Author’s note: This is a Character Death. Major Character Death! And I am using Pearl Jam’s version of the song because that is the version most played on the radio. Italics indicate the song.

Jack O’Neill walked into his dark house but he did not bother with the lights. He went to the windows and closed the blinds, shutting out the world. He did not want to have anything more to do with anything. What was the point, now that the love of his life, the one thing worth loving for, loving, was dead?

Jack sat down on the sofa and replayed the events that led to her death in his mind. He had been doing it ever since the hospital, going over every minute detail, hoping that maybe there was something that could have been done differently.

They had been driving back to her place in her car. He knew she did not really like riding in his truck so when they went out they used her car.

They had been turning down a residential street when it had happened. A car driving erratically without their headlights on had come speeding down the street towards them. He had not seen them until almost the last second. He heard Sam’s gasp of fear when he swerved to avoid them. But it was too late. They had struck her car, passenger side impact, with full force. The last thing he remembered for a short while was her scream. He had heard it ever since then, the piercing sound echoing over and over in a continuous loop.

He had awakened to someone telling him not to move, he could have a back injury. He had immediately thought of Sam and had shrugged the person off, calling her name. He had gotten up, ignoring the pain in his head and looked around. The car was a complete wreck. The passenger side was caved in with the other car nearby, the front end crushed. People were standing nearby, watching. Most looked horrified but a few, to his immense disgust, looked like it was the most interesting scene they had ever seen.

He had turned back to the person who was desperately trying to get him to sit and demanded to know where she was. The old woman had just looked at him sadly and pointed to a group of people gathered around. Feeling dread, panic, horror, he had ran over and pushed through them to find the love of his life laying on the ground, someone kneeling next to her, trying to stop the bleeding from her head wound.

He had pushed the person away and taken over. As he applied pressure to a wound he knew was fatal, he had lightly run his hand down her cheek, how he usually awaked her when they spent the night together. She had stirred slightly at the familiar touch and opened her eyes.

Jack?” She had whispered groggily. “What happened?”

He had looked at her. “We were in an accident.” He paused as he heard sirens in the distance.

“Are you ok?”

He smiled at her. She always worried about others before herself. “I’m fine; just a bump on the head.”

“Oh.” She paused. “Am I ok?”

He stared at her and felt tears come to his eyes at her innocent question. She saw this.

“I’m not am I?”

He took a shaky breath. “No honey, you’re not.”

“But I will be, won’t I? We’ve been through worse and survived. This is nothing!”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, just glanced at the cloth pressed against her head. He tried not to focus on its unnatural color. He couldn’t lie to her. “I’m afraid it’s…it’s not good. You—“ He had broken off, unable to bring himself to say the words. The sirens grew closer but he had not cared. They would be of no help to her.

“Jack?” She had said quietly. He looked at her and felt a tear slide down his face. She had reached up, wincing at the effort and brushed it away. “Don’t worry. It’s ok.” He had shaken his head. It wasn’t ok. After all they had been through this was how it was ending.

“Kiss me.” She had ordered. He had taken a shaky breath and leaned down, softly pressing his lips to hers.

It seemed fitting that it mirrored their first kiss in the lightness, pureness. But their first kiss had been all about beginnings. The beginning of what they had thought of as the start of their lives together.

This kiss was all about endings. In this brief kiss they had both tried to convey everything they had felt for each other, would always feel. But there was not enough time and they both knew it.

She had pulled away and softly whispered that she loved him. He and whispered it back and held her to him, shaking with barely suppressed emotion. Then he had felt her breath cease but he couldn’t let go of her. It had taken the paramedics everything they had to get him to part with her lifeless body.