“Are you okay?”
They were back at the SGC, and Sam Carter was back in her lab. The speaker was Colonel Jack O’Neill, he was checking on his 2IC after the last mission they were on. She had been quiet since they got back, but that was understandable, given she had been in close contact with her deranged ex-fiancé who believed himself to be a god. They had thought she could get through to Jonas Hanson, but he was too far gone. And the influence they were hoping to have over Hanson, he was able to use over Sam instead.
“I’ll be fine,” she replied unconvincingly.
“Sure,” Jack didn’t believe it, and he could see that she didn’t either. “You know, if you ever want to talk about it…”
Sam laughed humourlessly. “What’s there to talk about? I let him get to me! I had a gun pointed right at him, but I couldn’t pull the trigger. I could have ended it then and there, but I didn’t. I couldn’t, and Jonas knew it. He was always in control, and he knew what to do, what to say, to make me do what he wanted. I should have listened to you, sir. I should have gone back through the Gate with Conner when you ordered me to.”
“Probably,” Jack shrugged. “But I listened to your argument and let you come with. I could have ordered you back, I didn’t. It’s not all your fault.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”
“No, it probably doesn’t. But that doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
She looked at the colonel for a long moment, and then turned away, sitting back down at her desk. “Like I told Daniel, Jonas wasn’t happy when I broke off the engagement, but he seemed to have gotten over it when we ran into each other again.”
“Well, appearances can be deceiving.”
“Yeah,” Sam gave another humourless little laugh. “You know, I really should have known he’d do something like this. It didn’t surprise me when I heard, and the longer I was with him, the more familiar his attitude seemed. And you know what the worst part was? He was genuinely certain that I would come around to his way of thinking, that I would take my place at his side as his goddess. Probably got that idea because I couldn’t shoot him.”
“I thought we talked about that. Killing a man is no great thing, Sam.”
It was the first time the colonel had used her first name, and it clearly got through to her. She looked up at him, blue eyes gazing into brown. “I know, but that doesn’t change the fact that I could have ended it that much sooner.”
“Maybe. But you were engaged to the man, you must have loved him once.”
Sam was a long time in replying. “Yeah, I did love him once. Or at least I thought I did. But what’s that got to do with anything?”“Well, if I was in your position, I don’t think I’d be able to shoot someone I once loved, even if I knew it was necessary.”
She snorted. “I doubt that. From what I’ve seen of your record, you do what it takes when necessary.”
“That doesn’t mean I could shoot someone I once loved. But regardless of what I may or may not do in a similar situation, my point is, you have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
“Well, we are our own worst enemy.”
She smiled, her first real smile of the evening. “Thank you, Colonel.”
“You’ll be okay now?” Jack placed his hand on her shoulder.
“Not right now, but I will be. Eventually.”
“That’s the ticket.”
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