids at Uncle Jim's school say that, and they should know."

"But not all step-mothers are mean or wicked. Is Mrs. O'Donnell mean to Blair?"

"Blair says that she sometimes sends him to his room."

"Mama and I send you to your room when you're been naughty. That doesn't make us mean does it?" Tatiana shook her head. "Mama's not mean to you, is she?" Dan continued.

"No."

"No, and she loves you just as much as your Mummy in Australia. So you see, you do have two Mamas who love you very much. And I love you too, Tiana-bear."

"Thank you Daddy!" Tiana threw her arms around Dan, planting butterfly kisses all over his face. Suddenly a light blinded them both. Tatiana started, squealed, and nearly fell off Dan's lap. Dan rescued his daughter and looked up to see the two women looking down at them.

"Aw, isn't this sweet," Hallie Mangan drawled, her black hair pulled back into a simple ponytail, her blackberry coloured eyes tender as she looked at her little family. Her baby, the 18-month-old little terror that was Timothy Harold Mangan squirmed in her arms, reaching for his Daddy.

"Mama!" Tatiana jumped up to embrace Hallie, who had just enough time to hand Timmy to Dan before being tackled in a bear hug. Dan did not bother even hiding his smile, as his daughter's spirits seemed to have recovered.

Trixie Frayne grinned, her blue eyes twinkling as she looked at her cousins. "Hey, this looks like a good family photo. Come on, get in together."

Obligingly, Hallie sat next to her husband, pulling Tatiana onto her lap, and the four of them posed for Trixie. "Okay," she said after Trixie took the photo, "how about you go with Auntie Trixie, Tiana-bear, and show her the drawing you made in school yesterday?"

"Oke-dokey," Tatiana jumped up, grabbed Trixie's hand and bounced out of the room.

"What is it?" being a direct person, Hallie never beat around the bush--especially when dealing with her family; and she had not missed the smile on Dan's face when Tatiana jumped up to greet her.

Dan sighed and related Tatiana's state when she came in. "I'm surprised it hasn't happened before now. In a normal situation with a stepparent, the child has some sort of understanding that their real mom and dad were together at some point. But with us…"he trailed off and threw his hands in the air. "We've been together since before she was born. She'd never had that understanding. She'd bound to be confused."

"Define normal," Hallie raised an eyebrow. "Besides, she seemed cheerful enough when I can in."

"I just finished explaining things to her when you came in. I had to point out that technically you are her stepmother though. Given her reactions to the wicked stepmothers in fairy tales, I hope that she doesn't start cooling toward you. She might over-react if you punish her."

"Yet she might sense something wrong if I start treating her differently." Hallie thought for a moment, becoming distracted by her son's babbling, punctuated by quite a few words. "Is that so?" she asked him, kissing his forehead. She treasured her children, and the time she got to spend with them… That's it! Her whole face lit up.

"You've though of something," Dan watched his wife curiously.

Hallie turned her smile on him, but before she could explain her idea, Trixie brought Tatiana back into the living room. "Auntie Trixie loved by picture, Mama."

"Of course she did," Hallie drew the girl back onto her lap. "You're a good little artist. I have an idea. Why don't we go and see that new Disney movie tonight, just the two of us?"

"Really?" Tiana squealed.

"Really. I've been working hard lately, and could use a break. We could have a girls night out."

"Um," Dan interjected. "Slight problem here, girls. I have to work tonight. Who’s going to look after Timmy?"

"I will," Trixie volunteered quickly. She may not be the mind reader that her double sister-in-law Honey was, but she had sensed that something was going on, and that Hallie needed to do this. "Jim won't mind, and it'll be a treat for Tommy and Katie."

"You sure?" Hallie looked closely at her cousin. When they were younger, the two Beldens were often at loggerheads, they were so alike. But as they grew older, they grew closer, and now were the best of friends.

"I'm positive."

"Thanks, Trix."

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"So how was it?" Dan asked Hallie as he walked into their bedroom late that night.

"It went all right, actually," Hallie responded. "She loved the movie, and we had a good time. I think she's reassured about my feelings toward her." But hesitancy belied her words, and Dan picked up on it.

Dan did not speak for a moment, instead focussing on undressing. "What aren't you saying?" he asked silently, sitting on the bed in his boxers.

"I don't know," Hallie shook her head. "It was nothing that she said, but…"

"But?" Dan prompted.

"I get the feeling that she may be resenting Bianca for giving her to us."

"Big word for an 8-year-old."

"Well, she's too young to understand what happened with you and Bianca. She just knows, now, that Bianca is her real mom, and she gave her up. It would take a lot of reassuring to get past that, especially at her age. And since Bianca lives on another continent…"

Dan sighed and flopped back on the bed. "I thought we had alleviated her fears already."

Hallie curled into her husband's side after he got under the covers. "Alleviated? You've been talking to Mart again. Don't worry about Tiana. Her reaction is normal, judging by what Jim told us years ago, and he majored in psychology in Australia." Hallie reached past Dan to switch the lamp off and the radio on. Gentle music and Bob Carlisle's voice filled the void.

…Standing in the bride room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking, and I said 'I'm not sure.
I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl.'
She leaned over… and gave me

Butterfly kisses, with her mama there
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk me down the aisle Daddy, it's just bout time…"

Dan slowly drifted off to sleep.

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Dan was standing in a little room decked with flowers. Standing before him was a beauty that took his breath away. It was a grown up Tatiana, dressed in a wedding gown. She had a smile on her face when he caught her eye, but the smile faded then somebody began fixing white flowers in her hair. Clearly, Tatiana did not want the intrusion of this person. Dan strained his eyes, but could not see through the mist that surrounded his daughter, he could not see the person the hands belonged to. Helpless, he watched as Tatiana flinched away from the person the hands belonged to, distress written on her face on what should be a happy day…

Dan awoke and sat up with a gasp. "What is it?" Hallie murmured sleepily.

"Just a bad dream," he responded automatically. "Go back to sleep." But he was unable to take his own advice. It was just a dream, he told himself, but something nagged him about it. Who was the person fixing the flowers in her hair, and why did she want nothing to do with her? Given that the dream seemed to be of Tatiana's wedding day, he supposed that it was either Hallie or Bianca. Neither supposition comforted him.

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8 years later…

All the precious time like the wind,
the years go by precious butterfly
Spread your wings and fly

16-year-old Tatiana Bianca Mangan gazed at the photos on the "family" wall. There was a photo of her Australian family taken before she was born: showing her birth mother, Bianca Sage, aged 16; her Grandma Rose (really step-grandmother); her Uncle Mitchell, aged 21; her Aunt Lori (real name Lorelei), aged 18; her Aunt Miwako, aged 11; her Uncle Nikita, aged 9; and finally, in the centre, her late aunt and namesake, Tatiana Marie, aged 6. What was it with Grandpa Joe and odd names? she mused. Next to this photo was one of her father, Dan Mangan and his friends, the Bob-Whites of the Glen, taken before they went to Australia. The other Bob-Whites were both her step-cousins and her honorary aunts and uncles.

Tiana moved to the photo of her parents, Uncle Mitch, Aunt Lori, the Bob-Whites and her step-mother Hallie; taken in December 1992, when they were about to perform a charity show for Christmas. They were all dresses as various Shakespeare characters: Dan and Hallie were Oberon and Titania, and Bianca was Puck from A Midsummer Night's Dream; Uncle Mart and Aunt Diana were Romeo and Juliet; Uncle Jim and Aunt Trixie were Benedick and Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing; she could not work out the rest.

The next photo showed Dan and Hallie on their wedding day, holding her between them, their arms encircling her tiny, three-month-old body. They had practically eloped, so instead of a beautiful white gown, Hallie wore a simple long skirt and a cream silk blouse. Mama always said she wouldn't change a thing about her wedding, she thought affectionately. Although she had long since known that she was her step-mother, she still called Hallie, 'Mama.'

Tiana's blue eyes stared daggers into the middle photo--of Bianca holding her just after she was born, her face all red and wrinkled. Bianca was clearly exhausted from the ordeal she had just been through, but you could not mistake the love written all over her face. Tatiana could not understand that. If Bianca had loved her so much, why did she give her up, even if it was to her father?

"If you're not careful, you are going to burn a hole right through that glass."

Tiana whirled around to face her father, who had come in unnoticed. At the age of 36, Dan was growing old gracefully, with just a touch of grey at the temples. "Hey, Dad."

"What had you so serious all of a sudden?"

She took a long time in answering. "You never told me why she did it."

"Huh?" Dan looked confused. "What are you talking about, Tiana?"

Tiana gestured to the photo of her and Bianca. "You told me all my life that I was the luckiest girl in the world, because I had two mamas who loved me very much, but no one ever bothered to tell me why Bianca gave me up."

Dan winced at his daughter's use of her mother's first name, and took a deep breath. "Well, you never asked us, Sweetie, and we were never sure how to bring it up. You always seemed so well adjusted."

Tiana snorted. "Well adjusted? Hardly. I resented her for what she did, because I can't understand why she gave me up when she loves me so much."

"At least you can admit that she does love you. Why didn't you say something before?"

"Because I only realised it a couple of years ago, and I waited for someone to notice and bring it up. Why did she do it?"

"Because she felt that she wasn't ready to raise a child, she felt she was too young."

"Bull," Tiana said flatly. "Mama's the same age as Bianca and she didn't have a problem with it."

"Bianca and Hallie are two different people, Tatiana, and in some ways Hallie was a lot older than her years. But Hallie chose to raise you with me because she loved me and wasn't about to lose me again."

"Again?"

Dan smiled and gestured for her to sit, waiting until she had done so before sinking to the sofa. "Hallie and I were very young when we first met, and because of that, we had made no commitment to each other prior to the Bob-Whites going to Australia. But when she came out to spend the first Christmas with us, we couldn't deny our feelings and began a long distance relationship that endured until my return stateside a year later. I then got a job in Idaho, and she had a regular relationship for the nine months until just before the start of her senior year."

"But then, out of the blue, Hallie decided that she wanted to be a free woman for her senior year." Dan shook his head. "She broke my heart at the time, but it turned out that she was just scared. In a way, that's what led to your conception."

Tiana frowned. "What do you mean? You don't have to mince words with me, Dad. I'm a product of the times and understand more than you give me credit for."

"Really?" Dan raised an eyebrow. "Anyway, around that time, Bianca's boyfriend dumped her, leaving her without a date to her formal, her prom," he added at her look of confusion. "So I went back to Australia to be her date as a favour to her."

"What happened?"

"Bianca and me really hit it off, in a way beyond the friendship we'd had. But we didn't do anything about it, in case it was just a rebound thing. I came back to the States for college, until the following Christmas."

"When Aunt Tatiana died."

"Yes. Uncle Mart and I went back for her last Christmas. She…she died just two days after Christmas, and in grief, Bianca and I turned to each other for comfort and…"

Tiana held up a hand. "I get the picture, Dad. But that doesn't tell me why she gave me up."

"Tiana, she was 18-years-old. She knew that she wasn't ready to raise a child, and she didn't want you to suffer for that. She loved you too much. She knew that I could give you a better life, and she somehow knew that Hallie was going to stick around. Did you know that Bianca was instrumental in me and Hallie getting back together?

"It wasn't an easy decision for her, you know, and it almost broke her heart, knowing that she would miss out on all your firsts. She could have just as easily kept you, but she did what she thought was best." Dan reached out and grasped Tiana's hand. "She really does love you, you know. Nothing can ever change a mother's love."

"And Mama?"

"She loves you just as much. Hallie has always said that she couldn't love you any more than if she had given birth to you. In fact, if Bianca and Hallie had a competition to see who loved you more, I'd reckon they'd come out even."

Tiana smiled, but there was still a trace of something in her eyes. "Dad, I don't know if…"

Her father put a finger to his lips. "Don't worry. Just trust that they both love you and take it from there."

"Thanks, Daddy."

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Some years later…

Standing in the bride room, just staring at her…

Nervously, Tatiana Mangan smoothed down the wedding gown. It was either that or fidget, and that would ruin what her two mothers were doing to her hair. She smiled at her father. "How do I look?"

"Beautiful," Dan replied.

Ignoring Hallie and Bianca's protests, Tiana stepped forward and wiped a tear from Dan's eye. "Daddy, don't cry."

"I can't help it. 'I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl'…" he sang.

Recognising the reference, Tiana leaned forward to give him a butterfly kiss, and continued the song. "… 'Butterfly kisses, with her mama there'…" She put one arm around Hallie and the other around Bianca. "With both my mama's here, everything's perfectly perfect."

With all that I've done wrong,
I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning,
And butterfly kisses
I couldn't ask God for more,
Man, this is what love is
I know I've gotta let her go,
but I'll always remember
Every hug in the morning, and butterfly kisses.

 

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Disclaimer: The Trixie Belden books belong to Random House Publishing.
Bob Carlisle's song 'Butterfly Kisses' belongs to him and all such companies involved.
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