Heaven Knowsby Allison K. East
Based on the Rick Price song, 'Heaven Knows'.
August 1994Dan Mangan watched as his girlfriend… his ex-girlfriend, he corrected himself, walked away. Hallie Belden. He had met her one remarkable summer, four years before when she visited her cousins in Sleepyside, New York. They had been together, officially, as a couple for just under two years; he had taken a job earning extra money for college specifically in Idaho to be near her. They had spent eight blissful months together, under the watchful eye of her parents (not that it mattered much, they had consummated their relationship the July before last). Now she suddenly decided to end it. Why? Because she wanted to be free from romantic entanglements for her senior year. He supposed he could understand it on some level. He was 19, just starting college (a year late thanks to a two-year exchange in Australia), she was 17, embarking on her senior year of high school. Although they officially had only been together for a little under two years, for all intents and purposes they had been together since the summer of 1991, a year after they met. They had agreed, that summer, to date other people while he was in Australia; but neither of them did. Which was why it burned so much now. When Dan was first preparing to go on the exchange to Australia, they both decided that they were too young for a long distance relationship. He still remembered that day clearly.
That was one agreement that neither of them followed. For the remainder of 1991, and all of 1992, her freshman year and half her sophomore, Hallie Belden did not date and hardly went out on mixed group outings. When Dan asked her about it during the 1992 Christmas holidays when she and her brothers came to Australia for the week, she told him that all the boys at her school seemed dull compared to him. He could understand that—it was the reason he hardly dated any Australian girls. That was when they began their long-distance relationship, consummating it when she came back for a visit in July 1993. Maybe that’s the problem, Dan thought to himself. We went too far too fast. Hallie’s scared, and now wants the freedom to see who she truly is. It was an interesting concept, and one that made Dan wince inwardly. He had accidentally put her in a situation he had wanted to avoid—tying her to him when she should be free to explore. But he had given her that opportunity but she didn’t take it. She had chosen to have a relationship with him, to sleep with him. He certainly never forced her. But that was what it seemed she was suggesting—that through her relationship with him she had missed out on so many of the opportunities that her peers had. So she broke up with him to be free for her senior year; and she was breaking his heart for her freedom.
Dan shook his head, words to a Rick Price song popping into his mind. ‘If you really love her, you gotta set her free. And if she returns in time, I’ll know she’s mine…’ “She really does care about you,” a voice said in his ear. Dan started and turned to see Hallie’s middle brother, Cap. “Doesn’t feel like it from where I am.” “She’s just confused. She’s got a couple of feminest friends who are filling her head with all sorts of ideas. Give her time, she’ll come to her senses.” Dan let out a harsh, abrupt laugh. “Time, yeah right,” he said bitterly. “Thanks for everything, Cap. See you around.” “Goodbye.” Cap shook the younger man’s hand, whistling as Dan turned on his heel and walked away. The tune was vaguely familiar.
For wide awake or dreaming I know she’s never there And all the times I act so brave I’m shaking inside. Why does it hurt me so?
October 1994Dan awoke in a sweat. He had been dreaming about Hallie again. She had never been far from his thoughts, even though she had not been in touch with him since that fateful day in the park. From the reports that had filtered through from Cap to Mart, she was enjoying her senior year boyfriend-free. She had moved on, he had not. Shaking his head, Dan got out of bed and headed to the dorm’s bathroom. He had to deal with the situation now, try and move past Hallie. Maybe he should go back to Australia and be Bianca’s date for her Year 12 formal. It was just a favour to an old friend after all. 
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