No Crying He Makes

Then he came out with a non sequitur that confused the hell out of her. “So, Christmas is coming up.”

“Huh?” she looked confused for a moment, then her face cleared. “Oh, Christmas.”

“You sound so enthusiastic,” Logan said dryly.

Max shrugged. Christmas had never been a big thing with her. Holidays were hard to celebrate when you were on the run and constantly looking over your shoulder. By the time she had a semi-permanent home she had grown into a cynical teenager and Christmas held no appeal to her. It wasn’t until last year that she really began to get into it—and that was mainly because Logan was overly enthusiastic about the holiday and wouldn’t let her be a Grinch about it (whatever that meant.)

“Anyway,” Logan refused to be put off by her lack of enthusiasm. “I was thinking of having a Christmas dinner here. Nothing too fancy, just a few friends over.”

“Nothing fancy, huh?” Max raised an eyebrow. “Just who were you plannin’ on invitin’?”

“Well, you,” he smiled. “Bennett and Marianne, the only members of my family who speak to me now. Uh, Matt, and possibly Asha.”

She snorted. “You wanna put a cop and a freedom fighter the cops call a terrorist in a room together for dinner? I thought you didn’t have a death wish anymore.”

“Not really. Matt knows I’m friends with Asha, and he’s promised to leave his job at the door if she’s here. Besides, he won’t be here long; he has his own family to be with. The same with Sam. Oh, and Bling will be here. I know you haven’t seen him in a while.”

“Sounds nice,” Max’s tone was non-committal.

“So what are you and Original Cindy planning on doing for Christmas?”

“Original Cindy’s gonna spend some time with her family. Got a pass to get out of the city and everything. Leaves me on my lonesome, but I don’t mind. It’s not like I do much over Christmas anyway.”

“Then there’s nothing stopping you coming over for Christmas dinner, is there?” Logan grinned at her.

It was so engaging that she had to smile in return. “No, I guess there isn’t.”

“Well, say you’ll be here then. Come on, it’ll be fun. I haven’t seen you around here for a while.”

“There was a good reason for that,” she informed him. She had gone in heat again the week before, and had spent three days holed up in her apartment going out of her mind. Max would’ve worked, but Original Cindy still had nightmares from watching Max trying to jump Normal, and knew not to risk it again. Cindy told Normal that Max had a nasty bout of the flu, and even backed it up with a note from a doctor (courtesy of Dr Sam Carr); so Max hadn’t lost her job. There were a few times when Max almost went out, but each time the shameful memories of what happened with Rafer overrode her desire, and she stayed in. There was only one place she really wanted to be anyway, and that was way too dangerous. One touch from her would give Logan the virus, and she wasn’t about to go near him when her sex drive was out of control.

Logan knew what she was talking about, and had to put certain thoughts to the back of his mind. “What do you say? Will you come?”

“Why not? I’ll be spending the morning with Joshua though,. He’s been askin’ us what Christmas is about, so me and Alec thought we’d spend the mornin’ with him explainin’ things. Though I don’t know how much Alec actually knows—Manticore was never big on holidays.”

“Speaking of Manticore, who don’t you invite Alec over as well? The more the merrier, as they say. I’d ask Joshua as well, but…”

“That mightn’t go down well with some of your guests,” Max finished.

“Will you ask him? Alec, I mean. You know I don’t think people should be alone at Christmas.”

“Some people like it that way,” she pointed out. “And I can’t promise that Alec will come. But I’ll ask him, though.”

To Max’s surprise, Alec didn’t laugh in her face when she passed on Logan’s invitation. “Sure, I’ll go. Shouldn’t be all that bad and I ain’t one to turn down a free meal. What time is it on?” he paid no attention to the filthy look Max gave him as she rattled off the details. “Are we still going to Joshua’s in the mornin’?”

She nodded. “It’s not fair to leave him all alone on a holiday, especially Christmas. He misses out on so much. How do you know so much about Christmas anyway? I didn’t think Manticore went in for all that stuff.”

“They didn’t, but I had to read up on stuff like that before I could go out on missions. An undercover soldier is no good to them if a simple holiday like Christmas trips him up. Personally, Christmas itself doesn’t really do much for me; but it does get a little depressin’ hearin’ people goin’ on about what their families do for the holidays. You know what I mean?”

Max nodded again. “So, I can tell Logan you’ll be there?”

“Go ahead, it’ll be fun.”

But Alec wasn’t nearly as chipper as he made out to Max. While he had been at Manticore, he never gave Christmas a second thought; but it was different now that he was in the outside world. He didn’t know whether it was because there was no more Manticore and his past was gone or not, he just knew that Christmas left him rather depressed.

It may have been because thoughts of Rachel Berrisford were always at the forefront of his mind. It hadn’t been that long since she had died (for real) and he was still filled with guilt over his part in what happened to her. She was a mission, he was never meant to fall in love with her. But fall in love he did—it destroyed her life and caused him heartache. Christmas was one time when they should’ve been together.

The fact that Christmas was a time for family constantly assaulted Alec. He was reminded about it every day as he cycled around Seattle, delivering and picking up parcels. It drove home just how alone he was; the only “family” he had were Max and Joshua. Sure he had friends—if you could call them that: Sketchy, Original Cindy… But at the end of the day he was alone: even when he brought home the occasional girl. He would’ve given anything to be able to spend the holidays with someone he cared about, someone he loved.

Christmas Day dawned cold and clear. Because they were supposed to go to Logan’s for dinner, Max and Alec went over to Joshua’s earlier than they normally would have. Between them they managed a Christmas meal of sorts—ham and turkey sandwiches, fruit mince pies and a tinned pudding. Joshua didn’t complain; he was excited about this new experience, and peppered them with questions about Christmas. All he knew was things he’d learned from the classical books that Sandeman left in his house when he disappeared. Alec wasn’t able to answer as many as Max due to less experience in the outside world; yet he had to stifle laughter at some of her answers—clearly she was making some things up.

“What’s this?” Joshua produced a small twig.

Max took it from him to take a closer look. “It’s mistletoe.”

“What’s it got to do with Christmas?”

Alec smirked. He knew the answer to this one! “You fix it to a ceiling or doorway like this,” he stood on the armchair Max was sitting in to demonstrate.

“Watch it, Alec,” she snapped. He was too close for comfort, with one leg on each of the chair’s arms, she was staring at part of the other X5 that she’d rather not have intimate contact with.

“But what’s it for?” Joshua wanted to know.

“Well, when someone is caught under the mistletoe like Max is, you kiss them.” Alec suited actions to words and gave Max a swift and gentle kiss. Max was too stunned to respond.

“Why?”

“It’s fun,” Alec replied. “It livens up a party.”

“Humph,” Max snorted. “Not so fun when you’re the one under the mistletoe. You never know who’s lurking about for a kiss. That was a dirty trick, Alec.” Alec just smirked at her.

“Lots of fun,” Joshua stated. “Know any more Christmas games?”

“A few,” Max stood and stretched. “But we don’t have time for them now. Me and Alec have to get going if we want to get to Logan’s in time for dinner. I’m sorry, Joshua,” she continued when he have her his hangdog look. “Logan wanted to invite you, but…”

“I know,” the dog man cut her off. “Logan told me yesterday.”

“I’ll come back and see you tomorrow,” Max promised as she and Alec walked out.

Alec begged off following Max to Sector 9, saying that they had something to take care of first. The truth was, he just didn’t feel like celebrating. Demonstrating to Joshua what mistletoe was for brought memories of Rachel to the fore. They had never spent Christmas together, but Rachel used to joke about mistletoe and how she was going to corner him under it and never let him go. He couldn’t go to Logan’s. Not now. Pulling his cell phone from his pocket, he punched in the familiar number.

“You’ve reached the number you’ve dialled,” Logan’s voice said on the other end.

“Hey Logan.”

“Alec. You’re not calling to cancel on me now, are you?”

Alec winced at the astuteness. “Sorry, man.”

“What is it this time? What crazy scheme have you got Max into now?”

“Nothing like that. Max’s on her way over right now. It’s just that I’m not in a particularly festive mood right now, and I don’t wanna spoil it for the rest of your guests.” Alec wanted to be brutally honest for once.

“Alec, you shouldn’t be alone on Christmas,”

“I’ll be fine, Logan. Christmas is just another day to me. Besides, I thought I’d spend some time with Rachel.”

The long silence before Logan spoke again told the transgenic that he’d gotten the message. “All right, Alec. But if you change your mind, feel free to come on over. I’ll save some food for you.”

“Don’t count on me,” Alec muttered as he ended the call. Slipping his cell back in his pocket, he hopped on his bike and headed for the cemetery. The place was deserted, for which he was grateful. Berrisford had told him never to go there again, and while Alec couldn’t blame the grieving father, he really needed to be there right now.

But when he stood in front of Rachel’s grave, he wondered what he was doing there. It wasn’t like Rachel could hear him talking to her, he had no illusions about that (Manticore wasn’t bid on teaching them about the afterlife stuff); and staring at the headstone only made him feel worse. Finally he just turned on his heel and left.

“Thought I’d find you here,” Max’s voice came out of the darkness.

Alec groaned. “Let yourself in, why don’t you?” he muttered sarcastically. After leaving the cemetery he had gone back to his apartment, where he grabbed a bottle of whiskey and curled up on the couch. There he stayed, unmoving, save for drinking the alcohol. His high metabolism meant he was no where near drunk, and he had no need to turn the lights on—he could see perfectly well in the dark. He was content to stay there all night… until Max intruded on his solitude.

“What do you want, Max?” he asked when the other transgenic had walked over to him.

“Logan was waitin’ for you.”

“I didn’t feel like celebratin’,” he drawled. “And I didn’t wanna bring everybody down. I thought Logan understood.”

“He did,” Max pushed Alec’s legs off the couch so she could sit down next to him. “That doesn’t mean he wasn’t disappointed.”

“What are you doin’ here?” Alec asked, wanting to get rid of his unwanted guest.

She held up a bag. “Logan saved some dinner for you, hopin’ you’d turn up. When you didn’t I said I’d bring it round.”

“Is that all?” he took the bag from her.

“I also didn’t think you should be alone tryin’ to get drunk.”

Alec snorted. “It doesn’t work.”

“I know. It won’t make you feel better either. So I thought I’d keep you company.”

“I don’t feel like talkin’, Max.”

“That’s okay, neither do I. We can be companionably silent together.”